Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Do you ever feel like giving up? How do you cope with that?
There are many things I do...and I do wrong dealing with the guilt of disappointment. But when that disappointment is gone...I begin to get scared. My feelings of love and happiness turn to numbness and the attitude of "I don't care".

It seems like quitting on something is the much easier way out. My parents raised me to be a very independent woman. One that doesn't have to rely on anyone else for anything at all. I'm not sure that was a good move. I've been raising my kids like that I'm at the point of figuring out that it's not the best way. But then again...is there really a best way? Probably not.

I have the personality of a commander yet one that is sill able to laugh and have fun with the rest of society. On the homefront, it's not the same way. I play the role of many different faces here at home and it gets tiring. I understand my personality very well, and really...I like it. I like who I am. But when things go wrong, I doubt my self confidence and question who I am as a person.

God didn't make me to be the shy and quiet type, but rather, a go getter, a leader and a follower, a person that others look to when they need things done. God gave me a voice so that one day, I will take it out into the world and do something spectacular with it. I haven't found the cause yet, but it's out there.

I will probably do things in the future to disappoint myself, disappoint others, and disappoint God, but I'm working on making everything right in the eyes of Him, instead of the eyes of others. Again, it won't be perfect, but worth it in the end.

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