Thursday, November 29, 2007

What is it like?

Someone needs to educate me on two things:
What it's like to be the "middle child" and how to parent a "middle child".

Appearently, I am doing it all wrong.

I try my best, but according to the "middle child" in our family, I have totally screwed it up! It being his life!!!

Last night we had a very heartfelt and tearful conversation after church. Most of it was about how bad of a parent I am.

I was never a middle child, only the baby of the family. That explains a lot of my stubborness and selfishness that I go through. I can work on this easily. But the middle child stuff...well...I'm in the dark.

One of the things that he brought to my attention is that he doesn't feel like we even know he is here. That breaks my heart. We talk everyday, I tell him I love him everyday, but apparently it's not enough. And I don't know how to fix it with him. I tried today, but it just made things worse.

He got me thinking.....How many times have I felt 'un-noticed', 'un-loved', un-appreicaited'???? Oh! I can think of so many.

There are many times in my life, even right now, that I feel there are people that wouldn't know if I was around or not. I have to say, it's the worse feeling in the world. It hurts my heart so much. Going to school...nobody saying hello. Going to church, and just having someone walk by you, having a family dinner and someone not speaking to you almost the entire time. It's not a good feeling.

I had a friend that once told me that he gagued his importance in a room by the amount of people that came over to him and either acknowledged him by saying hello, giving a hug. He even tested this....and finally went into a major depression and tried to kill himself.
Now...that's a bit extreme....but I thought his experiment was interesting. On the first hand, I thought, I wonder if anyone would acknowledge me if I came in the room. Second, I thought it was a pretty selfish "it's all about me" act!

How do we get stuck in this rut....and how do we get out?
How do I parent a 10 year old that already feels this way.

I think our role in this world is so important. It's a role that is not all about us, but all about Him and the work that we are doing for Him through our actions.
Making others feel like they matter is something that Jesus was good at. No...he was GREAT at it.
I can say I'm not the best at this. I go in and out of good times in this practice. But I want to make everyone feel that they are important and they have a place in this world.

So the next time you walk in a room, try to make eye contact...not with just one, but with everyone, say hello to 2-3-5-10 people, give as many hugs as you can!! Make someone else feel important and hopefully this will be returned in your heart.

As for parenting the middle child, I could use all the advice I can get!!!! ;o)


Shane Coffman said...

I have lots of parenting advice. But nobody wants to hear mine because it isn't paired with experience...

He, he!

Brenda said...

Would your parenting advice be coming from your experience with Zorro? Maybe some of the tricks you use on him might work on a kid??? Although, I don't have too many problems with him on the counters when I'm gone. Or wait...maybe I do!!! ;o)