Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Working on Faith

What is Faith and spiritual Maturity? This is something I have been working on recently in my personal growth with Christ.

I was asked to speak to a women's group a while back at another church here in Tulsa. One of the ladies that attended this church had heard my personal testimony and asked me if I would feel comfortable delivering it to a complete group of strangers. Well, isn't that usually the easiest? I mean, It's easy to be completely open, honest, and vulnerable to people who don't even know you.

I began to speak, telling of my childhood....the day I was born, our house burned down, then progressing up to age 6 when I begin to speak of sexual abuse that would take me into my adolescent years. As the story continues, I watch the tears roll down the faces of some young women in the group. Obviously, I've hit a nerve. I continue to talk about how I met my husband and where our lives went after our marriage. Many problems arise as they commonly do with young married couples. Talks of divorce, dealing with addictions, coping and trying to grasp the concept of where to go next. Where is God in all of this?

As the story began to wrap up, a young lady is really just crying and I was sad for her. I didn't know why. By the end, my story really had a good turn. My husband and I are together, happier than we have ever been, our children are great, and we have a firm foundation with God our Father. Why could she be so sad?

After it was over, they hosted a tea and coffee session where they were free to ask questions. This young woman, who is about 8 years younger than I am silently started to talk to me and mirrored so many of the things that had happened in my life and didn't know how to deal with them. I was so sad.

One of the things she mentioned is that she didn't know why I appeared so happy now. Where is it that I can find peace? Is there such a thing as Faith?

I believe that Faith is based on three things.....Believing in God....Trusting God....And surrendering to God. That is what makes us stronger in our walks with him.

You have to totally believe that God is going to bring you out of every pit of despair no matter what the pain or hurt it causes. You must BELIEVE in him. In Matt 21:21 it says~ Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.

Trusting Him is such a big deal! With my track record of life, trust is a big issue! There are so many times that I could just turn my back and walk away from Him but I haven't yet. Why? Because he has been so faithful to me. Sure, it hurts. It's supposed to hurt. But there is good in the hurts. In Romans 15:13 it says~May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you TRUST in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Surrender! Oh my goodness! Did they have to put such a big word in the bible. You know...for those of us who are the "D" personality....(green dots, Lions, etc) Surrendering is the hardest part. Are you kidding....that's like walking to the front of the church and airing your garbage for everyone to see right? That's the "asking for prayers" that's so hard. But this is the part that I think God KNEW would be difficult for us. He wants us to grasp this concept and run with it. Surrendering to Him. Leaving our weaknesses at the alter for Him to fix. Our hurts, our mistakes, our past, and hidden agendas, etc.
I think of that song "I surrender all"....just makes me think of laying it all out there for Him.

So we talked for a bit about the three things mentioned above and that made her feel better. She didn't know how someone could continue to love Christ with all the hurts and turmoils that she has been through until she had heard my story.

I struggle at times with knowing what my mission is in life. What my purpose is.
I don't find myself always "Mission Minded" or ready to go out and attack the mission field in another country. It's hard for me to find my place in ministries knowing where I fit best. I'm working on trusting in Him that he will lead me to the right place and area that will be best suited for me.

Does He have a harvest waiting for me? Is there a field that that already has the seed? I'm not sure. It's about Faith, It's about believeing, and it's about surrendering my will to Him.

And just as I told the young lady that day, both of us are very unique in our own way. God has called us here for a special purpose. We have already waged a war that many will never have to endure. Many will never have to walk. Many will never have to go down this road if we can help them. We know what fight we have to fight. We know when to be strong, when to be weak, when to cry, and when to surrender.

It's all a matter of Faith and walking in His light and in his footsteps.


heather said...

Just want you to know... my heart wants to write something right now to you.... because I know what it is like to pour your heart out. This has deep stuff.... excellent stuff in it. I'm letting it soak into me first ( the benefits of blog world...) and will come back and let you know what He's doing with it all in my heart! Thanks for giving yourself over to Him... for pursuing Him... and for letting Him constantly change and grow and mold and redeem you... for letting Him and not your past define you.... You live your faith. And He is faithful.

I love you!

Danna said...

It's interesting...the last couple of times I have read your blog, it's like I am reading something I could have written myself, the parts about seeking to find what God is wanting to do in my life; faith; spiritual maturity; wanting to show God how much I love Him but not having a clue as to where to begin. Thank you for your honesty and openness to share with us AND with complete strangers. Obviously, God used you in a mighty way in this instance. Keep on seeking Him!