Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happiness is....I MADE IT A WEEK!

This week has been such a success!

No anger. No frustration. No emotions. Can't believe it's been a week without tears.

The one thing I did have....was hurt. When others do or say things that hurt, I can't take responsiblity for that. I can only control my reaction to it.
**Changing Behavior: I no longer take responsiblity for the words and actions of someone else. I cannot control anyone but me. If their relationship is important to me, I will be open to discussion and be willing to evaluate and be responsible for my own actions.
In three instances this week, I feel I have been successful in handling things when I felt hurt buy someone else.
Unfortunately, I chose to enter into a discussion with only one of them. I'm finding the value in letting the others go.

I realize that what I struggle with is an eating disorder.
You can't tell by looking at me. Not yet at least.
Clincally a person is not "called" anorexia until they are 15% below ideal body weight. I'm not there physically, but have been there mentally for a while.
It's important for me to have control.
I have a low self esteem about myself, but am working hard to build that up.
I fully realize that this is the result of me coming to term with unresolved conflics in my life.

I went to great lengths to hide it for so long but no longer wish to keep it quiet. I am ready to eat again, and eat healthy and manage my emotions all at once. But that will happen slowly.

I'm learning to identify situations that may cause me to withhold food. I have a plan in place where I call a friend to gain and support when I know I am doing this so I can break this cycle. I admit, I had to make the call everyday this week, twice a day. :o(

Meditating is something I have done for 7 days straight now. It's been an amzing time of each of my days. I used to think meditation was NOT for me. But didn't realize, I use to do it all the time. Meditation for me is playing the piano. I have allotted 20 minutes to myself ALONE everyday to play and meditate. My 20 minutes, have turned into at least 30-45 everyday. And it feels GREAT! Playing the piano....MAKES ME HAPPY!!!!

My goal was to eat 1000 calories a day, for 7 days. I ate 1000 calories 5 out of 7 days. I look at that and still think "success"

As for me....I am a good person. I have good values. And I love God and He loves me. He made me beautiful inside...and out and I know that I am. I am a very successful woman who doesn't need the approval of others in order to like myself. I have the most loving husband in the world whom I could never live without.

So....hummmm.....what's me problem? LOL!

More happiness is come. Next week....What I like about me. stay tuned.

1 comment:

Lindsay said...

I am so proud of you! No tears and a week of happiness: that spells success to me! God is working in you in ways that you can't even imagine! And when it gets rough, don't let the devil tell you that you're a failure, because you're NOT!!

You are a success!
You are important!
You are precious!
You are cherished!
You are beautiful!
You are loved!