Challanged!

Wow...I discovered this week that I am technically challanged. Shane gave the option for someone to put some slides together for Sunday morning and boy...let me tell you what....it was a bigger job than I thought it would be. Once I got into it, I couldn't stop. I was addicted to powerpoint. So I had to limit myself to only doing so many slides per day. It was nice to use it for something other than school projects. I certainly give my hand to Shane as I didn't realize how much work he put into those. My hats off to him!!!!

So I've been a little down lately. I'm not sure it's really down but just tired and worn out. Again my professor today proclaimed to me today that she still can't figure out why I am in her class. I'm starting to get a complex about this. So now all it's done is make me want to try harder to prove to her than I can do the work. I was not adequately prepared by my pre req to be in this class so it's making it much more difficult.

So, I try not to have those silent moments of crying at home but it hasn't worked much lately. There is WAY too much for me to be thankful for and I shouldn't be sad for any reason. I think of all the other unforunate people in the world that have experience much greater losses in life than I....so I have nothing to be sad about.

I know that this too shall pass. It's just another one of those days where I don't feel adequate in anything I do. I know...I know....how long will I have this pity party??? Well...till about right....NOW. Okay...I'm done. Moving on! ;o)

Good vs. Bad

So a new situation arose today with my educational situation. Boy...there is always something else to throw into the puzzle huh?
Well....here it is....












If I continue with my classes how they are set up right now, I will finish in 2 MORE LONG YEARS with my RN with an associates degree.
Well...now....there is a new situation.
This semester they opened up a new program for nursing majors to obtain their BSN quicker.
It would be the first 2 semesters at TCC and the last two will complete at OU. Boy...what is a girl to do! Way too many decisions.
The only problem I see with this is I will have to spend about two more semesters taking MORE pre reqs then I would if I stayed at TCC. However, I would have my Bacholor's instead of an associates. I have one more semester before I HAVE to make this decision. I'm glad they opened this up...but then again, it's driving me crazy to think this is going to take me longer. Ugh!

Soccer Mania

We're loving soccer season! The kids are having a blast and they are really good too. They've won their games and Lukus each week has kicked the winning goal! Not that I'm bragging or anything!!!

Daily Thoughts.....

What am I here for? What am I doing? What legacy am I trying to leave in this world?
Three questions that really make me think!

What bad day???

I must say that last weeks was a horrible week. I think I prayed harder than I ever have. Well...maybe that's not the case but it sure was a lot.
I figure I could dwell on the bad aspects but I like to look at the positives....well...there wern't many I guess but I can name few:

• Last week and this week both of my kids won their soccer games. Both with Lukus kicking the winning kickoff goal.
• I had a good talk with one of my professors and feel hopeful about the semester.
• I got to sing at Powersurge and was totally upifted.
• I saw Lukus perform in his 3rd grade play. He did a great job and I was such the proud mom!
• I have lowered my amout of television I watch on a daily basis.
• I lost 7lbs 6oz last week
• I watched the most amazing sunrise this morning. It was INCREDIBLE!!!!
• I was able to get some things done at work that I have never been able to do on my own before now and I was totally successful!
• I watched the excitement of Emilie as she was able to complete a great cartwheel.
• I recieved my papers from the Oklahoma Board of Nursing to become a certified PCT. Now I just have to go and take the test.
• I got a good paycheck!
• I had a great long talk with my friend Tisha and her health is doing well praise God!
• I witnessed several miracles. Probably more than I realize.

So yeah....for now...that's all I can think of so it looks like I had a really great week after all. When something goes bad it is so easy to focus on the negative but I really like to think of all the great things in life. I know there are more than I can ever imagine. But now I can't remember all that bad stuff that happened today. I'm sure there will be more to come.

I just LOVE this song!

The wind and waves obey your voice, I want to be like that
Listening before each choice, I want to be like that

Father hear my humble plea
Help me to be
like the ocean that is under Your command
Help me be still, I want to do Your will
Oh Lord, make me a storm

The raging sea did not think twice, I want to be like that
Following without a fight, I want to be like that

Father hear my humble plea
Help me to be like the ocean that is under Your command
Help me be still, I want to do Your will
Oh Lord, make me a storm

O Father hear my humble plea (hear my plea)
Help me to be like the ocean that is under Your command
Help me be still (help me be still), I want to do Your will
Oh Lord, make me a storm

Make me be still (make me be still)
And listen for Your will
Oh Lord, make me a storm

What was I thinking???

In an attempt to make my blog look prettier...I messed it up. What was I thinking? You know how long it took me to make the last one? Ugh! So I commit to NOT trying to fix it until Friday. That's my day off and spend time doing what I want so hopefully it will turn up nice. I may have to solicit the expertise from Theresa. She's so good at these things.

Such a good morning....

You know...my children were just bright little angels this morning. I don't know what happend to them! Praise God!

Shut-in???

So I love Shane's definition of me..."The church's youngest shut-in"

I'm saying that with pride tonight as I just had the most awesome experience watching last Sunday's DVD. OH MY GOODNESS!!!! IT WAS AWESOME!!!!

I have felt so alone and so disconnected lately that this is exactly what I needed. And it's not
just the sermon on DVD...it's the whole thing.

When you are a strong part of something...after a while, you may take forgranted how much it really means to you in your heart until it's gone.

It was one thing for me to say in the past, "I'm a part of this or that ministry" and now....I don't get to participate in a whole lot of things. It's like a little kid being grounded from something they love so much. Sure...I made a choice and I'm happy with my choice. Doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to not be as connected as I once was.

Communion is a big deal for me. If one knows me well enough, they know I'm a crier. Yep..I'll admit it...I can get pretty emotional and in my heart pretty quick. Tonight was even extra special (tearing up of course) as I even got to be part of that intimate moment with the chruch family via the TV. No...it's not the same...but I needed to see that on there and reflect in the same way here. It's been well over a month now since I've shared in the Lord's supper. I do sincerely miss it. It's not just a tray to pass along to the next person, it is a moment in my week that I miss with God. Tonight we sang "Come at the Lord's invitation...." and I know He invites me to spend those moments remembering him each week. I can create that myself....it's just not the same. I always looked forward to sharing the table with my brothers and sisters and that moment. It's one of those moments that are gone for a while.

I can't help but think of others from our church that face issues of the same sadness when they can't come to church. Having these DVD's is truly an inspiration. I now look forward to them each week.

I hope people realize what a great chruch family we have. Someone stopped to talk to me last night and expressed their thoughts of missing me. And in our conversation we talked about Praise Team. The one thing I admire about the folks on our team is this....

Never at any moment have they ever made me feel I'm am a lesser part of the team because I can't be there on Sunday's. Never have they made me feel like I was an outcast. Never have they excluded me from anything and all of those were my fears before doing this. I'm so proud to know the people I know. God's people. That's what they are. I couldn't ask for any better.

I'm so proud to be a part of this family that accepts me for who I am, what I am, what I'm going through, and willing to walk with me to where I'm going. It's an inspiration!!!!

Car Conversations

After picking up the kids from school today....here's how it went:

Ian: Mom....how does a girl get pregnant?

Me: Well...

Lukus: Oh gosh mom...do you want me to just tell him.

(Mom now freaking out!!!!)

Me: Um..no...Hey Ian....why do you want to know this?

Ian: Cause I think I already know....You see...when girls get married...they start to eat alot. Then they don't feel good for a while and when they go to the doctor...he tells them they are pregnant.

Lukus: No...that is NOT how it happens. It's when a guy and girl are married and they dance together in a hotel room on their wedding night.

Me: Yeah...you're both right. Anyone want to go to Braum's?

Nothing good to say!

So I really have nothing good to say about school right now. Yestrerday, I left in tears. I was just so upset with my instructor. We are not studying what we should be studying and then when I think I'm getting something....she is quick to let me know I'm doing it wrong and not what she wanted.
I wanted to give up so bad. I think she knew she was about to make me cry but I at least held it back until I got to the car. I've been told this will be one of my hardest semesters. Primarly because it really doesn't have anything to do with Nursing. But you would think they could at least make it intersting. It's Science for the love of Mike!
So obviously I have a splitting headache today as again, after another class, I'm emotianlly exhausted. I'm trying to get over this attitude of how much I really don't even want to be there. I feel I'm giving up so much to do this to be this frustrated and upset. Right now...I would just rather crawl in a hole and the grades just appear...but it doesn't quite work that way. I pray this will get better as the semester moves on but December seems SOOOO far away right now.

HA!!! Not sure my sticker is correct!!!!

Your Bumper Sticker Should Be

Jesus is coming - everybody look busy

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatbumperstickershouldbeonyourcarquiz/">What Bumper Sticker Should Be On Your Car?

Another week...

Update on the smiles for Ian:
Last week went pretty well. After Chad and I going on a Dr. Phil rampage...he went to school Mon-Thurs with very minimal problems. Notice I didn't mention Friday? Well...he couldn't quite make it 5 whole days. He really tries to convince me that being good is way too hard. I totally believe him on that. So he wasn't to happy when the one thing we took away Friday was what he wanted the most. He wanted to go and spend the night at Grandma's. But how serious am I??? Oh very serious!!!
Then I had to find out his grades for the first week of school. Without failure to humiliate him anymore...lets just say...NOT GOOD!
So I had a good talk with his teacher Friday afternoon and came up with a few more solutions to get him through this year.
Parenting is not easy, but I know I have to be the bigger person here. No matter what the age, I'm still responsible for him until he is an adult and I am not about to let him fail. He's not able to make wise decisions on his own so that's what God has entrusted us to do. Ian is a great kid and if it is the last thing I do and the last breath I take, this boy will succeed.

Trauma Drama

I went to work at 6:00 this morning and it's now almost 10:00 tonight and I'm just now home. Went to work when it was dark...and I got home and it's dark. I think I'd like to sleep through tomorrow. I thank the Lord for days off.
Drama comes in when you are so tired you can't sleep. You weap at the silliest things such a your child passing gas in the car. I mean really...haven't I dealt with that enough today? ;o0
So, not that I really even remotely interesting to say today, but just felt like blogging....now going to bed....for a long time! ;o)