Heartstopper!!!

Thanks to Theresa....I just LOVE this picture. Although...it makes me feel like one of these days we are going to be in trouble by this little one!!!

You knew I'd blog about it!!!!!

Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield;my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Tonight I had the most awesome experience worshipping with our praise team. Shane began by telling us we were going to have a short practice this evening and we were going out to the prayer tower to do something special. I was excited as I LOVE to sing in the tower and I knew no matter what...we would end the night in the tower. It just sounds SOOOO beautiful out there. It's totally a different feeling.
So we end quite early...even after having a great rehearsal and walk to the tower. When we arrived...I couldn't believe my eyes. There was a table set up for communion.

Psalm 107:21-22
21 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men. 22 Let them sacrifice thank offerings and tell of his works with songs of joy.

I can only tell you that my heart began to beat faster and my hands began to shake. I couldn't believe that finally I was going to be able to take communion with my church family once again. I've been working since July so I have been unable to make it to a Sunday service. But this was no ordinary communion service. It was precious as the thoughts that were shared by each person as God placed something on their heart.
Eagerly I couldn't wait to break the bread...as I walked to the table, my hands were shaking more and more. My heart was beating faster. Why? What was God placing on my heart. The tears were flowing from my eyes. I think Cheryl may have noticed me shaking and came to pour the blood of Jesus for me. I am glad she came to the table with me.
The night continued with heartfelt words and song and ending with of course "There's no God like Jehovah". Ha! That made me laugh but I was ready to dance along as well.

I am so excited tonight. It was more than communion for me. It was being with family. It was celebrating His love and His life for us together. I can't think of a better moment. I couldn't help but cry tonight as I felt God's love pouring through everyone in the tower. Again, I thank God for this moment. I thank God for every moment He allows me to celebrate with my church family. And to think...I almost DID NOT show up tonight because of a migrain. God works in great ways!!!

Psalm 7:17
I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High.

This moment tonight is one that I will cherish forever. Knowing we came together as a group, as friends, as family and broke bread together was priceless. I love this group.

What is a mother to do????

Emilie had her cast removed Monday. YAY!!!!

She broke her thumb on her other hand last night!!!! Oi!

Hummmmm

You Are Bobby Brainy

Ultra competitive, you will do almost anything to win. From pull ups to pool sharking, you're very talented.And while everyone is aware of your victories, they still (affectionately) consider you to be a little brat!

What Brady Are You?

Obligation or not?

I had this interesting thought today. Do you think some people go to chruch out of obligation or choice?
Here are my thoughts.....
It occured to me yesterday when speaking to someone that they truly didn't appreciate church that much. I'm not trying to be judgemental or anything, it was just an observation. Everything we talked about, they had a complaint about in their home church. Even when I suggested relocating and trying to find a new church home....all the same comments came back at me.

They said that they went to church because they know it's the right thing to do. They know that God wants us to be there and we should reserve a day for Him and celebrate Him.

Well....okay....but my outloud thought was....."Then you are going out of obligation to God."

Surprisingly, they said Yes. They feel obligated to go...but are unhappy.

I know the grass isn't greener on the other side but if you are truly miserable...then why wouldn't you take a chance on finding what you need to be closer to Him somewhere else?

What really amazes me is that people don't realize what they've got until it's gone. For instance....my job. I have a hole left in my heart every Sunday from not being able to attend church. However, God fills that hole with the miricales I see everyweekend before me.
No...it's not the same...but I believe he puts that in front of me so I can witness Him at work. Weather He takes them home to be with Him or when He heals them enough to go home.
There are aspects I miss tremendously......but most of all....my communion moments with Him. What a blessing it is to be able to share in the breaking of the bread with your brothers and sisters as you celebrate together. How can someone not miss this. Their anger and frustration mask their feelings for the Father.

I'm not sure I helped make a difference in this persons life or not,but I can not go without saying I tried my best. Each life that is lived is one that has purpose and meaning. I just hope they know how much He loves us and not let their anger and frustration take over.

Excitement!!!!

Today was such an awesome day! Let me fill ya in!
There is the good and the bad!

The bad news is....
Ian was caught cheating on a test.

The good news is this....
The teacher took the test away from him and was going to give him a zero. But she waited a while and then gave him the test later and he passed the test!!! 87%!!! YAY!!!!
Then it gets better....
Not only did he pass one test...he passed 3!!! All 3 of them with a "B". That means he retained the information!!!
So now on his report card...instead of a D...he will come home with a B!!!

This week has been so much better. We've had a couple of meltdowns but overall....we've worked through them.
Chad and I really compliment each other on that. When our patience runs thin....the other one comes in and takes over. It really works out great.

All I can say is that GOD IS GOOD!!! When I was feeling dispair...He came through for not only me...but for Ian as well.
I know we still have a long road ahead....but I have been holding out for just a small ray of sunshine! TODAY WE GOT IT!

Interesting...

Last night was very interesting...I came home from Praise Team rehearsal just exhausted. Honestly, I love my Thursday nights so much.
So when I get home, I see Emilie asleep on the couch with Chad. I carry her up to bed when she begs me to lay with her for a few moments. So I agree.

The few moments turned into at least an hour because Ian kept coming in and talking to me and waking her back up.

Without getting angry...I just decided to listen to him each time...but each time kept getting longer and longer. Most of the time I lose my cool right about now...but I was just too tired...and I really wanted to see what was so important to him.

My in-laws had given each of the kids a bag of candy....he didn't want it and offered it to me. I didn't want it but I suggested that he offer it to his sister. Without hesitation....he walked around her bed and offered her the bag of candy. She happily accepted and he put it on her nightstand.

Right next to the candy...he saw she had dumped out all her change from her allowance. He was overwhelmed at how much was there. His eyes got huge and he said "Wow Emilie....way to go on the money! That's great! Way to go!" and gave her a high 5 with a big smile on his face. She laid her head back down and as he is walking away, he looked at me and said "Mom...I'm really proud of her...that's great!"

About 5 minutes later...he comes back.

"Mom...I wrote a new song. Do you want to hear it?" I was so tired and trying to get Emilie back to sleep, but I decided to listen anyway. Actually, I was quite impressed with the lyrics he wrote and then half way into it he says "Oh...and if I had a band....right now there would be a guitar solo." I could only giggle in my mind at how cute that was. But still...I was highly impressed with the lyrics.

About 5 minutes later....he is back!

"Mom...I think I need another kiss Codington" So I give him a big hug and kiss. Then he says...."Mom...Do you think we could get commoner catipillars so we can hatch more butterflies?" I told him we have to wait until spring now.

Finally...he goes to bed. He just always has a million questions.

When Chad and I went to bed, I talked to him about maybe getting Ian a small pet of his own to take care of. He has such a nurturing heart that I think it maybe good for him to have something of his own to take care of.

I have NOOOO idea what a good small pet would be for him. I said it would have to be something he could hold and something that wouldn't bite. Chad says I've ruled out a lot of the small animal category. Especially since I don't want another dog and he is allergic to cats.
If you have ideas for a good pet for a kid....feel free to share them with me.

Today, I think we will go hiking together with my in-laws. That would be fun!

Light at the end of the tunnel?

The past two days have been a bit better than this past week. I've taken some things away from Ian and that has been the best punishment for now.

Today a new Dr. called me to tell me she is going to work with Ian and see what we can find out. Why exactly he is regressing instead of progressing. So after speaking with her, I felt a bit ecouraged. Testing will beging in mid Novemeber. Each appointment is 31/2 hours long so I hope Ian can handle it.

My attitude has been much different over the past couple of days. It hasn't been very productive for me to get mad at God. Instead, He has opened avenues for me this week that I was not aware of.
It's hard to be faithful in my prayers when I feel like I'm always asking for the same thing. Maybe I'm not asking for the right thing. I feel like my heart is back on track, but my mind still wants to get the best of me. It's easy for me to get frustrated about this whole situation. It makes me wonder if I myself ever frustrate my Father in Heaven. I don't know if he gets frustrated. I think maybe sad. I want my heart and my mind to be on the same path and there are just days that are not so easy.
I'm glad I have a Father that understands and loves me regardless.

The days of our lives....

Or should I say as the world turns....Could be young and restless too...I have no idea.

Last night I got home to find that Ian had taken a knife to his clothes and cut them up. What would ever possess a child to do this? I have no idea. I hate to even put it down on my blog as I feel it defines him as a person. I know it's not him or his usual behavior. But now...I have to make sure every knife and sizzors are put up in the house. Not that I fear him hurting anyone or himself, but I can't afford to buy new things all the time.

So then, if that wasn't enough, I got a call from the school today. "Did Ian have a $100.00 bill when he came to school today?" My reaction was "What?" No he did not!!!! So I checked with Chad and sure enough, his $100.00 was missing. Ian told the school he found it on the playground...then he said he found it on the front steps of the school. So now...our money is gone, and the school is holding it waiting to see if anyone comes in to claim it.

What is a mother to do?

A bit of good news....

Humm....God works fast when you finally break down....


Tonight I got home and I had a message from Ian's Dr.

He said that he had a bit of good news about the testing Ian is about to undergo.

For one....They have a new Dr. in the office and she is willing to take on Ian's case. She is fairly new to the practice and up for the challange!
The Dr. explained that it is very difficult to get in for testing such as this. Normally you are looking anywhere for 3-6 months just for the first appointment.

Secondly, She is new and as I understood it...she's something like a resident with the practice. Since she is still new......she CANNOT bill me. Whoa! I think that was the best news I heard all day. He said basically that my insurance company would not pay for it, and the cost is normally around $150.00 per hour and we're talking about 6 hours worth of testing.

So I will say...there is a gleem of light here.

The Dr. is still hanging on even though I know eventually he will pass him along to another Dr. as we had discussed. It seems he is still hanging on with us and holding onto hope!

I wasn't much into praising tonight but on my way home...I had a P&W CD in my car and as I pulled in the driveway...the song "Break my heart" came on.....

It truly spoke to me and the barrier I am holding up right now to keep myself guarded.
Yes...my heart is hard...my soul is weak. And I truly need God to come in and not only break my heart...but mend it as well. I know his gentle touch is working on me.

Perfect Child

Someone shared this with me today.

My Perfect Child

As my son was born, I wanted him to be perfect.
When he was a baby, I wanted him to smile and be content, playing with his toys.
I wanted him to be happy and to laugh continually instead of crying and being demanding.
I wanted him to see the beautiful side of life.

As he grows older, I want him to be giving instead of selfish.
I want him skip the terrible terrible adolescent years
I want him to stay innocent forever.

As he becomes a teen-ager,
I want him to be obedient and not rebellious, mannerly and not mouthy.
I want him to be full of love, gentle and kind-hearted.

"Oh, God, give me a child like this" has often been my prayer. One day he did.
Some call him different...
Some call him names....
But not his mother and his creator
We call him Perfect!!

more testing....

I received a phone call from Ian's Dr. I'm sure he could hear the distress in my voice. We went over several things and he wants Ian to undergo some Psychiatric Educational Testing. Basically what that will tell us is where the mental block is. Is it short term, long term, is it a processing problem, etc. By that, we should be able to know what the learning disorder is. Now the fun part comes in....if we know this information....how do we fix it? Or...how do we help him?

Well...that's a road we will have to cross when we get there.

After we do this testing, he said he would see about getting him into Tulsa developmental Pediatrics. I don't mind going there, in fact...it is a great place. The only thing is...I'm not sure insurance will pay for it. At this point, I don't have a choice.

No title......

I really don't even know what to put as a title on this post. Really, I'm just here to ramble as my feelings are all over the place lately. I don't even know where to begin.

Truly, I don't need reasons to be mad at God right now since I'm a little disconnected from church right now. But my anger is getting the best of me.

I'm don't feel it's fair that Ian struggles so much. Everyday I see he getting worse and worse and the reality is...I don't want to accept it. For 11 years we've been able to deal and pretty much mask his neurological disorders from most people, but now, it's coming to surface. He's not making it in school....he can't process as much information as he use to....and his mind seems to be going a bit backwards rather than forwards. As we push and push him....it gets harder and harder each day. We thought from day one that the best thing to do would be raise him in a normal environment and then he will adapt. Now it's getting harder for him to do so. He has no friends, everyone picks on him, and he would rather just sit in a corner and draw forever than make any type of social engagement. Going out with him is getting more and more difficult everyday.

At our last Dr.'s visit, the Dr. informed me that we would have to move on to another Dr at this time. He has worked with Ian for 6 years and has taken him as far as he knows how. He doesn't know what else to do. My heart hurts to hear that. Ian has ADD/ADHD, OCD, ODD, Sensory Integration Disfunction, Anxiety Disorder, and is maxed out on his meds. He's borderline on some other disorders and since they are not full blown at this time, I refuse to tag him with anything else.

What on earth does God want from me? I'm so lost. I give up. I'm tired.....I'm tired of praying, I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of thinking. Why did we not have a normal child? Now I'm back in school trying to finish my education and it feels like God is telling me to quit!!! Quit and take care of this boy He has trusted me with. I can't do it. I don't have the strength. I'm selfish. I just simply don't want to do it. So why is this getting worse? I don't take another day of someone telling me he won't make it.

I looked into Riverfield yesterday....I can't afford it. I'm checking into Sylvan today....but I'm not hopeful. Moreso....I don't want to be. I want to be mad. I want to be angry. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I've had 11 years to get use to it and it still hurts. Why can't he just get better rather than putting him on more drugs? Why can't he just feel in his mind the way other kids feel? Have I ruined him by trying so hard for all these years to give him a normal life? We went out to our schools appreciation night at Celebration Station last night and the kids were not nice to him. They treated him like a freak! I can't take it.

I'm in so much pain over this and I just want it to go away. In reality...I know it never will. I see miracles at work everyday....where is mine??? Tell me when it is coming. In reality...I know it's not. It's just not in the cards for me.

I'm way too emotional

This morning I went to the kids school to watch Emilie receive the lifeskill award for 'Felxibility'. No...not physically flexible, but just being flexible in school. She recieved that because of efforts this week and last since she had her accident. She came back and did very well adapting to a broken arm and working around other situations without complaining.

So...here we are at the assembly. The day starts with a talk to the students from the Principle and they start the flag salute. Attention...Salute...Pledge.

Then here it comes! I cover my heart start saying the pledge...and wouldn't you know it...HERE COME THE TEARS!!! What in the world! Where did this come from. Trying so hard to suck it up and make them go away did no good. I was starting to get embarassed! At the first sign of the Pledge or the National Anthem...I'm a wreck! Ugh!!!
What in the world is wrong with me???

YEP! I DID IT!

Well...I did it. I withdrew from one of my classes. Actually one of the most important classes on my list. Anatomy! Good news is...I'm away from the psycho instructor. Good news is...I'll take it next semester.

There is such a story behind this:
From day one...this instructor has drove me nuts. Primarily because she doesn't know much about anatomy. Go figure huh? Well...she is not the instructor I chose but the college changed my instructor 3 times up until 2 days before the semester.
I started to get a clue about the second week when she decided to tell the class she would allow NO questions. Why??? Well...she couldn't answer them. We are six weeks into the semester and we haven't used our text books once. Only our lab books.
So the final straw was last week. I met with her for an hour after class and she decided to confess a few things. #1 She was only hired 2 days before the semester started and had no time to prepare. #2 The schedule of assignments she gave us with the syllabus was not even hers. She used another professors to look like she had her act together. #3...the SYLLABUS was not even hers and in fact...she didn't even read it so he has no clue what was on it.

I was at my boiling point when she scolded me for completeing two chapters in the book that were not necessary. Why did I do that??? Well...because it was on the schedule that SHE DIDN'T WRITE!!!

Nobody should have to go though that in college! Nobody! If they expect us to be prepared and pay hundreds of dollars...they should be prepared.

I went to the advisement office today where they told me they were seriously hurting for Anatomy instructors and they were pretty much taking whatever they could get. Well...that's not saying much. They apologized for the inconvenience but did not offer me a refund but did offer me the words of..."You're not the only student that has been in here to complain about her...and to drop"

So it's a great weight off my shoulders now. I will re-take the class next semester with a much more adequate instructor and just cut my losses this semester. I don't want to get to a point where I don't like what I am doing. I know there are periods of burnout...but I'm not there. I was at that point of frustrated and mad. Now I'm happy.

Although, I've been sick for three days and I would like to get better. Ugh!

Boy...sounds like a lot of complaining huh?

Celeb lookalikes!

So I'm confused as WHY there is a boy in the line up here???

Challanged!

Wow...I discovered this week that I am technically challanged. Shane gave the option for someone to put some slides together for Sunday morning and boy...let me tell you what....it was a bigger job than I thought it would be. Once I got into it, I couldn't stop. I was addicted to powerpoint. So I had to limit myself to only doing so many slides per day. It was nice to use it for something other than school projects. I certainly give my hand to Shane as I didn't realize how much work he put into those. My hats off to him!!!!

So I've been a little down lately. I'm not sure it's really down but just tired and worn out. Again my professor today proclaimed to me today that she still can't figure out why I am in her class. I'm starting to get a complex about this. So now all it's done is make me want to try harder to prove to her than I can do the work. I was not adequately prepared by my pre req to be in this class so it's making it much more difficult.

So, I try not to have those silent moments of crying at home but it hasn't worked much lately. There is WAY too much for me to be thankful for and I shouldn't be sad for any reason. I think of all the other unforunate people in the world that have experience much greater losses in life than I....so I have nothing to be sad about.

I know that this too shall pass. It's just another one of those days where I don't feel adequate in anything I do. I know...I know....how long will I have this pity party??? Well...till about right....NOW. Okay...I'm done. Moving on! ;o)

Good vs. Bad

So a new situation arose today with my educational situation. Boy...there is always something else to throw into the puzzle huh?
Well....here it is....












If I continue with my classes how they are set up right now, I will finish in 2 MORE LONG YEARS with my RN with an associates degree.
Well...now....there is a new situation.
This semester they opened up a new program for nursing majors to obtain their BSN quicker.
It would be the first 2 semesters at TCC and the last two will complete at OU. Boy...what is a girl to do! Way too many decisions.
The only problem I see with this is I will have to spend about two more semesters taking MORE pre reqs then I would if I stayed at TCC. However, I would have my Bacholor's instead of an associates. I have one more semester before I HAVE to make this decision. I'm glad they opened this up...but then again, it's driving me crazy to think this is going to take me longer. Ugh!

Soccer Mania

We're loving soccer season! The kids are having a blast and they are really good too. They've won their games and Lukus each week has kicked the winning goal! Not that I'm bragging or anything!!!

Daily Thoughts.....

What am I here for? What am I doing? What legacy am I trying to leave in this world?
Three questions that really make me think!

What bad day???

I must say that last weeks was a horrible week. I think I prayed harder than I ever have. Well...maybe that's not the case but it sure was a lot.
I figure I could dwell on the bad aspects but I like to look at the positives....well...there wern't many I guess but I can name few:

• Last week and this week both of my kids won their soccer games. Both with Lukus kicking the winning kickoff goal.
• I had a good talk with one of my professors and feel hopeful about the semester.
• I got to sing at Powersurge and was totally upifted.
• I saw Lukus perform in his 3rd grade play. He did a great job and I was such the proud mom!
• I have lowered my amout of television I watch on a daily basis.
• I lost 7lbs 6oz last week
• I watched the most amazing sunrise this morning. It was INCREDIBLE!!!!
• I was able to get some things done at work that I have never been able to do on my own before now and I was totally successful!
• I watched the excitement of Emilie as she was able to complete a great cartwheel.
• I recieved my papers from the Oklahoma Board of Nursing to become a certified PCT. Now I just have to go and take the test.
• I got a good paycheck!
• I had a great long talk with my friend Tisha and her health is doing well praise God!
• I witnessed several miracles. Probably more than I realize.

So yeah....for now...that's all I can think of so it looks like I had a really great week after all. When something goes bad it is so easy to focus on the negative but I really like to think of all the great things in life. I know there are more than I can ever imagine. But now I can't remember all that bad stuff that happened today. I'm sure there will be more to come.

I just LOVE this song!

The wind and waves obey your voice, I want to be like that
Listening before each choice, I want to be like that

Father hear my humble plea
Help me to be
like the ocean that is under Your command
Help me be still, I want to do Your will
Oh Lord, make me a storm

The raging sea did not think twice, I want to be like that
Following without a fight, I want to be like that

Father hear my humble plea
Help me to be like the ocean that is under Your command
Help me be still, I want to do Your will
Oh Lord, make me a storm

O Father hear my humble plea (hear my plea)
Help me to be like the ocean that is under Your command
Help me be still (help me be still), I want to do Your will
Oh Lord, make me a storm

Make me be still (make me be still)
And listen for Your will
Oh Lord, make me a storm

What was I thinking???

In an attempt to make my blog look prettier...I messed it up. What was I thinking? You know how long it took me to make the last one? Ugh! So I commit to NOT trying to fix it until Friday. That's my day off and spend time doing what I want so hopefully it will turn up nice. I may have to solicit the expertise from Theresa. She's so good at these things.

Such a good morning....

You know...my children were just bright little angels this morning. I don't know what happend to them! Praise God!

Shut-in???

So I love Shane's definition of me..."The church's youngest shut-in"

I'm saying that with pride tonight as I just had the most awesome experience watching last Sunday's DVD. OH MY GOODNESS!!!! IT WAS AWESOME!!!!

I have felt so alone and so disconnected lately that this is exactly what I needed. And it's not
just the sermon on DVD...it's the whole thing.

When you are a strong part of something...after a while, you may take forgranted how much it really means to you in your heart until it's gone.

It was one thing for me to say in the past, "I'm a part of this or that ministry" and now....I don't get to participate in a whole lot of things. It's like a little kid being grounded from something they love so much. Sure...I made a choice and I'm happy with my choice. Doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to not be as connected as I once was.

Communion is a big deal for me. If one knows me well enough, they know I'm a crier. Yep..I'll admit it...I can get pretty emotional and in my heart pretty quick. Tonight was even extra special (tearing up of course) as I even got to be part of that intimate moment with the chruch family via the TV. No...it's not the same...but I needed to see that on there and reflect in the same way here. It's been well over a month now since I've shared in the Lord's supper. I do sincerely miss it. It's not just a tray to pass along to the next person, it is a moment in my week that I miss with God. Tonight we sang "Come at the Lord's invitation...." and I know He invites me to spend those moments remembering him each week. I can create that myself....it's just not the same. I always looked forward to sharing the table with my brothers and sisters and that moment. It's one of those moments that are gone for a while.

I can't help but think of others from our church that face issues of the same sadness when they can't come to church. Having these DVD's is truly an inspiration. I now look forward to them each week.

I hope people realize what a great chruch family we have. Someone stopped to talk to me last night and expressed their thoughts of missing me. And in our conversation we talked about Praise Team. The one thing I admire about the folks on our team is this....

Never at any moment have they ever made me feel I'm am a lesser part of the team because I can't be there on Sunday's. Never have they made me feel like I was an outcast. Never have they excluded me from anything and all of those were my fears before doing this. I'm so proud to know the people I know. God's people. That's what they are. I couldn't ask for any better.

I'm so proud to be a part of this family that accepts me for who I am, what I am, what I'm going through, and willing to walk with me to where I'm going. It's an inspiration!!!!

Car Conversations

After picking up the kids from school today....here's how it went:

Ian: Mom....how does a girl get pregnant?

Me: Well...

Lukus: Oh gosh mom...do you want me to just tell him.

(Mom now freaking out!!!!)

Me: Um..no...Hey Ian....why do you want to know this?

Ian: Cause I think I already know....You see...when girls get married...they start to eat alot. Then they don't feel good for a while and when they go to the doctor...he tells them they are pregnant.

Lukus: No...that is NOT how it happens. It's when a guy and girl are married and they dance together in a hotel room on their wedding night.

Me: Yeah...you're both right. Anyone want to go to Braum's?

Nothing good to say!

So I really have nothing good to say about school right now. Yestrerday, I left in tears. I was just so upset with my instructor. We are not studying what we should be studying and then when I think I'm getting something....she is quick to let me know I'm doing it wrong and not what she wanted.
I wanted to give up so bad. I think she knew she was about to make me cry but I at least held it back until I got to the car. I've been told this will be one of my hardest semesters. Primarly because it really doesn't have anything to do with Nursing. But you would think they could at least make it intersting. It's Science for the love of Mike!
So obviously I have a splitting headache today as again, after another class, I'm emotianlly exhausted. I'm trying to get over this attitude of how much I really don't even want to be there. I feel I'm giving up so much to do this to be this frustrated and upset. Right now...I would just rather crawl in a hole and the grades just appear...but it doesn't quite work that way. I pray this will get better as the semester moves on but December seems SOOOO far away right now.

HA!!! Not sure my sticker is correct!!!!

Your Bumper Sticker Should Be

Jesus is coming - everybody look busy

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatbumperstickershouldbeonyourcarquiz/">What Bumper Sticker Should Be On Your Car?

Another week...

Update on the smiles for Ian:
Last week went pretty well. After Chad and I going on a Dr. Phil rampage...he went to school Mon-Thurs with very minimal problems. Notice I didn't mention Friday? Well...he couldn't quite make it 5 whole days. He really tries to convince me that being good is way too hard. I totally believe him on that. So he wasn't to happy when the one thing we took away Friday was what he wanted the most. He wanted to go and spend the night at Grandma's. But how serious am I??? Oh very serious!!!
Then I had to find out his grades for the first week of school. Without failure to humiliate him anymore...lets just say...NOT GOOD!
So I had a good talk with his teacher Friday afternoon and came up with a few more solutions to get him through this year.
Parenting is not easy, but I know I have to be the bigger person here. No matter what the age, I'm still responsible for him until he is an adult and I am not about to let him fail. He's not able to make wise decisions on his own so that's what God has entrusted us to do. Ian is a great kid and if it is the last thing I do and the last breath I take, this boy will succeed.

Trauma Drama

I went to work at 6:00 this morning and it's now almost 10:00 tonight and I'm just now home. Went to work when it was dark...and I got home and it's dark. I think I'd like to sleep through tomorrow. I thank the Lord for days off.
Drama comes in when you are so tired you can't sleep. You weap at the silliest things such a your child passing gas in the car. I mean really...haven't I dealt with that enough today? ;o0
So, not that I really even remotely interesting to say today, but just felt like blogging....now going to bed....for a long time! ;o)

Eagles and Us!

Today a friends shared this with me. Little did she know how fitting the timing was. I makes me think of that song "On Eagles Wings" how fitting!


You've probably seen pictures of an eagle, and I'll bet he was soaring majestically, right? You may have actually seen some eagles - it's always something special when you see one. The eagles you've seen were most likely soaring when you saw them. But there are times that they can't even fly, and very few people have ever seen them in their bad times. But eagles do get sick, and sometimes when they're sick they're almost immobilized. They're weak, they're depleted, and frankly they're not much to see. When an eagle crashes like that he goes off to a place where he can be alone, often atop a high cliff. And he lies out in the sun, face up, spread-eagled, totally collapsed. God has outfitted the eagle with eyes that can look at the sun without any damage, and that's what the powerless eagle does. He focuses his eyes on the sun and he lies there until his strength comes back. Oh yeah, the eagle crashes, but he knows how to come back to soar again!

It's not just eagles that crash - so do we. We all go through those times when we have nothing left to give. You may be in one of those seasons right now. You're weak, you're depleted, you're exhausted, you're physically, emotionally, spiritually drained. You don't have the personal resources to meet the challenges - the demands that you've got in front of you. It's in those moments that you become a candidate for resources far beyond your own. You might call it "eagle power."

It's described in our word for today from the Word of God in the familiar words of Isaiah 40, beginning with verse 28. "The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom." If the word "weak" or "weary" would describe you right now, then this next promise has your name on it. "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

If we can grasp how it is that an eagle in crash mode renews his strength, we'll understand how we can renew ours - and then "soar on wings like eagles." Just picture that usually strong eagle, sprawled out powerlessly, eyes focused on the sun, and his body and spirit soaking up its strength. He totally gives up in order to gain strength. The law of God's renewing work is simple - you have to surrender to get strong.

God hasn't allowed you to reach the end of you so you'll give up, but so you'll give up control! It's time to finally take your fingers off that steering wheel you've held onto so tightly and relinquish all control to Almighty God. "I give up, Lord. I can't fix it. I can't figure it out. I can't contribute anything to a solution. I'm wiped out and totally releasing all of me and all of my issues to you." At that moment, God miraculously begins to replace your weakness with His unlimited strength and your confusion with His infinite wisdom, your exhaustion for His boundless energy, and your despair for His indomitable hope.

That surrender can't just be a one-time thing. Paul said we're "renewed day by day." You need to come to Him each new day, confessing your powerlessness, surrendering control, and downloading His strength and power. When you keep your eyes on the Son of God, when you totally surrender to Him, you'll become a candidate for His strength and His power. And you are ready again to soar on eagles' wings.

The strangest things....

The strangest things show up in the strangest places sometimes. This morning the school calls and says they can see something lodged down in Lukus' ear. My reaction was "WHAT?" They've got to be kidding me. I mean...he shoved a lego bike up his nose when he was 4 years old but comeon, the kid is now 8. The school nurses reaction was one I remember...."Well, this is the week for kids to shoving things in their ears and noses." It's like they had an appointment for this specific week to be the one. Something sort of like a national holiday for sticking things where they don't belong week. Comeon...everyone in the nation is doing it. It's like a hallmark holiday.
Okay...so I go to school to see if I can use any part of my own education or even just my mother hood experience to get it out and low and behold...I can't even for the life of me figure out what it is. I can see it...but I can't tell if it is supposed to be there or not. But wait a second...there is nothing in the anatomy that is supposed to be blocking your ear canal. So I have to rush downtown to school so Chad takes off work to take this comical kid to the doctor.
With their instruments they could not get it out so they shoot air and water in to flush it out and when it comes to the top they grab it.
So what was it??? An eraser from the top of a pencil! Yes that's right! But Lukus says it's been up there for two years! TWO YEARS I ASKED????
And he says "Yeah...I even remember where I was when I put it in there"

I wonder if two years ago it was on National Shove it in Your Ear week too? ;o)

1 Smile Down

"How many more?" is what Ian asked as he came home yesterday from school as a changed person...as the teacher put it. Hummm...I think this may work. He had a GREAT DAY!

I was shocked by his reaction of his bedroom. His reaction was not much of anything. Actually...it was like he almost didn't care. He just found something else to do and moved on. Is this because he knew he could not beat the consequence? I mean really...I was going for effect here! What would you do if you were 11 and you walked in and everything as you know it was gone from your room? I WOULD HAVE A HEARTATTACK! Well, not Ian! He just rolled with it and moved on.

So I think he really noticed it last night when he went to bed. His lamp was gone, radio, and all other excessories as well that require a plug in! (Might I add...our power bill may be smaller). So he gets in bed and says..."it's so quiet and dark in here! " YAY!!! SUCCESS! He's miserable! Okay...I don't really mean that but seriously, I was waiting for that type of moment!
He told me that he found it difficult to be a GOOD child vs. a BAD child! Hummmm....
I found that very interesting.
So I put myself in his shoes....

Is it easier for me to be bad than good? In what terms? Well...yes it is. It's easier for me to go somewhere that is supposed to be serious and totally cut up and act silly. Yeah..so the kid gets it from me. I can have so much fun...but if I was in class, I would be in SO MUCH TROUBLE!

So I get it. I get what he is saying and understand how it feels to be him in a way. He is very bright, smart, and funny...but sometimes, he gets in his own way. He doesn't understand that, but what is important for him is that everyone around him gets it. I can't expect that from everyone he comes in contact with, but the people he sees frequently I would hope they can love him for the simple fact that he loves who he is despite his imperfections. I love him for that too.

Fear the Father...Fear your Father.

Why is it that we fear God but our children do not fear us? I know I know...it's not the same type of relationship but I noticed last night that Ian doesn't think we mean business when we say something. Maybe that's why we fear God so much because we do not want to suffer the consequences. Afterall, those seem much greater than being grounded just for the weekend.

So...last night I found a note in Ian's pocket from his teacher. As you can imagine, it wasn't a good note. I was so angry. Well, He now knows I mean business. No more playing around. It's over.

Today when he comes home he will have a nice surprise waiting for him. He has nothing in his room except 4 bare walls and a bed. Plus a few books of my choosing. I sent a calendar to school and the teacher will write on it either a happy face or a sad face with any explinations she chooses to let me know. For everyday he has a happy face, he earns one item to go back in his room starting with the less excitiing box. If he comes home with a sad face, then he has to give me something back out of his room. I feel like this right now is the only thing that is going to work. I have threatened to do this in the past and I never followed through. Ugh! I should not have done that. I should have always kept my promise and took care of this before. So now, it has resulted in this action the first week after school starts.

I want the best for Ian and I want him to succeed. I think he has to want it for himself.

New Favorite of the Week

Okay...so my new Favorite CD of the week is Selah "Bless the Broken Road" The Duets Album!
Holy Cow!!!! So if you don't have it...you should get it! And track 3 and 10...yeah...blast it in your car! You can just see me going down the road down singing His praises!!! I LOVE IT!!!

Caught up in moments of His greatness!

Tonight was special to me. I had a fun time praising our Father and got caught up in some awesome moments of spiritual worship as well that knocked me off balance. Well...at least I can blame it on that anyway.
I'm not a performer by any means and I'm not gifted with the greatest voice but God gave me and all others the ability to praise Him like no other. I just love Him for that. He has me right where he wants me to be in my heart of worship. I try to stay disciplined but my own agenda sometimes gets away with me.
Church is fun to me. It's a fun time praising His name and celebrating the good news with the ones I love and the ones I have yet to know. It's the times I can do a funny gig singing "There's no god like Jahovah" It's also about being broken in those desperate times when we need to be broken. When we need to be there for others to help pick up the pieces with us and help us see that we are broken. The times that we need to sing "Break my heart" over and over. I just love the people who are around me. It makes me feel that I am truly around kingdom people.

Ha! School is the problem!

I think it is the problem! School! Yes, the MIGRAINES are back. And might I add they they only came back when I started school again. How weird huh? I don't think I am very happy with that! I went almost all summer with NO headaches and now I have been down nearly every day. It's a bummer. I'll deal with it, but it's no fun. I've started back on my perscription medications which really don't allow me to feel like myself but I don't have much of an alternative. I need to stay on top of them. I can't let them beat me. Today has been the worst day but as the afternoon rolls around, it is getting better. The side effects are not desireable but I will get use to them. In the words of my great friend Theresa....Oi!

Sinking sand?

Tonight I watched the movie "The Second Chance" about an inner-city church who struggles with many different issues. My heart was certainly pierced by this movie. If you have not seen it, I highly reccommend it!!!

At one point in the movie, they talk about this song:

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name.
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
all other ground is sinking sand;
all other ground is sinking sand.

What am I built on? Do I build on sinking sand? Tonight it was ever so present as Chad and I were driving around looking at homes. We want to move to a nicer home, nicer area, and would love to be in a better situation. Am I looking for that sinking sand? Why can't I be content where I am? It makes me think that right now...maybe I'm not standing on solid rock!
It's like the song says...all other ground is sinking sand. If God is not at the center and core of my foundation, I am not on God's solid rock.

How is it that I am serving today? Do I serve to gain something?
Am I living a life that is so comfortable that I'm not willing to get a little gravy on my shoes and show that I'm doing that the Lord wants me to do?

All of these thoughts pondered in my head and SOOO many more after watching this movie. It was conviciting and I want to make sure that I'm doing what he has commanded me to do in every aspect of my life.

And for the remainder of that song:

When Darkness veils his lovely face, I rest on his unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.

When he shall come with trumpet sound, O may I then in him be found!
Dressed in his righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne!

Dinner among friends!

Last night our good friend Mike drove down to Tulsa with his new girlfriend Mikel to have dinner. We went to PF Changs and had a superfun time. It was the best evening. I loved getting to know Mikel and finding out how good she is for Mike. They are a beautiful couple. I truly felt honored that they would drive all this way just for dinner. But then again, we had more than just dinner. We had a great night of laughs!!
Everytime we are together, we just laugh uncontrollably. I don't like the distance between us and wish we could see eachother more often. But I'm so excited that we will get to spend some time together at the end of August. I truly can't wait. It will be a fun time!

The WILD Birthday Party

Okay...so if you know my aunt Cyndi...she can't do anything half way. So for Jordan's Birthday she had this animal guy come and bring his exoctic animals. You could ride the turtle! No joke! It was so cool. Then I thought I was being really brave by holding the snake...well...it no more got around my neck and I was ready for it to go away. The man was saying things like "Don't touch it's head...he doensn't like that" Well...the head was coming right for my face and I didn't know what to do. YIKES! But we had a great time!

More of our fun night!

The Graduation Party

Well we had a great time at the venue after we finished our PCT class. So yes...these people could very well be a part of your healthcare for you or one you love. Don't know if that looks scary or not. We had a blast. There was a great band there and we had a fun time just laughing and finally celebrating not having to study until school starts again in August. 11 of us were celebrating getting our new jobs and starting work. The night was fun and eventful!

First Day...HELLO MIGRAINE!

Today was my first day on the job and boy...it was a great experience. I can tell I'm really going to have my work cut out for me in the ICU. I met several supervisors and they were all so nice and ready to put me to work. And indeed they did. It ended up being a very busy and productive day!

I left after 8 hours with the most miserable migraine I've had in a long time. I'm trying so hard to keep myself away from OTC medications but I'm not so sure it's going to be easy. I need to get back in to see Dr. Breck before these pains start to get out of hand. He seems to cure all my aches and pains in my head. I had to miss VBS tonight to recoup from my ailment but now I'm feeling better after a little sleep this evening.

After I got off work today, I had the chance to swing into Bob Gardner's room for a bit. He's such a nice man. I pray after I left he got to go home and I won't walk in and see him tomorrow. But if so...I'll visit with him again. It's nice to see familiar faces at the hospital, but I'd rather not see them as patients.

You know...I have the best husband in the world. Even though he worked all day in the heat, he came right in the door...took a shower...and got the kids ready for VBS without even blinking an eye. He was even willing to work and take my spot with the second graders but Linda said they were fine on help. I am just so thankful to have him. Especially in a time of need. He's been through everything with me and puts up with so much. I truly know how lucky I am to have him. He's just so precious to me!

It's happening too quick!

I went to my last set of physicals this morning and I passed with flying colors. Although, I could have gone without stepping on the scale. Ugh...need to get back to the gym now that classes are over for the summer.

While filling out my paperwork, I thought I noticed a typo on them. It said I start on this Monday the 17th! What? Am I reading this right? And the lady said "Yes...you have to work full time for 2 weeks, M-F, 7am-3pm and then we let you go on your own." Wow!
Well...I was still overwhelmed with the date and then it hit me....BABYSITTER!!! What am I going to do with my kids? Ugh....I can't look at this as a delima. I'll figure something out.

So...I start Monday and will work M-F for the next 2 weeks and then they are letting me off to go to camp with my kids as a counselor and then on vacation with the family that next weekend and I'll go to my orientation on August 7th. After that, I'll be working weekends. So it looks like my last Sunday at church will be July 30th. I'm trying to find creative ways to make sure I can still take communion each week and have that moment with God. I want it to be an intimate moment and not just something I do each week to keep caught up. I don't want to lose that.

So in the mean time... I will be thinking of many creative ways to keep my spiritual energy up and connection with the chruch family. Everything will be good. God is going to use me in a way that I can't even imagine right now. I'm just looking forward to the opportunity to serve Him in another unique way and finding a way to bring someone closer to the same God that I love.

Good news...mixed emotions

After passing the class yesterday, I got a call this morning from Saint Francis and well..I GOT THE JOB!! My emotions are so mixed right now as I will lose my weekends for 1 year. I will find other ways to help others and minister on Sunday mornings in the ICU. I count on all of my friends to keep me connected.
My shift will be Saturday & Sunday 7am to 7pm. I will be on orientation for the next 3 weeks and I do not know what times as of right now. At the end of this month I will go to the camp with kids and then we are going to leave camp on Friday and get away with the kids and Chad for the weekend to spend some time together as a family. I think we will take them to Six Flags for a fun weekend.

My heart is so mixed right now. I am so excited for this opportunity but yet saddened about what I will miss each Sunday. Moreso, I think my heart wonders if others will forget about me. Surely not. Then how will this affect my children and husband. I should be rejoicing right now instead of thinking of all of the downsides.

I am excited...really! Guess I still have to get over all the shock and excitement of this week.

I PASSED THE CLASS!!! YAY!!!

Well this has been a rough 8 weeks but it was truly worth it in the end. Today was our last day of PCT traning and I made it! Yay!!! We had a huge pot luck afterwards to celebrate our success and also the retirement of our precious instructor Myrna and her assistant Billie. We were her last morning class and we gave both of them a great farewell party. It hasn't been easy by far but now I am able to work! Now only one more test! The Oklahoma State Board AUA exam. Once I pass that, I will be totally certified! These test are not easy by far so please say a prayer. I'll need it!

Birthday & Volleyball! FUN!!!

This day was SOOOO much fun. We had Ian's 11th birthday part at my parents house and about 2 hours into it, the adults decided to take over the pool for a game of water volleyball. I can't even begin to describe how fun and FUNNY this game really was. I must say, I think we were pretty good!!! Although, I don't know what is happening in the picture below other than I went for the ball and Carrie ended up hitting it. I totally look like I've been slaughtered at this point from being on the front line! But I love how Theresa is watching and waiting for her opportunity to either hit the ball...or laugh at me when I come back up for air! I think it is totally the second. It was a great day and Ian had the best time!! Even though he skipped out from the party to go with his gf to the movies! HUMMMM....! Thanks to Theresa for providing these lovely photos for me. I'll post some of mine later.

Pride, Selflessness, and Appreciation

Do you ever do something because you heart tells you it's the right thing to do? And then your heart hurts after you did it?

I did that today. Actually, something I was proud of at the moment when I did it. Made me feel good about who I am.

I asked myself first,"What is your motivation behind doing this?" My answer to me was...."Because it's the right thing to do!"

My next question was "Am I reaping any benefits from doing this?" The answer was no.

I asked myself..."What would Jesus do?" And I thought to myself for a moment....and proceeded with my decision. I think that is why it felt so good.

Now...in saying that, here I am, many hours later and my heart hurts. Not because of what I did...but because I want to be totally and 100% selfless. I don't feel selfish really....but I know that somewhere deep down in me...there is a part of me that is. There is that little devil in me questioning my good intentions. Why on earth is it doing this to me? I want to know I did exactly what I did for the right reasons and be okay with it.

Then there comes another word that is hard on me...Pride! In making my decision, I had to totally swallow my pride. That's not easy. Pride is a strong word.

There really are a couple of definitions for Pride:
A sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect

Arrogant or disdainful conduct or treatment; haughtiness.

Now...I don't really like to think that I am that second one...but today I did have to lay aside my own dignity and self-respect for someone else.

The only way that I can stop and think about that is Love. I made a decision because I wanted to show someone love. This person may never know it, may never appreciate it, may never even realize what I did, but I wanted to do it so that they may find some happiness in their life. So I was willing to give up some of mine.

The part where I really struggled today is not appreciating myself for what I did. I allowed those other thoughts and old tapes to come into play and stopped realizing I did a good thing.

So in typing this, I guess my revelation in all of this is how to appreciate myself for the good things I do. I know God loves me and He appreicates me....that's all that matters!

More about that family night!

So this is my mother and my aunt Cyndi.
This is my sister in law Jessica...yes...he does my hair!!! And a great job too!!!
Here are the men of our family!
We have this thing about wearing the same shirts all the time. It's so hilarious.

Hominy, Hominy, Hominy

This is me and my brother.

This is me and my niece.
So this is family night out to dinner. Last night we all drove out to Hominy (about an hour away) to visit Yoana's dad's new restaurant. We had great service and great food. Not much to say about the town but we had a great time together.

Trees, and Limbs...

So this was the neighborhood after our last storm. I am just not getting around to geting the pictures up but you can see how bad the destruction was.

Baking Soda and Vinegar

It's truly amazing what children will do after watching the science guy on TV. Not that it's bad or anything, but my kids are now totally into expolding thing with the simple solutioin of baking soda and vinegar.

First it was Ian wanting to try it and at the first shot of the film canister skyrocketing into the air, he comes bursting in the door, to influence the other two. After a few tries, Emilie gets involved with the boys. Now....I'm sad to say that poor little polly pockets stand no chance up against my kids as they strapped little miss polly to the canister and up, up, up and away she went with a mighty explosion. I was so sad for her. But it was fun to warch. The kids now decide to get red food coloring and put it into the mix....yep...you guessed it. The visual affect of blood. Oi! What's a mother to do but sit back and enjoy the scenery. Eventually, we turned it into green food coloring and called it slime! That was much better.!

EKG, Lunch & Spirituality!

Today I had the pleasure of spending my day at Hillcrest. I was in the EKG department all day and it was a blast. I know that hospital forward and backward now and boy, did I ever get my exercise going from floor to floor. Before I knew it, five hours had passed by and it was time for lunch. Then after lunch, time to go home. It was a great day!!!
I was fortunate to be able to participate in part of the Hospital's "Lunch and Learn" series today. The topic covered was "Spirituality in the Medical Atmosphere". I was quite interested. Even though I have my beliefs on this, it was really nice to see the case studies completed and the research on what effect spirituality can have on a believing patient vs. non believing. Not saying they all believe in God, but most of them believing in a higher power. The mortality rates of patients who were prayed for vs the ones that were not prayed for was incredible. And even moreso those that prayed for themselves. But I was most intrigued with the power of prayer by intercession. The fact that there was a study compiled where patients did not know they were being prayed for specifically and their health increased tremendously. Now, do I doubt this? Absolutely not. I beieve that God works in all things. There were a couple of skeptics in the room that believed it was all by coincidence, but I do believe that when you ask, you shall receive and if these patients were prayed for and got better, then I think that was by God's doing. Doesn't matter weather or not the patient believed in the theory. The fact is that it happened. I'm glad we have a God that is big enough to handle my small prayers. Even when I, or anyone else think they are so overwhelming...He proves to me over and over that He will always prevail. It just works out better that way.

Missing my blog time

It's been a while....

So my PCT class has entered its fifth week and going strong. My home hospital is St. Francis and I'm loving it. I am finding this is truly my passion. I love the patients that I see each week and provide care for. Every day is a new person and a new story. Some good news, some bad news. But all in all, it's all the news of life and the way things happen. They may not always be the way that we planned them, but this is all part if a devine intervention. Everyone has different beliefs, but one thing is for sure, everyone wants to be loved and cared for.

The class alone is going well for me. It's not easy by far, but again, I like a challange. I'm not the best test taker, but I have found this class has motivated me to challange my test taking skills and make them better. Analyze them, break them down, and see how I can make the most out of each question. If only every test in my life were an essay test, I would have it made!!!

I was excited to meet with the nursing advisors this week and found out that I have met the requirements to apply right now for the nursing program and begin in January. I can't believe I have made it this far. However, there would be two classes that I would have to take concurrent with the nursing classes and I just don't think I want to add that onto my plate. I decided I'm not in that big of a hurry to finish that quick.
I see all these young girls really pushing themselves to the max with their classes. They are not enjoying themselves. Some are young and single, but most are young and married. Even with little children. Then there are those like me who are in their 30's and kids in school. I want that liberty to still be with the kids as they are growing up and enjoying them. Even though I'm in school, doesn't mean I can't enjoy this time too. This time is precious. I won't quit. But I won't over extend myself at the expense of my family life. School will always be here for me. And so will my family. But they get older by the minute and I want to be part of each second. Cause every second counts.

Wow...I'm exhausted!

Today was my first day of clinicals and boy...I never knew how exhausted I would be. I got up at 4:45am so I could be fully awake and fresh and at the hospital by 5:45am. I didn't realize how long it had been since I had worked an 8 hour shift. I went to pre-conference before going to the floor. I was excited and a bit nervous all at once. After arriving to the floor and meeting the staff of nurses and techs, I knew I was really where my heart wanted to be. I worked with 7 cardiac patients all day and kept very busy. It was such a rewarding experience. After my shift was over, I went to post-conference with my instructor and I can tell you, I was on that high! I even made the comment "I wish we could work 12 hours shifts." She just laughed!
By the time I got home, I started to wind down from all the hope of the day and wow...I was completely EXHAUSTED!!! I had no idea how tired I really was. Something so rewarding to me just drained me to the core. I came home and completely passed out!
So now the weekend is here and I will have to study hard all weekend for this upcoming test but I can't wait for next week clinicals. Yesterday made it all worth it to me. I know now, this is exactly what I want to do.

The smile keeps coming

So here I am today...walking into my second week of class...ready to take my quiz that I've worked so hard for and something hits me!!! I forgot to study an entire page! Woops! Now, these quizzes are not like simple little quizzes...they are the size of some test in my other classes. It's not just like a small 10 point thing...they are pretty big. So I'm worried. We've already had 3 of these and I've made 100% on every one of them. Now what am I going to do. You cannot make below an 80 at all or you have to come some other time and reatake it.

So I looked at the clock and saw I had 10 mintues to study for the quiz. So I take out my notes, and have at it. I'm trying everything in my power to relate every word I see to something in my brain so that I can somehow remember all this valuable information in 10 minutes. But how...there's way too much stuff here. Well...I just figure, I'll do what I know and pray on the rest.

So she hands out the quiz. Now..quiz right??? 3 PAGES and only 20 minutes!!!!

I decided to start with the stuff that I had just studied which was on the final page. I thought I was doing a pretty good job getting the answers right. Then we go onto the first two pages which are just lovely to look at. I complete it with a little time to spare so I can recheck my answers and I turn it over and don't look back.

There's no way I can pass this with only going over the materical 10 minutes before.

So we have to wait until we get home to see our score.

I pull it up and it says "100%" WHAT????? CAN THIS BE RIGHT? I couldn't be that lucky can I?

Well, I did know the material. I found it easier when I could relate what I was reading to a real life sceniaro and it worked. I took them out of their context and made them into my own and it made it much easier to remember.

I hope the actual test isn't that difficut but for now, I'm pressing on and I want to keep up this score that I have recieved each time. It's totally worth all this hard work. It's paying off too and I'm so excited!

Success!!!!

Well the fight is over. THE PIT BULL IS GONE!!! And so are the neighbors!

Wow...This has been an ongoing battle for me since we first encounterd the pit bull problem in our neighborhood in December of 2005. In short, my neighbors pit bull continued to jump the fence into our backyard and come after our dog and our children. So many laws were being broken I took the matter into my own hands. (thanks to my government class)

I found out so many laws were being broken and I couldn't just stand by in good faith and watch this happen. Especially when it was happening to me and my family.

After I filed many will file citations, many fines issued, court appearances, jail time for the owners, and a load of controversary in the neighborhood, the problem is solved. Our neighbors have now moved out and they are gone. YAY!

I started to think back to what our country would be like if Hamilton had never written Federalist 6. We would be at war with our neighboring states if we didn't have a constitution. Much like I was just with my neighbors in my own back yard. I LOVE the wording Hamilton uses to describe men in his writing..."men are ambitious, vindictive and rapacious." I mean really...I would think that Hamilton himself had met some of the people in my neighborhood.

He talks about how we need to have men who are ready to stand for us. Well educated men...Much like the representative Bill Martinson over district 5 for our neighborhood who oversaw this ordeal and took it head on. In my very short 32 years of life...I have never met anyone who was willing to show up at my home, unannounced and ready to talk about my rights and problems and ways to solve this. Someone that was willing to work with our neighborhood as a complete union to find a common and peaceful ground. I mean...That's what it's all about. Who really wants to be fighting with their neighbors?

Hamilton was a very passionate person in my opinion. His writings are really rare in unique due to his passion and commitment to his beliefs and convictions. All the Federalist papers are very passionate but this one absolutely hits home with me. I'm sure in due time, I will find out how other things in my life are affected by these great men who were much wiser than I can ever dream of being. I owe a debt of gratitude to these men for helping us become what we are today. United!!!!

Summer Class in Session YAY!

The summer is upon us and yet another new semester for me. I've been pretty nervous because I have heard how difficult this summer fast track course is going to be. However, I am almost finished with my first week and I am very surprised and happy with the PCT course. I won't say it is easy, but certainly takes a lot of time and prep work for everyday. There is not a moment that I won't be buried in books. I started out ahead so that I won't fall behind and that is truly a key to success. I am always one that wants to be on top of the game. I don't want to run along side and just keep my head above water, I want to succeed with overwhelming success.

This past semester turned out to be very difficult. I was successful in completing the classes but not without a lot of anxiety along the way. But who said that this was ever going to be easy? Ha! Nothing worth fighting for in this world comes easy.

I stop to think about if I was in a hospital, what kind of nurse would I want working on me? Would I want the one that took the easy road, or the one who dug deep within herself to make the best of who she is and what she was about to become. I want the one that is driven, motivated, and on fire about her job. I want one that is dedicated to her work as if it were her own family. Yep...I believe that's the kind of nurse I want to be when I finish.

Do you ever see success in your future? Dream about the future and what it will be like for you? I certainly do that everyday. I feel so motivated to get up each morning and face each day with a renewed sense of adventure. Each class I take has been an adventure and I love it. I haven't loved every class, but for the most part, this has really been a great ride so far.

So as I am completing my first week of an 8 week course, I look forward to the next 7 ahead. I've taken 3 quizzes already with absolutely perfect scores. I don't want to settle for anything less than perfection. Someone's life may be in my hands someday and I want then to know they are safe. That's just the kind of person that I want to be. Maybe not perfect, but certainly successful.

Bad day...and then relief

You ever just have one of those days where you just feel everything is going to go right and then everything goes worng? Well...this is my venting session so I'll warn you now. But it does have a good ending.
Today was the start of my PCT training and what I thought was going to be a busy schedule...is going to prove to be overwhelming. I don't want to count my eggs before they hatch....but when you go into the class and the first person they introduce you to is the psychotherapist....then you know you are in trouble. First words were "You want to get to know this lady"...holy cow.
So we go through 3 1/2 hours of all the information and we go to the bookstore to get our books and uniforms that were ordered...2 MONTHS AGO....and they are not in. I have to have 5 chapters read by Monday morning, but yet, they can not have the material??? I just don't get it!!! They knew sevearl months ago we would need textbooks by today...then why don't we have them. I think this is such a problem with the school. But yet, no matter what you do, who you complain to, you can't get anyone to listen. I spent most of my day seeing of I could locate the text book online somewhere to I could try to get it overnighted to us but yet...no luck. This is not a good way for me to start off the semester. Or any of the 50 students in class.
So then I get home to pick up the kids and find out that Ian was accused of being a liar by one of the teachers at school. Not only did she accuse him, she boldly told me that he did this and has no proof. Other than the other student is a "model" student and couldn't possibly ever do anything wrong. It was a very unprofessional conversation as she walked away from me before we were finished. It's not that Ian couldn't make up a story...Lord knows he's a 10 year old boy...but to say that the other student couldn't make up a story too is just obsurd.
I heard Ian's story and I truly believe him. He has never changed his story no matter how many times I ask and I don't believe he is lying.

I think the thing that bothers me is this. Just because Ian has problems, he has been stuck with a repuation since he was in Kindergarten. Is it fair? NO! How does anyone expect him to change? He works so hard to make a good impression and be a good boy, but then when he does, it seems to go unnoticed. I can't fight all his fights for him. I can't win this battle. I don't want to win. But I don't want my sons integrity deminished becuase of his past. That's like a person going to jail...doing 10 years of time...getting out...and then never being able to be forgiven for their past mistakes. I don't know maybe I am over analyzing this whole thing but at this point, I am just so upset for Ian.

Tonight at church...my heart was hurting so bad! You can tell this day had just gone wrong from the beginning. So we get there and all the chairs were set in small circles. So I knew...."Oh yeah...we're praying tonight" So we go to the front...cause I love to sit in the front...and we have people come sit with us that do not normally sit with us. That made me feel so good. Normally you go in and sit with your friends, or people from your small group, and that's so easy. Those people already know your junk. So tonight, here we are with new people...some we had to even introduce ourselves to...even though they have gone there for years....and the prayer time began. We had a great leader who started with a very good prayer and eased us into it. But when I started to look down...I just couldn't help but feel the tears run down my face. What? I didn't feel like I was crying. You know that feeling you get when you try to hold back the tears...well...I wasn't trying to hold back...I just bowed...and the flood came. I was able to open up and pray a what I believe was a very selfish prayer for myself and for the day that I had. Almost INSTANTLY I felt this release of negative energy come off of shoulders and I felt like a burden had been lifted. That's totally what I needed. I just needed to talk to God about it. I really didn't want to go to church tonight, but I had hopes there would be something there that would get me out of my funk and lift my spirits.

By the time we left, I felt like a totally different person. I walked through those doors tonight very hard harted and upset and came out with a sense of peace.

At least the day ended on a good note. I love days like this and must thank God for each of them.