Have you ever just had one of those days? One that you can't even explain?
This morning has just been one of those. And believe it or not, it's not my kids. The've been great. It's just everything else going on. Bills to be paid, a house to be run, and I miss my husband so much. I'm having to take care of things I don't normally have to do and I don't like it. And even moreso, I don't like to complain.
I got angry at the Cox people this morning and just blew up on the phone. And really it takes quite a bit to get me mad! And I don't like this feeling. It's just not a part of who I am and what I'm made up to be. It's not an emotion I like.
It's almost made me want to go into a depression today. I like to be that fun, loving happy person that everyone likes. I don't like being mad and angry, but they angered me beyond belief. So if you call me, realize, right now, I have no home phone...you have to call my cell phone! I disconnected my home phone! I'm that mad!
But after having a good cry by myself and some quiet time in the tub I had to stop and think about being angry. What does the bible say about this?
Psalm 145:8 The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.
Proverbs 29:8 Mockers stir up a city, but wise men turn away anger
Proverbs 29:11 A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.
Oh and the one that got me the most while I studied after getting angry was this:
Ephesians 4:25-27 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. In your anger do not sin Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
This just has broken my heart as I've cried out this morning. I feel I should call this poor soul back at the Cox company back and apoligize to him. Yes, in my heart, I feel I was treated unfair and unjust by their company and it's one of those good stories for the "8 on your side" (SMILE) but I don't think I would have seen one of the apostles standing from a mountain top waiting to slander the name of a person that angered one of them. They would have followed the command of the Lord and moved on. Ugh....why is it so hard for me? I just want to be that better person that God intended for me to be. Just let me walk in his footsteps and let someone see a spark of His light in my eye for the day!
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2 comments:
Hi my friend you blessed me with comments today so I will bless you with mine....I THINK I WILL....at least you notice your anger...and then went to the word! When I get mad, I do not always go to the work when I should! Sometimes it is something else that is bothering you and it is probably missing Chad so much....I know that feeling! Good thing we have blogs we can vent on huh!!! You know we are not moving...or at least I do not think we are but like I said....it is God's plan not mine...but no plans now...I love you and I love your spirit!
One of your last lines - about wanting to be the better person that God wants us to be... so caught my attention. It is a feeling I feel often - but to hear someone else say it it so good... I so identify with your struggle. And I love your struggle. Thats the absolute beauty - and I mean beauty in what you write. It reveals your heart in complete need of Him, and completely desiring to be transformed by Him. He promises He will be faithful to do that. One day... a trumpet, and a blink of an eye... and all we mourn over in ourselves will be gone... all we've ever desired will be fulfilled - I wonder if we will even believe it's us after the life of struggling... but I envision His presence will be the reassuring factor that it's all real.
But what I love is that He doesn't leave us waiting for that day... He promises that His Spirit works to renew our mind - and Brenda, what I love about your blog is that it proves you are making room for Him to do exactly that. I imagine, like me, there are many days you could look back in the past and see that you would have just been angry ... with no further feelings of wanting change - just being justified. And like me... I know more days will come where once again you'll "blow it" in regards to being who you want to be in Him. But today is a mile marker for your journey in Him - and a HUGE marker for letting Him change you. God didn't call us to be perfectionists... He called us to believe Him. Your doing that today... even as you reject what the world would say is normal to pursue what is so foreign to our flesh... because you believe Him. Sounds to me like your spirit, even in it's disappointment, has won a HUGE victory. I'm honored to walk beside you in this journey..even if I can't call you at home. ;-)
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