Friday, January 15, 2010

Shining with brightness

2 Cor. 3:16-18 it says, "Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are--face to face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We're free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him."

Father, I want to communicate Your name to others, in worship, at work, in the store, everywhere! Let me shine with brightness so that others may see You though me and so I can become more like You. Amen

He's got my attention!

God's talking! I'm listening!
I highlight words in these songs not to point out negatives, but to point out things I have said to myself over the past few weeks in trying to make some decisions. It think God decided that if I wasn't going to listen that he would scream it at me last night through these songs. My heart sank. It was like being in that movie "Field of Dreams" and nobody could see the players......and here I sat wondering...."Am I the only one getting the message????" Okay.....He has my full attention!

We are not afraid, to follow where You lead,
Leaving what we know, for what we cannot see.
We are not afraid for we are not alone,
and so we'll go with You into the unknown.

We are not afraid to love the way You do,
to serve with the same grace we receive from You.
We are not afraid to look beyond ourselves,and offer hope to those who cannot help themselves.

We are not afraid though some say we should wait,
the cost is just too high, the danger is too great
We are not afraid to move when You say move,
Trusting in Your voice, We will follow You.

We will be fearless for You. Fearless for You.
We will be faithful in all that we do.
If we step out on the waves or walk through the flames
Whatever you ask us to do, we will be fearless for You.

~Anywhere with Jesus I can safely go. Anywhere He leads me in this world below
~Anywhere with Jesus I am not afraid.
~Anywhere with Jesus I am not alone.
~Anywhere with Jesus over land and sea, Telling souls in darkness of salvation free.

~I choose to be holy, set apart for You my Master, ready to do Your will. Lord, I'm ready to do your will.
~Give me the heart of a servant, tender and faith and true. Fill me with love, then use me O Lord, so that the world can see You.
~Mold me and shape me, do what you must do. To make me a servant, make me like You.

~Let me be a sacrifice, holy and acceptable.

~Take the Lord with you, everywhere you go.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Love is....

Today in class we talked about many things surrounding loving your mate and being in love with your mate.

Here are just some of my thoughts after class: (not the thoughts of Chad)
I met Chad March 5th, 1992. Coming up on 18 years ago! I remember the first time I ever saw him. I had more butterflies than I could count. I was at a loss for words. My heart was pounding as I walked up to the counter to ask him for a drink. But at that moment, it was love at first sight!
I think the first time I can remember feeling "in love" was about 30 days into the "dating" portion of our relationship. That feeling continued for....oh....I can't tell you how long! But I realized at about 6 months or so that I truly loved this man and I didn't ever want to be without him. That's a different love. (but was still in love) ....I feel like I'm in a riddle! :o)

Many years went by.....8 to be exact.....and the "in love" was gone. Love was still there, but "in love" was being taken over by the love I was giving to the kids. They had all my butterflies and we were all flying together. It was a very very bad time for our marriage. But I knew this.....that I loved Chad with everything that I had. Even though it wasn't much....and I didn't have much love to give.....I still loved him.

Now, at year 15...coming up on 16 in April.....I am more "IN LOVE" with him than I have ever been. He walks in the room, and my heart skips a beat! Those same feelings I had 18 years ago, are back again. He is still as much my boyfriend, as he is my husband. I love to be with him. I love to date him. I love it when he calls me. I love it when he takes me out. I love his surprises. I just love him!

This morning at church, he was learning how to run the sound board and I had to try hard to not look up at him. I didn't want anyone to catch me looking at my boyfriend and see him looking at me. Is he a distraction??? Sometimes, but I can handle it. He's the love of my life. He is my soul mate. We'll be together until God brings us home.

When we were younger, Chad's love language to receive was physical touch. Okay's probably that for most young men early in the relationship. I couldn't stand that because all I ever had was touch from the kids for so many years. By the time Chad came home, I was done. Hugs and kisses were already gone. But his love language TO me was gift giving. He is the biggest giver I know. He thinks of everyone else included. But that wasn't me.I didn't like gifts. I am a saver of money and don't need a lot of things. I wanted quality time, and acts of service. I would love it if he cleaned out my car, or went to the store for me, or just sat with me and did nothing.
But today.....we have switched!
My love language to receive is Physical Touch. My kids are growing up and I miss the hugs and kisses I used to get from them. Just a simple hug from him....or from family...or friends means so much to me. But from Chad, it makes up for all those years that I couldn't give him his need.
My other would be words of affirmation. I need this for a lot of the same reasons as above. I want to hear the words "I love you" "You're special" "You did a good job" etc. Those mean a lot to me and I am fortunate that Chad is one of those guys that I don't ever have to ask. Sometimes, it's overkill....but that's okay! :o)
If I could have 3 I would definitely say quality time is a must. We DVR things and watch them together each night when the kids go to bed and I just love that time with him. Or if I just have to run to the store, he goes with me so it can be just us. I love that!

I left with a realization today that more than ever, I love him so much. I'm very fortunate that he has put up with me for all these years. I screw up as a wife all the time.....and I screw up big! But no matter what, he is always very forgiving and loves me unconditionally.

We may be totally opposite......I like Acappella....He likes AC/DC....but I think that God had and still has an amazing plan for us. One that I can't even comprehend. But I'm excited for the journey he is taking us on. I love it.

One day....I want to marry him all over again and get look into his eyes and say....well....I'm not sure what I'd say.....but I'm sure it would include the most 3 beautiful words I could ever hear.

Weird..good or bad.

Since I've been back at work I've heard several times "you're just weird"

Now...I know they are saying this in a joking manner, but after about the 20th time I heard it yesterday, it started to rub me the wrong way. Insecurity set in, I started doubting who I was, and I just wondered what would I have to do to be considered "Normal"

Webester defines weird as
1. involving or suggesting the supernatural; unearthly or uncanny: a weird sound; weird lights.
2. fantastic; bizarre: a weird getup.
3. Archaic. concerned with or controlling fate or destiny

I'm not real sure if I fit any of those descriptions and I'm not sure they meant it like that either.

By my co-workers definitions, I'm weird becuase I don't drink, I don't go out to party, I don't cuss, I say poop or poot instead of using other words that I particularly don't want to hear myself. I'm weird because I have a husband that wants to shower me with gifts and I don't like that. I'm weird because I don't want him to take me out to a meal that cost over $100.00. I'm weird because I defend others when they can't defend themselves. I'm weird because I refuse to work on Sunday's and Wednesday's unless there is an emergency. I'm weird because I make random conversations that make others laugh. I'm weird becuause I like to have a converstaion with each of my patients instead of treat'em and street'em and I was told yesterday that I am weird because I actually care about things.

Wow! Okay, that doesn't quite sound like the definition I just read.

I'm constantly an open target for people and most of the time I find that others don't take me seriously. However, my bosses take me very seriously and love having me around.

So, do I change? Well, I think I did that for a point of my life where I changed to please others, and I was miserable. I love being happy and I love my life and I love who I am. Why sit around a table and gossip and talk bad about others? Why use words that aren't pleasing to God and especially to others around me? Why would I want to be anyone different that who God wants me to be?

I don't really have a word to describe myself best but I don't think I would choose weird.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Inside Out

"In the heart me there's a mystery,
in my weakness there is still,
a goodness not my own,
it comes from God alone,
and I can not be sure until.

You turn me inside out, so that I can be,
a reflection of the one who made me.
So the world can see that it's Christ in me,
Lord, turn me inside out, turn me inside out.

What my pride conceals,
Lord your truth reveals,
and your grace is seen somehow.
There is mercy when,
in spite of who I've been.
Your glory dwells within me now.

So turn me inside out, so that I can be,
a reflection of the one who made me.
So the world can see, that it's Christ in me Lord,
turn me inside out, turn me inside out.

These may be lyrics to a Zoe Group song, but they just feel like so much more when I'm singing them. It hits to the depths of my heart. That's how I know God is trying to speak to me.
When my heart sings this I hear it as such a prayer. One that I have prayed over and over.

In Luke 11 it is very clearly stated to the foolish people that our God is the one that made us on the inside as well as the outside. But, being the earthly people that we are or......sinners perhaps.....why wouldn't our prayer to God be to let others see what is really on the inside.

If you looked at the inside of someones body, (which I have) you would find that we are very complex. So much so it takes years and years of study and research to figure out things that didn't take God very long at all. When we were put here on earth, everything worked in us as God had planned. Some are born perfect. Some are born with sickness and some may develop things along the way. But again, it's all by design. It's God's plan.
I treat some of the most amazing people at work and I have to say, they have some pretty ugly lungs and organs. But when you break through that layer of sickness and find their true heart (turn them inside out) they are some of the most beautiful people I have ever met.

I want to be that person. dying....I want to be turned inside out so that others can see Christ in me. I don't want there to be any hypocrisy. I want what is on the inside of my heart to be seen on the outside as well. I want to be beautiful on the inside and outside so that in everything that I do, Christ is the center of my reflection.

I know what this looks like to me. Most days, I don't find it a big challenge. But somedays.....I feel Satan pulling me and that is when I know....if I screw up, I am loved and covered by His mercy and grace.

My prayer today is that others will see Him and that I will live a life that is "Inside Out"

Monday, January 04, 2010

KPC's 2010

Kids Praise Chorus started yesterday for the 2010 season. Let's just say....they blew me away! They were ready to go and did very well. Praying every rehearsal is like yesterdays!
(Thank you Tammy for the beautiful blog)