Monday, November 27, 2006

Brokenness...Poker...and Jerry Springer!

Each year I really don't look forward to the Thanksgiving holiday. Honestly, it means getting together with my family and sometimes, that just wears me out. Not that they are like anything off the Jerry Springer show...but sometimes....things just don't work out with everyone being together.

Right after high school I took a job here and decided college could wait until I was ready. 3 years later, I was married and starting a new chapter of life. What I think I missed out on was getting out of town, getting away from home, and really appreciating what I had here. Sometimes, it's difficult to appreciate something that you take for granted until it's gone. I've been married now for 12 years, I've moved 5 times, and I still live in the same square mile I grew up in. And I must is also 1/2 a mile from my parents home as well.
I never had the opportunity to move away, and my family has never moved so we don't really appreciate that "away from home" feeling.

Living close doesn't always provide the best relationship possibilities.

My dad and I had a falling out last summer and truly, I don't know who is having the more difficult time getting over it. Me or Him. I think in my heart that both of us want to make amends, but we just don't know how. I feel like time will certainly heal this wound, but truly wish I could forget the words that were shared in anger.

So last Thursday I was not really excited about getting together. I had it in my mind to just go over for dinner, eat and leave. He sat at the head of the table, and I sat at the far end about 25 other people away. There was absolutely no way to communicate with my mom & dad during dinner, but had a nice time talking to my other relatives.

After dinner was over we did the usual "family photo" session and then most everyone was leaving around 2:00. Ian was having a difficult time with the whole "big family" thing so I took Ian and Chad home and came back to get the other two kids who desperately wanted to spend the night with Grandma and Papa.

My brother and sister in law are big into "poker" and teaching everyone else how to play. I for one have never been a fan of the game....mostly...because I don't know how to play. They invited me in to start a new game but I saw my dad was playing. I wasn't sure I wanted to sit through that for very long.
Then we all had to switch seats for a moment and next thing I know...I'm sitting here next to my dad as we are both learning to play this game together.
Now...I'm not good at it at even worse. He's betting all his chips just because they are in front of him. What's he got to lose except chips anyway. The man bet every hand...never folded...and did pretty well.

So we sat there for what felt like an eternity...laughing....playing...laughing...playing until...well...of course, my brother....the di-hard poker player takes all our chips.

I guess the important thing is that we were spending some quality time together having fun and laughing. It's been over a year now that we've had any fun even being in the same room. So I can truly say that this year was something I really enjoyed.

Did we mend our brokenness with each other??? No. But I think it was a start.
I want things to be like they use to be in the past, but we can't change things that we are not willing to acknowledge. I think that begins with me. I pray God gives me that strength I need.

1 comment:

Big Mac said...

As a grandfather who has been through several "fallings out", and having felt the joy of reconciliation , as well as the hurt from not reconciling, I heartily recommend doing whatever it takes to set things right in your relationship. The time is swiftly approaching when you will no longer have the opportunity, and deep regrets will follow. It seems to me that God opened the door for you to begin this healing process. Pray feverantly about it, read 1 Cor. 13, love will find a way. I promise you you won't ever regret it. Go for it!