Tuesday, September 30, 2008

There is a season....

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-2
A Time for Everything
1 For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.

There is a season for everything in life. Some are long....some are short. No matter what the season, our lives are ever changing moment by moment.

Change can mean so many things, and it can also be very scary. Even if it's a road that you have walked down before, changing from what is "safe" to what is "challenging" adds a sense of excitement, adventure, and life into a season that has gone stagnant.

In my life, the word "change" is usually followed by the word "consequence". That really sounds horrible huh? Doesn't have to be.

I see a road and a journey that I am about to embark upon in the near future. But in order to walk that road, I must die to another. Sounds pretty harsh huh? Sacrifice is difficult. As I sit here and type this, I feel the lump in my throat and the tears filling up.

When a missionary goes out into the mission field, do they not have the same feeling? I think so. They give up a life they know and love to go into new waters hoping that the swimming lessons they took will pay off.

You shouldn't pray for God to do things in your life if you don't want them to come true. For me....that was today. I had not only one...or two...but many moments today where God appeared and laid the foundation for a new journey. In that, I had no idea what I would have to give up in order to make this a "YES" moment. And, it didn't hit me until talking to Chad and his reaction was "WHAT???? ARE YOU KIDDING?"

As I prepare myself in my own mind for changes that are coming, I pray that God put peace in my heart. I pray that He will give me the knowledge, wisdom, patience, and self control to move on and with everything I do, give Him the glory.

If it is His will, He will make it all okay and the lives that I impact will be closer to Him because of others seeing Jesus through me.

Monday, September 29, 2008


Do you ever feel like everything you say is the wrong thing?

I think that would define me lately. It is so frustrating.

Practicing good healthy communication is highly important in today's society. For me, communication has to rank pretty high up on my personality profile as well as one of my love languages.

Most loving relationships, whether marriages or freindships, are based on good communication that most often builds up one another. But sometimes, when guards are down, things are said in love and trust that strikes a chord with the other party. Not intentionally, but it happens. Even in the best of marriages and friendships.

It is difficult to communicate lovingly and peacefully when you are angry or hurt. And in times like this, your relationships will start to show signs of stress and disconncetion from one another. Trust and safety start to fade away until eventually, deteriation has occured and you are down a path lonliness.

It doesn't have to be that way!
Relationships/Friendships usually involve recognizing each other's personalities. The likes, the dislikes, and so much more. Friends normally have a mutual sense of caring for one another and want to watch the other grow, develop, and succeed. Nobody likes to see their friends fail at anything. Sometimes, friends need to share feelings without the fear of judgement or negative criticism. That's not always easy to do. Especially if you are trying to help the other one succeed and not fail.
Proverbs 19:20-21 (NLT) Wise words satisfy like a good meal;the right words bring satisfaction. The tongue can bring death or life;those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

So how do you know a good friend....or if you are a good friend?
Friendships take time! Time of investing yourselves in each other. Committment! Even through the good and the bad. You are building memories. You are building trust! Trusting each other is always an important factor. We all need that person that we can call and share our feelings, our hurts, our wants, our happiness, our sadness, and our frustrations with. Trusting that person with our feelings is key. The lack of trust will destory a friendship fast!
Proverbs 18:19 (NLT)An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city.
Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.

Forgivness is key in any friendship. Forgive those that have hurt you. Forgive yourself if you screw up! We may not always say what the other person wants to hear, but the fact is, they may need to hear it. Real friends tell eachother things that may not always be plesant, but things to help each other grow. I think that is why God designed us to have long lasting relationships.

Building long lasting friendships can be fun, rewarding, thrilling, exciting! It can also present challanges along the way that leave you looking for answers.

If I picture trying to build my friendships as I believe Jesus did, I would treat everyone justly, keep my promises, not knock others when they are already down, speak postive words, choose good role models, try to maintain my personal integrity,and live a moral life.
Maybe it's time for a good look into the friendships that God has placed into my life.
Am I helping them, or hurting them?
Friendships aren't for gain, but for growth, accountability, and leading each other to Christ.
If I'm anywhere else but there, then it's just not right.

Psalm 15
A psalm of David.
1 Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord?
Who may enter your presence on your holy hill?
2 Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right,
speaking the truth from sincere hearts.
3 Those who refuse to gossip
or harm their neighbors
or speak evil of their friends.
4 Those who despise flagrant sinners,
and honor the faithful followers of the Lord,
and keep their promises even when it hurts.
5 Those who lend money without charging interest,
and who cannot be bribed to lie about the innocent.
Such people will stand firm forever.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Six Flags!!!

We went to six flags this weekend with the youth group and had an amazing time. We stayed outside under the stars and I can't tell you what a breath taking time that was!!! I actually enjoyed waking up during the night just to open my eyes and enjoy God's wonderful creation! It was so beautiful. Many times, we were awaken by cows, coyotes, and puppy mills. 25 of the 28 of us stayed outside and it was an experience to remember.

This was on the drive there. Just having some fun moments in the van.

I slept in close quarter with some cool girls! We had a blast and really...they just wanted to come over and get a picture with all my OU stuff!!! ;o)

Lindsay and I grew closer together this weekend. We had a great time connecting and bonding and had so many extreme laughs together. All I know (since she reads this blog) what is said in the van....STAYS IN THE VAN!!! ;O)

I had to laugh when these girls were really brave when we first got there to set up camp a bit a way from the rest of us. Notice the darkness in the back??? Yeah...they eventually moved a little closer to us!

I had some good moments with Ian this weekend! Great mother son weekend!

Morning football! Just another perk!

If you stand in the splash zone...you're going to get wet!

Good people!!!

It's been a LOOOONNNNGGGG day!

Keith led us in a great morning devotional just before we left this morning. The discussion from all was great. What a great way to end the day!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

"A soft answer turns away anger but harsh words stir it up" (Proverbs 15:1).

Monday, September 22, 2008

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Speaking through song

A dear person obvoiusly knows the way to my heart is through song and sent this to me tonight.


Hear my heart, Lord, as I cry out to You
Hear my prayer, Lord, and carry me through in Your mercy
In the promise You made, be my strength, Lord
When my strength fades away'Cause when I am weak, Your strength is complete
It's perfect, completely all I need
Sufficient for me, Your grace and your peace are perfect, completely all I need
You're all that I need
In my weakness, I'm finding Your strengthIn my sorrow, a gentle embrace
Through the seasons of laughter or pain
You are listening when I call out Your name
'Cause when I am weak, Your strength is complete
It's perfect, completely all I need
Sufficient for me, Your grace and your peace are perfect, completely all I need
You're all that I need
I will find You when I seek; I'll look for you with all of my heart
And I will find You when I'm weak, 'cause You are strong.

Update to Captivating Ch 3.

Thank you to the person that shared this verse with me today:
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

It amazes me how God shows up when I get together with our group.

One thing that came up that really caught my attention. And this is just my summary of it.

As women, we are so hard on ourselves in regards to our marriages. When I met Chad, he gave up everything to be with me. He gave up an amazing job in Oregon, he gave up his family, he gave up the life he knew to stay here with me. I....was captivating to him and that is why he sacrificed everything for me.

See where this is going?

Well...who else sacrificed everything for me? So that I could have a good life? So that I could make a difference here? God did. He sacrificed his son for me. Jesus sacrificed his life for me? Why? Because he found me captivating.

I have a lot in life to still work on. But I know that he is still working on me. He watches me sin everyday and yet still loves me so much. I don't love myself as God loves me. That's not right.

I pray tonight that with all my failures and all my flaws that He will still find me as captivating as the day He created me. I know he does. I hope He will help me to see that within myself.

Captivating ch. 3

As I sit here and wait for my ride to our bible study for the night, I thought I would blog a few things from the next chapter. This is one of those books where you want to stop and read things over and over as you apply them to your own life. It's very difficult when you recognize yourself in the things that are said in the book:

"Whatever is not from faith is sin" (Rom 14:23)It is our gut-level response to a dangerous world

When we were young, we knew nothing about Eve and what she did and how it affected us all. We are wounded into believing horrid things about ourselves. And so every woman comes into the world set up for a terrible heartbreak.

Every woman knows now that she is not what she was meant to be and fears that soon it will be known and she will be abandoned. Abandonment: This is a woman's worst fear. Rather than turning back to God, we continue down that path by doing what we can to secure ourselves in a dangerous and unpredictable world.

Addictions turn on us and imprison us in chains that separate us from the heart of God and others as well. It is a lonely prison of our own making, each chain forged in the fire of our indulgent choice.

Hiding women dismiss every compliment. To hide means to remain safe, to hurt less. By hiding we take matters into our own hands. We don't return to our God with our broken and desperate hearts.

Desolate women are busy and hide behind "There's so much work to do" But they are consumed by a hunger for relationships.

Woman is cursed with loneliness. Man is cursed with futility and failure. Failure is a mans worst fear.

Doesn't sound very encouraging huh? Well, by the end of the night tonight, I bet I will find hope though this chapter and though God's word. Happens like that everytime!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Do you see what I see?

I think I may be finally seeing something here. ;o)
Or...less of something.



New Moments, New Friends

Monday, while I was in class, I get a call from Ian's school.

That always makes my heart stop for a moment when I see that number.

I answered it and it was actually Ian.

He said that he made a new friend and his new friend wasn't feeling well.

The boy wasn't feeling well and has to walk home so Ian was wondering if he called his mom, if we could take him home after school. Of course I said yes.

They get into the car after school and Ian introduces me. We'll call him J.

J is very well mannered, very polite. I was quite impressed. We started talking about family and things and I find out the following information.

His dad is deceased. Accidentally shot himself 2 years ago.
Just before that happened, J was living in a psychatriac hospital. I did not find out why.
Between his mom, and his soon to be step dad, there are 9 children.
He has 1 younger brother.
His mom works for a church which they do not attend.

And well, I see potential for Ian to minister to this family in so many ways.

From now on, J will be a new person in my car at 3:40 everyday and if it helps him, and his mother, and Ian....then I'm all for it!

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Making Progress!

Can't believe it's been a week since my last post. The last one was so good that I just couldn't let it go! ;o) I've been blogging other places, just not here. But I'm back now.

Today was the first time for me to go running with Chad. I physically didn't feel all that great today but I knew that I would regret it if I didn't go. At one point I think I may have pushed myself a little too much, but in the end, the payoff is worth it.

I've been working on treating my body better lately. Some say that I am very abusive to my physical body by starving myself. This...is true. I do not think that is what God wanted me to do.
One of the best gifts Chad has ever given me is the message translation of the Bible. And below is why:

Romans 12:1-3 (The Message)
Place Your Life Before God
1-2 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.
3I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.

I've read it a million times before. I've heard it over and over. And I have friends who have spoken these words to me without quoting anything. I love them for that.

I've been through a tremendous amount of pain in my life. But nothing compared to the pain that Jesus went through. So why on earth would I hurt myself in order to find happiness?

It's time to let it go. Why now? Because God said so! Why today? Same answer!
An interesting Q&A sheet I had to fill out Friday at my Dr. visit:
Do I want to change? Yes!!!
Will it be easy? No.
Can I do it? Yes.
On my own? No.
Am I ready to make a change? Yes!
Will I eat? Yes!
Will I make better choices? Yes!
Am I committed to God? Yes!!!
Will I fail? Maybe, but not in God's eyes.
Do I have people who love me? Yes!
Will I hold myself accountable? Yes.
Will I tell on myself for cheating? Yes.
Do I trust someone other than my spouse to tell? Yes.
Do I love myself? Yes! Yes! Yes!
The most important thing to me right now is:Pleasing God & being forgiven.

Well, that's it!

I'm doing so much better today and couldn't be happier!

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Made a difference....

I hope over my life span I will have more blogs with that title.

But today, I received the best compliment ever from Lukus.

I have spent 90% of my day today caring for good friend in need. That has meant dropping everything I could possibly drop today and being by his side. 2 weeks ago, his father went to be with our Lord. At 4:30 this morning, his mother had a stroke. Let's just say that he has had his fair share of heartaches over the past few weeks besides the fact that he is going through a divorce. I can't imagine.
I feel honored that he cares enough to call and wake me up so that I can be there for him. I felt even more touched when his mother gave me the most beautiful crooked smile when I walked in. That crooked smile alone lit up the room for me.

As the day progressed, it called for me to run errands with him, and decide how to get his kids from place to place this afternoon and evening. It all worked out.
Everything went off without any glitches and he has been able to be with his mom.

When finally picking up my own kids from school, I was expalining the story to Lukus. And he says:

Lukus: "Mom, you're too nice"
Me: "Why would you say that?"
Lukus: "Because you are always doing everything for everyone else"
Me: "Well, I love to help other people"
Lukus: "Yeah....you're just like Jesus"

Wow!!! Now, I won't dare say that I amount to that at all. But if I never get another compliment in my lifetime.....that would be okay.