Amazed....unfinished

Well, not totally finished....especially the title, but Lukus was proud of it. This is The Zoe group singing "Amazed". This is Lukus' new favorite song. He sings it all the time around the house. (shhhhh don't tell him I told you) But I asked him to come up with pictures that he thought would fit the song, and this is what I put together for him. He was quite excited today:o)

I can't stay long....

My night at work reminded me of Terry's saying......I can't stay long....but on the contrary.......!

It was a very busy night. I was on the code team that evening and had 38 patients to see within a 2 hour window. My pager was going off left and right and I didn't have the time to get to everyone. I started down the list of who is the most critical and tending to them first. Others, unfortunately, would have to wait for the next rounds a few hours later.

I walked into a room in the ICU. He was just another patient for me to see at the moment and I was in a hurry. I told him why I was there, what I was going to do, and proceeded with my work. On the couch sat his wife, daughter, and son in law, and they just watched me as most family members do.

I gave him his meds and reached down to take his pulse. He grabbed my hand.

Me: "Are you okay?"
Him: "Yes, you're just different"
Me: "Okay, well what's different about me?"
Him: "You believe in God"
Me: "You are right, I do"
Him: "And you believe that he was with me"
Me: "Yes I do, and I believe He is with you now as well"


I had no idea why this patient was here other than he was recovering from a wound. I had no details at this moment.

Him: "Today is my birthday"
Me: "Well, happy birthday" (it wasn't really his birthday, but if he wanted to believe it....then I am willing to let him)
Me: "So....how old are you?"
Him: "I'm brand new" .....and a single tear ran down his cheek.

"You see, I was taking a walk and I had gone down to the creek where I normally hunt. I frequent there quite a bit. I had my shot gun with me because you never know what you'll see around there. It's my place of comfort. I don't get cell phone reception, there's no technology around. It's just me. I'm all alone.
I was walking along and heard a noise. I turned around, but saw nothing. When I went to walk again, I tripped on a rock and fell on my gun. It shot straight through me in the abdomen. I never lost consciousness and remember all of it very well. Once I realized what I had done, I reached for my cell phone and called my son in law. Amazingly, the phone worked. He had gone hunting with me several times so I could tell him where I was. He stayed on the phone with me the entire time as he was leading EMSA to me on another phone. As I laid there, I didn't know what to think. I hadn't been a faithful christian for a few years. My son died two years ago and I have never been able to forgive God for that. It hurt me so much. But I remember laying there and asking God to just give me one more day. Just one more day to make things right here on earth and then I'll go. That was 10 days ago. Today is that day. Today is the first day I can remember. Today is the first day I realize what happened. Today is the first day of my new life for him. A chance to start over. A chance to forgive. A chance to get my life right with Him and for Him so that I can spend eternity with Him and my son."

Me: "Wow! Thank you for sharing that with me"
Him: "He told me I had to. As I laid here before you walked in, He told me you were the one"
Me: "Which one?"
Him: "The one that needed to hear this today"
Me: "I wonder why?"
Him: "Because you're scared"
Me: "Me? Scared? Of what I wonder"
Him: "Only you and God know"

I was pretty much speechless at that point. We are trained to just listen and not give our opinions. (that is a work ethic....not my beliefs at all)

When my examination with this patient was completed, I left, in tears. He was right. I have some fears right now. I think we all do. That could have been anyone scheduled to walk in that room at that moment and they may have heard the same story. But I know this......I don't ever simplify something that God is trying to communicate to me. Via the Bible, a song, a friend, or a patient. If we trust in the Lord with all of our hearts and never lean on our own understanding of things that are of this world, there is no fear to be had. With God, all fears are gone.
So I am thankful that this man lived and will be a living testimony to those that he encounters. I am thankful for whatever reason, God sent me to him that night.

And as for how long I stayed......I was scheduled to stay 8 minutes. I stayed 45 minutes. And not once during that time did my pager ever go off. hummmmmm

Proud of Ian!

Last night we attended Ian's first vocal music concert of the year and man....WHAT A TREAT! I had NO idea it would be so good! And not just the 8th graders, but the
6th and 7th graders as well. How impressive all these students were and you could tell they had worked really hard to learn the not only different songs, but many different styles and languages as well. I have to say it was the best vocal musical performance I have ever been to for this age group. I had goose bumps all night!

Ian's teacher is Mrs. Barker. She is such a wonderful lady and can recognize talent when she sees it. Of couse, I'd say that, cause she loves my kid! But not only has she increased his love for singing, but in a few short months, she has helped him improve his quality of singing as well. I don't think I've ever heard him sing the way he has been over the past 30 days. He truly is blowing me away.

Before the concert we had to have the traditional "Mother/Son" photograph. I don't think he minded since he was dressed so nicely! :o)


The week before the concert I asked Ian if he wanted me to invite anyone. Family, friends, etc. He was very "specific" about WHO he wanted me to invite from kids to adults. So I sent out that list and I think he was surprised at how many of those were able to make it. I think he was pretty excited when Mrs. Barker announced his name and he had his own cheering section!
Lindsay, Taylor, and Karyn paid a visit!

I was really proud of Lukus and Emilie too as they were captivated by the amazing performances all night. I know I have high expectations for behavior, but they were unbelieveably good that night as they waited patiently for Ian's group to get up and of course, they were the last group up!

Cindy and Hunter Yeats came along to cheer him on!

This is the group of students that made it to all district. Next up....ALL STATE!

Okay...he's cute and all....but I just don't think Mrs. Barker could resist. :o) And I couldn't resist snapping that shot!

Grandma and PaPa made a visit of course and couldn't have been more proud!

My first OU game!

Saturday I was able to go to my first OU game compliments of Doug and Danna! Each time I thought about it, the whole thing just felt like a dream. Couldn't believe I was actually getting to go. I have to say in advance that I was very quiet! I didn't yell....much....and I was on my best behavior. :o) I was very impressed with the fans from OU as I had heard such sad stories about them. I didn't see one person that was disrespectful the entire time. And I even laughed as a Baylor fan was sitting in the middle of all of us all by himself and even when he cheered, the sooner fans were supportive and just smiled. That was true sportsmanship at it's best.
The Ticket!

I'm not sure who was more excited. Me...or my date! :o) He was so precious the whole time. The unfortunate part of all of this was I felt bad. I had been feeling pretty bad the entire week before, but then Friday night was really bad. But in all of it, he was wonderful to me and was very patient.

As we drove into town, I got very excited. Of course the traffic began LONG before this point. You could tell that excitement was in the air.

Because of where we parked, we were able to get a great walk through the campus before the game. It was so beautiful. I was in awe at the architecture of the buildings. I could have just stood and studied them for hours. I loved this clock tower and especially the library that was right next to it. Oh....and I have to add, when it was over, Chad kissed me under that tower. He's too sweet! :o)

Okay...so inside the game. Here is the band and wow! What a great band. Yes, I was totally jealous that I didn't have the opportunity to go to college and and be in the band. But it was so amazing to watch and they did very well.

Well, the Sooner Schooner was a lot of fun. They had MANY opportunites to come out on to the field that day....and it appeared that once, the girl almost fell out. As tragic as that would have been, I think I may have giggled it it happened. And of course then worried if she was okay!

Oh yes....the band in the OU formation. That was neat!

This was a pretty good pic of what our view looked like. We didn't realize it at the time but they announced that the game was completely sold out and boy do I ever believe it. There wasn't an empty seat to be seen anywhere. The only sad part for our end was that for this particular game, they spent most of the time at the other endzone. Way too many incomplete passes, but eventually, they were down by us. Either way, it was still great!

Oh yes....and the flags that spell SOONER! Again, just another moment where I sat and just took it all in.

And the very happy couple. We sat by some great people who offered to take our picture. We had a great time.

I am very thankful for the gift we were given this weekend and having the opportunity to experience something like this. What an amazing opportunity for us. We wouldn't have been able to go otherwise but with the love of such a gift from some great friends made it not only possible, but more special to us in the end. The next best thing would have been to go WITH friends and enjoy that experience together.

Inside Out

On the heels of a pretty rough week, I'm heading out to the Zoe Conference.
I am so renewed everytime I go and I can't wait to see what God had planned this time. The singing is always a highlight, but for me, the classes I attended last year were very life changing. This years theme is called "Inside Out" and I can only imagine the possiblities that are going to come with it. I couldn't ask for a better travel party and want more than anything to bring something back that is life changing.

It's not a maybe...but a must!

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

In 48 hours I have watched my world spin before me. Satan is attacking....and at his best. I sing those words above in the the song "You never let go" and tonight, that song has never meant more to me than it does right now. How quickly life can change from one moment to the next to make you appreciate what you have, regardless if life goes your way or not. I don't want to live my life in fear of what "man" can do to me, but yet, what God won't do for me if I don't obey his word.

2 Timothy 1:7 God didn't give us a spirit that makes us weak and fearful. He gave us a spirit that gives us power and love. It helps us control ourselves.

I believe I am a strong person because God made me that way. I believe man has made me afraid, scared, fearful, of the things in this life. When I allow fear to take over, I am allowing Satan access to my heart. God gives us the guidelines to live and all we have to do is follow them. Easy huh? Yeah...not always. There is always a challange....but not one that He put before us.

My biggest challange and goal this week is forgivness. I have to choose love and forgivness because that is what I am taught to do. It's not always easy, but I am praying so hard that God makes it easy for me. Where is that warm and fuzzy feeling you were supposed to get with forgivness?

I've learned by reading the story in Matthew about how Peter questioned God on how many times he had to forgive. There is no doubt in my mind that forgivness is a must.....not a maybe! And I figure if Peter can forgive, so can I.

I am very thankful that God has made it so easy today for me to forgive. How could I possibly hold something against someone when I am not a perfect person myself. Where would I be today if others held me accountable for my shortcomings? Jesus died on the cross for me.....forgiving me for my sins! Am I willing to put someone else up there with Him? No. He died for me, and He died for those that hurt me. He loves me....and He loves them too.

I pray that God gives me the gift of grace, mercy, love and encouragement so that I can be at peace in my heart......true peace that only comes from Him.

The opposite of forgive is to 'give for' so that I can give back what He gave me.

I praise Him today as He fills my heart with such joy and that my spirit can find peace and rest in His arms.

It's the same right?

Last nights conversation:

Patient...we'll call her Ms. M

(Ms. M)... My doctor told me I had an "erotic disorder" today. Do you know what that is and can you explain it to me?

(Me)... Wow! I'm not sure I've heard of that one! Are you sure it wasn't a "Neurotic Disorder"?

(Ms. M)....Oh yeah, that sounds about right. It's all the same right?

(Me)....Not quite...but I'll be happy to explain it to you.

.......that was after I composed myself and quit laughing.

Don't ever go numb!

When asked about the emotional aspects of my job, the answers usually vary.

In the beginning, I cried....A LOT.

Now, I don't cry very much but I think a lot more. I think about life.

There is a video they like to show you that really cuts to the core of your heart. I don't think it matters if you are an emotional person or not, this video will send a spear straight through your heart. And I think that's a good thing.

Not just in my profession, but for everyone.

So many times we get wrapped up in the things of life. Work, school, family, church, sports functions, socialization,etc. and we forget what life is really about.

I thought about the way my life is today. I have lots of friends and I am very blessed. But do I tell them enough how Thankful I am for them? I think I had a tear flow today for every friend I've got, and that's a lot of tears. I'm selfish in a way that I don't let them know enough how special they are to me. If I were gone tomorrow, would they know? Did I make them feel special? Did I make them feel important? Did they know that I loved them? Did they? Man....it was hard. But most importantly, was I the kind of friend that helped them grow closer to God so that we can spend eternity together? How often do I get myself wrapped up in the other things in life that I forget about letting people know they hold such a special place in my heart and without them, my heart would be.....well....dead. There would be no beat at all.

I know this will not only help me in my personal life, but in my job as well. I've been known to cry and hug on families in a time of loss and I will continue to do so if it is what they need. They need to know that we are humans with emotions too. When the job is going on, I have to be strong, but when it's over....either a good or bad outcome.....it's okay to have some emotions and share what you truly feel in your heart with those around you.

We shouldn't ever go a day without letting those you love know how you feel. If you love them...tell them you love them. Tomorrow, we may not have a chance.

God is amazing!

I thought I loved what I did for a living.....until today. Now I KNOW I DO!


All I can say is WOW! We got to be part of an autopsy today and let me just say, our God is amazing. I wonder how long he had to think this stuff up! And it is very evident that all of us in the medical profession have to have a sense of humor to do something like this. I never thought I would laugh so hard and learn so much.

But in all seriousness, God made a masterpiece when he made man. Well...and woman too:o) I think of all of the amazing things that man has made on this earth and NOTHING tops what I saw today.

To know that God started with dust and created us in his own image is the greatest thing ever.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.(Psalm 139:14).

Another side of me....

Today I found a part of me that I don't like. It's called Anger. And it usually only comes around when I'm not feeling well and when it attacks, it heads straight for my heart.

I have a few areas I need to work on in my life and this is one. I don't get angry very often. Now....I do get upset with things....but I'm talking all out anger. The kind where you blood pressure rises to numbers that exceed the scale. You explode! You yell! You say things you don't mean! Yep....that was me. Sheesh. I don't like that person and I pray that God gets rid of her.

Eph 4:26-27 says "In your anger do not sin" Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,and do not give the devil a foothold.

I had to make some apologies that were very difficult. But it all turned out very well in the end. I just hope that I can remember how I felt today and the next time I get angry, I choose something different.

Hee Hee.....Look what I did!

I think I got pretty creative with my little blog! Good job me! :o)

All they need is love...and to keep breathing!

I love what I do because I get to help a lot of people who can't really help themselves. My days at work are busy, but they end up being really funny by the end of the night. As I drive home, I always reflect on the days events. Things that were said to me, things I said to the patients, the times of laughing, and the times of tears. But all in all, each day is a great day! Even days like this where I get to walk in and hold David. All he needed was some love from me.....and he gave it right back.

Yesterday I walked into the room of an elderly patient. She looked up with a big grin as I just saw her the day before. She said she was glad to see me again! I was flattered and told her I was happy to see her awake and smiling today. She came in due to SOB (shortness of breath). What did you THINK that meant?
I proceeded to give her medication when my pager went off. I took off my gloves and walked to the door and in all seriousness I actually said:
"I'll be right back....just keep breathing"
When I came back, I couldn't figure out why they were laughing so hard. I proceeded to ask when they finally said:
"We didn't know that you actaully had to TELL the patients to keep breathing!We thought that kinda stuff just happened!!!!"
We all got a good laugh out of it.

I was called to see another patient down the hall that was having...well.....SOB. Sorry...it's what I do! I proceeded to listen to her lungs when I said "Big Big Breaths" when she looked up at me and said "Lady....I'm 90! They just sag now. But my husband never complained!" (just think for a minute)

I love them so. The young and the old. The living....and the dying. They all get the same thing from me. Love. I may have the training, carry the drugs, and know how to save your life, but we are all capeable of giving each other what we need. LOVE.
Romans 12:10 says "Love each other deeply. Honor others more than yourselves"When I work, I'm honoring them more than myself. When I started working, it wasn't for the money. I had to find something I was passionate about. And I found out that I am passionate about people. I love people. I have to take care of teachers, the homeless, preachers, convicts, lawyers, murderers, celebrities, rapist, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and everyone.....just alike. They may be 700lbs or 7lbs...but all the same to me. They all have a beating heart that God gave them. All they may need is love. Do any one of them deserve LESS than what I would give myself? No!
1 John 3:18 says "Dear children, don't just talk about love. Put your love into action. Then it will truly be love."
We don't have to have a diploma to do this. We don't have to have the credentials behind our name to be a Florence Nightengale to everyone. It doesn't take brains to be a nurse, it takes a heart.
1 John 4:7 says "Dear friends, let us love one another, because love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born again because of what God has done. That person knows God."
Romans 13:10 "Love does not harm its neighbor. So love does everything the law requires." So what is the law?
John 13:34 "I give you a new command. Love one another. You must love one another, just as I have loved you."
There are so many verses on love and each one would fit within the scope of what I do. But it's not about a job. It's all about love. The United Way has the coolest saying out right now:

"We make a living by what we get......but we make a life by what we give"

Considering giving someone the LOVE they deserve today.

Feeling the energy again!

I'm so excited to be feeling energized again! I've had a song in my heart all day! I came home to be with the family and we had dance night. I have to admit, if I find any photos posted from tonight someone will be in big trouble! However, it was fun. I probably burned off a ton of calories as well as had fun learning dance moves from Emilie....and I think I taught her a few that she thought were pretty funny! I went all the way back to the Roger Rabbit and the Walking Man. I think she's got it down. Dance night was fun.
We love more than anything to sing and dance and make music together and that is what we did!
But today....the fun song of my Friday has been SING, SING, SING! ENJOY!

I Know You Love Me.....

No, it's not the name of the song, but I can't help but sing this song over and over. Especially when I stop and think about some of the decisions I have made in my life, He still loves me. He did all those things for me.
He knows my way even when I fail him.
He's constantly is with me.
His blood shed for me.
He overcame the grave.
Only I separate myself by my sins.
He's gone before me, He's shielding my way.
His hand upholds me. He tore the veil!
He made that way! He said IT IS DONE!
And one day, I will stand before Him and say those precious words
"I know you love me".



For the past year this song has become a staple for me. In good times, in sad times, in happy times, in all times, we should always remember how much He loves us. Satan attacks us so much by putting thoughts in our heads. Because God loves us, He gives us the word and wonderful writers who produce powerful songs such as this. And because of that, I sing this song today in spite of what Satan tries to do. No matter what, I KNOW He loves me....and still loves me....and still loves me. I say it with a smile. My heart smiles to know that my God still loves me.


Eph 1:17-20 (NIRV) I pray to the God of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is the glorious Father. I keep asking him to give you the wisdom and understanding that come from the Holy Spirit. I want you to know God better.
I also pray that your mind might see more clearly. Then you will know the hope God has chosen you to receive. You will know that the things God's people will receive are rich and glorious. And you will know his great power. It can't be compared with anything else. It is at work for us who believe. It is like the mighty strength God showed when he raised Christ from the dead.
He seated him at his right hand in his heavenly kingdom.

I pray that everyday.....we grow to know God better...and just how much He loves us!

An attempt

For days and weeks I have attempted over and over to write a blog. I just cant. So many thoughts that I just can't put into words. It would be very random for sure if I did. For now, my fingers and my mind will rest until I find what is on my heart that I have the energy to write.

Let my children go!!!

I love how at chruch we get to choose names for children to pray for. I think it's such an honor to pray, but yet, pray specifically for one persons child and the struggles they may go through. I always thought this was really neat because they didn't know who was praying for them...... but this year, it's going to be different because of one person for me.

On Sunday a woman came to me and told me she had chosen Emilie's name. I was honored that she did so. Then she proceeded to ask me to send her an email or stop her at church if there was anything specifically she could pray for. What a nice thought. She could have just been praying and never said anything and God would still have heard the prayer. But she really wants to lift Emilie up in very specific ways and if that helps her in her prayer time and gets one more prayer for my child up to Heaven......well I think that's great. I couldn't think of anything specific at the time, but I recieved a not today from Emilies teacher regarding some very big struggles Emilie is having. I immediately thought of Emilie's prayer warrior that I could e-mail to help me talk to God and seek His authority and wisdom in this matter. I was then at peace.

Today I will contact the parents of the 2 children I chose to pray for and offer the same request. I hope it will bring them as much comfort as it did me.

Satan has figured out that he can't get to me directly....so he is using my children. So much that even one of them told me this morning they feel Satan is attacking and they don't know what to do. That kind of cry can't be taken lightly. It's hard enough being a kid without satan sticking his nose in the middle of it. But little does he know, he's going to have to get through me first.

I don't know who is praying for my boys....but I am. I hope their prayer warriors are diligent this week in asking God to protect our kids. They are in the middle of a battle that they don't know how to fight and I pray that God will give me the strength (emotionally and physically) to jump in the fire to save them and rescue them from whatever it is that is attacking their hearts.

Beautiful Jesus

Oh how beautiful He is! The words I'll be singing all week.

He Leadeth Me....

I love the Martins. And I LOVE this song. How wonderful it is to know that our God extends His hand to lead us. By the 3rd verse of this I have complete chills. Praise God He Leadeth Me!

Linda Rondsadt sang these words long ago.....I've been cheated
Been mistreated, When will I be loved.....

I've been pushed down. I've been pushed 'round. When will I be loved.....

I've been made blue. I've been lied to. When will I be loved......

Well praise God that life just isn't fair!

Do you ever feel that someone else is getting the upper hand on you and it's not God? I felt so cheated today when I picked up my car from the repair shop. I felt they stole from me in so many ways. Was was ready to get revenge, and right away. I have been thinking for the past 4 hours on just how mad I am that I was taken advantage of. Why did I have to pay so much money for something and then to find out something else was done that was wrong? My heart aches. It hurts. It hurts to be lied to. Not something I'm really use to. I don't lie, and I put my trust in so many that when I they do lie to me, it is so hurtful.
Matthew 5:43-48 says "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor.—(Leviticus 19:18) Hate your enemy.'But here is what I tell you. Love your enemies. Pray for those who hurt you. Then you will be sons of your Father who is in heaven.
"He causes his sun to shine on evil people and good people. He sends rain on those who do right and those who don't.
"If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Even the tax collectors do that.If you greet only your own people, what more are you doing than others? Even people who are ungodly do that. So be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.
Oh Father help me to be perfect like you. Help me to be strong and to not be angry for the way I was treated today. Help me to love. Help me to not want revenge. Help me to show them grace and mercy as you would want me to. Father it's hard not to feel hurt. It's hard not to be angry but I ask that you open my eyes to something that I cannot see right now. Close my eyes to the amount of money this cost me. Close them to the lies that were told and help me find a way in my heart to minister to people like this so that they will live for you now....and forever. Help me to move past the hurt and move in a direction of love.

Be encouraged

This morning I woke up and my car wouldn't start. It had a little life left in it, but nothing I could do was going to get it going. It had all kinds of bells and whistles going off to get my attention, but the little bit of life it had left in it was what caught my attention.

We called a tow truck and he came to the rescue. We thought it may just be the battery, but after he looked for a moment, he was convinced it was much more than that. So, he drove me, and my lifeless car all up in chains to the dealership doctor.

Unfortunately, they were all out of loaners so I was out of luck. So Chad called a dear friend of mine and rescued me by loaning me his truck for the time being. It's a much bigger vehicle than I am used to driving so I'm having to be very careful in it.

The report from the dealership (which I call Car.Dr) states the repair will be nearly $1000.00. Wow! My questions were:
"Isn't that covered under the warranty? It's part of the engine! That's like a big part of the car! It doesn't have that many miles! It's not even that old! I've been so gentle with it! I've taken good care of it! I've done all I'm supposed to do!"

But that message came at 5:30 to Chad's phone and his phone battery had died so there was no way to communicate with the dealership at this point.

Do you ever feel like your relationship with God is this way?

You wake up one morning, and you just can't get started. You look good on the outside. You're all put together, neatly pressed, outside is finished but on the inside, something isn't working right.

You decide you can't make it on your own. You try to or be someone different. You try to "loan" yourself a replacement, but there are just none left. You call for help and wait but only to have a stranger help you out at that moment. But now you're stuck. You reach out and a friend helps. Gives you HIS spare life for the day or week so that you can continue doing what needs to be done. However, this life is much bigger than the one you were use to having. These are big shoes to fill.

You go to see the doctor and he tells you it's going to be pretty costly.
And you respond by saying:
"Isn't that covered under the warranty? That's the part that drives me! That's like a big part of me! I don't have that many miles! I'm not even that old! I've been so careful with my life! I've taken good care of myself! I've done all I'm supposed to do!"

But, the good news is, my battery isn't dead. I get the message and it's not too late. This doctor is never closed. He's always open for service if I am willing to do take his prescription and live by it.

As for the car....well...I have no idea. Guess we'll call the dealership in the morning. As for the loaner car, I have it as long as I need it. As for the life I live.....I am comforted knowing that I live in peace because I serve a God that is much bigger than I. Life is difficult!!! There will be pain! There will be struggles! But the God I serve has already conquered the world and I live in peace knowing that I don't have to! I will not run from the struggles we have in this life. The outcome on the other side of this life is going to be one far better than anything I can ever imagine. Parts broken or not. We should all be encouraged today, because......the Lord said so!