Food, Fun, and Great Friends

There's nothing better than spending a holiday with great friends! Dan, Theresa, and the kids joined us at my parents house today for a fun day of swimming and great food for the Labor Day holiday. I can't think of any better way to spend the day than with people you love and care about the most.

Even in a great game of Water Volleyball, Theresa and I can't keep from laughing and joking around. Although, I think we were drowning more than we were hitting the ball.

I am flawed!

I struggle with being flawed today. It scares me to the core of who I am.
I think at times that if some people knew the real me that they wouldn't want to know me anymore. It's crazy because Jesus knows the real me and he loves me unconditionally.
I struggle with this today in a huge way. I struggle with wanting to be real with those I love the most...but hold back due to fear. What would they say? Would they turn away? My heart really aches about this.

I like to appear confident...but I'm not.
I like to appear all together...but I'm not.
I like to appear I never gossip...but I do.
I like to appear that I don't lie...but I have.
I like to appear that I'm a great mom....but I not.
I like to appear I'm a great wife...but I'm not.
I like to appear that I have no complaints...but I do.
I like to appear that I am happy all the time...but I'm not.
I like to appear....well...things that I'm just not.

Sounds like a sickness to me. But it's not. It's being human. It's being real. My heart hurts heavily today for the things I long to be in life and fail at so miserably.

I know I'm successful.
I know I'm strong.
I know I'm an awesome person.
I know I'm a child of God and He loves me and all else doesn't matter.

Why is it that I find myself convicted at times like this. My world is not crashing! My world is fine. It's an emotional fine....but it's fine.

I think God likes to give me a good nudge in the heart every now and then. I have a little cry fest and then I'm better. He puts me back into reality when I start pretending that my world is something that it's not supposed to be.

When people look at me, I want them to see the real me. I want them to know me. If it's good or bad then that's what it is.

One of my patients recently was an elderly nun. At first, I was really reluctant about everything I said in her presence. I did not want to offend her in any way. WHY????? Shouldn't I be like that with everyone? I was disturbed the rest of the day by my attitude and actions. Why would I be a certain way with one...and then different with another. And with a nun, I really didn't want to go wrong. It's just be being crazy and God giving me that nudge again getting my attention.

My heart has drifted. I'm not who I want to be. I'm working on a better me that others will be so pleased to see. A new me that I can love much more than I ever thought.

Sacrifice and Prayers

I need to sacrifice!

1 year, 1 month, and 14 days ago I sacrificed my Sunday mornings at church so that I could pursue my career at St. Francis. I feel I have done my duty. But one problem, I've gotten use to the money that I am making now and I think I like it.

Things happen when you start to store up these treasures on earth. God really seems to put you in your place. He weighs heavily on my heart.

In talking it over with Chad today, I really am ready to make a change in my status at work. I'm ready to become just an "on call" employee rather than making a weekly salary. The loss of money would mean a cut back of things at home and more hours at work for Chad.

Cable would be completely gone, Cell phone would be taken to a minimum, Internet service would have to change, just basic stuff like that. Honestly, it doesn't sound that bad to me. I like it for my kids, but maybe my kids need a change too. Maybe they need to learn at a young age the price of sacrifice.

I think God makes me okay with these things because He knows I long to come back and worship Him with the church. I miss it terribly.

If you read this, please pray that God tells me when the right time to do this is. I have a time frame that I would like it done, but I want to follow His plan.

YAY FOR GODTUBE!!!

I love that someone has come up with Godtube.

On my soap box.....

I was asked to write an editorial and I'm not quite sure yet if i am going to do it. I was also asked to be interviewed for television and have considered that. Here's the deal....

Saturday I was watching the news as they were talking about schools being on the need to improve list and this is why. This is taken from the Tulsa World.

The federal No Child Left Behind Act requires schools to make "adequate yearly progress," or AYP, in reading and math test scores, the number of students who take standardized tests and attendance or graduation rates.

If schools do not make AYP for two consecutive years, they are named to the Oklahoma School Improvement List. Likewise, it takes two consecutive years of making AYP for a school to be removed from the list.

Because schools are expected to have 100 percent of students demonstrating proficiency in reading and math by 2013-14, Oklahoma is incrementally raising minimum requirements for schools to meet in those two categories.

A principal in a school district here (not TPS) said that the reason these scores are low is because of the Special Education children.
Here is the quote without the name....
officials said this school did not make AYP in test scores for special-education students in 2006-07, as well as reading scores for English Language Learners in 2005-06.

Now for the soap box...
As a mother of a child in special education, I find this comment offensive. If you don't want the special ed children to bring your scores down, then don't give them a test that is designed for them to fail.
They can't think on the same level, so they will fail. Some need it given orally, but that is forbidden, so they will fail. Some need it in smaller portions, but that's is forbidden, so they will fail.
Some of these children can't read, write, walk, or talk, and they still have to take it so again, they will fail.

If you're going to blame the problem on someone, don't blame it on the children that you never gave a chance. Giving them a chance would be giving them something to see if they have improved on THEIR level.

Ian has improved so much over the past year. In one year, he went from a 4th grade level all the way to a 6th grade level. How is that for improving? Do they look at that? No. Do they test them for that? No. In this short amount of time, he has been able to leave a special ed classroom and participate in a regular class with the 6th grade curriculum. No special classes and no special privileges. How is that for improvement?

So why blame the ones that can't help it. If you want a real assessment, then make a real test and testing procedure. This NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND leaves so many children behind and scolds the teachers and schools for things that are beyond their control.

I understand what the principal was trying to say. But don't go on public television and degrade the special education students because you are not willing to go to the government to fight and make this change.

Encouragement

I want to be an encourager!!!

That is such a great, simple, yet complex statement. I'm not real good at it, and I want to be better. Encouraging others is so much fun. I love to see eyes light up when someone knows that someone else believes in them.

I have struggled with this all my life. I don't take compliments very well, I haven't always liked encouragement, and quite frankly, when I needed it the most, I really pushed it away.

Well...that is stopping today.

I think in order for me to be a great encourager, I have to be willing to accept ecouraging words about myself. This is just nonsense.
I lived an entire life rejecting what others had to say about me which was nice. I chose to believe the bad and not the good.

At what point in my life did God ever tell me I was bad at anything? Never!
At what point in my life did God ever tell me to give up? Never!
He has always believed in me and has never let me down but everytime I say a negative comment about myself, I feel I let Him down.

I want to encourage as many people as possible in my lifetime. I want people to believe in God and believe in themselves.

I pray that God will help me to be aware of my thoughts and aware of my tongue and to help me work on being the great encourager he wants me to be.

tagged again

I got tagged, but on MySpace and since I'm not on there as much, I thought I'd put it here. However, if you read it, consider yourself tagged...or not.

Can I cook??
Yes...but I don't do much of it since I'm in school. Chad's a great chef.
However, I do bake 2 cakes a week. I bake more than anything.

When I was growing up, I dreamed...
That everyone would like me.

If I could have a talent....
I would like to dance.

My favorite drink is...
Diet Dr. Pepper or really good iced tea

My favorite vegtables are...
green beans, peas, broccoli

The last book I read was...
A Pharmacology textbook

I am a Leo

I have no tattoos...but my ears are pierced.

My worst habbit is...
overeating

If I saw you walking down the street....
I would stop and ask you why!

My favorite sport is....
Well...it's football. I could watch it all day. Followed by baseball. It's hard to decide.

I normally have a optimistic attitude toward everything.

If I were stuck in an elevator with the person that sent this to me...
I'm sure we would laugh the entire time!

The worst thing that has ever happned to me...
I don't think it has happened yet.

One weird fact about me is that....
I can stick my tongue up my nose.

I have one pet....
It's a black lab named lady. Also have 6 lizzards.

If you showed up at my house unexpectely....
I'd be very excited. Nobody ever comes to visit me at home.

My first impression of you was....
You are a very smart girl.

I think clowns are cute.

If I could change one thing about the way I look it would be...
I'd like to be skinnier.

If you committed a crime....
I would not be your partner in crime. I would be your conscience.

My eyes are brown

I've never been arrested. But came close once.

Bottle or Draft? Well...assuming we're talking about beer...neither.

If I won the lottery, I'd give it away. (after I pay off my house)

My favorite place to hang out....
Well...it would have to be Praise Team on Thursday nights.

Do I believe in ghost....
Well...I believe that spirits are real. But those things off Ghostbusters...no.
Favorite thing to do in my spare time....
Sing, sleep, or talk to my friends.

My biggest pet peeve...
Tardiness

In one word...I would describe myself as...
chipper

Do I appreciate romance....
Well...sure.

If I could spend 12 hours with you....
I would pick your brain about your life.

Conversations with Emilie

Me: Emilie...it's time to get up, I laid your clothes on your bed.

Emilie: Mom...I can't wear that!

Me: Why not! It's so cute!

Emilie: Those shorts have long sleeves!!!!

Not much to say

I don't have a lot to say lately. That's unusual for me.

The first week of school has been great. It's overwhelming for me..but preparing me for next semester I'm sure.

Ian is doing GGGGRRREEEAAATTTT! The teachers have had nothing but good things to say about him all week. He has kept up with his work all week and doing well. This is such good news.

Lukus and Emilie are doing great in class and loving their new teachers and friends.

It's been a great week.

First Day....

Today we had a lot of FIRST going on in this family.

It was the first day back to school for everyone. Including me. And you'll want to read to the end of this!

First my first day or week we should say. I have 2 online courses and 2 on campus. Of course, can't be just one campus...one is SOUTHEAST and the other is METRO! Yikes! Another first for me is that one of my classes is at night. That's a little weird being downtown late. But it's not too late. I don't really like the class because it's LOTS OF MATH! Ugh. Any tutors out there...feel free to come my direction.
I started my 2 online classes this morning. They were okay but seemed a bit overwhelming.
My last class is a fun one...vocal music and it's Thursday. I'm excited for it...but nervous too.

Beginning with the youngest....Emilie started 2nd grade today. She did very well. She loved it and said "Mom...this is SOOOO easy". The teacher said that she might make Emilie her helper in class. I think that is a huge compliment. However, there are some days I don't think we need to boost her ego anymore. She's already a little DIVA!

Lukus began 4th grade today and thinks he is top dawg!!!
He loves his teacher and said she was so much fun and made him laugh all day. I think he will really enjoy her class. He was excited because this teacher will let you chew gum in her classroom.

Ian...oh boy! Ian. He started his first year of MIDDLE SCHOOL. I don't know who was more nervous...me or him!
GOOD NEWS....HE HAD A FABULOUS DAY!!!!
This is always good news, but it's even better news to say that he is NOT in any special education classes. He is in regular classes, with regular cirriculum, and regular rules. No special treatment and he did well.
I was a bit nervous knowing he would have to get all over this school all day and he only had 5 minutes between classes. He was given an additional 5 minutes in case he would need it but he threw it away. When he got home, I asked him what happened to it and he said "I didn't want it. I was able to get everywhere ontime and had no problems" He was SOOOOO proud and so was I.

My tummy was in knots all day and it was not even necessary.

I praise God so much for all He has done. I know today was just the first day but I don't underestimate our God. He can help us get through this entire year! Just like He did today!

New meaning to power surge!

So to get rid of the picture of Chucky (for Shane) I now have yet another story. This one is not quite so funny. My son is lucky to be alive today.


About 12:30 last night I woke up to a noise and 2 screaming boys running into our room. Lukus isn't saying anything but looks frightened and his heart is nearly beating out of his chest. I couldn't figure out what had happened.

Ian tells me that Lukus was laying on the floor and for some unknown reason, he was CHEWING...YES CHEWING...on the cord that is attached to the fan that is plugged into the wall and RUNNING!

Well, when his mouth hit the wire, he was electrocuted. Lukus describes it as seeing all blue bright lights in front of his face and that the feeling went all through his body.

When I checked him out, he appears fine. He has a black mark on the inside of his cheek from the burn but other than that, he's okay.

My kids don't go to bed hungry so I can't figure out for the life of me why he would do this but I can assure you he will never do it again.

As for the fan...it's now in the trash.

Boys will be boys!!!

Well this day was coming!

Tonight Chad and I decided to go to bed early. Everyone went upstairs and the kids were all hanging out in Ian's room watching TV. So we went onto bed.

As we're laying here watching the end of a show, all of the sudden, out of no where, Lukus pops up on my side of the bed with the total intent to scare me. He made a noise with his voice that sounded like something out of the movie SIGNS! I swear I had just seen Chucky rise up beside my bed.

I didn't scream, but I jumped pretty high off the bed. I didn't know if I should deck him, yell at him or laugh. So I did what the normal parent does. I pretended to be angry and told him to go to his room. After that, I laughed hysterically for the past 45 minutes. So much that I even have a nose bleed, chest pain, lots of tears, and ear pain. I think I busted some blood vessels laughing so hard.

Now...even though...this IS NOT funny for a mommy...it really was pretty funny. I never let Lukus know I was laughing, but Chad and I had a great laugh tonight.
I am SURE....just totally SURE that this is one of those stories Lukus will share when we are older..."Hey...remember when I scared mom?"

Rough Week

I've decided that the devil is really trying my patience level this week. Things have not worked out as I would have like them to. And in reality, I've stayed pretty calm. Much more than usual. I'm just rolling with the punches. And that's how it has felt...like I've been punched.

My financial aid for school is not being sent until school starts. That kinda makes it hard for me to go to class with books. I am praying the professors have patience.

Ian's schedule is not ready at his new school. I understand they are having to make modifcations to it to best suit him so it's taking longer than normal.

Back to school night is tomorrow night....FOR ALL THREE KIDS. That means I have to be split between two different schools. I want to be there to meet all my kids teachers, but that's just not going to happen. Chad will go to one, and I will go to the other.

I went to purchase some new uniforms from work and I won't be able to get them until next week because the store is so behind on putting on the logos.

There are just so many more things and I have found myself at a crossroads in my life where I have to prioritize what it is that I really want to do. I have to give up some things that I love in order to accomodate our daily schedules. I'm okay with it. As long as my heart is not comprmised in all of this, then I should be okay.
I think that God is working in my heart to make me okay with these new changes.

Quiet times...

One of the things I love most in life is watching the sunrise. I always laugh when others tell me they love to sleep in...and I just can't. I love to be up when the sun comes up. I think it is one of the most fascinating things in the world as well as beautiful. This is where I find inner peace.

Life is so busy. We're so caught up in lifes events that we forget about those quiet times. When we forget about what is really important and our quiet time slips away, we will find ourselves caught up in complaining, frustration, and negativity.

Here's seven things you can do:
Exchange your weakness for His strength.
Your unhappy heart for His joy.
Your annoyance with His love.
Your anxiety with His peace.
Your impatience for His patience.
Your complaining for His contentment.
Your harsh attitude for His gentleness.

What can you exchange in your life so that God can take control once again?

THIS REALLY MADE ME LAUGH!!!!

Vacation Fun again!

vacation fun!

Inspiration

I read an article recently that named 100 most inspiring people that have changed the world. We're talking all the way back to George Washington. I guess it's all a matter of opinion. I didn't know all the people on the list but I know they did something to get on there. And all these people are dead. Do you have to be dead to make it on a list? I sure don't think so. I wondered if I was on any ones list...and of course I am. I know I could name 100 people, but you might not want to read all those....so here's my readers digest version of people who inspire me...in no particular order.

My patients who show me how they fight to live. They beat the odds. I am truly in awe each day.

The lady who I talked to on the corner. No food, no money, and she had lots of pride. But she swallowed it to hold a cardboard sign.

Chad Hughes: For your willingness to fight for your identity
Ian Hughes: For NOT CARING what others think about you.
Lukus Hughes: For CARING what others think about you.
Emilie Hughes: For showing me how to be fun.
Theresa Underwood: For standing up for what you believe in, even if others don't agree.
Carrie Strickland: For keeping it real and teaching me how to shop
Tisha Brown: For loving me regardless of anything over the past 17 years! For teaching me how a family should love each other and being a great example.
Kaye Rucker: For showing me how to be strong in my spirit and let the Lord guide me.
Terry Rush: For being an unbelievable man of God. For showing me how to branch out of my shell and be Jesus to all people.
Shane Coffman: For being a man of confidence. For teaching me how to step out of my comfort zone and stretching me even when I feel I'm not ready. That's what our Father does to us and you show His love by practicing what he teaches. And for trusting me!
My Professor's: There are a few who have inspired me beyond belief to keep going and succeed.

I have about a million more I could post, but then the blog would be way too long. When I am down...all I have to do is stop and think of the people in my life that inspire me daily. Normally, I will call them, e-mail, text, or go see them if I need a pick-me-up. Guess that's a little selfish...but I feel like I am the luckiest person on earth to have the friends I do. I may not be the best friend in the world, but you combine everyone that I have...and I have some great examples to live by.

I don't ever know how I came to be so blessed in my life....but I am. I guess I did something right.

Inspiration

Who on earth inspires you and why?

I don't know how many people read my blog but I would love to know who makes you smile each day. What is it about them that makes you want to be around them? What is it about them that makes you feel good?

I have many I'll share later!

Dreams do come true!

Check out the E-Clip! http://kotv.com/e-clips/?id=7688

This is an unbelieveable girl! We took care of her at the hospital for several weeks and now this weekend, she will be able to walk down the asile and marry the man of her dreams. Again...this is why we do what we do!

The families of Paige Dianne White and Jason Robert Heller are pleased to announce their upcoming wedding.

Paige is a graduate of Eagle Point Christian Academy and Tulsa Technology Center. She attends Tulsa Community College and is employed at Eagle Point Christian Academy as a teaching assistant.

Jason graduated from Catoosa High School and Tulsa Technology Center, and is a paramedic for MESTA.

They are both members of Pickett Prairie Baptist Church in Sapulpa where the ceremony will take place on August 11 with the Rev. Bill Oldham officiating. A reception will follow at Ovations Studio in Sapulpa.

After a serious auto accident in June, the couple is grateful to God for allowing their wedding plans to be fulfilled and would like to extend their thanks to all those who have been a part in Paige's recovery including their family and friends, their church, and everyone from the Tulsa Fire Department, EMSA and Saint Francis Hospital who took such good care of her.

All I have to say today....

I love being me!!!

Back home and no sleep....

Okay, so we got home from camp yesterday and I had to be back at work early today for such a long day.

You know how you feel after a long hard day? I mean... A LONG DAY! Well, I was coming home and an ambulance passed me. Little did I know they were pulling into my neighborhood. I get here to find my nice little neighbor across the street had fallen and couldn't get up. I went over to see if I could help in any way.

About 3 years ago her husband passed away and she's been alone ever since. We have other neighbors here, but they are about as old as she is and don't like to be out after dark. She didn't have any family in town so I decided to go back to the hospital with her so she wouldn't be alone. Now here I sit...running on adrenaline, and can't go to sleep and have to leave in 6 hours to go back to work to take on another full day.

I sat with her...we laughed together, we cried together, and I did what I could to ease her pain.
Do I care that I'll be tired tomorrow? Not really. Do I care that my feet hurt? Nope. Do I care that she was comforted by me being there, yes.

She broke her hip...a pretty good break. And will now have surgery. I can see her at work now, not out the front windows. But her smile and stories we shared tonight will remain in my heart.

So much to say and so little sleep!

We just returned this afternoon from a week of camp with the elementary kids. I would say that a majority of these 75 kiddos were the age of 8!!!! That is the youngest camp ever so far. But by far it was one of the funnest!!!!

The week started out with rain. For 2 days it rained. Not all the time, but enough for us to have to change our schedules. It was nice though because it wasn't so hot!!! Until Thursday and Friday. Whew! We were hot!

I'm not much of a kid "teacher" type of person but I sure love going to camp each year with the kids. They teach me so much about myself, about them, and about God. Kids...they get it. Sometimes more than we do.

The week of camp is one that is filled with so much excitement and energy. We get up at 6:30am and go to bed after midnight. I couldn't even begin to tell you what part is my favorite. I think getting to watch the kids from the different churches interact together and become friends.
Sometimes we are so limited as children on where we go to church that we don't get the opportunity to interact with other churches. It's so cool to combine the camp and see them make new friends and branch out. There is no talk of "I go here or there" they are all just happy to be together. It's sad to see them have to part ways at the end of the week.

I was so proud of Lukus this week. He has grown so much and come out of his shell. All the kids are awared with camp nicknames on Friday and Lukus got "Praying Mantus". He got this because anytime they asked for a volunteer to pray, Lukus would volunteer. He led several prayers which is really hard for some kids to do in front of their peers. I'm so proud of him and how much he has grown up.

I'm proud of all the kids. New ones and old ones. They did such a great job. I just can't say enough about it.

But I will say...I'm SOOOOO glad to be home. There's no place like home.

Conversations ABOUT Terry Rush!!

Lukus: Mom...do you know that man who stands up on the stage at church?

Mom: Um...Shane?

Lukus: No, the other guy. The preacher man.

Mom: Oh...Mr. Terry?

Lukus: Yeah...I bet he gets embarassed to go out into the public and talk to strangers about God.

Mom: We'll have have to ask him sometime. But either way, I bet he's good at it.

Lukus: Yeah...but I know he gets nervous being on stage.

Mom: Really? How do you know that?

Lukus: Because he talks REALLY fast!!!

Do you think Tulsa's GOT IT????

I think it's funny how God puts his face on things in the neatest way.

Today on they news they announced a new campaign called "I Am Tulsa" You can check it out at http://ww3.visittulsa.com/

What I find unique about this were the words "I Am".

My first thought..."Hey...they stole that from the Bible"

Second thought..."They stole that from the Mark Schultz song"

Third thought...."I wonder how long it will take someone to protest that...like they protest a cross being displayed?"

I found it so amusing that they are using the words "I AM" So whenever you drive around you will see "I AM" How much of a part of this do you think God played a roll in?

Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: John 11:25

After these things the word of the LORD came unto Abram in a vision, saying, Fear not, Abram: I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward. Genesis 15:1

And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.
Exodus 3:14

.......for I am the LORD that healeth thee.
Exodus 15:...26

.......that ye may know that I am the LORD that doth sanctify you.
Exodus 31:...13

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalms 46:10

I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt: open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it. Psalms 81:10

I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys.
Song-of-Solomon 2:1

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea,I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

Thus saith the LORD the King of Israel, and his redeemer the LORD of hosts; I am the first, and I am the last; and beside me there is no God.
Isaiah 44:6

But I am the LORD thy God, that divided the sea, whose waves roared: The LORD of hosts is his name. Isaiah 51:15

And they shall fight against thee; but they shall not prevail against thee; for I am with thee, saith the LORD, to deliver thee. Jeremiah 1:19

Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me? Jeremiah 32:27

And I will establish my covenant with thee; and thou shalt know that I am the LORD. Ezekiel 16:62

Then spake Haggai the LORD'S messenger in the LORD'S message unto the people, saying, I am with you, saith the LORD. Haggai 1:13

For I am the LORD, I change not; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed. Malachi 3:6

And I could go on and on and on!!!!

So I think in some way shape or form, Tulsa may be just pulling a publicity stunt, but I think God is using these two words more than people know.

HOW BRILLIANT HUH???

Tuesday Thoughts

I'm not very fond of Tuesday's during the summer. That's the beginning of my school week, and usually the day of exams. Today was our 3rd exam and out of a possible 100% I made a 104%. (there was obviously a bonus and I got that too) I was really excited. I dread test days because I'm a HORRIBLE test taker. I'm getting better but I have that awful habit of changing my first answer and then I get it wrong. I should always listen to my gut on these things. The good news now is that I have 1 lab test left and I don't have to take the final because I already have an A! Yay!

Next week we will leave to go to Frontier City and White Water Bay. We haven't told the kids yet because we want to surprise them. With Ian's anxiety, it's very difficult to go to a big amusement park so we like to keep it simple and make the drives short. I think we will have a great time.

Chad has been working out of town for the past two days. I'm use to him comng home in the afternoon and just being around. Don't know what I'd do if he had a normal
8-5 job everyday.
It got me thinking. When we had been married 9 years, we decided to go through a very special ceremony of renewing our vows. We had been through a lot in those years and decided we needed to recommit to one another. It was a very special occassion.
This was also the first time I ever sang outloud in front of anyone. Even Chad. So I decided to surprise him. (Not the best time to try this)But I decided it was now or never. I was EXTREMELY nervous. I think there were a little over 100 people who decided to participate in it with us. No family or anything, just a group of wonderful friends. It was one of the most touching moments of our life.
So we had 2 special songs during it. One Chad knew about...and the other he didn't.
Here is what I sang to him:

And here is what we call "Our Song" I'm not too fond of the video...but love the song.

Never Alone.....

OrdinaryMiracles

I guess if I don't have anything to say, I'll share some of my favorite songs.

Confidence or not!

I was called into work today for about 7 hours. I wasn't looking forward to it, but the paycheck is always nice. I try to find the value of me working extra days. I feel God puts me there for some reason.

Today I had a young patient with CP. She couldn't communicate but I was told she loved little mermaid. She was sad, scared, and didn't seem like anything could help her deal with her fear and sadness.

So I closed the curtain and sat down with her and started to sing:
"Look at this stuff, isn't it neat, wouldn't you think my collection's complete...." and her eyes lit up. I couldn't just leave it at that, I had to finish the song. I sang through the entire song and when I was finished, I had an audience behind the curtain listening in. I found great meaning in the words of this song and I think she does too.

It was a precious moment for this young one and I look forward to her going home but if I see her again this week, I'll be excited to sing Disney to her anytime.

I met with my new vocal coach yesterday. He asked me:
"What do you want to do with your talent?"
I said "I don't know....I'm not sure I'm really good enough to do anything with it"

Today, I think I found out what I can do with that!

Life Plans

The title of my blog is "On A Mission"
I wonder what that means for me at times. I am a planner and have so many plans in my head for the future. Not just the distant future, but even what I will do today or tomorrow. I'm always one step ahead of what I''m trying to do in life. So I wonder, what is my mission.

In my plans I have 3 things...a personal lifeplan, a professional lifeplan, and a spiritual lifeplan. I made these 5 years ago in hopes for a better future.

Today, the professional life plan is going great. I'm right on track. Although, I thought I would have been finished by now. I guess somethings have to work in God's timing and not mine.

The personal life plan has gotten better. I wanted a better sense of self acceptance, be able to accept the love and compliments others gave me, do things that I wouldn't normally do to get out of my comfort zone, and continue to build a strong marriage. I haven't perfected it all yet, but I'm still on the right track.

The spiritual life plan well....that one didn't work out like I planned. I never thought I'd give up going to church on Sunday. It's really weird. I was most passionate about this lifeplan more than anything. I felt if I got this one on track, the other two would fall into place.
Saturday marked the 1 year anniversary at work. I've missed all but 4 Sunday's at church in a year. The longer I work, the easier it gets. But I have those times of breakdown where I just really need to be at church and not at work.
I've learned alot about myself in the past year. I have been taken out of my spiritual comfort zone NUMEROUS times and Satan has waged a war against me. He has really tried his hardest to bring me down. There are days I feel like he is winning, but God always brings someone, somewhere, somehow to bring me out of it.
That's just truly God. At times I want to give up and just throw in the towel, but God pulls me through. I miss the things that I love to do so passionately at church, but they will come again. So maybe this plan worked out just like it was supposed to. Not according to my plan at all, but His!

So my mission....well...I guess that still remains to be seen. I know how I want to be remembered. As a strong woman, with love and power, who rest securely in the arms of God, who stands strong from His strength...not my own. There are other things I could be known for in life...but this one trumps them all.

Tomorrow, July 8th we celebrate Ian's 12th birthday.

I'm so excited to be able to celebrate this special day with him.
12 years ago we didn't know what the outcome for Ian would ever be, and now he's growing up to be such a sweet young man. He continues to have struggles, but he has come so far.

I thank God for him daily and tell him how much he means to me. I could never imagne a life without him and that is all by God's design. I'm very thankful that He trusted me enough to be his mom.

This year we will ebrace new challanges that come up everyday. We will hold onto them, hold onto him, and hold onto God as we all walk through them together.

I am truly blessed as a mother. I wouldn't have it any other way.

4th, Fireworks, Irresponsible!!!

We had a great 4th of July. We started off our day by going to Big Splash. I highly reccommend starting there early in the day. It was so nice in the morning and by the time we left, the park was packed. We had such a good time playing with the kids and they were so good and had a blast. It was nice to see some fellow church-goers hanging out at the park as well.

We rested a bit before going out to my brothers house in Claremore. We always have a fun time playing in the field, fishing, driving go-carts, swimming and of course, eating. The highlight of the evening is when we shoot off our own fireworks. Yes, we always do something very stupid like walking right up to them when they are going off. Or how about the ones that are supposed to go up in the air, and explode right in front of everyone. Yes...the BIG ones! Or how about my brother throwing a black cat behind someone as they are trying trying to light the fireworks and then watching them fall over a bucket. If we only had a video camera at that moment we could have won on America's Funniest Videos.
I love the laughs my family provides. We always have a great time together...despite how different we all are from eachother.

The painful part is waking up early for a class that is 30 minutes away only to find out when I get there....it was cancelled. Ugh. That's frustrating. I'm just glad I don't have to really think about anything until next Tuesday.

I'm pretty smart!

Today was test #2 in class. (There are only 4 total)
I'm still holding my own....WITH AN A!!!! YAY!!!!

This one was much more difficult than the first one, but I pulled through. I'm refusing to settle for anything less at this point.

DECISIONS, DECISIONS, DECISIONS....

When do you know you are really hearing God?
This is where trust and faith have to really come in.

This past week has really weighed heavily on me for many reasons. I've been so excited for this week to get here. A much needed vacation to Nashville this week has me so excited. A time to reconnect with friends, to learn some new things, and meet new people. And really, just a week of fun. One I've been looking forward to for a long time.

One that is now not going to happen.

This is where God comes in. Everything on the Nashville side as worked out. I have my plane tickets and I'm ready to go. But things on this side haven't worked out and I've had to make the decision this morning that I am not going to make it this time.

I've spent so much time in prayer over this and as my friend Theresa told me...."Pray and then flip a coin". Well...I thought that idea was just silly and laughed. Hummm...yeah...I did it...and again, God won. Even the coin told me not to go.

I could list all the reasons to not go on here and you would probably agree...I shouldn't go. Even my friends in Tennessee said it sounds like I should stay here. So that is my decision.

Every part of my selfish being wants to go, but I know where my heart needs to be and that is here. My plane tickets are good for anywhere in the U.S. for the next 90 days and I also have next weekend off.
Pros for me staying:
I get more time with the kids that have missed me from long hours at work this week.
I won't go and blow all my money.
I won't have to take a full essay make up exam.
I get to spend 4th of July with my family.
I get this weekend off.
I get to GO TO CHURCH!!!
I get to celebrate Ian's birthday with him.
I get to relax about making this decision.
I get the total comfort knowing that I made this decision based on God's plan, and not my own selfish needs. And I'm okay with it. I actually feel very at ease right now.

Random Facts

Theresa Tagged me! This will be the second time in my life. I feel honored!

Here are the rules:

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.


And so... random facts...

1.)I'm terrified of fish and things that swim in the water. If I see a lake on the news, I burst out into tears. Really, I'm that afraid and I don't know why. So don't ever invite me to the lake for the weekend.

2.) Being recognized in public or complimented embarrasses me. I like to be praised privately.

3.) I love musicals. More than that, I love to memorize musicals. More than that, I love to sing musicals.

4.) I have very few enemies. (that I know of) I have some very genuine friends.

5.) In my spare time, I love to dance like nobody's watching.

6.) The silver surfer in Fantastic Four scared me.

7.) I loved being 17!!!! Life was good!

8.) I can't sleep past 7:00am. Even if I try really hard...it's just not happening.

So, I tag: Chad, Chris, Shane, and Leslie Ruth. Don't let me down!

Semi's, Rain, and I44

Today I was coming home on I44 when a semi decided to run me off the road. Fortunatley, the median at that point was grass. We hadn't gotten to the concrete barriers yet. I was fine as well as my car. (and yes..I was worried about my car)

I didn't get as mad as I normally do, but I was upset. I continued to drive with this trucker within my sight. I sat there in the quiet of my car for a few miles and just thanked God that I was okay.

I decided to exit at a different exit today and when it was my turn to go, another car slid into the intersection. Fortunatley, I heard the screeching of the tires before I went.

I have the dreams of rolling the car, being hit, being involved in shootings, or something tragic happening. One of the doctors at work told me that these visions are completely normal for where I work, what I do, and what I see.

I guess it's a good thing because it has made me a more cautious person over the past year.

no jinxing me now.....

I made a comment a few weeks ago that I don't like asking for prayers because I'm afraid it will jinx things. When I normally ask for something certain, usually the next day, things go all wrong. In my heart I know this is not how things really are, it's just me being hurt on the inside.

I asked for prayers for Ian and well....they have worked. Unbelieveably worked!!!

3 weeks ago I fought so hard against having to put Ian on antipsychotic medication. This is not a move I wanted to make. But they are truly working. Ian is becoming a child that is much easier to live with. He has started to eat, he now sleeps, and I am able to carry on a highly normal conversation with him without all the drama. I get a lot more hugs, and he wants to spend time with me.

I still see the occassional 'I'm bored' or a little whining, but think that's a bit normal for a kid in the summertime who just wants to be on the go all the time.

I stil haven't made a decision for school next year. We're still waiting on the United Way to make a decision. Until then we wait and paise God for all that He has done. I feel it's enough, but I want to ask for more, but afraid to. I feel like I shouldn't because He's already done so much.

Silly Girls....

Does this remind you of anything?

WHOOO HOOOO!!!!

After yesterday I really needed something to pick me up. I didn't sleep at all last night as the pain in my foot was pretty bad. I had a test this morning. My first big test of the summer. And for anyone that knows me...I don't like test!

However, this one, I not only passed it....I hit it out of the ballpark!!!
I made 108%!!! I answered every question correct plus the bonus questions. I couldn't believe it. After everything that happened yesterday, I was just sure I wouldn't do that well on the test. Little did I know that God had planted all that information in my head. It really made me feel great today!

If it could happen....

It's going to happen to me. Believe me, I have the worse luck of all the people I know. (except for Job) So today I'm having a pretty good day. Things are going well, I'm studying for a test I have in the morning when all of the sudden, I walk across the carpet and a FISH HOOK decides to reach up and grab my toe. Yes, a fish hook. Now...you might ask "What is a fish hook doing in your carpet" and my answer would be...I HAVE 3 KIDS! Nuff said.
So we took a trip to the ER to have it removed. Now...there is nothing worse than being in an ER where you work. The paybacks you get for all the things you've done to others comes back to haunt you. It was NOT a fun time and let me say...it EXTREMELY hurt when they got it out. I will spare you the details of how it came out, but just think of how to get a hook out of a fish. It's the same way with a toe. Did I yell....yes!!!
So now, other than being overly emotional from just everything that has taken place, I'm okay. I'm sad that I can't swim or take a bath for a couple of weeks. And all my frinds know how much I love the bath tub!
I took before an after shots. The after shots are kind of gross so I won't post those, but you can see the hook in this one. All I need now....probably just a good hug.

Still Blown away!

And so it continues....the semi finals!

Blown Away

Some things just blow me away!!!

Faults

I don't like to admit my faults. Especially to those that I look up to.

Last night at small group I admitted something I had done and was ashamed of. May have seemed minor to some, but was a huge slip up in my book. Definately a missed opportunity with my husband. It was even harder to admit that I am human and sometimes screw up. Nobody wants to be viewed was a screw up.
I have yet to have the courage to remedy the situation but pray that God will give me strength to humble myself before Him and show that I truly am the woman of God that I long to be.
It is in me...it is there. Just have to find the strength to bring that part of me out.

Staying connected

I often find myself trying to find ways to stay connected to church. It's pretty easy to not be connected when you don't go on Sunday's. I search for opportunities that will fit my HECTIC schedule. Between, work, school, kids, how can I possibly find time for just one more thing to do.
Today I was excited by Heather's enthusiasm when I asked if I could be put on a list where I can send visitors cards. I see their names in the bulletin and I felt so loved when I received cards as a visitor as well as new member. I remember it like it was yesterday...especially Terry's card. That one was fun. Even though he probably sent those out to ALL visitors that week, I felt extra special.
So, I find it funny to send cards to visitors that may never meet me due to my schedule, but it's a way to keep me connected and how cool will it be when I get to come back and one day...put a name with the faces. I'm really so excited about doing this.

Re: Chad's Blog

Okay...I thought it was really funny that Chad blogged about his Granny. Not so much that it was funny...but that he called her "Granny What"!

I must admit...this is a name I gave her in 1995 when we were married about a year.

Her name is actually Arlene Paessler.

She was always "Granny" but in 1995, she came to visit us for about 2 weeks. There were many moments that were a highlights but one stands out the most.

We had just moved in the first house we had ever owned. It was small and cute and needed some cosmetic work. Chad's mom is a go getter in this area. She just keeps on going and works, works, works. So we decided to decorate my kitchen. We didn't have a stereo at the time so it was hard to listen to music. We had received the video "Grease" for Chad's birthday so we put that in and watched it about 100 times during her visit. Granny What LOVED the music. So most of the time, we turned it on and started working in the kitchen. Jan and I would work, and Granny...bless her heart....would sit and watch Grease all the times we needed to hear it to keep ourselves working. EVERYDAY....ALL DAY LONG! It never got old.

Many times I would call into the living room to her and all I would hear her say is
"WHAT?" again...I would say something to her and she again would say "WHAT" in her own little cute voice. For two weeks I always heard her say "WHAT" so then she was named "Granny What" She loves her new name and always laugh when we call....because she knows....it's the kids from Tulsa. Nobody else in the family calls her Granny What but us and we love it. She loves it.

Granny What's visits are over here. She won't ever be able to come back to Oklahoma but we will never forget all the good times we had with her. She's truly a gem to love on.

Thursday's Field Trip

Yesterday was quite interesting.

I took the kids out to the SPCA to look at the animals. They liked this so much more than the animal shelter because they allowed them to play with the animals. They were so cute and the kids just loved them.

On our way home we were passing Rose Hill Cemetery. Lukus looks out the window and says:
"Hey mom....LOOK! They have a rock climbing wall over there in the cemetery"

I thought I was going to wreck the car from laughing so hard. What he was looking at was the outdoor mausoleum. So I decided to turn quickly and show him what it really was.
The kids were startled at the fact that I would drive through a cemetery for them. they began by talking about ghost and spirits. Again...quite funny. Here are some of the things they said during this drive.

Lukus: "I bet they come out at night and climb one the rock wall and see who can get to the top first"

Emilie: "Look..there's a grave with a broken heart...somebody was sad"

Ian: "That one has fresh dirt, that one must have just crawled back in last night"

Lukus: "Look that says HUGHES...we must know them"

Ian: "This is where all the spirits and ghost live and they come out at night"

ME: "What about God's spirit?"

Emilie: "Oh...Jesus comes out and plays with them too"

Lukus: "No..Jesus is with them all the time. His spirit is walking through here all the time. Even right now. Can't you see it Emilie?"

Emilie: "No...where?"

Lukus: "Right there...I can see him. His picture is drawn on that grave..so he's over there"

This certainly led for intersting conversation the rest of the day. Wonder what trip we will take today! Stay Tuned!

Something I'm good at...

I've always been good at making friends in my life. I laughed recently when explaining that I'm even friends with all my ex-boyfriends. I don't like to burn bridges or make people upset. If I do, I'm quick to resolve the problem. I'm better at doing that with my friendships, but not so much with my my family. It's a weird twist huh?

Today in my devotional I was excited to see how it talks about friendships.
Triple-A friendships to be more specific making sure to focus on Appreciation, Attention, and Affection.

In short it says:
Appreciation
Watch for the things you can appreciate in a specific person today.
Focus on the positives. Be willing to express appreciation where you can.
Attention
Be willing to slow down long enough today to give some focused
attention to someone in your top three relationships. Stop to really listen
when they are talking to you. Make the effort to look into their eyes when
you are speaking with them or listening to them. Book a time with
them to go for coffee or do something you keep meaning to do together. Be
intentional about your awareness and consideration of the other person.
Affection
Give affection to these most important people in your life. Don't be
stingy with hugs or pats. Speak with tenderness and kindness in your
voice rather than the hurried irritation that creeps into "too busy" lives.
Say "I love you" to those dearest to you often.

Hopefully you will bless the friends you have today and use the triple A effect to gain or mend a few others.
You can see the entire devotional at www.christianwomentoday.com

That time again.....

School started back up this week. My professor rides in everyday on his Harley. It's a site to be seen. But so far, so good. I'm really enjoying the class.

I didn't think the kids would enjoy having to get up at 7:00am everyday during the summer but they have been doing pretty well. I like getting up in the morning. My favorite thing is to sit outside and watch the sunrise. That's the highlight of my day. Yes....even the orange ones!

Today I took the kids on a little field trip. We were on our way to Mohawk Park where they love to play and they saw a sign for the city animal shelter. The kids saw it and asked if we could go. So I thought...why not. I told them ahead of time that in no way are we getting another dog right now, but we will go for the experience.
It was really interesting to see their reactions to some of the dogs. Lukus was particulary sad by the whole ordeal. He said:
"Mom...I can't stand to see them locked up like this. Some of them are crying and it makes me want to cry too"

It's amazing how their little minds work. Some of the dogs had just had puppies TODAY and that sparked some interesting questions.

The animal shelter doesn't allow you to take the dogs out and run with them for a bit but the SPCA does. So we may go and visit them tomorrow so the kids can see that at some places, animals do get to go out and play.

After that we made our way to the splash park and had a great time. The kids are such explorers of nature. They wanted to explore the creek more than play in any of the toys or get wet.

Cry Out

I have noticed I've tried to get a lot of "noise" out of my life lately. I sit in the house and just stare out the window. No TV, no music, just quiet. It's amazing what you can hear God tell you when you are silent and still. Today I have sat here all morning as the kids have slept and a song came into my head. One I haven't sang in ages. It speaks volumes to me as I cry out for His love to free me.
God has allowed me so many times to be weak and rely on his strength.

Theresa reminded me today that it's hard to feel free when I am still being wounded and it's hard to heal when that doesn't stop. Thank you my friend.

I guess it's okay to hurt, to cry, to be wounded. Just as long as I know where to come back to after a good cry.
I wish I would have thought of this song last night to sing, but for today...it's been very healing.

I cry out
For Your hand of mercy to heal me
I am weak
I need Your love to free me

Oh Lord, my rock
My strength in weakness,
Come rescue me, oh Lord

You are my hope,
Your promise never fails me
And my desire
Is to follow You forever.

For You are good
For You are good
For You are good to me.

The Graduate

Some things in life just don't even need explaining....

He got his GAME on!!!!

Today was the CD release party at the Circle Cinema. The girls were just screaming over him! The lady in the video is the one who made this possible and the guy introducing him is from Mikey B. from 106.9 K-Hits.

He's Got his Game on!

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Cause for trouble.....

These 3 grins alone are a cause for huge laughter and trouble. Especially when you sing on team together and sing songs that include funny words!!!!
I almost would venture to say this is a worship ministers call for migraine medicine.
3 of us on a couch = nothing getting accomplished = having a WHOLE LOTTA FUN!!!!

Thank You God!

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 2 Corinthians 4:8

Oh Thank you God for giving me challanges but not crushing me. I will not despair. Thank you for not abandoning me but piercing my heart. I am strong, but you allow me to fall without destroying me. Please let those who see me, see Jesus in me.

Ice Cream!!!

After praising God...Theresa and I love to go out and "Trade our sorrows" with ice cream! It works everytime!

Laughter

Laughing is one of the greatest sounds in the world.

I hope you laugh a lot. There are days that I don't get enough of it.
So check back often....and you might read some funnies!!!

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mic, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mic cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.
After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered,"If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

Praise be to God and may He bless your day with laughter!

Shining Stars!

Do you ever sit out at night and just look at the sky? Are you ever amazed at how many stars are in the sky? I love the sky. Unfortunately, where we live, there's lots of noise and lights so it's hard to see the sky. But I love to go out when the kids are in bed and lay on the trampoline and just look up at the sky.

I dream about the stars that are up there and it's such a great time of reflection.

It's a little weird how I dream, but I use that time to think of all the stars that are filling my sky each day.
My family: How they are so near and dear to me.
My friends: What they mean to me, how they care for me, pray for me, support me, love me, miss me. What would I do without my friends.
My Co-workers: He each day they shine a light into my heart and into my future.
My patients: How their faith keeps them going to fight the good fight and no matter the outcome, accept the victory they have won.

I sometimes fail to tell people how much they mean to me. Sometimes take it forgranted. I have some very bright stars that shine in a great big sky.

Are your stars shining today? Have you told them how much you love them?
Don't pass up on opportunities to tell others that you love them because your upset, or angry, or it's just uncomfortable. These days are precious and numbered. Don't let it pass you by without reaching out to the stars in your sky!

I stand amazed

I'm not one of those with a wealth of bible knowledge. I'm one of those who knows enough to do good and right by God. I'm not one to pick up the bible and just start studying. I need structure. So I was searching some sites tonight and saw that 3rd John is the smallest book in the bible. So I sat down to read and find out why there are only 294 words in this whole thing:
1The elder,
To my dear friend Gaius, whom I love in the truth.
2Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well. 3It gave me great joy to have some brothers come and tell about your faithfulness to the truth and how you continue to walk in the truth. 4I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.
5Dear friend, you are faithful in what you are doing for the brothers, even though they are strangers to you. 6They have told the church about your love. You will do well to send them on their way in a manner worthy of God. 7It was for the sake of the Name that they went out, receiving no help from the pagans. 8We ought therefore to show hospitality to such men so that we may work together for the truth.
9I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us. 10So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us. Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.
11Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God. 12Demetrius is well spoken of by everyone—and even by the truth itself. We also speak well of him, and you know that our testimony is true.
13I have much to write you, but I do not want to do so with pen and ink. 14I hope to see you soon, and we will talk face to face.
Peace to you. The friends here send their greetings. Greet the friends there by name.

Are you kidding me? This speaks volumes to me. Every sentence speaks to me:
I have brothers and sisters who are helping me to walk in the truth and reminding me of my strength.
This reminds me so much of what it is I have to be doing OUTSIDE the church and how I represent God. It reminds me that nothing is about me and it's all about Him. What my struggles are here on earth, are where I can find my riches in Heaven.

I'm so excited about this tonight. Praise be to God!

He made me cry!

All I can say is Ian made me cry today when he sang this at the school talent show!

Talent Show

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Someone did a really good job putting a video together for this song. It was really wrote for the troops but I think this video was cool.

Talent Show vs Variety Show

Are kids talent shows really talent shows or Variety Shows?

I am quiet excited that all 3 of my kids this year made the talent show. Ian squeezed in at the last moment, but let me say..that kids just blows me away in singing. I wish at age 11 I could sing like him.

Lukus will be doing the "Cupid Dance" with about 12 boys from his class
Emilie will be singing with a trio "You are my sunshine"

Most of the kids do more of a "variety" act rather than true talent. There are 45 and yes...I said 45 acts in this show on Friday and I pray it goes quickly. Some of them get up and tell a joke or two so they are pretty quick. But I love to see that kids any age are not afraid to put themselves in front of the school. I still have yet to conquer that fear totally. I'm getting better but still am not fearless like my children.

So I will make sure to take PLENTY of video that I can post so nobody misses it.

Do you ever feel like giving up? How do you cope with that?
There are many things I do...and I do wrong dealing with the guilt of disappointment. But when that disappointment is gone...I begin to get scared. My feelings of love and happiness turn to numbness and the attitude of "I don't care".

It seems like quitting on something is the much easier way out. My parents raised me to be a very independent woman. One that doesn't have to rely on anyone else for anything at all. I'm not sure that was a good move. I've been raising my kids like that I'm at the point of figuring out that it's not the best way. But then again...is there really a best way? Probably not.

I have the personality of a commander yet one that is sill able to laugh and have fun with the rest of society. On the homefront, it's not the same way. I play the role of many different faces here at home and it gets tiring. I understand my personality very well, and really...I like it. I like who I am. But when things go wrong, I doubt my self confidence and question who I am as a person.

God didn't make me to be the shy and quiet type, but rather, a go getter, a leader and a follower, a person that others look to when they need things done. God gave me a voice so that one day, I will take it out into the world and do something spectacular with it. I haven't found the cause yet, but it's out there.

I will probably do things in the future to disappoint myself, disappoint others, and disappoint God, but I'm working on making everything right in the eyes of Him, instead of the eyes of others. Again, it won't be perfect, but worth it in the end.

Mother's Day

I'm always amazed at what gifts I receive on Mother's day each year.

My absolute favorites are the things that are made by my kids. Especially the things they bring home from school that they work so hard on.

This year, Lukus made me a bowl in art class. He crafted the clay with his hands and it has his figerprints all over it. I couldn't be more happy.

Emilie wrote me a book. The teacher was a bit concerned because when she asked the kids to pick out the cover with their moms favorite color, Emilie choose black.
The teacher stopped me in the hall on Friday and asked me...and I confirmed, it is black.

Ian didn't make anything, but he didn't need too...the best gift he gave me was being wonderful in school all week! YAY!!!

Working on mother's day or any holiday isn't as bad as it seems. We just go on and it seems like another day. Besides you can celebrate mother's day...everyday.
Yesterday was an extremely hard day at work, emotionally and physically. Normally I work with 8 patients, and I had the entire floor yesterday. It was a bit overwhelming. Things were not going as planned. Well...not by our human plans...God had something different going on yesterday.
So I was in a patients room and several of the nurses come and call me out. I keep telling them I'm busy and I'll be there in a moment and they are rushing around..telling me it can't wait..I need to come now. My patient was stable so I dropped what I was doing and started to run out.
When I got out, my kids and Chad were standing there with flowers, balloons, and a gift.
It was so worth coming out of that room to see what was waiting for me. I needed those hugs and that love that could come from noone else but my family right then.

That's the kind of stuff that makes Mother's Day worth while!!!!

A day to celebrate

Ian had a really good week so we went to celebrate!!

What kids do!!!

Kids are just funny. I took apart an old desk and the drawers were still sitting in the garage. The kids decided to put them on their skateboards and well...you can see what they are doing. I guess when you won't buy more toys, they will start to make their own.

The Switch....

Today I was watching the E!True Hollywood story on Katie Couric. I was amazed and inpsired by her story of being a cancer survivor.
One clip had a relative saying:
"I never heard Katie say 'why me' or 'what did I do to deserve this'" But what she did do is became an advocate for the cancer society and urged people to go get checked. So many lives were save because of this.

I started thinking about our situation at home. I wish I could be one of those people of inspiration that you could say "Brenda never said....why me!" But in fact, I have said that. I have wondered what I did to deserve it and if it were also some cruel joke.

But I wonder where the "SWITCH" takes place. That switch where you go from being down and out, to I'm going to conquer this...and help others too.

I've realized so much this week.
I've taken time every day to go and eat lunch with Ian at school. It's certainly not about the food, but I think during our 30 minutes together, he feels that he has someone to talk to and has a way to get his feelings out and regroup for the rest of the day. He has had some really good days since I've been out of school so I will make sure that I have lunch with him until school is out this year. He deserves that from me. He has great insight into the things he loves and he just needs someone to sit and listen to him. Who better than his mom!!!

I had a great time watching Lukus and Emilie at SSBkids yesterday. (www.ssbkids.com) Their skills are really progressing and they are advancing faster than I thought they would. It's amazing what they have accomplished in 8 weeks! Lukus obviously has more talent in tumbling then I anticipated. He desires to be on a competivite team. I'm not sure he's at the right age for that. Chad was able to go with us and the kids loved him being there.

So back to my original thought here....where does the switch take place? That switch where you go from anger and denial...to acceptance and happiness?

I think I'm 3/4 of the way there now. I've really enjoyed my time with Ian over the past week and a half and I've seen some very postiive growth in him. I think he may resent me right now for going back to school. So when it starts up again in a few weeks, I'm really going to have to work hard to make sure he still feels the love and attention he is getting right now. They dynamic is so odd. I never really noticed how much my time in school is affecting him. So now I have a new set of task to work on. And I think they will work. I'm excited about it.

One Flaw in Women

Celebrating Mothers Of Special Needs Children


One Flaw in Women
By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime.
An angel appeared and said,
"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart
-and she will do everything with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements.
"Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model?
That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."

But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
"But you have made her so soft, Lord."
"She is soft," the Lord agreed,
"but I have also made her tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.
The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
"Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."
"That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!"
"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
The angel was impressed.
"You are a genius, Lord.
You thought of everything!
Woman is truly amazing."
And she is!
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness,
love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
However, If There Is One Flaw In Women,
It Is That They Forget Their Worth.

THURSDAY'S A COMIN!

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED for Thursday to get here. I can't wait for the MWS concert! Below is just one of my favorite songs!!!

National Nurses Week

May 6th thru 12th is National Nurses Week

If you know a nurse....show your apprecitaion for all they do. It's truly a rewarding yet demanding job.