Pride, Selflessness, and Appreciation

Do you ever do something because you heart tells you it's the right thing to do? And then your heart hurts after you did it?

I did that today. Actually, something I was proud of at the moment when I did it. Made me feel good about who I am.

I asked myself first,"What is your motivation behind doing this?" My answer to me was...."Because it's the right thing to do!"

My next question was "Am I reaping any benefits from doing this?" The answer was no.

I asked myself..."What would Jesus do?" And I thought to myself for a moment....and proceeded with my decision. I think that is why it felt so good.

Now...in saying that, here I am, many hours later and my heart hurts. Not because of what I did...but because I want to be totally and 100% selfless. I don't feel selfish really....but I know that somewhere deep down in me...there is a part of me that is. There is that little devil in me questioning my good intentions. Why on earth is it doing this to me? I want to know I did exactly what I did for the right reasons and be okay with it.

Then there comes another word that is hard on me...Pride! In making my decision, I had to totally swallow my pride. That's not easy. Pride is a strong word.

There really are a couple of definitions for Pride:
A sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect

Arrogant or disdainful conduct or treatment; haughtiness.

Now...I don't really like to think that I am that second one...but today I did have to lay aside my own dignity and self-respect for someone else.

The only way that I can stop and think about that is Love. I made a decision because I wanted to show someone love. This person may never know it, may never appreciate it, may never even realize what I did, but I wanted to do it so that they may find some happiness in their life. So I was willing to give up some of mine.

The part where I really struggled today is not appreciating myself for what I did. I allowed those other thoughts and old tapes to come into play and stopped realizing I did a good thing.

So in typing this, I guess my revelation in all of this is how to appreciate myself for the good things I do. I know God loves me and He appreicates me....that's all that matters!