I can see through you.....

Today someone approched me with this question.

"Are you okay?"

Me: "Yes!...just a little tired from working"

"Well, you look great! I just see something else and can't put my finger on it"

Man....don't you hate it when others can see right through you.

There comes a time when you just have to swallow your pride and say what is wrong.

For us right now, it is finances. We are still being hit with all the moving, transfer fees, and basically, just playing catch up from the move. We didn't make much from the sale of our home, and really....that's okay. But we've had to play catch up in areas where we hadn't realized yet. Some things this past week totally caught us off guard. It wasn't our error, but the errors of the companies involved. Needless to say, our pocketbooks were drained. I refuse to put anything on credit as we don't need to start down that road. What DOES make me happy is that everything is paid!!! But there is nothing left. That....is a sad reality. And when I say nothing....I mean...nadda! Nothing! Zero! Zilch!!

We cut our vacation short and decided to work more hours. OOPS! Wait! We came back home to find out there are no more hours left at work. There is a shortage of freight at FedEx and a shortage of patients at the hospital. I had to beg and plead with my boss last night to not send me home. They were able to get someone else to go home instead of me so I am thankful. But that doesn't guarentee me any hours these next few days. But I will be reaching for what I can get.

I remember a time when we were newely married and we lived off of Ramen Noodles. We didn't complain. In fact, we got quite creative with them. :o) Creativity with meals helps in today's planning when you have 5 mouths to feed. As I worried in my heart this morning about how we would make it this week, I came home and pulled everything we have out of the cabinets and refrigerator. I have enough stuff to be creative enough to make a meal every night this week. My little ones will not go hungry. And I hope and pray they don't see the difference.

The kids are so good. They know things are tight right now and knew this would be the reality for a while after moving. And they have not complained. There is the occassional "WHY" that comes up, but overall, they are happy to entertain themselves while we work to provide for the family.

Living further out of Tulsa now, I have to think about my driving time. Gas was not a big expense for us before. Now, we have to constantly think of ways to conserve our gas and miles. That has been one of the biggest adjustments for us.

School starts in a few weeks. For all of us!!! I have lots to think about. School Supplies, Clothing, Lunches, the basics. ARGH! Still trying to figure out the HOW of this.

However, Emilie woke this morning and showed me that one of her permanent teeth are completely broken off and split in 1/2 at the root. Hummmmm....okay...what will I give up to fix my daughters tooth? A LOT! I have no idea how to cover it, but for her health, I have to do something....and quick!

I'm thankful to the first person who said something to me this morning. I'm very thankful to the second person who looked at me and knew right away I was at war with myself and needed for someone to just understand.

Everywhere we turn, it's a dollar here, five there, and it's never ending. I am happy within myself that I have the strength to say "I can't" and feel okay with it. The disappointment is gone. The struggle comes when you have to disappoint your kids so many times that they no longer are bothered by it. It has just become a way of life.

I'm thankful for our friends. I am thankful for our family. I am thankful for our God and what he blesses us with. Even if it's not much, I feel like the richest person on earth.

I DID IT!!!!!!

We enjoyed 9 hours of fun on Lake Skiatook yesterday. I have not been on the lake in 18 years. And I can't remember a time that I have had more fun than I did yesterday. It was a blast. There were tears before we got there but by the end, we were sitting out in the middle of the lake and as Chad was below me waiting for me, I jumped into his arms and yes....I was completely in the water. I have no idea how deep. I have no idea if there were fish around. All I know is that I did it. I'm excited to go again and I think each time will be easier.

I think this pic was just after I finished tubing and we were talking about how much fun it was. Lukus drove the wave runner and Chad watched to make sure I didn't fall in. (at this point, I hadn't gotten in the water yet) Lukus was a great driver and didn't do anything outrageous to flip me in the water. I can't say I was that generous when I was the driver! OOPS!


I think I had the most fun driving these 3 around on the tube. Baylee, Emilie & Dawson were a blast. They were so light weight they they would just fly on some of the turns.

I promise you....this is not me falling off. I know this...because I took the picture. They caught a wave and off they went!

Baylee was a great sport riding the waves with me. She made me laughed as she "coached" me on how to hang on not and fall off. I had to remind her how many times she fell off when I was driving!

Lukus had a blast. He did it all and had so much fun!

Royals Game was a blast!!!!

We had a great time at our first MLB game. It was the Royals vs. Rangers at Kauffman Field in Kansas City. The ending didn't turn out too great for the Royals, but that didn't dampen our spirits at all. We had many moments where we were up out of our seats for something happening on the field. The above picture is a view from our seats in the field box behind the 3rd base dugout. We decided when we go back, we'll try the same area....but at night! It was very hot and very sunny the entire game.


We had hot dogs (courtesy of a great friend) All I can say is "Thanks! Baseball game hotdogs are the best!)


We had to capture this. This man was sitting directly in front of me the entire game. I had to laugh when Emilie came over and said "MOM!!! Can we ask this man if he knows Terry Rush and if he collects his cards?" But she said we had to get a picture of his hat....so we did! :o)


Our usher was so kind. We really liked her. She came by and took our picture at some point during the game. The staff here is very friendly!


We made an attempt to get a family picure at every angle when we got there. This is the best on that turned out. The sun was just too bright for words.

Ichthyophobia

It is very real. A real fear. Even though.....some may laugh.

It is an intense and persistent fear of ......FISH!

This has been the year for conquering fears for me. Some are big...some are small...some are public...some are private....but nevertheless.....I have been able to conquer 2 so far in 2009 and it has been so freeing. And with each step I make, I find myself wanting to take myself a bit further in conquering other things.

So this one....is a big one. So much that my hands sweat just typing about it.

I am deathly afraid to swim in any body of water that my have another living creature in it. It's terrifying! I have adapted to it, but others find it odd or humorous. Me...not so much. For a long time, it bothered me and I just didn't speak about it. I didn't want to be laughed at or made fun of anymore. So when people went to the lake, I jut made an excuse up so I didn't have to go....or even send my kids. When a news report shows up on TV about the lake....I change the channel. I don't watch shows that involve sharks or oceans. You get the picture.

But this is it! THIS IS THE WEEK. Wednesday is the day that I am fighting against this fear that Satan has put in me.

FEAR: I've always heard this as False Evidence Appearing Real! These are images that we have created within ourselves. I can never remember a time that a fish did anything to me. I've never been bitten. I can't remember even coming close to a fish in the water. EVER! I've probably just watched too many shows about sharks!

Replacement: I am working on replacing the negative images that I have of being at an ocean or lake and putting something positive in its place. If we go to the lake I would love to swim with the kids, have fun on a boat, walk in the water, feel the sand under my feet, have the freedom to play like everyone else.

One of my new favorite quotes is "Thinking breads fear and doing overcomes it."
The more I think about it, the worse it gets. But I have found by just forcing myself to face the fear and just do it makes the outcome so much greater.

I'm tired of missing out on opportunities to have fun and being laughed at. I don't want this to control me anymore. Fear is a scary thing. (no pun intended) The things you allow your mind to dwell on will eventually lead to belief and you acting upon it. Did you know that 90%of things that we are afraid of.....never happen?

I look forward to what will be happening next. What fear I can conquer next. I have more things that I am afraid of.....but not listing.:o)

I will be going with Chad and one of my best friends. Both of them I trust completely with my life in their hands. They don't laugh, they don't make fun, and they totally understand.....it is time.

Ultimately, the trust falls on me trusting God.

1 year down....1 to go!

It's offical! I am now a 2nd year RT student! Holy Cow!

That creates and excitement in me that I can't even explain.

This summer semester was rough, and as we approch the fall dealing with the Neonatal Intensive Care Units, I am sure they will be equally challanging. But I am up for the task.

As for now, I will thank God for his guidance in getting me through another semester and my first year.

I can't believe in 10 more months.....I graduate. It's going to go by so fast....along with lots of blood, sweat and tears I'm sure!

You give me fever.....

Okay....not quite like the song exactly. The thermal kind that goes through your body, to your forehead, and pretty much if it's high enough, I think it can leak out your ears!

Oh no...that was a cartoon. But in medical terms....I am "febrile"
And it's 39.5 C!!! I'll let you figure it out:o)

So that means there will be no brownie delivery today. I did manage to bake cookies for the kiddos. Now I will be studying for my finals which are tomorrow morning. And then crawling into bed. :o(

Disappointment

I think when disappointment hits, it hits all at one time. Today was a day like that. And I will be the first to admit, I don't deal with disappointment well. Inside of me I go from questioning to anger to denial to sadness to giving up to giving in and then to getting over it. WHEW! That's exhausting.

I've done really well over the past year to fight those emotions off but today there was just too much.

I've often heard people say "They'll just have to get use to disappointment" and in fact, I think I have even said that to my kids at one point in time. But I for one still don't like it.

I finally calmed down enough today and wiped the tears away long enough to open my bible to just the right thing.
Phil 4:11-13 I'm not saying that because I need anything. I have learned to be content no matter what happens to me. I know what it's like not to have what I need. I also know what it's like to have more than I need. I have learned the secret of being content no matter what happens. I am content whether I am well fed or hungry. I am content whether I have more than enough or not enough.I can do everything by the power of Christ. He gives me strength.

What I know is that a happy ending is assured for Christians. It probably won't happen today, tomorrow, or here on this Earth, but I know that eternally I will find happiness. I want the tears I cry to be tears of joy and laughter when I enter the kingdom.

Don't get so disappointed in life that you don't know how to deal with life's disappointments.
Hope and faith are the antidote to disappointment. Anything else, doesn't really matter.

Today...Test...TREATS!!!!

Today was a very interesting day. I worried myself sick about a test I had this morning. And then worried about a presentation I had to give. I ended up doing okay on both of them. You're right....why worry?

That really set the course for the rest of my day. I was smiles all day today. It was a great feeling.

I came home and Emilie and I started baking goodies to take to some unsuspecting friends. It was so nice to see the smile on their faces as they were so appreciative of the chocolate they were about to eat. :o)

Emilie asked me...."Why are we giving away all the GOOD ones and keeping the ones that turned out ugly?"

I replied....because we are supposed to give away our best.

I'm not sure if she got it or not. She wouldn't let me break out into a biblical story at the time. But what I loved is when she walked up to the doors and gave away her very best that she had made. It warmed my heart so much.

Shane & Alice on Broadway.....well...kinda!

It may not be exactly Broadway but we felt like it was for one night only as we were showered with show tunes by the Owasso Community Choir. It was great! We had so much fun. And it couldn't go without saying what a great job Shane and Alice did during the performance. They had many spotlight moments where they did very well. I was highly impressed with my friends and how well they did last night. Here's just a short clip for your enjoyment!

Baptized by the vegetable sprayer.......

Today was a very interesting day to say the least!

I went to the building to do my weekly duty at the church. This is a moment where I love to visit with staff, cleaning crew, and then close the doors and embrace the moment between me and God and whatever music I choose for that day. Somedays....like today....I embrace the peace and quite as everyone was gone and just be with God.

Normally when I am there, I am startled by the quick surprise of some expecting person walking through the door. I've also had some think it's quite humorous to sneak behind me and wait til I turn around....again...scary. There are even those days that some sneak in, hide behind the counter, I'm sure snicker at my singing ability, and then eventually crawl around and grab my leg. WHO KNEW these things went on....when it's just me and God. Sheesh!

Okay....today takes the cake!!!!

My job has been completed! But I find 1 spot that needs to be washed off. I proceed to the sink. I thought I heard a noise behind me so I turned around. My right hand is sitting on the faucet as I proceed to turn it on. Now...I'm still looking over my left shoulder and all of the sudden wonder...."WHY IS MY SHIRT SOAKING WET????"

I react fast! I turn the water off, but it's not fast enough. I am soaked! Soaked to the bone! I have been baptized by the vegetable sprayer that was so beautifully strapped down with a rubber band. Now, I am there every Thursday about the same time. Using the same sink. Having my moment with God. Someone knew exactly what they were doing. Yet.....I didn't know it was my time. My time to have my sins washed away without my knowledge at all.

I have a suspecting feeling I know the culprit and I love you very much.

Have I mentioned that I believe there will be pranks and payback in Heaven?

Bring it on my friend. Bring it on!

Friends forever

This week has been one of pure excitement for me as we just wrapped up the night at Lipscomb Summer Celebration and Acafest. I have waited for this week for so long....and for many reasons. For one reason, I get a chance to get away with some great people from our church and enjoy being in their presence while they serve and worship God. It's such an honor to be around them. Secondly, this year brought back many friends for me to see and many of them are so dear and close to my heart. It's amazing how the years can but a distance between people, but when we got together tonight, it's like nothing had ever changed. It was difficult because I couldn't spend time with each and everyone of them as I would have liked. But looking into their eyes, giving them a big hug, and letting them know I still love them is all we needed to say.

I am so blessed to have many many friends in my life. I don't like to make enemies. I feel like one of the luckiest people on this earth to be surrounded by such great Godly people who at times, know me better than I know myself.

Today has been one of the most incredible days I've had in.....well....I don't know how long. I have laughed! I have cried! I have hugged and received hugs. I have been surrounded by life long friends that I can't imagine life without. I love them all.

I learned so much more than that this weekend, but it sure was the highlight for me.

Why question the obvious?

Today is day #4 of no pain in my back. I want to add "at all" to the end of that sentence, but can't quite do that yet.

I have been able to sleep with no pain, work with no pain, walk with no pain, hug with no pain, and smile with no pain. This makes me so happy!!!

I haven't seen the results to my CT scan yet and won't see them until I get back from Nashville. I've prayed and prayed, along with others, that I would be relieved of pain. That prayer, has been answered.

The only time I notice it is when I've been sitting for a long period of time and need to stretch. My own medical conclusion to that is a muscular problem, not a spinal problem.

I'm not concluding that there isn't a fracture in L5 when in fact I saw it myself....but.....it is possible that the fracture has been there much longer than I have been hurting. It may be possible that I pulled a muscle (which takes 4-6 weeks to heal) while moving 4 weeks ago and it brought enough attention for me to get it checked out. While doing so, they found the fracture. But.....the fracture may not be a problem. Hummmm. (I think I should go into the medical field or something! :o)

But the obvious thing I know is this.....we prayed, over and over and over, and God answered. It has been so nice to be pain free these past few days without any help from medication at all. All I needed was to rely on the ultimate healer, and let Him do His work in me.

Yep! That's my God!

I'm not old! But I'll GLOW!

I've been waiting to meet with the orthopedic surgeon for the past 10 days. Today was my day.

I left my clinical early to arrive on time but yet, I had to wait almost 1 hour in that cozy little room with paper on the bed while staring at the multiple pictures on the wall of the "PERFECT Spine"

Finally, he walks in and oh my goodness, you can tell this man has a chip on his shoulder today. He wouldn't look at me and just said "Why are you here today". (in a not so nice tone)

I started from the beginning which was about 3 weeks ago and he really didn't seem to care....he just wanted to look at my x-rays from the previous doc.

He looks.....he's silent.....and finally says "Well, I don't know where they are coming up with that! I can't tell anything by these x-rays"

So guess what.....I go across the hall for more xrays.
(I think I should be pretty radiant by now!)

I am just sure at this point he is going to come back in and tell me that my other doctors are just plain nuts and all I am looking at is a pulled muscle. I'm just sure of it.

So he comes back and proceeds to put the xrays up on the lights. He's very abrupt and arrogant acting while this is going on. But once again, he is silent. HUMMMM.
I finally ask him "Well???"

I don't think I should have asked because I didn't really want to hear the next thing out of his mouth. He said...."maybe they were right....you might have a fracture"

SHOOT! :o(

I said...."Well, if that is the case, what is the healing time?"
He says..."There's not.....we'll have to go in surgically and place a screw in your spine to hold it together"

Now....I'm silent.

He then proceeds to tell me that the other pain I am feeling are just he effects of "OLD AGE"! Okay! NOW!!! I am talking to a man who has grey hair and probably not all his own teeth and he is calling me OLD. Wow!
He not only said it once.....but 4 times. He told me that at age 37....things will get worse. Guess there's a magical thing about the number 37! Not sure what!

So....I now know that I have to have ANOTHER CT scan next week, I am 52 days away from being "OVER THE HILL", I have a pressure point weakness in my "gluteal muscle", I may need a screw in my back, and that not 1, not 2, but yet 3 doctors now cannot figure out what is wrong with me. All I can tell you is that by the time all of this is over, I will GLOW from all the radiation I have been exposed to.

I live such a blessed life! To be able to sit here an journal about this just makes me laugh. I tried so hard to make this mans day better, and only once I saw him smile for a brief second,but if all I can get is a brief smile for a $40.00 co-pay...well then I'll take it. I hope that I brightened his day by being his last patient and that maybe he'll think about the quick whitted jokes I thew his way on his drive home and be blessed. I pray he is a MUCH better evening than the day he was having.

oh...just random

It's been a really good week so far. I feel like I've gotten so much done, but yet have so much left to do. I'm wondering if those boxes will ever go away in the garage. But honestly, I'm living without them, so that's okay. They can stay there for a while.

I am finding it a challenge to plan out my work schedule a whole month in advance. Now, I know most people know they go to work 8-5 M-F and that's that. But then they can plan accordingly. I just plan my schedule around my social life and school. So in order for me to take a day off.....it's got to be really important to me. :o)

Had dinner with mom and dad today. They came to help me fix a couple of mini blinds this afternoon and then took me to olive garden. What a nice treat. Haven't been there in so long! Loved the food....as well as the company.

It's really hot out. And I love hot weather.

I think something may be wrong with our dog. I noticed her eating the grass this afternoon. From what I understand, this is not a good sign. I better keep a close eye on her.

Our mailbox is up and getting mail. It's nice to not have to drive to the post office anymore to get our mail.

I got a new drivers license today. It doesn't look as good as the last one!! :o(

We are getting ready to reach the 1/2 way point of this semester. That is good news. The bad news is...they are having the first exam when I am in Nashville and I have to take a deduction for that. I was sad. Guess I really better know my stuff! No extra credit for me.

This semester is getting more difficult as the weeks go by. Lots and lots of math. Not my strong point! I usually have to wait for the light bulb to come on for me to get it. Um.....as of right now.....it's still dark up there.

I am notorious for getting lost. I have to admit I am directionally impaired. It's quite comical until I really get lost. Sometimes, especially at night, it's kinda scary. I think I need to implant a personal GPS until into my body so that if I am lost, I can always be found! :o) And then someone can tell me how to get where I am going.

I'm not who I was.......

Tomorrow is the day. I heard the news earlier this week. The wife of the man who abused me for 6 years of my life....has died. Now....they are both gone.

How is one supposed to feel with that kind of information? Happy? Sad? Angry? Emotionless? or maybe just don't care. I can say, I've had all those emotions....over time.

I was in an awkward spot when I heard the news via text. I was singing with our praise team which forced me to not react. I could have left and I did consider it, but decided the best place for me at that moment was right there. For the rest of my time there, a particular numbness came over me and my mind was consumed. I knew the questions would be coming....and in fact, they will come even more when none of my family shows up for the funeral.

I must admit, I shook almost uncontrollably as I typed her name on the Tulsa World website to verify her death. Parts of me still feels like it isn't real.

It's been interesting that the events of my childhood have been at the front of my mind for the past 48 hours. Some of them more painful than others, but all in all,I think I've dealt with it pretty well. Had a small talk with my mom today. And then my brother called and we talked. It's really amazing how something like this can crush a family but also bring such a great amount of healing. Only something that is as Great as the power of God can bring that type of healing.


I am at such a good place in my life. And in saying that, I wouldn't change it for anything. I don't know who I would be today if I had not survived the events of those dreadful years. Would I be strong? Would I be a good mom? Would I know right from wrong? Would I be the person I am today? Only God knows.

For the rest of my life I will be.....just who I am. I will never ever be who I once was. I will always have a past and always have a story of healing, but I choose not to live with that pain again.

I do not know if they were sorry when they died. I do not know if they asked for forgivness. But my prayer tonight is that God shows them the mercy that they never bestowed upon me. I pray that they never have to feel the pain that I felt as a child. I pray that the memory of them here on earth is good to those that they served well. I pray that their souls are reunited once again as husband and wife and that they spend enternity of happiness together.

I pray that God teaches me to be strong in spirit during the weak times. I pray that he gives me strength tomorrow morning as I pray for those that are mourning the loss at her funeral. I pray that God helps me continue to heal this part of my life and I pray that he will never let me forget the events in my life where I felt so broken......and I turned to him......and he healed me.

Names....

Tonight at powersurge we watched a Rob Bell video which spoke about the names we wear and the names that God intended for us. Then we had an exercise where we wrote down some of the names that we were thinking about ourselves as well as thought of what we really want to be and what God wants us to be.

One thing was really interesting to me about this exercise. I could not write anything negative at all. My mind wouldn't go there, my hand wouldn't write it, and my heart knew how God wants me to think of myself.

I remember a time many, many, years ago where I felt totally worthless. I felt like I amounted to nothing. I was horrible at everything I did and completely failed in my opinion. I might as well....not have existed.

After much prayer and time with God, I promised myself that I would take negative self talk out of my vocabulary. It didn't go away instantly, but week by week, moment by moment, it slowly started to get better. I would no longer allow myself to beat me up.

I can't remember the last time I called myself any negative things. At the moment I think it, I make a choice to change it. With this training, I have been able to overcome so many obstacles in life. One of the biggest being jealously of the things I don't have or the person I won't ever become.

I am proud of this accomplishment in my life. I am happy that God has worked in me to help me overcome so many human made barriers that I put up between me and Him.

I'm sure that I will have many more barriers that come up in my life and I pray that I am quick to recognize them and to destroy them quickly so I never lose site of the Father.

Ephesians 4:29-30
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption."

I think this also applies to US not talking negative about ourselves. If He doesn't want us talking unwholesome about others....or things....I would say this applies to us as well.

In the face of a very rough week around here, I pray that God continues to help me keep my thoughts clean and that I will not belittle myself as I did before. I'm a beautiful child of God who is funny, pretty, confident, outgoing, honorable, trustworthy, dependable, strong, faithful, devoted friend, forgiven, and completely healed.

I pray that His face will always appear to others....before mine.

Waiting.....

There is a song I've heard many times now on the radio from the Fireproof soundtrack. Right now, it really speaks to me as we wait for answers on many things and it communicates exactly what I want God to know what I'm wishing to be while I wait on his answer. My prayer tonight is that God will put thoughts like this in everyone's mind that are waiting on an answer from Him. I pray that He makes these things easy for us.


I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Choosing

Today I'm choosing to make it a great day.

I am not immune to hardships! If you've ever spent just the littlest time with me, you know this already. I hope and pray that I handle things much differently now, then I did a year ago, or 5, or 10 and so on.

Philippians 4:4-7

Always be joyful because you belong to the Lord. I will say it again. Be joyful.Let everyone know how gentle you are. The Lord is coming soon.
Don't worry about anything. Instead, tell God about everything. Ask and pray. Give thanks to him. Then God's peace will watch over your hearts and your minds because you belong to Christ Jesus. God's peace can never be completely understood.

I don't know any other life outside of being a christian. I've always been one. I've always known God. So my feeling is.....that if I let the world weigh me down as a Christian, I am going to constantly crack under pressure. The only way to find strength is to rejoice in the good times....and the bad. Just as Paul did.

I think God calls us to rise above worry and anxiety. God tells us very clearly to pray in times of difficulty.

The pressures of this world should not make us buckle at the knees, but it should surely makes us fall to our knees in prayer.

Today, I make the choice, to rejoice with Him. Anything of this world, does not matter.

God's Chisel

Take 9 minutes to watch it.

Trees

Again, This HOA is a bit humorous. They find out you are here and they are ready to hit ya with it.

Covenant states that you must have $500 worth of landscaping in the front yard as well as 2 trees planted. Those too....should have been planted by the builder.

Okay...so we finished out the landscaping in the front this weekend....well worth the $500.00 they are asking and there are not 1, not 2, but 3 Evergreen trees planted.

They did not state WHAT kind of tree or WHERE it had to be planted. They just said tree.

Well, she is considering the Evergreen trees a bush, not a tree. I explained, that's becuase they haven't grown yet. Give it time, they will be much larger trees. I'm just sure of it. But I know, technically, they are trees.

She laughed. I laughed. And for the second time today, I wished her well and went on my way.

You can't do much with rules like this other than laugh.

For some reason, I feel I might be on the verge of starting a great friendship with this woman. We've talked enough in one day that we're practically best friends now.

Mailboxes

Upon moving into our house we noticed we didn't have a mailbox. We let that go a couple of days. We asked a few neighbors and they said the HOA would put it up once we moved in. The first one if free, but if we run over it or break it, we pay for the next one. Yesterday, I found out that the post office was returning all of our mail because of no mailbox in front.

I've tried over and over to get in contact with the HOA but have failed.

Today, I got a call from the president of the HOA and she told me I was given the wrong information.

The builder was supposed to put up the mailbox.

I guess since the builder went bankrupt, well....He failed to put one in. So now we have to fork over the $250.00 to get one.

I just laughed. She laughed with me. I wasn't really wanting her to laugh with me....but we were both laughing. I'm sure mine was a "different" laugh than hers.

So, in my own dave ramsey fashion, I refuse to go to Tulsa to purchase one. I have googled them and found them as low as $100.00 and with chad working for FedEx...well...shipping is minimal.

SO....there....is my mailbox story.

Oh my back!

Well, I hurt the back. I think it was from planting flowers in the front yard. Didn't realize it until last night I bent over to pick something up and well....I didn't come back up. Ah....the joys of moving.

Lady is better now. She had a good night last night and I think she is getting use to it.

Everytime I make progress and get the kitchen counter cleaned off, I find another box to unpack and pile it all up again. But I've been pretty successful at unpacking about 4 boxes per day plus getting everything else organized.

I love having this problem.

Crying, crying, crying, and SHUT UP!

We brought our dog Lady to the new house last night. Oh my goodness, she cried and cried and cried all night long. About 3am we thought she may be tiring a bit, but no....she must have power napped because 30 minutes later, she was at it again. UGH! It's like having a new baby all over again. Hopefully by the next few days she will be use to her new environment and enjoy it.

We got some flowers planted yesterday and it's just really starting to feel like home. They look very pretty.

We're in!

Well, we're in! We moved in Tuesday and the unpacking is never ending right now. Who knew we ever had so much stuff.

We are really enjoying the new house as well as all of the neighbors we have met. Everyone is just so nice and welcoming.

Night time is especially wonderful here. You can sit outside and just look up at the sky and see the stars and unlike our other house, we hear very little noise. It is so peaceful. It even smells different out here. In a good way! :o)

The kids seem to be liking it pretty well. Things are still a bit awkward as we haven't gotten any shelves up and they are still living out of their suit cases.

We got our appliances yesterday. Sadly, the refrigerator came damaged. I thought for a while we would have to wait another week for one but a couple of hours later, the delivery men returned and will just let us borrow this one until another one arrives next week.

I love my new washer and dryer. I thought at first they were broken, but....they are not. Just shows that my other washer and dryer are so old they don't include any of the standard safety features as the new ones do. Pretty funny! But it's kinda nice to have a matching set now. Not sure we've ever had that.

Being here is a little overwhelming. A bit surreal. Sometimes I just have to sit and think "do I really live here?" I wonder when all of it will sink in. I see this being our home for a very long time. I am pleased with it. I am pleased with how the purchase of it went.

The home is something so "material" in the scheme of things. I believe we all want something nice. We work hard for nice things. We sacrifice for nice things. And when it's time, I think we are rewarded for the good things we have done to show our faith in Christ. The past 9 months was very tiring trying to sell the house, live there, work, go to school, home school, and raise a family. Many times, I thought my marriage could have ended because of the amount of stress it was putting on both of us. But our bond is greater than something so material.

It wasn't until we finally gave up, stopped cleaning the house from top to bottom everyday, and trying to impress the lookers that we finally got the offer.

It wasn't a good one, but we feel good knowing that we are being able to bless someone else with a new beginning in that house. We gave up a lot, but we gained so much more than we could imagine. God is great in the way that He works. He made this happen and I learned a lot of valuable lessons.

When you go through life storing up so many treasures, you lose focus on the one thing that matters most. We we gave up on the house, the Realtors, everything, is when God came in and swept us off our feet. One day we will look back at all of it and laugh at how hard the past 9 months was. But being able to share in this experience with our kids is priceless. They learned what patience is and how we handle certain situations in life. They will learn from the mistakes we made and they will marvel at how God worked through those.

We will use this home to glorify God in every way possible. We are so thankful and grateful for all he has done for us. And if it's gone tomorrow, we'll understand. But for now, it feels really nice knowing how He walked with us in this just to see us come out on the other side with huge smiles!

Praise God!

A New Home

Since the last posting, things have changed dramatically! We will have our new home on Tuesday the 19th!!!

I'm not sure what happened really other than saying that God did it all. I have no other explanation for it.

We got a contract....way under priced.
We countered.....buyer accepted.
Buyer ordered inspection....that didn't turn out so great.
House needs 5 piers & termite treatment. (roughly about $5500.00 that we don't have)
Shopped around, found a man that discounted the piers to $2250.
The termite inspector came BACK out and apologized and said there was no need for a treatment. ($1050.00 back in our pockets)
We then sign off on everything, and it's ready to go.
Piering starts this Monday, we close on Tuesday.
The bank for the new home, gave us the key on Friday without us even owning it.
Found out they do not handle the escrow. UH OH! Never done that before.
Good news with that is our house payment WILL NOT CHANGE from what it is right now. We will just have to pay the taxes once a year.

SOOOO....We close Tuesday morning at 10:00am and we are so excited. We cant wait for it to actually happen. Now we have been shopping for new appliances which has been really fun as we are trying to find the lowest price.

God has been so good to us. Friends have been so good to us by covering us in prayer and praying for this to be the right move. It wasn't until we totally surrendered it and gave up that it all happened. God is so good and so in control of things and He is changing our life moment by moment. God rewards those who make a choice to obey His commands. I will personally say, as a human, and as a sinner, it is not easy for me to always do the right thing, or say the right thing, or act in the right way. 2008 was so rough but I committed to Him that I would start fresh, start over, and start a new life that will glorify Him. I want to use our new home to glorify Him in whatever way is possible. If it were not for Him, I would not be blogging this today. I give God all the glory and praise as this has been totally out of MY control and I LOVE IT!!!!

KPC's 2009

We wrapped up a great night of praise and worship with the Kids Praise Chorus. God knew exactly what He was doing when He put this in the middle of my week! I'm so thankful!!! I am lucky to know all of them. They blessed me more than they will ever know.

Day 6 Wednesday 5-6-09

After the news we heard yesterday on the inspection, we decided it was in our best interest to put it all to the side for the next 48 hours. It has been such a relief to not think about it today. I'm still feeling pretty bad but I knocked one more final out this morning and my last one is tomorrow. I will tackle bigger things beginning on Friday.

We are really in deep prayer about this right now. We are trying so hard to hear God's message in this. The hard part in this is that the message is not what we wanted to hear. It may not be the right time to move right now. It may not be the right time for a change. It may not be in our best interest. Who knows. It's all a guess for us right now and before we react to anything, we want to firmly believe that we are basing our decisions on our total trust and faith in the Lord.

We may not get the house we want and that's okay. God may have bigger and better plans for our future. We will wait for His answer.

Bummer 5-5-09

Tentative results of the inspection revealed a couple of things. The house needs 4 piers and some termite repair. Just when I thought that I got things settled with the Owasso bank this afternoon, then we were hit with that. Boy, wasn't quite sure what to do with that information. As I explained to the realtor, this may be the end of the road for us. We do not have that kind of money, nor do we have the resources to get it fixed. We may just have to stay here for a while. A long while.

But I can tell you this, I'm letting it go. Letting God do whatever it is He needs to do in us. The next 48 hours I am not thinking about this at all. I have too much on my plate and I don't feel well. Yes it's disappointing, but I have learned to live with many of those in life. This won't be my first, or my last I'm sure.
I lift my hands at this point and give it to Him.

He knows what to do and I trust in him completely.

Day 5, Tuesday 5-5-09

Inspection Day!

We did all we could do to get the house prepared. Probably more than enough, but guess they will just have to realize that it's an older home. We'll see what they say.

We left about 8:30 this morning and went and had breakfast at Ihop. Not my favorite, but certainly is Chad's favorite. What that boy will do for an omelet!! We couldn't come home for a few hours so we decided to go grocery shopping. We drove by afterwards to still see an entire host of cars at our house. Windows open, garage open, doors open, and it just gave me a very sick feeling knowing so many people were in our house without us there. BUT....that's the nature of this.
They weren't finished so we decided to take the drive to Owasso again.

Driving by the house we would love to have was difficult. We would love to be there, but there are many factors still in the way. The final sale of this house, and the acceptance and approval of loan and contract for the new one. At this point, we still have not heard from the bank.

But...we did hear from the Owasso Realtor and well....it was good news...and not so good news. Basically it breaks down to this.....$1000.00 in fees stands between us and getting the house. We explained to her our situation and that at this point, we do not have another $1000.00 to contribute. If that is what they need, then we will have to let the house go. As difficult as it was to get those words out, it felt good to be able to be honest and not go searching for the money anywhere else. We have what we have, and are not willing to go into debt to make this happen. We want to trust God completely in this transaction.

We gave the guy who is buying our house an amazing deal so that he could start fresh. He is young, engaged to be married, and this would be their first house together. I think that's kinda sweet. But he couldn't afford anymore so we decided to help him out. Well, in doing that, it has possibly caused us to lose the house in Owasso.

Sometimes when we do things for others, we end up sacrificing something we truly love. We had no idea at the time that things would go this way with the Owasso house, but we are content with the decision we made on this one. We want someone to buy it and be happy with it. It's time for us to move on for many reasons. But it feels really good to be able to help someone else out.....just as we were when we first got married.

Next....we wait for a final answer from the bank in Owasso and we are waiting this week to hear how our inspection went. Everything at this point is resting completely on those two things.

Me....I'm totally resting in the arms of God knowing I am completely taken care of!

Day 4, Monday 5-4-09

Wow! Monday was a very long day. Good, but LONG! :o)

The inspection is Tuesday morning. We had lots to do. It's amazing how when you really want to sell something how quickly you can get moving. There are things we had not done in 7 years that we were able to accomplish all in one day. On top of the fact that I had a final and had to have time to study as well. Let's just say the day was very productive.

We were supposed to hear from the bank in Owasso, but did not. That's been their normal behavior level for us so we were not surprised. Seems that if we really want something from them, we have to initiate everything. They are in no hurry to help. But I was in no hurry to call either. I want an answer, but there are bigger things to get accomplished here instead of us getting upset with them. They will call....when they call. Because....eventually.....they have to call. Not a big deal.

The stress level since Saturday has been one that is full of ups and downs. The neat part is to see how we have handled it all. We have our tense moments, but all in all, the days and nights have been very good. That's a huge changed from 10 years ago for us. It funny how the older you get, the quicker you get over silly little things. We had a fun time laughing about that yesterday. Even in the midst of disagreeing.

Seems worrying about the inspection became less today. We came down to some final conclusions. If the inspection doesn't passes to the buyer's liking.....then we just got a free inspection on what needs to be done to the house and we are out NOTHING! Other than what we have spent to fix things here and there. But if we have to stay here, then fine. We still have a home to live in and we will continue doing so. No worries. This is not a mountain we can't climb. This is an easy one. A no brainer! It could be successful. It could be disappointing. And this may not be the right buyer, and the house in Owasso may not be for us. Only God knows what it is that we need to do and I feel very confident that HE is standing right beside us helping us through it. I LOVE THAT!!!

Day 3

Today we went up to Owasso to meet with the realtor of the house we want to purchase. Once again, we went through stacks and stacks of paperwork signing everything in hopes that tomorrow morning at 9am, the bank will say "yes".

She was very positive, but like us, she has no clue what is going on. She is trusting God and living by faith that all of this will work out for the best. I love that she is totally on our side and is looking our for our best interest. She has almost become like family to us lately. Most of all, she doesn't want to see us left without anywhere to go at the end of the month. Neither do we!

We have had to start preparing our current home for inspection. That will be Tuesday morning at 9am. Man! It's all happening so fast. You look at your house and think nothing is wrong, but in reality, you know those inspectors look in every little spot they can to find out if everything is okay. I pray that all the work and updates that we've done over the years have paid off and that they only find minimal things to fix. It's an older home, so I am sure there is something.

Trying to stay positive about all of this was a bit easier today. Probably because I had so much else going on. This is a busy week. I am praying that God takes the pain away from my kidney infection and that he helps me through the finals and that he gives me the patience to wait and not worry but to trust Him fully!

I know I do! But I just have to keep reminding myself.

Saturday, May 2

Day 2 of houseselling/buying!

I woke up to Chad telling he he hadn't slept all night. He asked if I would have a problem going home early today and I said no. We went to the convention in the morning and headed back home at noon.

He talked about his fears and worries and how he feels that in 26 days, we'll have no where to go. We've made a deal. Although it's not really in our financial favor, it is in good favor of someone gettin a fresh start and we were okay with that.

I asked him over and over....okay...no....I begged! Please do not worry about this right now. There is nothing we can do.

As we walked around and made our purchases, it was very difficult for him to concentrate. I know those thoughts are consuming him.

We had a very nice drive home and tonight he doesn't act too worried. We've prayed about this and know God is in control of everything. God won't leave us stranded.
It is true....if something doesn't happpen, we have no where to go, but I just truly don't think that will happen.

If they won't finance us - then we don't have a house to go to.
If the inspection doesn't go well - we may not be selling.

the inspection is scheduled for Tuesday. I think it will be fine, but as with anything, there are always things that they find. Even in brand new homes. We'll just do what we can.

We've been having lots of talks lately about worry and anxiousness. The bible says: 6 Don't worry about anything. Instead, tell God about everything. Ask and pray. Give thanks to him. 7 Then God's peace will watch over your hearts and your minds because you belong to Christ Jesus. God's peace can never be completely understood.

Philippians 4:8-9 NIRV
Finally, my brothers and sisters, always think about what is true. Think about what is noble, right and pure. Think about what is lovely and worthy of respect. If anything is excellent or worthy of praise, think about those kinds of things. Do what you have learned or received or heard from me. Follow my example.
The God who gives peace will be with you.

End of day wrap up! What's the worst that can happen?

If we don't pass inspection......we can't move.
If we don't get the loan.....we can't move.
If somone gets it before us.....we just look for another.

There are so many "what if's" flying around. I say "What if we DON'T worry about it"

I serve a God that is much bigger than any problem I could ever have. I believe in praying BIG pryaers to Him just as much as the little one. I pray that he move a mountin for us. But for some reason, it feels like we are on the uphill clib to the top.

I will not worry. I will obay his commands.

If we get the house, we will praise Him.
If we lose the house, we will praise Him.

I am looking forward to see how God works in our hearts together through this.

Friday, May 1st Making the Deal

Today our realtor called and informed us the buyer has accepted our terms. We now have a contract on the house.

Not necessarily a deal we were fond of but one we made feeling okay about.
We found out that this is a young single man who is engaged to be married. Our home will be their first home. They couldn't qualify for everything on the loan, so we decided in the best interest of both parties involved, we would give more than we really wanted to.

We needed the money from the sale of our house to put up a new fence at the new house, landscape, paint, install blinds, and buy new appliances. But giving in to the amount we did would not produce enough cash for us to get all of that accomplished.

When we spoke to the realtor of the new home, she informed at the us that the new house was landscaped, they put up a privacy fence, painted, and installed custom blinds throughout the house.

Um...okay...so now we don't need ALL that extra money! Wow! What a blessing!

I called the bank (who owns the home) to inform them they will have a contract back on the new house by Monday morning, and was surprised by the answer I received.

They have now informed us that we will have to go through the entire pre-qualification process over again. Well, that's okay, but since we applied before, the rules for qualifying have changed. We are not sure what these rules are, so it leaves us not knowing anything until Monday.

For 9 months they have told us they would honor our loan, and honor the contract if we could just get a buyer for our house, and granted theirs didn't sell. Both of those thins have now happened.....but we have no guarantee.

We were in shock. We were out of town at the Homeschool convention and couldn't get any rest and found it difficult to concentrate.

Chad was so sweet. He couldn't sleep and he knew I didn't feel good so he stayed up all night worrying by himself while I laid there sleeping. I had no idea. I felt so bad for him. He was just sick about all of this.

Get Ready......Here we go!

I am going to blog this journey of the sale of our house. Some may be short, some long. But in all of this, I want to look back and remember the power of God's hand in all of this.

Week in review....

Overall, this really has been a great week.

I faced the two most difficult exams of this semester with very little amount of time for lecture and studying and couldn't believe how well I did. Yes, I did stress, but only because I wanted to do so well. Doing WELL for these test means just passing! But I did FAR beyond that. It gives me the confidence and motivation I need to keep going for the 3 Finals I am facing next week.

Other than school, I haven't been able to get a lot of other things accomplished lately. It's okay. They'll wait.

I'm learning that it's okay to say no to the things I love the most. Oh my, it is difficult. But even when you love to do something so much, there are times that you just have to stop and take care of yourself and do something different. Life is so short and we need to enjoy every moment we can. Many times I feel selfish when I want to do something fun for me. But not this week. I'm trying things differently and seeing a different perspective. Hopefully, it will make a difference in other places as well.

I haven't felt well this week. Probably the strain of school. Either way, it has called for a doctors visit today. It's so amazing to me that when we can't tell ourselves something is wrong, our bodies will do it for us. For 3 weeks, I've been ignoring what it is trying to say, and this week, it told me no more. In the future, I think it may be a good idea to be a better LISTENER when it's trying to tell you something. :o) (silly nurses.....they are the worst patients! Sheesh)

I'm excited to see what God has in store for me next week. He bet he spends lots of time smiling when we have some great "AH HA!!!" moments in life.

I love food!

Well, there's a statement I wouldn't have said a year ago. I sit here and eat a piece of ice cream pie and love it. I haven't lost any weight since January and feel 100% healthy. Mind, Body, & Soul.

I would love to lose a little more for the "swimsuit season" but it's okay if I don't. I'll be content where I am. Losing is easy if done the wrong way. It is a challenge to do it the healthy way.

Choosing wise choices in life are some of the best rewards ever! Not with just food and exercise, but in everything we do. Doing things the wrong way, makes life difficult. Embracing life's challanges, makes it all more rewarding!

I choose the challanges!!!

I LOVE MY LIFE! ;o)

Wrapping it up....

This semester is wrapping up for me. What does that mean? Test, Test and more test. I can't believe the amount of test I have and the material they have yet to cover in the next couple of weeks. It's mind blowing. I have a test tomorrow, and Wednesday. Then two test on the same day next Wednesday, and honestly wonder when it will end. Well, I know the actual date, but the amount of information I must memorize and retain between now and then is overwhelming.

Matthew 6:33-34 says: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

It's a verse we hear all the time but sometimes forget to do first. I get so bogged down with the day to day duties of life, kids, work, school, marriage, that I tend to forget to seek what I've been directed to.

I'm only human. I know I'm not the only one who forgets. Especially in times like right now. I'm overwhelmed. But I don't want to feel overwhelmed. I want to know that I have no worries. There are no worries except for those that I create. If I haven't studied enough, then that's my fault. I know what I need to get the job done, I just have to lay everything down.

I'm at that point in the semester when I hear myself and my body saying "I can't do it all". But there is always a time in every semester that you can find me saying that. :o) I don't have much longer to go. I am less than 3 weeks away from finishing another semester. It won't be my last. And I can guarantee you now, it will NOT be my hardest. I am the strongest person I know because I believe in what the power of God can do in my life. Not sure I could have made it this far without him.
Only 19 more days until it's over. I'm now counting.

Easter Symbols.....what do they mean to you?

Every year we incubate eggs and the week of easter, we have chickens! Our fist chick is due to hatch tomorrow, ON EASTER! It's nice that we can plan it that way. I like how the hatching of the eggs symbolizes new life. We teach that the egg also is a symbol of the tomb, which Christ emerged when he arose again. The chick, hatching out of the egg, symbolizes new life or re-birth. One should hatch tomorrow. The rest should hatch on Tuesday. Our Children's minister....will be very happy.

One thing about this time of year are the Easter Lillies. They symbolize the purity of Jesus. They bloom in the spring and also symbolize new life and the resurrection of Christ. I love this because Chad and I got married a week before Easter 15 years ago and our flowes were white Easter lillies. I loved their meaning and how we can apply that to our lives.

There are a TON of symbols for Easter. Even more obvious ones than I have mentioned. (The Cross, Eggs, Bunnies, Candy, etc.) What do they mean to you?

James 3:1-18 (Message)

Don't be in any rush to become a teacher, my friends. Teaching is highly responsible work. Teachers are held to the strictest standards. And none of us is perfectly qualified. We get it wrong nearly every time we open our mouths. If you could find someone whose speech was perfectly true, you'd have a perfect person, in perfect control of life.

A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!

It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.

This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue—it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!

My friends, this can't go on. A spring doesn't gush fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it? Apple trees don't bear strawberries, do they? Raspberry bushes don't bear apples, do they? You're not going to dip into a polluted mud hole and get a cup of clear, cool water, are you?

Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom?
Here's what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly.
It's the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn't wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn't wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn't wisdom. It's the furthest thing from wisdom—it's animal cunning, devilish conniving. Whenever you're trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the others' throats.

Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others.

It is gentle and reasonable,
overflowing with mercy and blessings,
not hot one day and cold the next,
not two-faced.

You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.

Happier times!

Just an update real quick.

Things are going better. My dad is home from the hospital. He's sportin the pirate eye patch for all the grandkids. They love it, and he loves going around acting like a pirate and making pirate noises. Gotta love my family.

I'm getting older. So that means, I'm going to see the aging factor start appearing in my family and especially with my parents. Emotionally that is really difficult to see. Especially when both of them have pains on the same day and you don't know what direction to turn.

For me, I will try my best to enjoy now. That has been my goal and I want to make sure it happens.

Thank you for your prayers.

No April Fools Joke!

Wow! Can I start over?

So many things happened today that just leaves me sitting here wondering "Can I wake up and you tell me it's all a joke?"

But you can't. It's so hard at times when life hits us when we are on a good run. Life caught up with me today and I wasn't prepared. But the good news is, God is! I've shed a lot of tears today. Still while I'm typing. But again, it's okay. It's in these tears that causes me to make decisions that I've been avoiding. So in a way, it's all a bit refreshing.

I love my life. I love all I get to do in it. I feel like one of the most blessed people I know. I'm very fortunate to be me. Hardships just come with the territory. I love every time I screw up! It gives me a chance to start over again.

Things could be worse:
My dad is sick......but he's still with us.
My mom has some pain...but it's treatable.
My school is hard..........but I will graduate.
My kids....are kids...........but at least I have them.
My friend has heartache..........but God will heal it.
My life seems overwhelming.........but I'm not alone.
My house hasn't sold...................but at least I have one.
My new job is getting ready to start.....again....at least I have one.
My finances are tight......................but I'm not broke.
I'm am always so tired........................but at least I woke up.

There are so many things I could list. You just have to look at the brighter side. Sure, I'll cry! I'm a girl! It's what we do! But I choose NOT to have a pity party.

So many times in life we become melancholy and choose to respond the wrong way. 2008was a year filled with a self pity party that I worked hard to get out of so I choose not to ever, EVER, let that happen to me again. Even with my bad day today. I'm going to screw up! I'm going to make the wrong choices! I'm going to sin! I'm going to fail! I'm going, I'm going, I'm going......to try my best to be the child that God created me to be and live a life according to His plan....and not my own.

In 2 Corinthians 7:10-11 says "Godly sadness causes us to turn away from our sins and be saved. And we are certainly not sorry about that! But worldly sadness brings death.
Look at what that godly sadness has produced in you. You are working hard to clear yourselves. You are angry and alarmed. You are longing to see me. You are concerned. You are ready to make sure that the right thing is done. In every way you have proved that you are not guilty in that matter."

I love the Bible. It makes you think about so much. And when you're down, it has just the right thing to pick you up. Is there really a need for any other book?

Not sure there is!

It takes a Village!

Yes, it does take a village, or community, or church, or for crying out loud....takes a lot of work! ;o)

There is just something about children's singing that I love. Wednesday night was a real treat as the KPC's sang. It was hard to hold back the tears while listening to their voices praise and watching the faces in the congregation smile back at them.

There maybe 1 of them that is terrified to be up there. But when all 20 of them together, they become an army for the Lord.

God smiles on them. He puts so much joy in their hearts. Each of them are very unique in their own way. I love that!

They may not always hit the right note....and it's okay. They are kids. More importantly, I want them to praise God with their whole heart and enjoy the experience of worship together. I hope for them, the experience makes coming to church even brighter. Selfishly, it does for me. I can't wait to get in the doors to see them each week.

Workshop Wednesday "Celebrate" & "A New Hallelujah"

One of our more serious moments & Eli singing solo.

Don't believe them! I do not yell at them! I just talk and sing louder! ;o)

Stephen singing his lungs out! Way to go!

This is one of those moments of everyone doing something different!

Where's Alice?

It's all about technique I tell ya!

Ah! A beautiful duet together!

Night #1....stand in a line!

See, we do have fun! ;o)

Wrapped up and give it a big bow!

Today we wrapped up the workshop with an amazing gathering at Memorial. Shane and the team knocked themselves out with some amazing moments of worship! The voices lifted to God this morning were loud enough to wake up all the angels in Heaven and I'm sure that is just what they did.

I loved the workshop this year and think it was one of the best! I loved the changes. I loved the classes. I love the praise. I loved it all! Could have done without the snow.....but....it allowed some great God opportunities.

I always feel a bit odd going to a class by Terry Rush at the workshop. It's one of those things where I think "I can hear Terry anytime...so I should try someone else" but I couldn't bring myself to do that this year, and I'm so glad! I loved his Saturday class which left me "hungry" for more. I'm so fortunate that I get to hear and see him and hug his neck every week! His words and his love blesses me far beyond anything I can even imagine. I love that he loves me with all of my flaws.

Patrick Mead was amazing. I've heard him speak before, but God blessed him with an extra boost of something this year that was out of this world. I hope, pray, and look forward to seeing him next year at the workshop. He has an amazing gift.

I enjoyed Steve Jackson on Saturday night as the keynote and I'm so sad that many people had to leave town due to the snow. This man brought a testimony about coming out of his muslim faith that was out of this world. I loved one point he went over about how we as the church accept people as who they are, where they are. We allow people to continue to serve, even after they've made mistakes. We're all sinners, and we all screw up from time to time. I remember a couple of times that I felt unworthy of being in any ministry at church because of mistakes I had made. But because we are such a great body of believers and we serve such an awesome God, not ONCE was I ever asked to leave, or quit, or take a break, or anything for that matter. My church family loved me right through my pain, and I'm sure in life, I will have more of it and they will continue to do so. It's because of the God we serve and their desire to be so much like Him that they truly know how to help others start life over. I've felt accepted, even when I couldn't accept myself. That's not just our human nature....but it's God working in us and us allowing Him to be a part of our lives. It's our desire to be christ-like. I love how we have a church that knows how to do that. Even in their own weakness.

The worship classes were a new treat this year. I love to sing, but what I really love is to see how God works in the ways of worship. I love the different styles of worship, and love to see how that is incorporated into illistrations of worship that I had never even thought of. I use to think I gave it all. Little did I know, I hadn't even scratched the surface.

I bought a new book this year and it took me 3 days to figure out which one I wanted. I don't have a lot of time to read anything other than text book, but I found an amazing devotional book that I can't wait to dig into. I loved that it came with a music CD directed to every chapter with original songs written just for this book. I'm sure you'll be hearing more about it on here. It is called "The final demise to the Cinderalla Syndrome". Can't wait.

Workshop was overall just an amazing experience for me this year. Very different in that we didn't have a whole host of people in our house, all of our friends couldn't make it this year, and well, that part was a little sad. Tony & Tisha made a quick trip, but I hated to see them go so quickly. But I was very honored to make some new friends this year. Espeically on the Shuttle! You couldn't help but get to know people who shared in the travel to and from each building in the snow. My feet may have been wet and cold, but my heart was warmed everytime I climed aboard. I could have walked, but what a treat to catch a ride and meet some amazing people. Snow or no snow, I hope that is something that is back next year.

I liked all the changes. I liked the new building. I liked so much about this year. I like that every year I see more and more new people show up that have never even been. I liked the material changes and things you see on the surface. But most of all I LOVED how God showed up this week and gave us new thoughts, new perspectives, and a new outlook on so many things that we could never have planned with our own human talents. God is amazing when I walk around and see him in the eyes and hearts of every person there.

Let's just say, it was an amazing year.

Saying it all....

I wrote a blog earlier, but struggled to post it.
Not feeling it's what God was trying to tell me.
I put it away, and came back later.
He led me to this; and it's exactly what I've been thinking and feeling all night.
God is so good.

Psalm 139 NIRV

Lord, you have seen what is in my heart.
You know all about me.
You know when I sit down and when I get up.
You know what I'm thinking even though you are far away.
You know when I go out to work and when I come back home.
You know exactly how I live.
Lord, even before I speak a word,
you know all about it.
You are all around me. You are behind me and in front of me.
You hold me in your power.
I'm amazed at how well you know me.
It's more than I can understand.
How can I get away from your Spirit?
Where can I go to escape from you?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there.
If I lie down in the deepest parts of the earth, you are also there.
Suppose I were to rise with the sun in the east
and then cross over to the west where it sinks into the ocean.
Your hand would always be there to guide me.
Your right hand would still be holding me close.
Suppose I were to say, "I'm sure the darkness will hide me.
The light around me will become as dark as night."
Even that darkness would not be dark to you.
The night would shine like the day,
because darkness is like light to you.
You created the deepest parts of my being.
You put me together inside my mother's body.
How you made me is amazing and wonderful.
I praise you for that.
What you have done is wonderful.
I know that very well.
None of my bones was hidden from you
when you made me inside my mother's body.
That place was as dark as the deepest parts of the earth.
When you were putting me together there,
your eyes saw my body even before it was formed.
You planned how many days I would live.
You wrote down the number of them in your book
before I had lived through even one of them.
God, your thoughts about me are priceless.
No one can possibly add them all up.
If I could count them,
they would be more than the grains of sand.
If I were to fall asleep counting and then wake up,
you would still be there with me.
God, I wish you would kill the people who are evil!
I wish those murderers would get away from me!
They are your enemies. They misuse your name.
They misuse it for their own evil purposes.
Lord, I really hate those who hate you!
I really hate those who rise up against you!
I have nothing but hatred for them.
I consider them to be my enemies.
God, see what is in my heart.
Know what is there.
Put me to the test.
Know what I'm thinking.
See if there's anything in my life you don't like.
Help me live in the way that is always right.

Tears, Tears, Tears, and then WHAT????? Ha!!!!

Wow! What a day I have had today.

I got to sleep in for a bit and was so excited!

I got up, ate a little breakfast, and intended to study.
Then....Emilie woke up. That was shot.

Talk to my Dr. this morning.....the one who performed my surgery last year only to find out some symptoms I am having may be a result of that and he wants to see me ......TOMORROW. Um....Tears...here they come.

So I went in to take a nice long relaxing bath this morning. Took a nice big stretch, and pulled a muscle in my chest that brought me to tears. Yeah...it only gets better from here.

After I decided to just leave the hair in a wet mess of a ponytail today, I continued with my day of giving some music lessons to a couple of KPC kids. THAT WENT GREAT! YAY! Thank you to the mothers who didn't say ANYTHING about my appearance today.

Now the house is quiet, the kids are out playing....I'm going to study.

5 minutes later, a knock at the door. A realtor wanting to show the house....RIGHT NOW. Um....NO...I said in the sweetest voice I could while my neck was bent slighty to the right due to the pulled muscle in my chest and I look like death hung over because I have no makeup on. Told her to come back in 45 minutes. I call Chad which then turns into a .....well....let's say disagreement.....which leads me to tears!

Now, I'm trying to move quickly, holding my head in a certain position, frustrated thinking they are just going to say no anyway, frantically trying to sweep the floors....open the diswasher....and it's WHAT??? BACKED UP???? Open the cabinet door and the pipes are WHAT????? LEAKING???? This after the garbage disposal broke yesterday and well, that's enough of the kitchen. I put the dirty ones in there and just close the door and continue to just CRY!

The kids and I go for a drive...to return home to a very disturbing phone call from the showing realtor telling me we are asking too much for the house. I asked if I lowered the price would the couple consider it??? She said no it wouldn't work for them. I burst into tears. This house stuff is really killing me lately!

So then.....then kids wanted to go to the park....and I thought YES!!! We can go to the park, I can sit and study, and they can play! PERFECT! I needed to get away from here anyway.

NEXT............NEXT!!!!!!! Here comes Ian and Emilie running toward me telling me that a man is calling the fire department because Lukus is stuck in a tree and can't get down. WHAT???? Oh my goodness. Lord...please just take me now!

Sure enough...he's about 20-25 feet in the air, the firetruck comes with sirens blazing ladders flying and about 100 people watching....AND VIDEO TAPING this marvelous event taking place......WITH MY KID!!!!! Yes, beautiful day, spring break = lots of people at the park!!! GGGGGRRRRRRRR!!!!

He gets down and well, we are home. We are not going anywhere else today. I am staying put. You couldn't PAY ME to get out of this house!!!! Unless you want to buy it of course!

God truly had a sense of humor when he gave me kids. I don't know weather to laugh or cry anymore. But thankfully, I have some friends coming over tonight to cheer me up! Just what I needed!

Do you know how to juggle?

I love ministry! It's just something that I feel I can do and gives me purpose and strength to keep going each day. I guess it's not really "ministry" that does that, but it's God in the ministry that does it all.

I believe you can serve in many areas whether in public or behind the scenes. Some ministries we serve in, nobody will ever know about. That's the cool thing about "serving". You don't do it to please others, you do it because your heart is in it to serve the best you can to glorify God. Some ministries we are great in. Some we are more support than leaders. And some we are still growing in. Whatever it is, we are all still servents of the Father. We are all connected and should support eachother in places where we are passionate about God. How can you have a ministry if you are all alone. God sends us each other, and the people to minister to.

Over the past few months, Satan has wanted to throw some fire at me and see what I would do with it.

Little did he know....I'm a juggler! I can put a GREAT spin on it. One that satan doesn't like. He throws it...and I spin it back into something that glorifies God. I just wish I would have figured out this concept about a year ago.

I seem to laugh and smile so much more. It makes me feel so good! Oh sure, there are hard days and difficult times and still times to cry in joy and in pain, but the things that Satan is trying to destroy in me is my passion for ministry. And not just one....but the passion I have in ALL the ministries that I serve in. And he's not just coming straight at me. He's using other beautiful christians to get to me. I'm really trying to figure out why he thinks it's okay to mess with me. With God on my side....I'm just not one to be messed with.

Um...Hello?? I'm God's Child! I have a shield that, when used properly, will protect me from evil. So watch me throw the bowling pins in the air and spin the chainsaws while running. It's not over til....I start singing! ;o)

Don't let him get to you. It's not worth your time. Satan will destory and I mean D E S T O R Y whatever he can get his hands on. He has done it over and over in my life and I refuse to let him take something so precious away from me. My God is much bigger than that.
I'll continue to juggle in ministry and be glorified in the things that delight the Lord. Anything else, just doesn't really matter.

So my question is....Can you juggle?

I've found my place.

What kind of theatre person are you?

Sounds kinda like a silly question huh? But it takes all kinds of people to put on a top notch theatre performance. I'm excited as we are getting ready to purchase our tickets to "Wicked" for this summer's performance. I can't wait!

But it got me thinking about how many people it takes to put on such a show. From the directors, actors, writers, musicians, stage hands, PAC workers, and janitors, and even the security that locks up at the end of the night. They all have an important role in making something successful. One is not good without the other.
Sure, one person could get out there and tell the story, but without each other, there just seems to be a void. We have to appreciate the fact that they all bring it to life to portray the message.

That's how it is in life with everything.

Friday I had an event where I was an active part in saving a man's life. I didn't come home and tell Chad. I didn't tell anyone. It was just one of those things that we do. But I was surprised when I got to school on Monday to be recognized by one of my teachers. I hadn't told anyone so how did they know? Several students were surprised I didn't say anything to them about it and kinda mad they didn't get to hear the cool story!
But there was nothing to brag about. Nothing to be praised for. I did not do this alone....I was part of a team. All I did was contribute a very small part.....which turned out to be huge when it was all over. Would it have been a success without my part in it? I will never know. But my role was still important.
I was a small part of saving this man's life and it worked. But really, God worked through us. We had nothing to do with it.
If God wanted him now, he would have taken Him and there is nothing I or we could have done. Sure we are trained this way, but only He knows the outcome. Very rarely do we win them all.

God teaches me so much with such BIG visuals! Apparently, I don't take hints very well! Tonight, I was completely brought to my knees again by His power to keep me humble. He is teaching me my place in the Kingdom. He is teaching me that I am completely nothing on my own. I am completely nothing without Him.

Tonight I was teaching Emilie the song "Beautiful Lamb of God" and in it the words say: "Like sheep we've gone astray, each turned to his own way, But Jesus will take our sins away"

My prayer has been for so long that God will convict me of my prideful attitude every time it shows up. And yet, He never lets me down. I love Him for that. He is faithful in all of His ways teaching me to serve Him better.

So who am I in the theatre....I'm the back stage girl. I am the one that likes to open and close the curtains and set up props. I am a support person. I want to produce things that make other people smile. I want to create the atmosphere. No name on a program. No name in lights. But a smile on each face that walks in is all I need.

I've found my place. I thank God for his mercy on me. He is making me to be such a better person everyday.

Why feel inadequate? We all are!

I get so frustrated with myself at church when I can't remember a verse, or a story, or something important in the Bible like others. I LOVE to be around people from AIM because they are a total wealth of biblical knowledge and I love it! I often wonder if I will ever be where they are. I'm there in my heart, but it hasn't all quite reached the communication portion of my brain yet!

God uses our inadequacies to help strengthen us in our weakest times. Often it is just as simple as giving us the right words to say to a friend. I can't tell you how many times I've talked to someone where I thought "I wish I had a scripture to reference". What I find happening in my life is that I don't always need to quote scripture. God is keeping me simple. He wants me to learn, but I don't have to feel bad because I can't come up with one off the top of my head. When I rely on Him, He will give me the exact words He wants me to say.

I love the story of Moses in Exodus 3. So many times, I feel like Moses when he was practically begging God to send someone else to talkt to Pharaoh. So many times, I feel that I am not adequately prepared to talk to others in communicating God's word effectively. But God didn't give up on Moses. It seems to me like the more Moses persisted to NOT do this task, the more God was eager to use Him. Seriously, how many signs does one have to get? God gave him three, told them what they were, how to use them, and then put the exact words into his mouth to say in order to convince the Israelites! God used that feeling of inadequacy in Moses to make Him stronger and a better leader in order to bring His people to the promised land.

We can't give up on ourselves just because we feel inadequate. We each are equally important in the kingdom of God. But we can't all be the same. Then only one type of message would get out. We have to be different. We have to be unique. We have to strong......and we have to be inadequate so that He can work in us to make us what He wants us to be.

God~ You are so powerful....and yes, at times, I feel inadequate to do the work you have put me here to do. But you've made me adequate in the areas of life that are the most important to you. You put me here for a specific purpose. You continue to help me grow each day into those other areas where I feel a bit "less than" adequate for the task. I thank you for those opportunities. I thank you for the hard times that I can learn from. Keep challenging me. Push me farther so that I can come to know you more, believe in you more, trust you more, and have the strength to do the things I'm not always so comfortable with. Send me to where you want me to be. Even if it's difficult, I trust you.