Life and Challanges

Today is January 31st, 2008. I have to admit this has been the most challanging month I have had in a few years. I hurt, I struggle, I cry, I'm depressed, and still...I keep going. I go and act as if it is all okay. Silly me. That's just so silly. This is not the way I would have planned the new year to begin for me. I have a lot of heartache, rejection, fear, pain, emotions, at a time when I should be happy. Certainly this is my Father trying to clue me into something that I cannot see. Life will get better, or it may get worse. What can I do about it?
Today, nothing. My heart hurts way too much. What do I do when it hurts.....I smile and go on.
I am married to the most amazing man ever. He takes care of me no matter what my feelings are. I then hope he feels the same about me. What happens when we are both down? We do our best to take care of one another. After almost 14 years together, we've learned to do that pretty well.
One day....I'll be gone, he'll be gone...we'll all be gone. Would I look back on this month and regret? Probably not. Would I look back on this time and wish it had gone differently? Probably yes.
Today I read the daily motivator. I found it so fitting and so positive. Positive is what I need today and this little thing below said it perfectly.

Life returns the favor
When you encounter resistance, it means you are moving forward. When you come across a challenge, it means you have reached the point where you can successfully meet that challenge.
Life becomes more rewarding as it becomes more demanding. You are destined to achieve, and each successive achievement positions you for an even greater, more challenging achievement.

Each new challenge is an opportunity to stretch beyond your previous limits. Most of the advantages you enjoy today were born in the difficulties through which you traveled in days past.

Every day brings a new way for you to more fully give of yourself. It is by so giving, in ways that are familiar and in ways not yet imagined, that you create the life you most sincerely desire.

In everything there is treasure to be found. The richest treasures are those that ask the most of you, for they resonate wholly with your deepest purpose.

Delight in the living beauty of each challenging effort. Give your best to life and life returns the favor, a million times over.

-- Ralph Marston

Better hands....

Negativity

But if you cannot get the habit of observation one way or another, you had better give up the being a nurse for it is not your calling, however kind and anxious you may be. FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE

This was the quote we were given this week to spur us along. Pretty un-motivating huh?

Fortunately, I have a classmate who cared to send this later today!


'I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.'

'I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.'

'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'

'I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life.'

'I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.'


'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a
catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some thin
gs back.'

'I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.'

'I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.'


'I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.'


'I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.'

'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'

Test....and other test.

Tomorrow at 12:15 I will go in and take my first test of level one. I was not enouraged to hear that I may have to go through a "pat down" procedure before entering the exam. I think that's taking it a bit too far.

I don't know how to feel about tomorrow. I don't feel overlly stressed right now. I think it is because I have NO IDEA what these test are like or what is on them. I want to go in and do my best. I'm excited that I'm not anxious right now. I feel so relaxed that it's really scary. I pray tonight and tomorrow that God will help me work through the scenarios for each patient I read about and allow me to make good decisions for their care. I have faith that he will bring me through this.
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This afternoon was a weird one for me. Maybe because of the anticipation of the test tomorrow. My thoughts today haven't seemed really clear and my "inner dummy" just really beat me up. Sure that doesn't make sense to many, but makes great sense to me.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
How does one become truly "selfless"? Can you truly be "selfless" and still want for more? I struggle with this so much. How do I become truly selfless???

I give up so others can have more....
I do less so others can do more....

I don't feel sad about what I miss out on....but have a hard time when selflessness goes un-noticed. So then I say..."That's not true SELFLESSNESS!"

This is where Satan has such a grip on me. More like a choke hold and it catches me off guard.

If I am trusting in my Savior...he knows my intentions. All the other static that goes on in my head....that's cluttered by Satan.

Oh God! Please help me in my walk to stive to be more like you. To be more like you made me to be. To be selfless and not care how others feel. To not worry about going un-noticed. So many times, you were mocked, you were scorned, you were ignored, and you remained selfless. God please help me to be more of the image that you created me to be!

Tags and Links!

Okay...here's the deal with this! I got tagged (Thank you Vanessa)...but I have no idea how to put a link in my blog. So I will have to break the rules until I am educated on how to do this! (PS...somebody on here knows my password and I am sure by the time they read this...they will edit it enough to put the links in! ;o) --Okay! Okay! I get the hint! I fixed it for you! -T--

The Rules: Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
Share 5 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog, OR
Share the 5 top places on your “want to see or want to see again” list, OR
Share 5 things you never pictured being in your future when you were 25 years old.

Tag a minimum of 5, maximum of 10 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. The tagees have a choice of which they want to do.

As far as weird and random facts go, ya'll know all that stuff about me. Um...the 25 thing...yeah...Everything I'm doing is what I saw myself doing. So lets go with places.

#1. I would love to go out of the country. I have never been out of the United States.

#2. I would love to have a "do over" trip to California with my parents. Would really love to do anything with them again.

#3. I would like to go to Florida. No special reason. Just would like to see that side of the US.

#4. I would love to go to NY and see the Phantom of the Opera.

#5. I would love to go to Jersulem.

So....to tag 5 people.

Okay....Chad...because he doesn't blog and it's time to get something up there.
Chris...because I just need to know more random facts about you! hee hee
Robert...he travels everywhere!!!
And that's all I've got!

Terry vs. Jeff

I'm not really sure where this came from but seems like Terry has the lead!

2nd Week

The second week of Level One NS proved to be more challenging than I anticipated. All the stressors and worries of everything in life fell upon me this week. But I have survived.

Today when I went to the dentist, he accidentally hit a blood vessel in my face and made for an interesting afternoon for me. When looking in the mirror and trying to smile, I look more like Popeye that got in a bar fight.
(disclaimer: I've never been in a bar fight, BUT I'm sure this is how it feels)
I have discovered once again that Lortab is my friend!

We went shopping for wedding rings today. No...not getting married again, but since mine is falling apart after 13 years, I guess it's time to move on. I discovered that my taste has changed over the years. I have become more "simple" than I use to be. What Chad liked, I found very busy. I think he may have thought what I picked what boring. At least he doesn't think that about me!!!! ;o)

So I'm off to bed. Me and my drugs and my big face!!! Hopefully the swelling will be down by tomorrow.

AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

Today was S T R E S S F U L!!!

At one point today I took my blood pressure to see how stressed and angry I was and it was HIGH!!!

My normal speaking voice has hit an unsusal soprano octive and I talk really fast!

At one point, I was shaking today!!!

It's nerves!
It's anxiety!
It's anger!
It's tiredness!

It's everything wrapped up all into one!

CALGON!!!! TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!

Broken.....but now down!

My laptop BROKE!!!

My upstairs toilet BROKE!!!

The pipes to the washing machine...yes....BROKE!!!

The water main in the front yard..you guessed...BROKE!!!

Our cable TV....it's broke!!!

The blinker in my car...yesterday...BROKE!!!

4 of the prongs on my wedding ring....seriously...BROKE!

My bank account...now very broke!!!

So what's the deal?

School started Monday and everything started falling apart. Was that supposed to happen? I don't think so. Everything in my life is supposed to run just super smooth!!! Ha! If you think that's the case, you don't know me very well. (just remember the night I was born, and my wedding day)

This kind of stuff keeps me on my toes. Keeps me awake, keeps me alive. I don't have anything to complain about. At least I have all that stuff to break!
Could I live without it??? Sure! (maybe not he toilet)

When life gives you lemons you make lemonade.
When life gives you apples, you make apple pie.
When life gives you brokenness....you remember who you really are and what is necessary in your life.

In the dark ages!!!

I am sure I am living now in the dark ages.

I write here today from school. It's a bit frustrating to me that I got a new laptop about 4 months ago and it is in the shop. Don't know how long it will take to fix, what's wrong with it, or what. It's been a bit inconvenient having to go to school everytime I want to do something.

Then last night, AT&T Wireless service was down from about 4:00 to somewhere around 9:00. Now...I had no computer, no phone, and no technology.

I was forced to do the only thing I should have been doing in the first place.
READING!!!

First two days of classes have gone very well. Monday was all Theory from 8:00am until 5:00. I think next Monday I will bring a pillow to sit on. Today was all lab and I'm already done. It was a little exciting and interesting...but not dull at all. Tomorrow is clinical day. That's always exciting to me. I like the hands on work.

I have more reading than I could ever imagine right now. The questions in Nursing School are unlike any other questions from anything I have ever done. You may know the knowledge, but you have to know how to apply it in any situation. All questions are multiple choice, but EVERY answer is correct. You have to pick the best one. It forces you to stay on your feet and think on your toes and think quick.
I did pretty well Monday in answering the questions so we'll see how the rest of the semester goes.

I have a suitcase for a backpack now (and yes, it's red) and even with that, I cannot fit all my books in it.

This is a different life for me now. This is where the rubber meets the road. And we started off running.

Wish me luck!! ;o)

School: Tomorrow I embark on a new journey of my education.  I've heard this semester called many things.  None that I'm willing to repeat as I want to keep my blog at a "G" rating.  I thought I would be more nervous than I really am.  Maybe that will hit tomorrow morning.  Class hasn't even started yet and I already have an assignemnt to read 3 chapters and have all the questions answered before we walk into class.  Wow...no pressure huh?  I am learing to finally sacrifice certain things in my life. It hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be, but then again, it really hasn't started yet.  I'm sure my absence from certin things that I love will begin to have an affect on me at some point in time.  Right now, I'm okay. I get to take singing lessons for another semester. That's really exciting to me.  However, I've come to the conclusion that I am not a soloist.  No matter how hard I try, I will never become what I dream to be in that area.  So I have become content enjoying observinig others.  I wish I could have enrolled in our show choir at school but the rehersals conflicted with my nursing courses.  Maybe someday I can do that as it sounds like so much fun. Family: Chad's mom and sister are leaving tomorrow. I think they have had a nice visit.  Chad and I were introduced to Thai food while they were here.  It's always fun to have new experiences with the the people you love.  Chad's sister loves to try new places and things so we went along and enjoyed our evening together. Thanks to Theresa for the great reccommendation of Lanna Thai.  It was FABULOUS!!!! Spicy...but great!!!! Here are some pictures of us duing the week.