Daily Thoughts.....

What am I here for? What am I doing? What legacy am I trying to leave in this world?
Three questions that really make me think!

What bad day???

I must say that last weeks was a horrible week. I think I prayed harder than I ever have. Well...maybe that's not the case but it sure was a lot.
I figure I could dwell on the bad aspects but I like to look at the positives....well...there wern't many I guess but I can name few:

• Last week and this week both of my kids won their soccer games. Both with Lukus kicking the winning kickoff goal.
• I had a good talk with one of my professors and feel hopeful about the semester.
• I got to sing at Powersurge and was totally upifted.
• I saw Lukus perform in his 3rd grade play. He did a great job and I was such the proud mom!
• I have lowered my amout of television I watch on a daily basis.
• I lost 7lbs 6oz last week
• I watched the most amazing sunrise this morning. It was INCREDIBLE!!!!
• I was able to get some things done at work that I have never been able to do on my own before now and I was totally successful!
• I watched the excitement of Emilie as she was able to complete a great cartwheel.
• I recieved my papers from the Oklahoma Board of Nursing to become a certified PCT. Now I just have to go and take the test.
• I got a good paycheck!
• I had a great long talk with my friend Tisha and her health is doing well praise God!
• I witnessed several miracles. Probably more than I realize.

So yeah....for now...that's all I can think of so it looks like I had a really great week after all. When something goes bad it is so easy to focus on the negative but I really like to think of all the great things in life. I know there are more than I can ever imagine. But now I can't remember all that bad stuff that happened today. I'm sure there will be more to come.

I just LOVE this song!

The wind and waves obey your voice, I want to be like that
Listening before each choice, I want to be like that

Father hear my humble plea
Help me to be
like the ocean that is under Your command
Help me be still, I want to do Your will
Oh Lord, make me a storm

The raging sea did not think twice, I want to be like that
Following without a fight, I want to be like that

Father hear my humble plea
Help me to be like the ocean that is under Your command
Help me be still, I want to do Your will
Oh Lord, make me a storm

O Father hear my humble plea (hear my plea)
Help me to be like the ocean that is under Your command
Help me be still (help me be still), I want to do Your will
Oh Lord, make me a storm

Make me be still (make me be still)
And listen for Your will
Oh Lord, make me a storm

What was I thinking???

In an attempt to make my blog look prettier...I messed it up. What was I thinking? You know how long it took me to make the last one? Ugh! So I commit to NOT trying to fix it until Friday. That's my day off and spend time doing what I want so hopefully it will turn up nice. I may have to solicit the expertise from Theresa. She's so good at these things.

Such a good morning....

You know...my children were just bright little angels this morning. I don't know what happend to them! Praise God!

Shut-in???

So I love Shane's definition of me..."The church's youngest shut-in"

I'm saying that with pride tonight as I just had the most awesome experience watching last Sunday's DVD. OH MY GOODNESS!!!! IT WAS AWESOME!!!!

I have felt so alone and so disconnected lately that this is exactly what I needed. And it's not
just the sermon on DVD...it's the whole thing.

When you are a strong part of something...after a while, you may take forgranted how much it really means to you in your heart until it's gone.

It was one thing for me to say in the past, "I'm a part of this or that ministry" and now....I don't get to participate in a whole lot of things. It's like a little kid being grounded from something they love so much. Sure...I made a choice and I'm happy with my choice. Doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to not be as connected as I once was.

Communion is a big deal for me. If one knows me well enough, they know I'm a crier. Yep..I'll admit it...I can get pretty emotional and in my heart pretty quick. Tonight was even extra special (tearing up of course) as I even got to be part of that intimate moment with the chruch family via the TV. No...it's not the same...but I needed to see that on there and reflect in the same way here. It's been well over a month now since I've shared in the Lord's supper. I do sincerely miss it. It's not just a tray to pass along to the next person, it is a moment in my week that I miss with God. Tonight we sang "Come at the Lord's invitation...." and I know He invites me to spend those moments remembering him each week. I can create that myself....it's just not the same. I always looked forward to sharing the table with my brothers and sisters and that moment. It's one of those moments that are gone for a while.

I can't help but think of others from our church that face issues of the same sadness when they can't come to church. Having these DVD's is truly an inspiration. I now look forward to them each week.

I hope people realize what a great chruch family we have. Someone stopped to talk to me last night and expressed their thoughts of missing me. And in our conversation we talked about Praise Team. The one thing I admire about the folks on our team is this....

Never at any moment have they ever made me feel I'm am a lesser part of the team because I can't be there on Sunday's. Never have they made me feel like I was an outcast. Never have they excluded me from anything and all of those were my fears before doing this. I'm so proud to know the people I know. God's people. That's what they are. I couldn't ask for any better.

I'm so proud to be a part of this family that accepts me for who I am, what I am, what I'm going through, and willing to walk with me to where I'm going. It's an inspiration!!!!

Car Conversations

After picking up the kids from school today....here's how it went:

Ian: Mom....how does a girl get pregnant?

Me: Well...

Lukus: Oh gosh mom...do you want me to just tell him.

(Mom now freaking out!!!!)

Me: Um..no...Hey Ian....why do you want to know this?

Ian: Cause I think I already know....You see...when girls get married...they start to eat alot. Then they don't feel good for a while and when they go to the doctor...he tells them they are pregnant.

Lukus: No...that is NOT how it happens. It's when a guy and girl are married and they dance together in a hotel room on their wedding night.

Me: Yeah...you're both right. Anyone want to go to Braum's?

Nothing good to say!

So I really have nothing good to say about school right now. Yestrerday, I left in tears. I was just so upset with my instructor. We are not studying what we should be studying and then when I think I'm getting something....she is quick to let me know I'm doing it wrong and not what she wanted.
I wanted to give up so bad. I think she knew she was about to make me cry but I at least held it back until I got to the car. I've been told this will be one of my hardest semesters. Primarly because it really doesn't have anything to do with Nursing. But you would think they could at least make it intersting. It's Science for the love of Mike!
So obviously I have a splitting headache today as again, after another class, I'm emotianlly exhausted. I'm trying to get over this attitude of how much I really don't even want to be there. I feel I'm giving up so much to do this to be this frustrated and upset. Right now...I would just rather crawl in a hole and the grades just appear...but it doesn't quite work that way. I pray this will get better as the semester moves on but December seems SOOOO far away right now.

HA!!! Not sure my sticker is correct!!!!

Your Bumper Sticker Should Be

Jesus is coming - everybody look busy

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatbumperstickershouldbeonyourcarquiz/">What Bumper Sticker Should Be On Your Car?

Another week...

Update on the smiles for Ian:
Last week went pretty well. After Chad and I going on a Dr. Phil rampage...he went to school Mon-Thurs with very minimal problems. Notice I didn't mention Friday? Well...he couldn't quite make it 5 whole days. He really tries to convince me that being good is way too hard. I totally believe him on that. So he wasn't to happy when the one thing we took away Friday was what he wanted the most. He wanted to go and spend the night at Grandma's. But how serious am I??? Oh very serious!!!
Then I had to find out his grades for the first week of school. Without failure to humiliate him anymore...lets just say...NOT GOOD!
So I had a good talk with his teacher Friday afternoon and came up with a few more solutions to get him through this year.
Parenting is not easy, but I know I have to be the bigger person here. No matter what the age, I'm still responsible for him until he is an adult and I am not about to let him fail. He's not able to make wise decisions on his own so that's what God has entrusted us to do. Ian is a great kid and if it is the last thing I do and the last breath I take, this boy will succeed.

Trauma Drama

I went to work at 6:00 this morning and it's now almost 10:00 tonight and I'm just now home. Went to work when it was dark...and I got home and it's dark. I think I'd like to sleep through tomorrow. I thank the Lord for days off.
Drama comes in when you are so tired you can't sleep. You weap at the silliest things such a your child passing gas in the car. I mean really...haven't I dealt with that enough today? ;o0
So, not that I really even remotely interesting to say today, but just felt like blogging....now going to bed....for a long time! ;o)

Eagles and Us!

Today a friends shared this with me. Little did she know how fitting the timing was. I makes me think of that song "On Eagles Wings" how fitting!


You've probably seen pictures of an eagle, and I'll bet he was soaring majestically, right? You may have actually seen some eagles - it's always something special when you see one. The eagles you've seen were most likely soaring when you saw them. But there are times that they can't even fly, and very few people have ever seen them in their bad times. But eagles do get sick, and sometimes when they're sick they're almost immobilized. They're weak, they're depleted, and frankly they're not much to see. When an eagle crashes like that he goes off to a place where he can be alone, often atop a high cliff. And he lies out in the sun, face up, spread-eagled, totally collapsed. God has outfitted the eagle with eyes that can look at the sun without any damage, and that's what the powerless eagle does. He focuses his eyes on the sun and he lies there until his strength comes back. Oh yeah, the eagle crashes, but he knows how to come back to soar again!

It's not just eagles that crash - so do we. We all go through those times when we have nothing left to give. You may be in one of those seasons right now. You're weak, you're depleted, you're exhausted, you're physically, emotionally, spiritually drained. You don't have the personal resources to meet the challenges - the demands that you've got in front of you. It's in those moments that you become a candidate for resources far beyond your own. You might call it "eagle power."

It's described in our word for today from the Word of God in the familiar words of Isaiah 40, beginning with verse 28. "The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom." If the word "weak" or "weary" would describe you right now, then this next promise has your name on it. "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

If we can grasp how it is that an eagle in crash mode renews his strength, we'll understand how we can renew ours - and then "soar on wings like eagles." Just picture that usually strong eagle, sprawled out powerlessly, eyes focused on the sun, and his body and spirit soaking up its strength. He totally gives up in order to gain strength. The law of God's renewing work is simple - you have to surrender to get strong.

God hasn't allowed you to reach the end of you so you'll give up, but so you'll give up control! It's time to finally take your fingers off that steering wheel you've held onto so tightly and relinquish all control to Almighty God. "I give up, Lord. I can't fix it. I can't figure it out. I can't contribute anything to a solution. I'm wiped out and totally releasing all of me and all of my issues to you." At that moment, God miraculously begins to replace your weakness with His unlimited strength and your confusion with His infinite wisdom, your exhaustion for His boundless energy, and your despair for His indomitable hope.

That surrender can't just be a one-time thing. Paul said we're "renewed day by day." You need to come to Him each new day, confessing your powerlessness, surrendering control, and downloading His strength and power. When you keep your eyes on the Son of God, when you totally surrender to Him, you'll become a candidate for His strength and His power. And you are ready again to soar on eagles' wings.

The strangest things....

The strangest things show up in the strangest places sometimes. This morning the school calls and says they can see something lodged down in Lukus' ear. My reaction was "WHAT?" They've got to be kidding me. I mean...he shoved a lego bike up his nose when he was 4 years old but comeon, the kid is now 8. The school nurses reaction was one I remember...."Well, this is the week for kids to shoving things in their ears and noses." It's like they had an appointment for this specific week to be the one. Something sort of like a national holiday for sticking things where they don't belong week. Comeon...everyone in the nation is doing it. It's like a hallmark holiday.
Okay...so I go to school to see if I can use any part of my own education or even just my mother hood experience to get it out and low and behold...I can't even for the life of me figure out what it is. I can see it...but I can't tell if it is supposed to be there or not. But wait a second...there is nothing in the anatomy that is supposed to be blocking your ear canal. So I have to rush downtown to school so Chad takes off work to take this comical kid to the doctor.
With their instruments they could not get it out so they shoot air and water in to flush it out and when it comes to the top they grab it.
So what was it??? An eraser from the top of a pencil! Yes that's right! But Lukus says it's been up there for two years! TWO YEARS I ASKED????
And he says "Yeah...I even remember where I was when I put it in there"

I wonder if two years ago it was on National Shove it in Your Ear week too? ;o)

1 Smile Down

"How many more?" is what Ian asked as he came home yesterday from school as a changed person...as the teacher put it. Hummm...I think this may work. He had a GREAT DAY!

I was shocked by his reaction of his bedroom. His reaction was not much of anything. Actually...it was like he almost didn't care. He just found something else to do and moved on. Is this because he knew he could not beat the consequence? I mean really...I was going for effect here! What would you do if you were 11 and you walked in and everything as you know it was gone from your room? I WOULD HAVE A HEARTATTACK! Well, not Ian! He just rolled with it and moved on.

So I think he really noticed it last night when he went to bed. His lamp was gone, radio, and all other excessories as well that require a plug in! (Might I add...our power bill may be smaller). So he gets in bed and says..."it's so quiet and dark in here! " YAY!!! SUCCESS! He's miserable! Okay...I don't really mean that but seriously, I was waiting for that type of moment!
He told me that he found it difficult to be a GOOD child vs. a BAD child! Hummmm....
I found that very interesting.
So I put myself in his shoes....

Is it easier for me to be bad than good? In what terms? Well...yes it is. It's easier for me to go somewhere that is supposed to be serious and totally cut up and act silly. Yeah..so the kid gets it from me. I can have so much fun...but if I was in class, I would be in SO MUCH TROUBLE!

So I get it. I get what he is saying and understand how it feels to be him in a way. He is very bright, smart, and funny...but sometimes, he gets in his own way. He doesn't understand that, but what is important for him is that everyone around him gets it. I can't expect that from everyone he comes in contact with, but the people he sees frequently I would hope they can love him for the simple fact that he loves who he is despite his imperfections. I love him for that too.

Fear the Father...Fear your Father.

Why is it that we fear God but our children do not fear us? I know I know...it's not the same type of relationship but I noticed last night that Ian doesn't think we mean business when we say something. Maybe that's why we fear God so much because we do not want to suffer the consequences. Afterall, those seem much greater than being grounded just for the weekend.

So...last night I found a note in Ian's pocket from his teacher. As you can imagine, it wasn't a good note. I was so angry. Well, He now knows I mean business. No more playing around. It's over.

Today when he comes home he will have a nice surprise waiting for him. He has nothing in his room except 4 bare walls and a bed. Plus a few books of my choosing. I sent a calendar to school and the teacher will write on it either a happy face or a sad face with any explinations she chooses to let me know. For everyday he has a happy face, he earns one item to go back in his room starting with the less excitiing box. If he comes home with a sad face, then he has to give me something back out of his room. I feel like this right now is the only thing that is going to work. I have threatened to do this in the past and I never followed through. Ugh! I should not have done that. I should have always kept my promise and took care of this before. So now, it has resulted in this action the first week after school starts.

I want the best for Ian and I want him to succeed. I think he has to want it for himself.

New Favorite of the Week

Okay...so my new Favorite CD of the week is Selah "Bless the Broken Road" The Duets Album!
Holy Cow!!!! So if you don't have it...you should get it! And track 3 and 10...yeah...blast it in your car! You can just see me going down the road down singing His praises!!! I LOVE IT!!!

Caught up in moments of His greatness!

Tonight was special to me. I had a fun time praising our Father and got caught up in some awesome moments of spiritual worship as well that knocked me off balance. Well...at least I can blame it on that anyway.
I'm not a performer by any means and I'm not gifted with the greatest voice but God gave me and all others the ability to praise Him like no other. I just love Him for that. He has me right where he wants me to be in my heart of worship. I try to stay disciplined but my own agenda sometimes gets away with me.
Church is fun to me. It's a fun time praising His name and celebrating the good news with the ones I love and the ones I have yet to know. It's the times I can do a funny gig singing "There's no god like Jahovah" It's also about being broken in those desperate times when we need to be broken. When we need to be there for others to help pick up the pieces with us and help us see that we are broken. The times that we need to sing "Break my heart" over and over. I just love the people who are around me. It makes me feel that I am truly around kingdom people.

Ha! School is the problem!

I think it is the problem! School! Yes, the MIGRAINES are back. And might I add they they only came back when I started school again. How weird huh? I don't think I am very happy with that! I went almost all summer with NO headaches and now I have been down nearly every day. It's a bummer. I'll deal with it, but it's no fun. I've started back on my perscription medications which really don't allow me to feel like myself but I don't have much of an alternative. I need to stay on top of them. I can't let them beat me. Today has been the worst day but as the afternoon rolls around, it is getting better. The side effects are not desireable but I will get use to them. In the words of my great friend Theresa....Oi!

Sinking sand?

Tonight I watched the movie "The Second Chance" about an inner-city church who struggles with many different issues. My heart was certainly pierced by this movie. If you have not seen it, I highly reccommend it!!!

At one point in the movie, they talk about this song:

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name.
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
all other ground is sinking sand;
all other ground is sinking sand.

What am I built on? Do I build on sinking sand? Tonight it was ever so present as Chad and I were driving around looking at homes. We want to move to a nicer home, nicer area, and would love to be in a better situation. Am I looking for that sinking sand? Why can't I be content where I am? It makes me think that right now...maybe I'm not standing on solid rock!
It's like the song says...all other ground is sinking sand. If God is not at the center and core of my foundation, I am not on God's solid rock.

How is it that I am serving today? Do I serve to gain something?
Am I living a life that is so comfortable that I'm not willing to get a little gravy on my shoes and show that I'm doing that the Lord wants me to do?

All of these thoughts pondered in my head and SOOO many more after watching this movie. It was conviciting and I want to make sure that I'm doing what he has commanded me to do in every aspect of my life.

And for the remainder of that song:

When Darkness veils his lovely face, I rest on his unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.

When he shall come with trumpet sound, O may I then in him be found!
Dressed in his righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne!

Dinner among friends!

Last night our good friend Mike drove down to Tulsa with his new girlfriend Mikel to have dinner. We went to PF Changs and had a superfun time. It was the best evening. I loved getting to know Mikel and finding out how good she is for Mike. They are a beautiful couple. I truly felt honored that they would drive all this way just for dinner. But then again, we had more than just dinner. We had a great night of laughs!!
Everytime we are together, we just laugh uncontrollably. I don't like the distance between us and wish we could see eachother more often. But I'm so excited that we will get to spend some time together at the end of August. I truly can't wait. It will be a fun time!