Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Could you live in my world?

This has been a rather rough week with Ian. It's been extra hard on us.
The hardest thing is when others don't want or care to work with him. They are not willing to give him a chance.

One of the hardest things is when it feels like it is pulling our family apart. We can't do things together. Normally, Chad will have to leave somewhere with Ian and go back home so that the other kids can have a normal everyday life.

It's also hard when I see other adults being mean to him. Today that happened right in front of me and I said something to this person. I held my composure but it was just easier to punish Ian, rather than the adult. It was easier just to send him away and say it was okay for someone to talk to my child that way.
IT'S NOT OKAY! A place where he should feel safety and comfort, is a place he hates to be. A place where he could go in times of struggles, has become a place where he is not accepted by adults and kids alike. We can move, we can run, or we can just hide up in our house. The fact is, we are living this life with him everyday when society is tellings us that he is not acceptable. Anywhere!

I get tired and grow weary. I need time to cry. I need time to be mad. I need your love. I need your hugs. Just don't be surprised if all those emotions come all at once. I long to be happy. I long not to blame. I long for the challanges to go away. I long for acceptance...for us and for him. It's just one of those days that I need to feel held by God.


Just because I'm not all there,
Please don't think it isn't fair,
God Made Me For You.

You may think now you've been left out,
I'll bring you joy there will be no doubt,
God Made Me For You.

I'll be the apple of your eye,
Tho now and then I'll make you cry,
God Made Me For You.

I'll be some trouble there'll be no doubt,
But God told me you'd work it out,
God Made Me For You.

Even tho I'ts not the way you hoped it would be,
God said you'd take good care of me,
God Made Me For You.......


Theresa said...

I know there's nothing else I can say at this point, my dear friend... but I love you. I love you dearly. I love your family, and I am always here if you need to talk or just be quiet. I am here to sing you random songs and to love you in the moments you hate everything around you. Because... you are my sister, and you are precious.

Shane Coffman said...

Quite frankly, no, I would struggle mightily in your world. You hold it together so well - even through all of the challenges and struggles and tears and pain. I'm amazed at your strength. You truly are "Super Mom".

Anonymous said...

Such Real feelings you have...and thanks for KIR and sharing them. I think coming to be good friends with you, I see more of your struggle, and I pray for you! I know sometimes when you want to just give up, you stay positive and hopeful that God will work this out....I am amazed by your strength, and I know God is with you all the time in this struggle....I don't know that I could have your same struggle and handle it as well as you could! Remember, there is a reason for everything!!! God will bring you throught this...and you always have your friends support:):) Carrie