Hard times?

Ever felt like times are just hard? I think that occasionally to myself. It's my own little pity party. I usually don't invite others so you can't really get offended if you don't get an invitation. It's a selfish party of 1 only. ;)

Those are some of my most favorite times. It's those times that I stop and think of how lucky I really am. Sure...times are hard. But, if I wasn't given a challenge in life, then where would I be? Ho hum...stuck doing the same thing over and over and over. I love a good challenge. Even when it's a painful one.

Now...I'm not going to pray for a challenge, nor patience, or anything else like that. I think God can tell if I need it without me asking for it :)

I have a few challenges to face before the end of this month is over. Question I need to really ask myself is, how do I see myself growing in these situations. Easy way out? Long road? Working through it? Don't whatever just to please everyone? Or...will I face my challenges head on, with clear thoughts that are not muddled by old tapes I bring back up.

I think I know!

Reflecting

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6 ESV

I am reminded today of the importance of teaching our children how important our faith in song is. I, like many other parents, know that our children don't all learn on the same level. In fact, not even all adults learn on the same level. Some learn with their hands, some by reading, some are auditory learners, and some, by my favorite, learn by music.

I remember having to learn as a young parent how to teach Ian how to talk and say things that the doctors said he would never say. I did the only thing I knew how to do....I sang to him. I was patient, yet determined. I was kind, but firm. We sang all the time. One of my most favorite moments yesterday was watching a video with him of our first moments where he learned a song. Most of his toddler years were spent singing everything he knew. Others laughed, because it was funny. :) But, I knew that one day, this would get him where he needs to go in life. I am amazed at how far he has come. I didn't pay for therapy, I just mothered him the only way I knew how.

I think that is one of the reasons I find passion and joy in teaching other kids to sing. I'm not the greatest singer...I just love to make music. I love to see the joy in the hearts of children when they find a voice within them that they are comfortable with. With that comes strength & courage to conquer new and exciting things. Believe me, if you can get up in front of people at that age and sing, you will conquer great things later in life. But, it's not just about singing, it's about what song you can find in your heart. When I can't find the strength to do anything else, I sing.

This year we are approaching 5 years of teaching children to sing praises to God. Thinking about that today, I added up all we have done and it blows my mind. I have taught 91 children, taught 103 songs, presented 62 songs, taught 43 kids at workshop (only 16 of those from MDCC), kids recorded on 1 adult CD, kids recorded an entire CD, kids ministered in song to the elderly, kids sang Christmas Carols, and maybe something else that I haven't thought of.

I look at this and think wow! Or...I think I should be really tired! :) It excites me. This is what puts a smile on my face.

I am reminded in Isaiah 54:13 "All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children." I love this verse because it reminds me that I am merely a vessel. I am doing nothing spectacular. He is using me to communicate His word and His song to these kids. I often wonder if there has ever been a time that teaching these kids has kept them around. I wonder if what we do with this makes a difference. I wonder if these kids will be having a rough time someday and remember the words of Blessed Be Your Name or Mighty to save or You Never Let Go. Or, if they've ever had a moment where they want to sing Shout Hallelujah, or Shine Jesus Shine. I think if that is one small thing we can accomplish, we might be doing something good.

I once remember looking out into a congregation where some children were not smiling, were not engaged, and definitely would not sing. Today, I sit in a congregation listening to the little voices overpowering the adults as they sing praises and worship to God. I wonder....what it sounds like to Him?

I'm a nobody

I'm a nobody! Who I am and what I am makes no difference to anyone. Why worry with wanting to feel important, or special? Why try to be anything more than I am....a nothing, a nobody.

Some of my most favorite people in the world are those that are not in the spotlight. Those that are meek and quiet. I am most comfortable around them and their silence. They allow this nobody to just.....be. why? Because they are nobody too....and they aren't striving to be somebody.

I'm not the person that I want to be. But, I'm exactly the person He wants me to be. I still have so much work to do on me. I'm glad He has patience working with me and glad He allows me to fail to I can start over.

I may not be somebody to those I try so hard working to impress. I'm still a sombody who's a nobody to the only one who made me who I really am, and that's somethin!!!

Love thy WHAT???

I wish someone would just give me that easy, cookie cutter, answer to loving your enemies! Man....even when I try, it can be really difficult at times. I admit, I'm not good at it. I can get good at it when healing within begins to happen, but when someone picks and picks and picks away at me on purpose, I can feel that love start to fade away. Surely I'm not alone in this.
I've tried to find something to love, but again, it can be difficult when a person really does everything possible to make you miserable. It's such a sad situation.

I know one of the only ways to do this is to let Jesus transform my heart into something that is not there right now. I want to obey the greatest command and these others that I have read:

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another (John 13:34).

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you (Luke 6:27-28).

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse (Romans 12:14).

We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it (1 Corinthians 4:12).

I don't want to be that person in 1 John 2:9-10 that lives in darkness.

I've tried so hard for so long to be Jesus to those that mistreat me. Maybe I'm not doing it right? I suppose they don't see Jesus in me.
I think it's highly possible to have enemies...to have people that mistreat me...but does that make it okay? What if that person always has to be right no matter what? I will never win.

When I take a step back and look I realize it's okay to have enemies. Jesus had enemies. He dealt with it in such a calm manner. I've tried to understand my enemy, but it doesn't help. I've tried to love, but they continue to hurt me. I try not to take things personally and realize, they just need help and I'm not the one to give it.

I'm striving to love my enemies. I have realized, they are going to hurt me. I realize, they may not know better. I realize, I can't change them. I realize, it's not about me. I realize, it's still going to hurt.

But this is the kind of love I want to have/give to everyone. I'm just praying that God helps me with that. Even having just 1 enemy that you find it hard to love, is 1 too many.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

My New Favorite Song

Talk about a song that just speaks to me and feels me with joy and tears. Man...I love this song! I'm so thankful that God has given Laura Story the gift of writing music. Her songs really speak to me.

KPC 2011 - Learning can be fun!

They say the funniest things....

While singing "This is how we overcome"

"Ms Brenda, they spelled mourning wrong!!!"
"No it's right! How do you think it's supposed to be spelled?"
"M O R N I N G"
As I smiled inside...we had a great lesson on words that sound the same but have different spellings and different meanings.
Their reaction was "OHHHHHH"

This one...was more difficult! While singing "A New Anointing"
"Ms Brenda, what is Anoint...ing?"
"What do you think it is?"
"Sounds like a jelly!"
"Well, to anoint something is an act of applying something...like pouring oil."
"So......it's a season to pour new oil?"
"Welllll....it is an act of doing something. It's like making a dedication to something much like they did in the Bible."
"So, it was a new season to dedicate themselves to something new and fresh?"
"YES!...Now...let's sing!" :o)


I love what I do!!!!

Making a difference

Do I make a difference?
In effort to remember and never forget this story....I blog. It all started...20 years ago..and leads to today.

I wasn't a banner student in high school. I was lucky to make D's. I would try, but give up. Eventually, I just stopped trying. I didn't feel smart. I was there for social reasons. I wanted friends...relationships...people to like me. Even in that area, I still struggled.
My senior year brought many new things to our school. New teachers, a new principal, and yet, another year for me to struggle. That part, had not changed.

I had made it through half of the year knowing there were certain things I had to accomplish in school to graduate, but was struggling to reach those milestones. I knew in the next few weeks an English research paper was due. In order to graduate, I needed to do really well on this paper. But, I really was focused on having fun.

I had been assigned to write a paper on Leonardo Divinci, who himself, was not a man who loved to be taught, but rather, loved to work & learn with his hands. The only education he had was a very basic one. He always had one thing in mind, and that was to reach a goal and feel a sense of accomplishment. He was a man with a vivid imagination and felt like nothing was impossible. I became very intrigued with his personality and his personal goal for success. Therefore, I wrote a paper...even though, I didn't really know how.
I had my mom look over it the night before I turned it in, however, she also didn't know what I was really supposed to be doing, other than writing a paper.

The day came to turn in my paper and I was just a little nervous. It was either pass or fail time.
At the end of class, my teacher calls me to the front. "Did you do this all on your own?"
Oh.....I WANTED TO MAKE SOMETHING UP QUICK!!! Praying "Please God, give me the right answer to say right now"....so I said
"Yes, I did it on my own, but I had my mom look over it last night"
The next words.....so simple....but changed the rest of my year.
As this teacher looked me in the eye, he said: "You did a really good job"

I went the rest of the day with those 6 words in my head, playing them over and over. They were simple, but they mattered to me. For once, someone liked what I did. Someone believed in me. Someone that didn't know anything about me, anything about my past, anything about my family, anything at all......he believed in me.

The rest of the year went by rather quickly. I was making up for lost time in all 6 classes I was trying to do my best to pass. I didn't graduate with honors, but I did complete the goal and felt good about my efforts. After that....I never spoke to that teacher again. I was unable to thank him. I was unable to tell him what a difference he made in my life.

Fast forward 20 years.

I have graduated college and moved on to a wonderful career doing one of the most rewarding things a person can do....save the human life, or be with them as they move on to eternity.

The summer of 2010 was crazy. I had just graduated & was being trained in several different areas in the hospital. One in particular was the Trauma ICU. I was at the end of my training and basically working on my own. I had completed all of the steps but was just being observed in case anything went wrong that I didn't know how to handle.
I went to work, printed off my patient list as usual....but something was different.
This time, there was a name I recognized in the Trauma unit. Could it be? Was it really THAT teacher from 20 years ago that made such a difference in my life? Nah! There is no way.

I proceeded to the unit to get report and heard about this terrible accident involving a man who feel off a ladder and relocating his throat under his left ear. It wasn't pleasant, but we don't always deal with pleasant. Clinically, things were not in this man's favor. At this point, all he had on his side was God, and I was praying they were on the same team. Then....I was told....it was my teacher. The man that made the difference in my life would now rely on me, my skills, my hands, my knowledge.....and I felt so green! I was nervous....but probably not as much as he was!

He had been there for several days and had already undergone a tracheotomy. Today was the day to take him off of life support and make sure that he is going to breath on his own. That's always a scary day....for them...and for me.

I walked in and introduced myself. He didn't recognize me....so I thought. I'm 20 years older, have 3 kids now, and changed my last name. No way he could remember me. I proceeded to to explain what was about to happen. Boy, did he look nervous. He had questions and I took the time to listen and read his lips since he could not speak. He was scared of the unknown. I assured him that if anything happened, I would be right there, and I also had backup ready, so we were all prepared. Once I was able to calm his fears & gain his trust in me, I prepared all the necessary equipment and was ready to shut off the ventilator. But......then.....I stopped.
The next words were what I had been waiting that whole time to say:

"I guess this is probably a good time to tell you that you were my teacher 20 years ago huh?"

Oh my!!! I watched his heart rate sky rocket on the monitor and his blood pressure increased and his lips moving ever so rapidly saying "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!"
I'm sure at this point, he was wondering if he had ever given me a bad grade! Ha!
I smiled from ear to ear, and watched his face turn from total fear, to total reassurance and trust. At that moment, he had no where else to go, except to trust me. I took him off the ventilator and stayed by his side reassuring him that he was breathing fine and that I wouldn't leave him. He did very well.

Later that evening, I was able to speak to his wife in the waiting room & tell her the story of how her husband made a difference in my life, and now, I feel I am getting to give that back to him. Yet, he didn't even know what he had done for me. It was time for me to go home for the day but I didn't want to leave him without reassuring him he was going to be fine. I went to tell him goodbye and ended up telling him how much of a difference he made in my life. He just laid there. He couldn't speak, but I could tell....he appreciated those words. I think at that point, he knew he could trust me.

Those days led to many more days of conversations, treatments, and the healing process. He truly is a walking miracle. I prayed and prayed that the man who was instrumental in my success to graduate high school, would continue to live on so that he could make a difference in the lives of so many other students. I am so thankful to God that he completely healed him...and did it so quickly that science cannot explain it.
He was able to start teaching again this year without missing a day. He is making a difference in the lives of kids who will one day make a difference in this world somehow.

He is a blessing to me. A motivator. A friend. 20 years ago, I could have never predicted this would happen this way, but I am thankful for opportunities that give me the chance to tell someone else how important they are to me.

I never had the chance to thank him. Now....I can thank him everyday.

As for that research paper on Leonardo Di Vinci.....I got an A! 99% to be exact. I lost 1 point for misspelling the word "Women" GO FIGURE!!!!

Leonardo said: "There are three classes of people: those who see, those who see when they are shown, those who do not see."

I'm thankful that my teacher was of the higher class...and could see that I was one that wanted to be shown instead of one that would not see.

I am grateful

It's a very weird feeling to hear someone say to you "You played a part in saving my life....I am grateful"

I don't feel that....and it gives me a weird feeling when I hear that. I understand what they are saying, but in the scheme of things, I am just a small fraction of what God is really doing. He is the one at work.

When I go to work, it makes me so grateful for the things in my life. I am grateful for my family, my friends, the good and the bad situations I am in, and so grateful for another day to start again.
When you deal with people who look at death in the face daily, it's a constant reminder of all of the wonderful things that we live for. Spend a few weeks, days, or hours with the ones that are counting their own moments down, and it will make you see life in such a different perspective.

Hello...my name is...

It's only 2 weeks into a series of classes at church and I really have enjoyed the content so far. A class titled "Hello...my name is Memorial Drive"
Now lets not ever shorten this to "Hi my name is MD" because the medical side of me comes out and says "Muscular Dystrophy". Not sure that has the same context to it.

Thinking about this last night...what if I wore my tag everywhere I went...what whould it say? Would it change from place to place according to the atmosphere, environment, or attitude I carry? I believe it would. At work, would it say "Hello, my name is St. Francis?" or at McDonalds would it say "Hello, my name is McD?"
Of course it would, but it should also say something more important than that. It should say "Hello, my name is believer, servant, christian"

Do I carry that with me? I sure hope so. So when I'm:
At work "Hello, my name is helper"
At McD "Hello, my name is thankful"
At church "Hello, my name is,friend and Child of God"
And so on and so on.

I want to be be all the things that God wants me to be without reservation in all situations. I want others to know where I get that from. Not only do I get that from God, but I get that from a family of believers that I can't imagine life without.

I want to keep adding to my tag. I want to be those things that I see in others. I want to be those things that He sees in me so that I can pass that along to people who have yet to know Him like I do. I, just want to make a difference.