Monday, March 31, 2008

Who am I???

What's up with life lately? I just sometimes don't get it. Life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Right? Well, life gives you troubles and what do you do with that? Give up? Give in? Give it to God??? Ah! Yeah...I think it's that one.

But when I give it to God, why does it keep coming back? I have been reading the book of Job over the last month. reading some parts again. I wouldn't necessarily compare myself to him in the fact that our struggles are not the same. I know that Job was a messenger. God sent a message through him that no matter what the struggles....we should never lose our faith. His family was dying of thirst and God finally relieved them of all their sufferings. I wonder if I have to get to that point to be relieved.

Life has been rough lately. Truly! And now that I think about it, my whole life has been a story of roughness. Am I whining? No. Complaining?? No! But I'm making an observation into my own life and wonder if God is trying to send a message through me. Would He do that? And if so...why pick me? Who am I???

Chad is home recovering today from his latest surgery on Friday. Walking has been a challenge, but he is being so strong. I praise God through all of this that they have been able to get all the cancer out and he does not need any chemo or radiation.
My doctor informed me this week that I must have a hysterectomy. I don't know how to feel. I'm okay with the physical aspect of this, but not the emotional part.

How long can one be strong? Is it okay to not be strong? So many questions go through my head.

I do not feel like I suffer as Job did. But I do know the feeling right now of suffering. I pray that in all things that God will not allow my children to suffer. I would take all the pain in the world for my family. And I would take my last breath for them as well. To know they are safe and healthy gives me peace.

If God sent me here to be a messenger, what is my message? What is it that God wants to convey through me. Have I conveyed it yet? Do people know? Am I getting it? But most of all...why me? Who am I that he cares enough to send a message through me.


Tammy said...

Why NOT you? All of us have become ambassadors as soon as we accept Jesus as our only hope. You shine because of Him in your life. Where would you be without Him yet having the same problems? How would you have the strength not to take it out on your kids without Him? How would you minister to other people like you do without Him? It is all about Him in your life, and I for one see Him all over you and your family! I love you, dear! Have His peace knowing He knows the end of the story, and He has already told us we win!

Lindsay said...

"Is it okay to not be strong?" Absolutely! In fact, being weak is the only way you find your true Strength.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Cor. 12:9-10
I pray that in your weaknesses, you will find the strength that Jesus can and will be for you. You sound weary, my friend. Remember the promise that our wonderful Savior gave to us in Matthew 11:28,
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Cry out to Him, fall into His arms and let Him carry you through this time of trials. He will see you through, and until you reach the other side, you will remain in all of our prayers. He is able to handle anything that comes your way! Trust in Him!