Thursday, November 09, 2006

I'm not what I could be....

I am often guilty of going to God only in the difficult times. Hard situations make me rely on Him more often. I find myself talking to Him more when I'm down, rather than rejoicing His name when I'm up.

I know I'm not the only person that does this. However, it's something about me that I want to change.

The past two months in our home has been very difficult. At times, I felt like I was at the end of my rope and even turning to God wouldn't help. In fact, I blamed Him for many things that were happening in our lives. As I look back...I see how foolish that really was. However, I know I have a God who can handle my anger. He's just big enough for that! ;o)

This morning I was driving the kids to school and notice a very unusual peaceful feeling in the car. It's one that I don't find often. As the kids got to school I got my usual hugs and kisses and watched them walk away. All smiling, all happy, and me....well...I was pondering the moment. It's those peaceful moments of the day that I long for. I don't get very many....and I'm not complaining.

When driving back home, I had about 20 minutes to myself. 20 minutes I could use to be grateful to God for all the things I have and the happiness he brings. To thank Him for these peaceful moments of rest he has allowed me over the past week or so. I think He knew I needed a break. In fact...He probably knows a lot more than I give him credit for.

I'm not the best mother in the world, but I do try. There are days I don't want to try. I don't want to think about it. But today isn't one of those. Today I am joyful for the children I have and small glimpses of light and hope that God gives me into their future.

I'm not the best wife in the world, but I do try. Again, there are days I don't want to try or think about it....but today isn't one of those. I'm so proud of the husband I have and the love and support he gives me. I can't imagine my life without him. Some day's...I don't feel good enough for him...but he never makes me feel that way. He is so special to me.

I'm not best Christian I could be. I try...but I don't try as hard as I could. I don't put as much time and energy into being a christian as I do being a wife and mother. I think that since it is something that I am....then it should already be easy. Nope....it's not. It too needs work.
Maybe if I got my priorities straight, many things would be much easier.

For today, I thank God for the moments of grace He allows me and the peace that He put in my heart. Life is not easy, and Satan will attack me for sure....but I know with His love and mercy, He will help strengthen me into the woman I really need to be.

1 comment:

The Prophet said...

I definitely agree with you. As a father, I want my children to come to me always, not just when things are going difficultly.