I had my doctors appointment this morning. It was okay. I have many mixed feelings. I sat alone in the room for quite a while before he came in. I had time to rehearse the things I wanted to say over and over in my head. Many times, my mind wandered as the ticking of the second hand from the clock hanging on the wall sounded more like a snare drum as it moved around in circles. I refocused just in time for him to walk in.
"How ya feeling?" he asked! That's a question I hate to ask my patients let alone answer as well. You can't really say "I'm great" when you're not. But over & over in my head, I know he doesn't want to hear that. They want to hear that the surgery went well and you are doing fantastic!!!
"I still have pain" I said. He didn't smile but showed concern. Said it's normal, it's only been 4 weeks....it could take up to 6 months!
You know, I could really let this get me down, but I'm not. I could choose to stay depressed, but I'm not. I feel so blessed to have my health, to be alive, to have 3 wonderful children and the most amazing husband in the world. I have a great family and a whole host of friends that I can count on. I really am blessed.
I spoke to the doctor about what happens if choose not to go through with the next surgery. He gave me the option to wait a while, but if the pain gets too bad, then I must go back in. He wasn't in favor of my decision, but then again, he was willing to work with me on it. He understood my desires, told me we are not dealing with a life or death issue, and is willing to accommodate my needs at this point.
I will go back to work this week and I am ready to jump in with everything I've got. I'm so excited to be working again. Not only because financially we need it, but because I am passionate about what I do.
I continue to pray daily that the health issues I do have will go away and that I will be completely healed from eveything. It's not in me to believe that God can't and won't do it. I believe that with everything I have, He can!
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Brenda, it's hard to understand why God heals some physical ailments and not others. I don't know why he doesn't heal all who ask in faith. I know He has His reasons and I know that His reasons are far better reasons than mine ever are. I try to remember that He's in control and I can trust Him that it is a "yes" whatever the outcome.
I'm glad you get to go back to work; I know how much you love it!
Anyway, I'll be praying specifical-ly for the pain to go away and that the next time you go in, the doctor will be AMAZED to find no need for surgery!! Love ya, girl
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