Thoughts......

This is been an unusually rough week. I'm a strong girl in my faith so I think I can handle a little roughness around the edges.

I feel I have some very important decisions to make over the next few weeks regarding my future. I really need to consult God on these and find out just where He wants me to be.

This week I have been shaken, stirred, frightened, and felt dispair about Ian. I don't know where to turn. I am tired and I am weak.
But I found hope in these words:
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

I ask on numerous occassions "God why did you give me this child?"
It feels more like an assignement I am failing. Will I be graded in the end? I'm not cut out for this.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I may have to take some time off school and devote more time to my family. Choices!

Have you ever tried uncensored writing? I'll give it a shot.

My passion is failing
My eyes are heavy
My strength is gone
My hope is diminished
Today is just another day and tomorrow will start anew.
A Fresh start
A new sun will arise in the morning...as will I.
I will get a hug today, from the one that I just can't send away.
My heart hurts for him. My heart hurts for me.
Where is my rainbow? Where is my sunshine? These thoughts are selfish.
It's not about me.
This is not me. I've lost me. Where am I?
Thoughts a mom should never have. Cries a mother should never have.
Where did it all go?
Did I make a mistake? Have I lost the past 3 years?
I will not be sad anymore. Pain and sadness will not win.
God will win. He gives me strength I didn't know I had. He dries my eyes.
I must make a decision. The future....not sure what to do.
I am not superwoman nor do I have superpowers.
I am just tired. Pray.