Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Bad day...and then relief

You ever just have one of those days where you just feel everything is going to go right and then everything goes worng? Well...this is my venting session so I'll warn you now. But it does have a good ending.
Today was the start of my PCT training and what I thought was going to be a busy schedule...is going to prove to be overwhelming. I don't want to count my eggs before they hatch....but when you go into the class and the first person they introduce you to is the psychotherapist....then you know you are in trouble. First words were "You want to get to know this lady"...holy cow.
So we go through 3 1/2 hours of all the information and we go to the bookstore to get our books and uniforms that were ordered...2 MONTHS AGO....and they are not in. I have to have 5 chapters read by Monday morning, but yet, they can not have the material??? I just don't get it!!! They knew sevearl months ago we would need textbooks by today...then why don't we have them. I think this is such a problem with the school. But yet, no matter what you do, who you complain to, you can't get anyone to listen. I spent most of my day seeing of I could locate the text book online somewhere to I could try to get it overnighted to us but yet...no luck. This is not a good way for me to start off the semester. Or any of the 50 students in class.
So then I get home to pick up the kids and find out that Ian was accused of being a liar by one of the teachers at school. Not only did she accuse him, she boldly told me that he did this and has no proof. Other than the other student is a "model" student and couldn't possibly ever do anything wrong. It was a very unprofessional conversation as she walked away from me before we were finished. It's not that Ian couldn't make up a story...Lord knows he's a 10 year old boy...but to say that the other student couldn't make up a story too is just obsurd.
I heard Ian's story and I truly believe him. He has never changed his story no matter how many times I ask and I don't believe he is lying.

I think the thing that bothers me is this. Just because Ian has problems, he has been stuck with a repuation since he was in Kindergarten. Is it fair? NO! How does anyone expect him to change? He works so hard to make a good impression and be a good boy, but then when he does, it seems to go unnoticed. I can't fight all his fights for him. I can't win this battle. I don't want to win. But I don't want my sons integrity deminished becuase of his past. That's like a person going to jail...doing 10 years of time...getting out...and then never being able to be forgiven for their past mistakes. I don't know maybe I am over analyzing this whole thing but at this point, I am just so upset for Ian.

Tonight at church...my heart was hurting so bad! You can tell this day had just gone wrong from the beginning. So we get there and all the chairs were set in small circles. So I knew...."Oh yeah...we're praying tonight" So we go to the front...cause I love to sit in the front...and we have people come sit with us that do not normally sit with us. That made me feel so good. Normally you go in and sit with your friends, or people from your small group, and that's so easy. Those people already know your junk. So tonight, here we are with new people...some we had to even introduce ourselves to...even though they have gone there for years....and the prayer time began. We had a great leader who started with a very good prayer and eased us into it. But when I started to look down...I just couldn't help but feel the tears run down my face. What? I didn't feel like I was crying. You know that feeling you get when you try to hold back the tears...well...I wasn't trying to hold back...I just bowed...and the flood came. I was able to open up and pray a what I believe was a very selfish prayer for myself and for the day that I had. Almost INSTANTLY I felt this release of negative energy come off of shoulders and I felt like a burden had been lifted. That's totally what I needed. I just needed to talk to God about it. I really didn't want to go to church tonight, but I had hopes there would be something there that would get me out of my funk and lift my spirits.

By the time we left, I felt like a totally different person. I walked through those doors tonight very hard harted and upset and came out with a sense of peace.

At least the day ended on a good note. I love days like this and must thank God for each of them.

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