Let me talk about me....

There are a few things about me that I don't include in the everyday conversation...I was a banker for 12 years, a figure Ice skater 10 years, played the piano for 5 years (but still love to play), I was in winterguard/colorguard and very competitive, and was an equestrian rider for most of my childhood. Most of the time, these things just don't come up. Big things or little things...most of the time I just don't think about it. Funny though, I remember the bad more vividly than I remember the good.

I went recently to speak again at a baptist church for their womens ministry. Now granted, I have no education background in ministry and not really qualified to speak before them, but ran a pretty good women's ministry when we went to Jenks church. But these ladies wanted me to share some of the same stories of sturggles and trials that I went through in my life with some of their newer members. It was a touching time as they had so many questions.

I made my life out into a time line of events that I feel I have survived and overcome through the grace of God. I shared some pretty sad pictures and funny ones too. They were touched and I was happy to see that what I have been through can be used to glorify God and to help others.

5 years ago I went through Pathways so that I could learn to face things head on and deal with the things that would come up.
Back then, I probably would have considered suicide. Not really my first option, but some of those days I felt it was my only option.
Sure, I knew God, and I loved Him so much. That's why I decided not to make that selfish decision. My life was falling apart and I needed to find hope and faith and strength and love. This is where I found my mission statement for my life..."I am a strong woman with love and power, resting securely in the arms of God" What else needs to be said after that? I found what I needed.

I get excited and I laugh now when people assume that I never stuggle in life. I struggle all the time. Most of the time, only my closest friends know about it.
I think about being abused DAILY! I think about losing my marriage DAILY! I think about losing a son DAILY! I think about birth defects DAILY! I think about it....and think about it...and think about it.
I always have wanted to use these struggles in ways to help others out.
I've lived a good life. One lady argued with me that my life didn't sound that great. Especially my childhood. But I had to remind her that if I didn't have faith in God, I wouldn't be here today. God is my answer to all my sufferings. Not that he wants me to suffer, but he wants me to survive.

I'm strong. And I love that about me. I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor.
And everday that I breathe, I survive something else.