The Unknown

Man, Just as I thought sending my kids to Kindergarten was bad.....the transition to 6th grade....EVEN WORSE!

All three kids went back to school today. As I watched them get ready this morning (with minimal help from mom) I couldn't help but notice how different they each were.

Ian gets up at 5:45 this morning......ready to go. He's so excited to be back in school and hopefully ready to learn. He had the option for me to take him to school today, but since he's never rode a bus before, we was very excited for the opportunity. Plus, it picks up right in front of our house. Now that's service. He was silly, he was fun, he was all smiles this morning. He couldn't get enough hugs before he went out the door and got on that bus. I have prayed for him all day that his day be filled with joy, laughter, many new friends, and most of all, concentration.

Emilie is a firecracker to say the least. That girl would walk out the door tomorrow and never look back. She was ready to go. A big 4th grader she is! She wanted to walk to school all by herself. Well, I'm protective of my little cub....so I said NO! But her daddy stayed home long enough to walk her to school and see that she get in just fine. She's never been able to walk to school so this was huge for her. She walked in like she owned the place, and probably by 3:45....she will. I have NO idea where she gets her assertiveness. I have prayed for her all day to have joy, fun, laughter, new friends, and most of all, the ability to be peaceful, quiet, and have patience.

Lukus was the total opposite of the two. He woke up in tears today. He was so scared. He told me how scared he was to go to a new school where he didn't know anyone. I sat and held him for a while. His heart was beating out of his chest as the tears rolled down his face. He wouldn't even ride the bus today. Chad and I both took him and dropped him off. I think God was smart in creating a traffic jam this morning so that Lukus could have the time to process everything. I think in the past 24 hours I have spent more time reassuring Lukus and getting him ready for today more than the other two. He's so brave. It wasn't his choice to move here and as a parent, I know it was the right thing to do. But I can see in a childs opinion how it would be difficult. He stepped out of the van, said goodbye, and never looked back. I think if he had, all 3 of us would have been in tears. But I am sure he went in and was fine once he found his new class. He is the extreme of shyness in our family and I love that he adds that balance to us. He is such a crucial part of our team. He adds the softness and tenderness to us when we don't stop to think about it. He's the calm and level headed one. I have prayed all day that he has peace in his heart about his new school and that he finds friends that love him just as much as Chad and I do. I pray that Lukus depended on God's power and strength to stand against the anxiety that he was feeling and that he was able to stand firm as a child of God. I pray that he did not worry about anything and that God gives him peace throughout this year.

interesting

I was talking to a lady just the other day who was struggling with the issue of a person in the hospital.

She said
".......I'm not an emotional person and I'm not religious either. I've been asking people to pray......but if he doesn't make it through this, it's really going to affect my faith"

Without hesitation I turned and said.....
"And if he does make it.......how is it going to affect your faith?"

She had no answer. I'm excited to see how God will work in this.

Defying Gravity

After the show last weekend....there are some things you just can't get out of your head! This would be one of them.

We're ready!

Today I finalized all the kids school enrollment stuff. With Ian's stuff it generally takes a few weeks to get everything accomplished. BUT.....we are going to try again this year. He has really come a long way since January and he is ready to go back to school once again. I'm not really sure how it will work out, but I'm not worried. God will provide the answer we need. He is very excited to be able to go to an art class as well as an all boys vocal music class and also take his core classes with.....all boys. That's certainly new to us but same gender classes is something Owasso offers and I'm quite excited about it. I'm excited because Ian is excited. I am so thankful for friends who love him like we do.

the late.....

Emilie made Chad a card for his birthday....and it was late.

She wrote:

"To the late Chad....I mean Dad"


Man....and we didn't even have a funeral!

Whatever is next....

I'm excited for the possibilities that are being put in front of me.

Some are exciting in thought.
Some are scary in thought.
But all in all, life is ever changing and with that, you must adapt and make the changes.

I'm learning that with everything in life, you must enjoy what you have. Be happy with it. Be content. I sure have found much more happiness in contentment lately. Who ever knew huh? I like contentment. It's a comfortable place to be.

Life throws you troubles. Oh does it ever. But with that comes the joy of finding yourself on the other side. What is the other side of trouble? Well, happiness.

Human nature causes us to worry.

Faith causes us to be able to find peace among the storms.

"These little troubles are getting us ready for an eternal glory that will make all our troubles seem like nothing" 2 Cor 4:17 (CEV)

I can see through you.....

Today someone approched me with this question.

"Are you okay?"

Me: "Yes!...just a little tired from working"

"Well, you look great! I just see something else and can't put my finger on it"

Man....don't you hate it when others can see right through you.

There comes a time when you just have to swallow your pride and say what is wrong.

For us right now, it is finances. We are still being hit with all the moving, transfer fees, and basically, just playing catch up from the move. We didn't make much from the sale of our home, and really....that's okay. But we've had to play catch up in areas where we hadn't realized yet. Some things this past week totally caught us off guard. It wasn't our error, but the errors of the companies involved. Needless to say, our pocketbooks were drained. I refuse to put anything on credit as we don't need to start down that road. What DOES make me happy is that everything is paid!!! But there is nothing left. That....is a sad reality. And when I say nothing....I mean...nadda! Nothing! Zero! Zilch!!

We cut our vacation short and decided to work more hours. OOPS! Wait! We came back home to find out there are no more hours left at work. There is a shortage of freight at FedEx and a shortage of patients at the hospital. I had to beg and plead with my boss last night to not send me home. They were able to get someone else to go home instead of me so I am thankful. But that doesn't guarentee me any hours these next few days. But I will be reaching for what I can get.

I remember a time when we were newely married and we lived off of Ramen Noodles. We didn't complain. In fact, we got quite creative with them. :o) Creativity with meals helps in today's planning when you have 5 mouths to feed. As I worried in my heart this morning about how we would make it this week, I came home and pulled everything we have out of the cabinets and refrigerator. I have enough stuff to be creative enough to make a meal every night this week. My little ones will not go hungry. And I hope and pray they don't see the difference.

The kids are so good. They know things are tight right now and knew this would be the reality for a while after moving. And they have not complained. There is the occassional "WHY" that comes up, but overall, they are happy to entertain themselves while we work to provide for the family.

Living further out of Tulsa now, I have to think about my driving time. Gas was not a big expense for us before. Now, we have to constantly think of ways to conserve our gas and miles. That has been one of the biggest adjustments for us.

School starts in a few weeks. For all of us!!! I have lots to think about. School Supplies, Clothing, Lunches, the basics. ARGH! Still trying to figure out the HOW of this.

However, Emilie woke this morning and showed me that one of her permanent teeth are completely broken off and split in 1/2 at the root. Hummmmm....okay...what will I give up to fix my daughters tooth? A LOT! I have no idea how to cover it, but for her health, I have to do something....and quick!

I'm thankful to the first person who said something to me this morning. I'm very thankful to the second person who looked at me and knew right away I was at war with myself and needed for someone to just understand.

Everywhere we turn, it's a dollar here, five there, and it's never ending. I am happy within myself that I have the strength to say "I can't" and feel okay with it. The disappointment is gone. The struggle comes when you have to disappoint your kids so many times that they no longer are bothered by it. It has just become a way of life.

I'm thankful for our friends. I am thankful for our family. I am thankful for our God and what he blesses us with. Even if it's not much, I feel like the richest person on earth.

I DID IT!!!!!!

We enjoyed 9 hours of fun on Lake Skiatook yesterday. I have not been on the lake in 18 years. And I can't remember a time that I have had more fun than I did yesterday. It was a blast. There were tears before we got there but by the end, we were sitting out in the middle of the lake and as Chad was below me waiting for me, I jumped into his arms and yes....I was completely in the water. I have no idea how deep. I have no idea if there were fish around. All I know is that I did it. I'm excited to go again and I think each time will be easier.

I think this pic was just after I finished tubing and we were talking about how much fun it was. Lukus drove the wave runner and Chad watched to make sure I didn't fall in. (at this point, I hadn't gotten in the water yet) Lukus was a great driver and didn't do anything outrageous to flip me in the water. I can't say I was that generous when I was the driver! OOPS!


I think I had the most fun driving these 3 around on the tube. Baylee, Emilie & Dawson were a blast. They were so light weight they they would just fly on some of the turns.

I promise you....this is not me falling off. I know this...because I took the picture. They caught a wave and off they went!

Baylee was a great sport riding the waves with me. She made me laughed as she "coached" me on how to hang on not and fall off. I had to remind her how many times she fell off when I was driving!

Lukus had a blast. He did it all and had so much fun!

Royals Game was a blast!!!!

We had a great time at our first MLB game. It was the Royals vs. Rangers at Kauffman Field in Kansas City. The ending didn't turn out too great for the Royals, but that didn't dampen our spirits at all. We had many moments where we were up out of our seats for something happening on the field. The above picture is a view from our seats in the field box behind the 3rd base dugout. We decided when we go back, we'll try the same area....but at night! It was very hot and very sunny the entire game.


We had hot dogs (courtesy of a great friend) All I can say is "Thanks! Baseball game hotdogs are the best!)


We had to capture this. This man was sitting directly in front of me the entire game. I had to laugh when Emilie came over and said "MOM!!! Can we ask this man if he knows Terry Rush and if he collects his cards?" But she said we had to get a picture of his hat....so we did! :o)


Our usher was so kind. We really liked her. She came by and took our picture at some point during the game. The staff here is very friendly!


We made an attempt to get a family picure at every angle when we got there. This is the best on that turned out. The sun was just too bright for words.

Ichthyophobia

It is very real. A real fear. Even though.....some may laugh.

It is an intense and persistent fear of ......FISH!

This has been the year for conquering fears for me. Some are big...some are small...some are public...some are private....but nevertheless.....I have been able to conquer 2 so far in 2009 and it has been so freeing. And with each step I make, I find myself wanting to take myself a bit further in conquering other things.

So this one....is a big one. So much that my hands sweat just typing about it.

I am deathly afraid to swim in any body of water that my have another living creature in it. It's terrifying! I have adapted to it, but others find it odd or humorous. Me...not so much. For a long time, it bothered me and I just didn't speak about it. I didn't want to be laughed at or made fun of anymore. So when people went to the lake, I jut made an excuse up so I didn't have to go....or even send my kids. When a news report shows up on TV about the lake....I change the channel. I don't watch shows that involve sharks or oceans. You get the picture.

But this is it! THIS IS THE WEEK. Wednesday is the day that I am fighting against this fear that Satan has put in me.

FEAR: I've always heard this as False Evidence Appearing Real! These are images that we have created within ourselves. I can never remember a time that a fish did anything to me. I've never been bitten. I can't remember even coming close to a fish in the water. EVER! I've probably just watched too many shows about sharks!

Replacement: I am working on replacing the negative images that I have of being at an ocean or lake and putting something positive in its place. If we go to the lake I would love to swim with the kids, have fun on a boat, walk in the water, feel the sand under my feet, have the freedom to play like everyone else.

One of my new favorite quotes is "Thinking breads fear and doing overcomes it."
The more I think about it, the worse it gets. But I have found by just forcing myself to face the fear and just do it makes the outcome so much greater.

I'm tired of missing out on opportunities to have fun and being laughed at. I don't want this to control me anymore. Fear is a scary thing. (no pun intended) The things you allow your mind to dwell on will eventually lead to belief and you acting upon it. Did you know that 90%of things that we are afraid of.....never happen?

I look forward to what will be happening next. What fear I can conquer next. I have more things that I am afraid of.....but not listing.:o)

I will be going with Chad and one of my best friends. Both of them I trust completely with my life in their hands. They don't laugh, they don't make fun, and they totally understand.....it is time.

Ultimately, the trust falls on me trusting God.

1 year down....1 to go!

It's offical! I am now a 2nd year RT student! Holy Cow!

That creates and excitement in me that I can't even explain.

This summer semester was rough, and as we approch the fall dealing with the Neonatal Intensive Care Units, I am sure they will be equally challanging. But I am up for the task.

As for now, I will thank God for his guidance in getting me through another semester and my first year.

I can't believe in 10 more months.....I graduate. It's going to go by so fast....along with lots of blood, sweat and tears I'm sure!

You give me fever.....

Okay....not quite like the song exactly. The thermal kind that goes through your body, to your forehead, and pretty much if it's high enough, I think it can leak out your ears!

Oh no...that was a cartoon. But in medical terms....I am "febrile"
And it's 39.5 C!!! I'll let you figure it out:o)

So that means there will be no brownie delivery today. I did manage to bake cookies for the kiddos. Now I will be studying for my finals which are tomorrow morning. And then crawling into bed. :o(

Disappointment

I think when disappointment hits, it hits all at one time. Today was a day like that. And I will be the first to admit, I don't deal with disappointment well. Inside of me I go from questioning to anger to denial to sadness to giving up to giving in and then to getting over it. WHEW! That's exhausting.

I've done really well over the past year to fight those emotions off but today there was just too much.

I've often heard people say "They'll just have to get use to disappointment" and in fact, I think I have even said that to my kids at one point in time. But I for one still don't like it.

I finally calmed down enough today and wiped the tears away long enough to open my bible to just the right thing.
Phil 4:11-13 I'm not saying that because I need anything. I have learned to be content no matter what happens to me. I know what it's like not to have what I need. I also know what it's like to have more than I need. I have learned the secret of being content no matter what happens. I am content whether I am well fed or hungry. I am content whether I have more than enough or not enough.I can do everything by the power of Christ. He gives me strength.

What I know is that a happy ending is assured for Christians. It probably won't happen today, tomorrow, or here on this Earth, but I know that eternally I will find happiness. I want the tears I cry to be tears of joy and laughter when I enter the kingdom.

Don't get so disappointed in life that you don't know how to deal with life's disappointments.
Hope and faith are the antidote to disappointment. Anything else, doesn't really matter.

Today...Test...TREATS!!!!

Today was a very interesting day. I worried myself sick about a test I had this morning. And then worried about a presentation I had to give. I ended up doing okay on both of them. You're right....why worry?

That really set the course for the rest of my day. I was smiles all day today. It was a great feeling.

I came home and Emilie and I started baking goodies to take to some unsuspecting friends. It was so nice to see the smile on their faces as they were so appreciative of the chocolate they were about to eat. :o)

Emilie asked me...."Why are we giving away all the GOOD ones and keeping the ones that turned out ugly?"

I replied....because we are supposed to give away our best.

I'm not sure if she got it or not. She wouldn't let me break out into a biblical story at the time. But what I loved is when she walked up to the doors and gave away her very best that she had made. It warmed my heart so much.

Shane & Alice on Broadway.....well...kinda!

It may not be exactly Broadway but we felt like it was for one night only as we were showered with show tunes by the Owasso Community Choir. It was great! We had so much fun. And it couldn't go without saying what a great job Shane and Alice did during the performance. They had many spotlight moments where they did very well. I was highly impressed with my friends and how well they did last night. Here's just a short clip for your enjoyment!

Baptized by the vegetable sprayer.......

Today was a very interesting day to say the least!

I went to the building to do my weekly duty at the church. This is a moment where I love to visit with staff, cleaning crew, and then close the doors and embrace the moment between me and God and whatever music I choose for that day. Somedays....like today....I embrace the peace and quite as everyone was gone and just be with God.

Normally when I am there, I am startled by the quick surprise of some expecting person walking through the door. I've also had some think it's quite humorous to sneak behind me and wait til I turn around....again...scary. There are even those days that some sneak in, hide behind the counter, I'm sure snicker at my singing ability, and then eventually crawl around and grab my leg. WHO KNEW these things went on....when it's just me and God. Sheesh!

Okay....today takes the cake!!!!

My job has been completed! But I find 1 spot that needs to be washed off. I proceed to the sink. I thought I heard a noise behind me so I turned around. My right hand is sitting on the faucet as I proceed to turn it on. Now...I'm still looking over my left shoulder and all of the sudden wonder...."WHY IS MY SHIRT SOAKING WET????"

I react fast! I turn the water off, but it's not fast enough. I am soaked! Soaked to the bone! I have been baptized by the vegetable sprayer that was so beautifully strapped down with a rubber band. Now, I am there every Thursday about the same time. Using the same sink. Having my moment with God. Someone knew exactly what they were doing. Yet.....I didn't know it was my time. My time to have my sins washed away without my knowledge at all.

I have a suspecting feeling I know the culprit and I love you very much.

Have I mentioned that I believe there will be pranks and payback in Heaven?

Bring it on my friend. Bring it on!

Friends forever

This week has been one of pure excitement for me as we just wrapped up the night at Lipscomb Summer Celebration and Acafest. I have waited for this week for so long....and for many reasons. For one reason, I get a chance to get away with some great people from our church and enjoy being in their presence while they serve and worship God. It's such an honor to be around them. Secondly, this year brought back many friends for me to see and many of them are so dear and close to my heart. It's amazing how the years can but a distance between people, but when we got together tonight, it's like nothing had ever changed. It was difficult because I couldn't spend time with each and everyone of them as I would have liked. But looking into their eyes, giving them a big hug, and letting them know I still love them is all we needed to say.

I am so blessed to have many many friends in my life. I don't like to make enemies. I feel like one of the luckiest people on this earth to be surrounded by such great Godly people who at times, know me better than I know myself.

Today has been one of the most incredible days I've had in.....well....I don't know how long. I have laughed! I have cried! I have hugged and received hugs. I have been surrounded by life long friends that I can't imagine life without. I love them all.

I learned so much more than that this weekend, but it sure was the highlight for me.

Why question the obvious?

Today is day #4 of no pain in my back. I want to add "at all" to the end of that sentence, but can't quite do that yet.

I have been able to sleep with no pain, work with no pain, walk with no pain, hug with no pain, and smile with no pain. This makes me so happy!!!

I haven't seen the results to my CT scan yet and won't see them until I get back from Nashville. I've prayed and prayed, along with others, that I would be relieved of pain. That prayer, has been answered.

The only time I notice it is when I've been sitting for a long period of time and need to stretch. My own medical conclusion to that is a muscular problem, not a spinal problem.

I'm not concluding that there isn't a fracture in L5 when in fact I saw it myself....but.....it is possible that the fracture has been there much longer than I have been hurting. It may be possible that I pulled a muscle (which takes 4-6 weeks to heal) while moving 4 weeks ago and it brought enough attention for me to get it checked out. While doing so, they found the fracture. But.....the fracture may not be a problem. Hummmm. (I think I should go into the medical field or something! :o)

But the obvious thing I know is this.....we prayed, over and over and over, and God answered. It has been so nice to be pain free these past few days without any help from medication at all. All I needed was to rely on the ultimate healer, and let Him do His work in me.

Yep! That's my God!

I'm not old! But I'll GLOW!

I've been waiting to meet with the orthopedic surgeon for the past 10 days. Today was my day.

I left my clinical early to arrive on time but yet, I had to wait almost 1 hour in that cozy little room with paper on the bed while staring at the multiple pictures on the wall of the "PERFECT Spine"

Finally, he walks in and oh my goodness, you can tell this man has a chip on his shoulder today. He wouldn't look at me and just said "Why are you here today". (in a not so nice tone)

I started from the beginning which was about 3 weeks ago and he really didn't seem to care....he just wanted to look at my x-rays from the previous doc.

He looks.....he's silent.....and finally says "Well, I don't know where they are coming up with that! I can't tell anything by these x-rays"

So guess what.....I go across the hall for more xrays.
(I think I should be pretty radiant by now!)

I am just sure at this point he is going to come back in and tell me that my other doctors are just plain nuts and all I am looking at is a pulled muscle. I'm just sure of it.

So he comes back and proceeds to put the xrays up on the lights. He's very abrupt and arrogant acting while this is going on. But once again, he is silent. HUMMMM.
I finally ask him "Well???"

I don't think I should have asked because I didn't really want to hear the next thing out of his mouth. He said...."maybe they were right....you might have a fracture"

SHOOT! :o(

I said...."Well, if that is the case, what is the healing time?"
He says..."There's not.....we'll have to go in surgically and place a screw in your spine to hold it together"

Now....I'm silent.

He then proceeds to tell me that the other pain I am feeling are just he effects of "OLD AGE"! Okay! NOW!!! I am talking to a man who has grey hair and probably not all his own teeth and he is calling me OLD. Wow!
He not only said it once.....but 4 times. He told me that at age 37....things will get worse. Guess there's a magical thing about the number 37! Not sure what!

So....I now know that I have to have ANOTHER CT scan next week, I am 52 days away from being "OVER THE HILL", I have a pressure point weakness in my "gluteal muscle", I may need a screw in my back, and that not 1, not 2, but yet 3 doctors now cannot figure out what is wrong with me. All I can tell you is that by the time all of this is over, I will GLOW from all the radiation I have been exposed to.

I live such a blessed life! To be able to sit here an journal about this just makes me laugh. I tried so hard to make this mans day better, and only once I saw him smile for a brief second,but if all I can get is a brief smile for a $40.00 co-pay...well then I'll take it. I hope that I brightened his day by being his last patient and that maybe he'll think about the quick whitted jokes I thew his way on his drive home and be blessed. I pray he is a MUCH better evening than the day he was having.

oh...just random

It's been a really good week so far. I feel like I've gotten so much done, but yet have so much left to do. I'm wondering if those boxes will ever go away in the garage. But honestly, I'm living without them, so that's okay. They can stay there for a while.

I am finding it a challenge to plan out my work schedule a whole month in advance. Now, I know most people know they go to work 8-5 M-F and that's that. But then they can plan accordingly. I just plan my schedule around my social life and school. So in order for me to take a day off.....it's got to be really important to me. :o)

Had dinner with mom and dad today. They came to help me fix a couple of mini blinds this afternoon and then took me to olive garden. What a nice treat. Haven't been there in so long! Loved the food....as well as the company.

It's really hot out. And I love hot weather.

I think something may be wrong with our dog. I noticed her eating the grass this afternoon. From what I understand, this is not a good sign. I better keep a close eye on her.

Our mailbox is up and getting mail. It's nice to not have to drive to the post office anymore to get our mail.

I got a new drivers license today. It doesn't look as good as the last one!! :o(

We are getting ready to reach the 1/2 way point of this semester. That is good news. The bad news is...they are having the first exam when I am in Nashville and I have to take a deduction for that. I was sad. Guess I really better know my stuff! No extra credit for me.

This semester is getting more difficult as the weeks go by. Lots and lots of math. Not my strong point! I usually have to wait for the light bulb to come on for me to get it. Um.....as of right now.....it's still dark up there.

I am notorious for getting lost. I have to admit I am directionally impaired. It's quite comical until I really get lost. Sometimes, especially at night, it's kinda scary. I think I need to implant a personal GPS until into my body so that if I am lost, I can always be found! :o) And then someone can tell me how to get where I am going.