Sunday, December 04, 2005

Patience all around

I discovered this past week that God was testing my patience all around. I've been scheduled to see Breck several times right when I get out of school. That's about a good 20 minute drive from the north campus to his office two to three times per week. More than once, I've been late. Not only late, we're talking really late. And anyone who knows me well, knows that is my biggest complaint about others. So you see...He's really working on me! I always go by the motto that if you are five minutes early, then you are on time. So anyway, I take several different routes, and every time, either I44 is down to one lane one day, or there is a stalled car on another day. So on a different day, I decided, I'm not going to take the highway at all. I will just go straight down Yale. So God sends a TRAIN! Not a short one. ONE THAT STOPS ON THE TRACKS! Who am I kidding right? What is He trying to tell me.

So it's not just this that gets to me lately about patience that I have noticed.
I'm doing double duty at home. With Chad working two jobs, I am a little worn out. And the funny thing is, my kids are being both really good and bad at the same time. I mean, I am watching them change for the better and I am just admiring their faith and courage as they are walking through some struggles with us. They don't ask questions, they just role with the punches.

Last night was really hard. We celebrated Lukus' birthday. It was a really small celebration with just family. And unfortunately, he noticed the difference this time. I was hoping to try and make a big deal out of it but I didn't manage very well at all and he cried all the way home. You know....have you ever seen the movie "Cheaper by the dozen"...he reminds me of the boy on there they call "FedEx". You know, the middle child that always feels left out and just try my hardest with him but most of the time with Lukus, I feel I fail. But I pick up those pieces and I keep on truckin because I can't let that get the best of me. I'm going to find a way to make this up to him somehow. It's just a small speck in the scheme of a big reality.

I'm quite proud of our children in their act of patience lately. Especially tonight at the group party. Ian really impressed me when he didn't throw a fit when he was one of the last ones picked to draw a present. That is HUGE for him. I was sitting on pins and needles. When I tucked him into bed tonight we talked about his accomplishments for the day and this was a really big one for him and he just smiled. He didn't realize he had done so well and he was really proud of himself. I was also able to give him a compliment from his new Sunday school teacher today too which he really liked.

Over the past couple of weeks I've just really felt alone. I'm not scared or afraid. But just a little sadness. I don't like to see Chad have to work so hard but right now there is no other alternative. I guess I should thank God that he is fortunate that he has two jobs instead of one. We knew it would be hard when I went back to school but were never prepared for just how hard exactly. I do my best to keep up all the chores and my studies so that he doesn't have anything to worry about when he comes home because this is taking everything completely out of him. I just never in my life imagined that I would have someone as good as him that gives up everything, including all of his time, energy, and sanity, just so we can pay the bills and eat. Sure I may feel like a single mom most of the time, but it sure is nice when he calls or comes home and I know I do have that special someone to talk to. And I know that comment is silly because I know it would be much harder to be a single mom having to do this and try to work myself.

Working for FedEx is nice, but every year from Nov-Dec it is hard in itself just because that is the busy time of year. You truly become a alone as a spouse for a couple of months. Then add another job on top of than and then you don't ever see your spouse. So see where patience comes into play? Patience....all around!!!


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