Wednesday, June 10, 2009


Tonight at powersurge we watched a Rob Bell video which spoke about the names we wear and the names that God intended for us. Then we had an exercise where we wrote down some of the names that we were thinking about ourselves as well as thought of what we really want to be and what God wants us to be.

One thing was really interesting to me about this exercise. I could not write anything negative at all. My mind wouldn't go there, my hand wouldn't write it, and my heart knew how God wants me to think of myself.

I remember a time many, many, years ago where I felt totally worthless. I felt like I amounted to nothing. I was horrible at everything I did and completely failed in my opinion. I might as well....not have existed.

After much prayer and time with God, I promised myself that I would take negative self talk out of my vocabulary. It didn't go away instantly, but week by week, moment by moment, it slowly started to get better. I would no longer allow myself to beat me up.

I can't remember the last time I called myself any negative things. At the moment I think it, I make a choice to change it. With this training, I have been able to overcome so many obstacles in life. One of the biggest being jealously of the things I don't have or the person I won't ever become.

I am proud of this accomplishment in my life. I am happy that God has worked in me to help me overcome so many human made barriers that I put up between me and Him.

I'm sure that I will have many more barriers that come up in my life and I pray that I am quick to recognize them and to destroy them quickly so I never lose site of the Father.

Ephesians 4:29-30
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption."

I think this also applies to US not talking negative about ourselves. If He doesn't want us talking unwholesome about others....or things....I would say this applies to us as well.

In the face of a very rough week around here, I pray that God continues to help me keep my thoughts clean and that I will not belittle myself as I did before. I'm a beautiful child of God who is funny, pretty, confident, outgoing, honorable, trustworthy, dependable, strong, faithful, devoted friend, forgiven, and completely healed.

I pray that His face will always appear to others....before mine.


Lindsay said...

Brenda my friend, you astound me! The magnitude of your faith blows me away time and time again. I am constantly learning from the consistancy with which you depend on our God and the perseverance with which you face trials. You are an incredible example to me of how to love and trust God even through the painful times.

And I'm glad you see yourself as wonderful and beautiful, because you are...inside and out! I love you!

Ashlie;) said...

I second Lindsay's comment!!! Just thought'd I'd say that instead of writing pretty much the same thing again...:)

Hannah said...

diddo! all i can say is wow. you continue to amaze me in how dependant you are on our God even through all the pain and the trials. I think all too often i do end up beating myself up and belittling myself. It's interesting, the verse you used. I never thought of it applying to us before, but i guess that would make since. Thank you for being such an amazing example to me...I hope one day to reach the point you have in this area of life.
And you are beautiful...the way lindsay said it, i couldn't have said it any better.
Love you beautiful!