Who am I???

What's up with life lately? I just sometimes don't get it. Life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Right? Well, life gives you troubles and what do you do with that? Give up? Give in? Give it to God??? Ah! Yeah...I think it's that one.

But when I give it to God, why does it keep coming back? I have been reading the book of Job over the last month. Reading...re-reading...and reading some parts again. I wouldn't necessarily compare myself to him in the fact that our struggles are not the same. I know that Job was a messenger. God sent a message through him that no matter what the struggles....we should never lose our faith. His family was dying of thirst and God finally relieved them of all their sufferings. I wonder if I have to get to that point to be relieved.

Life has been rough lately. Truly! And now that I think about it, my whole life has been a story of roughness. Am I whining? No. Complaining?? No! But I'm making an observation into my own life and wonder if God is trying to send a message through me. Would He do that? And if so...why pick me? Who am I???

Chad is home recovering today from his latest surgery on Friday. Walking has been a challenge, but he is being so strong. I praise God through all of this that they have been able to get all the cancer out and he does not need any chemo or radiation.
My doctor informed me this week that I must have a hysterectomy. I don't know how to feel. I'm okay with the physical aspect of this, but not the emotional part.

How long can one be strong? Is it okay to not be strong? So many questions go through my head.

I do not feel like I suffer as Job did. But I do know the feeling right now of suffering. I pray that in all things that God will not allow my children to suffer. I would take all the pain in the world for my family. And I would take my last breath for them as well. To know they are safe and healthy gives me peace.

If God sent me here to be a messenger, what is my message? What is it that God wants to convey through me. Have I conveyed it yet? Do people know? Am I getting it? But most of all...why me? Who am I that he cares enough to send a message through me.

Things you should never say to your mother!

(I said) Ian...I see you are starting to get hair under your nose!
(Ian said) Really Mom!!! So are you!!!

(Lukus said) Mom, did you want your hair to look good today?
(I said) Yeah, why?
(Lukus said) Well, it looks better now that the wind has blown it everywhere!

(Emilie said) Mom, are you ever going to have another baby?
(I said) Definitely NO! Why?
(Emilie said) Because you have enough room still in your tummy!

(Lukus said) Ah...you and grandma look so much alike.
(I said) Yeah, but she's older
(Lukus said) Yeah, you both look the same age.

And the number one thing to never say to this mom is....
"Mom....you look really good in orange"

I'm not even going to tell you which child said it!!!

Fun times in Bentonville!

Just Deal!!!

I love game shows! It's no secret in our house that one of our favorite shows to watch is Deal or No Deal.

I have to admit, I have a huge amount of anxiety when watching this show. You can catch me at many points telling them to just "Deal"! And again they push the limit until they go home with so much less than they could have had.

What if we gave this same amount of 'dealing' to our lives...our faith...our God?

Let's see, we are chosen to play a very intense game in life. We're given the best of times...and the worst of times. I have to start out by opening 5 areas that I may not be happy with. It's a gamble. But I go for it anyway. I could either be dealt something that is not so painful to deal with and the sting doesn't hurt to lose it, or I could be risky and end up opening the one thing that I dreaded all along. In the beginning, it's easy. The pain of losing something or getting hurt isn't so hard because why??? Well,I am relying on faith. Faith brought me to this point in life and now I have to deal with the consequences of my actions. Am I afraid of the consequences??? Not yet! Why??? Because I have faith in the banker...well...God! I nervously await that phone call...or answer to prayer...and must have patience while he makes His decision. Will my answer be rewarding, or will it be less than I expected Him to tell me?
But then wait! You have to make a decision. He's now answered your prayer. Do you say, Deal.....or no deal? It's HIS decision. You can choose to like it or leave it. How many times in our lives do we say "deal" and how many times do we ask Him for an answer and then walk away? It blows me away how many times that I have just chosen to make my own deal rather than wait for Him. In the end, you've either got a fortune in the bank, or you are going home settling for less.

But that's not our case with God. We already have a fortune. We are already millionaires. We don't have to make a DEAL because He paid the price for us. He is our banker. He is our friend. I think He wants to 'deal' every time and live life as He intends for it to be and not take it into our own hands.

Father thank you so much for giving me this opportunity to enter this game of life with you. I'm so sorry for all the times I made my own deals and didn't listen to what you were trying to tell me. Lately, the deals have not been so good and I have wanted to throw away what you gave me to take it into my own hands. Father please forgive me for not keeping my eye on you. Thank you for giving me faith and knowing I can believe in you that no matter what case I open, the answer always comes from you. Help me to trust you right now and forever.

Friends

Sometimes, words just can't express enough how thankful you are to have someone this special in your life!

Satisfied

I made an attempt to make my first video using software that came with my computer. Tell me what you think!

Day 3

And on the 3rd day....we rested!!!

Day 2 of insanity!

Before!

It's coming along quite nicely!
I can't wait to see it when it's done and has furniature in it!

Extreme Insanity

There's nothing better than feeling spontaneous and ripping up the carpet in your living room. I am so tired of carpet. It just doesn't work well with 3 kids. So the best way to fix it, is to get rid of it. Today I went to Lowe's and got a wild hair to buy tile and fix up our living room. Now, this is a much bigger job than I anticipated, but there is nothing better to cure you when you feel down to do something that makes you feel better. I don't really like my house, but I'm happy to have a home so I make the best of it. It has many....and I mean many problems with it. The big job to tackle will be our bathroom, but until then, I just thought the carpet had to go. Taking out the boards with carpet tacks was NOT fun!!!
However, I love how it's going to look I got it all out of the house and laid the tiles out! It will look so good! And my dear brother came by tonight to help me lift furniture. All I can say is that big TV's and piano's are meant to stay in their places and not be moved!


Chad coming in to inspect my work!

Don't you love how red his face is??? Dr's give great meds!

This will be the final look! Well, with more tile of course. I'm really excited! Right now I even love the concrete floor!

Pee mate

Girls....this is your next Christmas present from me!!! Just so you know....THIS IS A REAL PRODUCT!!!

Use me O Lord

We sing the song:
Give me the heart of a servant
Tender and faithful and true
Fill me with love and use me O Lord
So that the world can see you.

How amazing are these words!!! 4 simple phrases that mean so much. I long for my heart to be that of one of HIS servants and after He has used my heart and molded it to be what He desires, I pray that one day, others will see Him through me.

Be glorified!

"

"Do not be frightened...make up your mind not to worry...stand up and lift up your
heads...be careful or your hearts will be weighed down...be always on the
watch and pray..."
Do you live afraid? Do you worry? Are you weighed down?
God gives us hope! He gives us peace so that in everything we do, in everything we say, in every decision we must make, that we can rely on him.

Be encouraged today. Be happy! Live in His light no matter what the circumstance!!! You may have it bad, Jesus had it worse. He took that pain for us so that we can be light and love to all around us!

Have a glorious day!

WOW!

I just have no words for this! Can you think of any???

Laughter

If laughter is the the best medicine...then why on earth am I still in school? I should be making millions by now. I love to laugh. It is what keeps me going through hard times. This weekend has to be the best weekend I have had in years. I spent it with the most beautiful ladies at our appreciation banquet and all I can say is the giggles were rollin from the moment we walked in the door. I honestly cannot even tell you what was SO funny, but whatever it was, it kept us going all night long.
A series of events happened here....not sure what...but something was REALLY funny!
I truly loves these ladies!

Friends

I have many friends in my life. I am so blessed beyond measure.

Today, Theresa and I went shopping and for the first time in over a year, I will be wearing a dress tonight. I had the best time shopping for dresses and found the absolute most best sale ever. I'm a little uncomfortable wearing dresses, but I will let all that go tonight so that I can enjoy myself....not wearing my usual suits!

Then, I am coming home and recieve a phone call. Lately for me, receiving phone calls have not been entirely good news. But this one was the most precious phone call from my freind Carrie. She was full of emotion as she told me she wrote a song for me as she is mindful of all we are going though. As I got off the phone with her I couldn't help but cry. She sang it for me and it was one of the most beautiful prayer songs I've heard in a long time. She said it needed some work, but I think the words are perfect. And for her to sing it to me was priceless!!!

Father when I kneel to you my head beneath your grace
I see your loving kindness, I feel your warm embrace
I know that in my sorrow, you know my hurt is deep
And when I bow before you, that is all you need.....

Father God
Hear my prayer
I am breaking with a heart of despair
Will you come and lift my soul
Please take my heart and completely make me whole,
And I know that your here
And I know that you care
When I come to you, my soul so weak
Please Lord come and make me complete,
This is my prayer

I have so many great friends that I can not fathom life without them right now. I have never been so touched and to have a friend feel my pain and write a song...now that is just amzaing. If there were no other blessings in my life right now, I would feel abudently blessed to have the friends I have by my side.