On A Mission....Serving, Living, Loving, Laughing!

Senses....

2012-02-03T09:32:00.002-06:00

Have you ever lost any of your senses?

Over the years I've been losing the senses in my fingertips due to poor circulation. It's been a very slow progression. When I get cold, it gets much worse. Even painful. It has made me appreciate the sense of touch. I love to hold hands. Especially with my kids. To feel the warmth of another hand warming mine on a cold day when it is piercing to me is just the extra added bonus. If I ever lose all that, It will be hard.

Being sick over the past week has put fluid in my hears. As my doctor said "A TON" of fluid. She could not even see my left eardrum. It doesn't hurt, but I just can't hear. In fact, all I can hear is a constant low bass humming sound at all times. Makes me think the train is going by our house. It's made me appreciate the gift of hearing. I can't imagine living like this all the time. I've noticed myself trying to strain to hear things better. Turning my head, turning up the radio or TV, it's been difficult and frustrating. It's made me appreciate what I have and how well I can hear. I think God gives us a glimpse at times of what it could be like without something we take for granted so that we may better learn to appreciate it. Today...I appreciate all the senses I have and that God made them unique to me.

Busy, wowed, amazed

2012-01-23T16:45:00.002-06:00

Hello busy, cough, cold, flu, RSV, pneumonia, bronchitis season. Geez! I think we've already seen it all this year. In the past 3 days I have worked really hard to making some people feel a lot better. Whew! It can be totally exhausting. And then rewarding as well.

Last night....I met a woman who has...15 children (all by the same mother & father) 6 boys & 9 girls over a 20 year span and non of them were twins. She has 41 grandchildren, 63 great grandchildren, and 18 great great grand children. Also....there is NO divorce in their family. They have well over 200 family members and they are truly one big happy family. To hear their story was incredible.

Can you imagine the legacy this woman is leaving. There is a reason that she had around the clock care....not from us...but from her children. Amazing!

Emotional side of life

2012-01-21T16:14:00.002-06:00

Sometimes you just don't know how to handle the emotional side of things in life. You're up, then down. It can be a roller coaster...but watch out....you've never seen anyone like me hang on for the wild ride! I'm a strong woman. I can take on even more than I think! This year is already proving to be interesting for me, and that's okay. One thing my life will never be is.....boring! Love it!

Clueless Wonder....really?????

2012-01-17T11:01:00.003-06:00

Today I found out that a child that I work directly with, and could have a signifigant impact on, has AS.

Our sermon Sunday spoke about having these clueless wonder moments, and I sat there and wondered if I had ever had any....until today.

God puts people in your path that you would least expect. Not only did he put a child in my path, but he put one in my path that I actually know how to relate to.

What's even more exciting....I can't wait until Ian gets home to relate this information to him. If Ian loves anything more, it's kids who are are just like him. He knows what their mind is going through and wants to learn to help them. He's come so far and I think back to all those times that I just wanted it all to end because I didn't think I could handle it. Now...today...not only can I handle it, I have an opportunity to help others who may deal with the same thing.

I am so thankful right now that I have had to endure the hardship of having a child with AS for 16 years....and I'm thankful for those who stuck it out with me and loved him in spite of all his little quirks! What this looks like from this side of it is so heavenly, compared to where we have been.

Last week, I prayed for patience in a totally different situation. I think for 16 years, God has been grooming me to have the most incredible amount of patience. Just, who knew, it would be through one of my children.

It's gonna be a good year to give....

2012-01-06T13:26:00.003-06:00

One of the things I really liked about this past Christmas was our ability to give. But not just me and Chad, the kids too. We focused this year on less presents for us, more giving to others. Even if they didn't "need" it. We did it because we wanted to, and because we love them. Then we gave to those that did "need" it.

I've always grown up with a ton of presents around the tree. It was so exciting on Christmas morning to wake up and see tons of gifts. We kept that tradition going as our kids were younger. But not in 2011. This past year, they each only had 1 gift to open under the tree. It was the gift they wanted the most. What they had been asking for. The smiles were not any smaller. In fact, the words "We actually got what we wanted" was very nice to hear.

The usual unwrapping of the gifts went fairly fast of course and then we moved onto the grandparents and then onto help with Project Tulsa in giving to the homeless. By far, that was my most favorite part of this year. Blessing those that truly need blessed all year round.

As the new year has begun, we aren't even barely through the first week and my kids are already asking about giving to someone else. I've watched them grow through their own selfish desires to putting others first in their lives. It's so cool to see how they have transformed. They are becoming little adults who think about the good will of others over themselves.

I can't take credit for their change in attitudes. I can only give God the glory for giving me such wonderful children in my life.

Decorate

2012-01-04T14:28:00.002-06:00

After being in our home for almost 3 years, I'm excited at the thought of finally decorating and making it a home. For so long I felt like it was just 4 walls that we just placed some furniture in. Now, it's finally going to feel warm and inviting to come to. Each month we will take on a room. January = The Master Bedroom. I like starting with this room because during the day, it seems to be where I spend most of my time. If I'm not sleeping here, I'm on the computer in here, or reading in here. I'm excited to create a space where I want to come and relax. Sleeping during the day has always been a problem because my room is so bright. By painting the walls a darker color and adding pretty brown blackout curtains, it's sure to make it a place to sleep soundly. (If I can only convince the dog to not bark right outside my window!)
It may not be the home we will be in forever, but it needs to feel like a cozy, warm, and inviting place to come to. Not for just visitors, but for us too.
I'm excited to try my hand at decorating.

New Year, New Things 2012

2012-01-03T14:38:00.003-06:00

2012 will be a year of exploring new things and ideas for us. I'm excited for the journey. Not really sure where it will lead. I get emotional just thinking about it. Emotions can be weird because you don't know if that's just fear, or if that's really your heart diving right into it. I like to think it's my heart...that is scared to death. 2012 doesn't need to be a year of missed opportunities. If we don't try, we will never know. If we don't explore, we may never see what could really be there for us. Again...SCARY!
I want the year to be one of looking back and having no regrets. I want to be comfortable, with the uncomfortable. We are are a journey, and for once in our lives, we are taking it slow. Not rushing....not anxious....just calm.
I don't want to live a life of "What if...". I want to live a life of "I tried..." and then see where it takes me.
2011 had some good moments and bad moments. We made new friends, new relationships, and are not looking back at those moments that hurt us. We are excited to move on and live the life that was intended for us. Some may never agree. Some may question. All I can say is.....I wanted to to try.....
Guess I'll have to see where the story ends up myself. I have no idea! That's really exciting to me!

Hard times?

2011-11-09T15:51:00.003-06:00

Ever felt like times are just hard? I think that occasionally to myself. It's my own little pity party. I usually don't invite others so you can't really get offended if you don't get an invitation. It's a selfish party of 1 only. ;)

Those are some of my most favorite times. It's those times that I stop and think of how lucky I really am. Sure...times are hard. But, if I wasn't given a challenge in life, then where would I be? Ho hum...stuck doing the same thing over and over and over. I love a good challenge. Even when it's a painful one.

Now...I'm not going to pray for a challenge, nor patience, or anything else like that. I think God can tell if I need it without me asking for it :)

I have a few challenges to face before the end of this month is over. Question I need to really ask myself is, how do I see myself growing in these situations. Easy way out? Long road? Working through it? Don't whatever just to please everyone? Or...will I face my challenges head on, with clear thoughts that are not muddled by old tapes I bring back up.

I think I know!

Reflecting

2011-09-28T15:02:00.005-05:00

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6 ESV

I am reminded today of the importance of teaching our children how important our faith in song is. I, like many other parents, know that our children don't all learn on the same level. In fact, not even all adults learn on the same level. Some learn with their hands, some by reading, some are auditory learners, and some, by my favorite, learn by music.

I remember having to learn as a young parent how to teach Ian how to talk and say things that the doctors said he would never say. I did the only thing I knew how to do....I sang to him. I was patient, yet determined. I was kind, but firm. We sang all the time. One of my most favorite moments yesterday was watching a video with him of our first moments where he learned a song. Most of his toddler years were spent singing everything he knew. Others laughed, because it was funny. :) But, I knew that one day, this would get him where he needs to go in life. I am amazed at how far he has come. I didn't pay for therapy, I just mothered him the only way I knew how.

I think that is one of the reasons I find passion and joy in teaching other kids to sing. I'm not the greatest singer...I just love to make music. I love to see the joy in the hearts of children when they find a voice within them that they are comfortable with. With that comes strength & courage to conquer new and exciting things. Believe me, if you can get up in front of people at that age and sing, you will conquer great things later in life. But, it's not just about singing, it's about what song you can find in your heart. When I can't find the strength to do anything else, I sing.

This year we are approaching 5 years of teaching children to sing praises to God. Thinking about that today, I added up all we have done and it blows my mind. I have taught 91 children, taught 103 songs, presented 62 songs, taught 43 kids at workshop (only 16 of those from MDCC), kids recorded on 1 adult CD, kids recorded an entire CD, kids ministered in song to the elderly, kids sang Christmas Carols, and maybe something else that I haven't thought of.

I look at this and think wow! Or...I think I should be really tired! :) It excites me. This is what puts a smile on my face.

I am reminded in Isaiah 54:13 "All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children." I love this verse because it reminds me that I am merely a vessel. I am doing nothing spectacular. He is using me to communicate His word and His song to these kids. I often wonder if there has ever been a time that teaching these kids has kept them around. I wonder if what we do with this makes a difference. I wonder if these kids will be having a rough time someday and remember the words of Blessed Be Your Name or Mighty to save or You Never Let Go. Or, if they've ever had a moment where they want to sing Shout Hallelujah, or Shine Jesus Shine. I think if that is one small thing we can accomplish, we might be doing something good.

I once remember looking out into a congregation where some children were not smiling, were not engaged, and definitely would not sing. Today, I sit in a congregation listening to the little voices overpowering the adults as they sing praises and worship to God. I wonder....what it sounds like to Him?

I'm a nobody

2011-09-05T01:04:00.003-05:00

I'm a nobody! Who I am and what I am makes no difference to anyone. Why worry with wanting to feel important, or special? Why try to be anything more than I am....a nothing, a nobody.

Some of my most favorite people in the world are those that are not in the spotlight. Those that are meek and quiet. I am most comfortable around them and their silence. They allow this nobody to just.....be. why? Because they are nobody too....and they aren't striving to be somebody.

I'm not the person that I want to be. But, I'm exactly the person He wants me to be. I still have so much work to do on me. I'm glad He has patience working with me and glad He allows me to fail to I can start over.

I may not be somebody to those I try so hard working to impress. I'm still a sombody who's a nobody to the only one who made me who I really am, and that's somethin!!!

Love thy WHAT???

2011-04-11T18:00:00.002-05:00

I wish someone would just give me that easy, cookie cutter, answer to loving your enemies! Man....even when I try, it can be really difficult at times. I admit, I'm not good at it. I can get good at it when healing within begins to happen, but when someone picks and picks and picks away at me on purpose, I can feel that love start to fade away. Surely I'm not alone in this.
I've tried to find something to love, but again, it can be difficult when a person really does everything possible to make you miserable. It's such a sad situation.

I know one of the only ways to do this is to let Jesus transform my heart into something that is not there right now. I want to obey the greatest command and these others that I have read:

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another (John 13:34).

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you (Luke 6:27-28).

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse (Romans 12:14).

We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it (1 Corinthians 4:12).

I don't want to be that person in 1 John 2:9-10 that lives in darkness.

I've tried so hard for so long to be Jesus to those that mistreat me. Maybe I'm not doing it right? I suppose they don't see Jesus in me.
I think it's highly possible to have enemies...to have people that mistreat me...but does that make it okay? What if that person always has to be right no matter what? I will never win.

When I take a step back and look I realize it's okay to have enemies. Jesus had enemies. He dealt with it in such a calm manner. I've tried to understand my enemy, but it doesn't help. I've tried to love, but they continue to hurt me. I try not to take things personally and realize, they just need help and I'm not the one to give it.

I'm striving to love my enemies. I have realized, they are going to hurt me. I realize, they may not know better. I realize, I can't change them. I realize, it's not about me. I realize, it's still going to hurt.

But this is the kind of love I want to have/give to everyone. I'm just praying that God helps me with that. Even having just 1 enemy that you find it hard to love, is 1 too many.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

My New Favorite Song

2011-03-28T19:48:00.001-05:00

Talk about a song that just speaks to me and feels me with joy and tears. Man...I love this song! I'm so thankful that God has given Laura Story the gift of writing music. Her songs really speak to me.

KPC 2011 - Learning can be fun!

2011-01-25T14:12:00.005-06:00

They say the funniest things....

While singing "This is how we overcome"

"Ms Brenda, they spelled mourning wrong!!!"
"No it's right! How do you think it's supposed to be spelled?"
"M O R N I N G"
As I smiled inside...we had a great lesson on words that sound the same but have different spellings and different meanings.
Their reaction was "OHHHHHH"

This one...was more difficult! While singing "A New Anointing"
"Ms Brenda, what is Anoint...ing?"
"What do you think it is?"
"Sounds like a jelly!"
"Well, to anoint something is an act of applying something...like pouring oil."
"So......it's a season to pour new oil?"
"Welllll....it is an act of doing something. It's like making a dedication to something much like they did in the Bible."
"So, it was a new season to dedicate themselves to something new and fresh?"
"YES!...Now...let's sing!" :o)

I love what I do!!!!

Making a difference

2011-01-21T09:24:00.006-06:00

Do I make a difference?
In effort to remember and never forget this story....I blog. It all started...20 years ago..and leads to today.

I wasn't a banner student in high school. I was lucky to make D's. I would try, but give up. Eventually, I just stopped trying. I didn't feel smart. I was there for social reasons. I wanted friends...relationships...people to like me. Even in that area, I still struggled.
My senior year brought many new things to our school. New teachers, a new principal, and yet, another year for me to struggle. That part, had not changed.

I had made it through half of the year knowing there were certain things I had to accomplish in school to graduate, but was struggling to reach those milestones. I knew in the next few weeks an English research paper was due. In order to graduate, I needed to do really well on this paper. But, I really was focused on having fun.

I had been assigned to write a paper on Leonardo Divinci, who himself, was not a man who loved to be taught, but rather, loved to work & learn with his hands. The only education he had was a very basic one. He always had one thing in mind, and that was to reach a goal and feel a sense of accomplishment. He was a man with a vivid imagination and felt like nothing was impossible. I became very intrigued with his personality and his personal goal for success. Therefore, I wrote a paper...even though, I didn't really know how.
I had my mom look over it the night before I turned it in, however, she also didn't know what I was really supposed to be doing, other than writing a paper.

The day came to turn in my paper and I was just a little nervous. It was either pass or fail time.
At the end of class, my teacher calls me to the front. "Did you do this all on your own?"
Oh.....I WANTED TO MAKE SOMETHING UP QUICK!!! Praying "Please God, give me the right answer to say right now"....so I said
"Yes, I did it on my own, but I had my mom look over it last night"
The next words.....so simple....but changed the rest of my year.
As this teacher looked me in the eye, he said: "You did a really good job"

I went the rest of the day with those 6 words in my head, playing them over and over. They were simple, but they mattered to me. For once, someone liked what I did. Someone believed in me. Someone that didn't know anything about me, anything about my past, anything about my family, anything at all......he believed in me.

The rest of the year went by rather quickly. I was making up for lost time in all 6 classes I was trying to do my best to pass. I didn't graduate with honors, but I did complete the goal and felt good about my efforts. After that....I never spoke to that teacher again. I was unable to thank him. I was unable to tell him what a difference he made in my life.

Fast forward 20 years.

I have graduated college and moved on to a wonderful career doing one of the most rewarding things a person can do....save the human life, or be with them as they move on to eternity.

The summer of 2010 was crazy. I had just graduated & was being trained in several different areas in the hospital. One in particular was the Trauma ICU. I was at the end of my training and basically working on my own. I had completed all of the steps but was just being observed in case anything went wrong that I didn't know how to handle.
I went to work, printed off my patient list as usual....but something was different.
This time, there was a name I recognized in the Trauma unit. Could it be? Was it really THAT teacher from 20 years ago that made such a difference in my life? Nah! There is no way.

I proceeded to the unit to get report and heard about this terrible accident involving a man who feel off a ladder and relocating his throat under his left ear. It wasn't pleasant, but we don't always deal with pleasant. Clinically, things were not in this man's favor. At this point, all he had on his side was God, and I was praying they were on the same team. Then....I was told....it was my teacher. The man that made the difference in my life would now rely on me, my skills, my hands, my knowledge.....and I felt so green! I was nervous....but probably not as much as he was!

He had been there for several days and had already undergone a tracheotomy. Today was the day to take him off of life support and make sure that he is going to breath on his own. That's always a scary day....for them...and for me.

I walked in and introduced myself. He didn't recognize me....so I thought. I'm 20 years older, have 3 kids now, and changed my last name. No way he could remember me. I proceeded to to explain what was about to happen. Boy, did he look nervous. He had questions and I took the time to listen and read his lips since he could not speak. He was scared of the unknown. I assured him that if anything happened, I would be right there, and I also had backup ready, so we were all prepared. Once I was able to calm his fears & gain his trust in me, I prepared all the necessary equipment and was ready to shut off the ventilator. But......then.....I stopped.
The next words were what I had been waiting that whole time to say:

"I guess this is probably a good time to tell you that you were my teacher 20 years ago huh?"

Oh my!!! I watched his heart rate sky rocket on the monitor and his blood pressure increased and his lips moving ever so rapidly saying "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!"
I'm sure at this point, he was wondering if he had ever given me a bad grade! Ha!
I smiled from ear to ear, and watched his face turn from total fear, to total reassurance and trust. At that moment, he had no where else to go, except to trust me. I took him off the ventilator and stayed by his side reassuring him that he was breathing fine and that I wouldn't leave him. He did very well.

Later that evening, I was able to speak to his wife in the waiting room & tell her the story of how her husband made a difference in my life, and now, I feel I am getting to give that back to him. Yet, he didn't even know what he had done for me. It was time for me to go home for the day but I didn't want to leave him without reassuring him he was going to be fine. I went to tell him goodbye and ended up telling him how much of a difference he made in my life. He just laid there. He couldn't speak, but I could tell....he appreciated those words. I think at that point, he knew he could trust me.

Those days led to many more days of conversations, treatments, and the healing process. He truly is a walking miracle. I prayed and prayed that the man who was instrumental in my success to graduate high school, would continue to live on so that he could make a difference in the lives of so many other students. I am so thankful to God that he completely healed him...and did it so quickly that science cannot explain it.
He was able to start teaching again this year without missing a day. He is making a difference in the lives of kids who will one day make a difference in this world somehow.

He is a blessing to me. A motivator. A friend. 20 years ago, I could have never predicted this would happen this way, but I am thankful for opportunities that give me the chance to tell someone else how important they are to me.

I never had the chance to thank him. Now....I can thank him everyday.

As for that research paper on Leonardo Di Vinci.....I got an A! 99% to be exact. I lost 1 point for misspelling the word "Women" GO FIGURE!!!!

Leonardo said: "There are three classes of people: those who see, those who see when they are shown, those who do not see."

I'm thankful that my teacher was of the higher class...and could see that I was one that wanted to be shown instead of one that would not see.

I am grateful

2011-01-21T08:40:00.003-06:00

It's a very weird feeling to hear someone say to you "You played a part in saving my life....I am grateful"

I don't feel that....and it gives me a weird feeling when I hear that. I understand what they are saying, but in the scheme of things, I am just a small fraction of what God is really doing. He is the one at work.

When I go to work, it makes me so grateful for the things in my life. I am grateful for my family, my friends, the good and the bad situations I am in, and so grateful for another day to start again.
When you deal with people who look at death in the face daily, it's a constant reminder of all of the wonderful things that we live for. Spend a few weeks, days, or hours with the ones that are counting their own moments down, and it will make you see life in such a different perspective.

Hello...my name is...

2011-01-20T16:44:00.004-06:00

It's only 2 weeks into a series of classes at church and I really have enjoyed the content so far. A class titled "Hello...my name is Memorial Drive"
Now lets not ever shorten this to "Hi my name is MD" because the medical side of me comes out and says "Muscular Dystrophy". Not sure that has the same context to it.

Thinking about this last night...what if I wore my tag everywhere I went...what whould it say? Would it change from place to place according to the atmosphere, environment, or attitude I carry? I believe it would. At work, would it say "Hello, my name is St. Francis?" or at McDonalds would it say "Hello, my name is McD?"
Of course it would, but it should also say something more important than that. It should say "Hello, my name is believer, servant, christian"

Do I carry that with me? I sure hope so. So when I'm:
At work "Hello, my name is helper"
At McD "Hello, my name is thankful"
At church "Hello, my name is,friend and Child of God"
And so on and so on.

I want to be be all the things that God wants me to be without reservation in all situations. I want others to know where I get that from. Not only do I get that from God, but I get that from a family of believers that I can't imagine life without.

I want to keep adding to my tag. I want to be those things that I see in others. I want to be those things that He sees in me so that I can pass that along to people who have yet to know Him like I do. I, just want to make a difference.

My Family

2010-10-17T00:45:00.006-05:00

Can't tell you how pleased I am by the skills of Jenny! She does an amazing job capturing the heart of my kids! Love it! Today was just one of those amazing family days! Relaxed all day, spent the afternoon with Jenny and took the kids out for Pizza....where a football game was playing of course! LOL! :o) We had a good day....I am so thankful!

Amazed

2010-10-01T15:41:00.002-05:00

I really am amazed at how things work in our life. I'm amazed at how God works.

Looking at my blog today, it was 30 days ago I posted about how proud I was of Ian's accomplishments. It's funny how drastically things can change in a short amount of time.

We've had to make some hard decisions regarding his education, but one thing has not changed....I'm still a proud momma!

Nobody will ever understand him like I do. Nobody will ever see in his eyes what I can see. I love him. I want the best for him. I want the world to see how big his heart really is.

The hard part is when I can't "make" that happen. I can't make someone like someone else. I don't have that kind of power. But what I can do is pray. I can pray for others to have eyes like Jesus to see Ian the way He does. To love him the way that He does. To have a heart like He does.

As a mother, it is so hard to watch your child go through hard times. Regardless if they have a disability or not. But if I know anything about my kids, I know they will be strong and stand firm in their beliefs and they will not torment others because they don't measure up to the worlds expectations. I want them to look at the world through the eyes of our Father and see it for what God intended it to be....instead of what man has made it.

I use to laugh when I heard my parents say the line "This will hurt me more than it will hurt you." Today....that line rang true. But because of my faith in God, I know that the clear answer was to make changes. I felt confident that I made the right decision. I felt peace.

I amazed by my son....and I am amazed by our God.

Proud Momma!

2010-09-01T14:57:00.003-05:00

Wow...it is really amazing what a differnce a year makes.

Yesterday I had the chance to meet with Ian's teachers. This is normally a very emotionally taxing day for me. I went with great anxiety....but did not allow Ian to see that in me. But somehow, I think he senses it.

He introduced me to each of his teachers one by one. I stood there....waiting....but they said nothing other than it was nice to meet me. Um...WHAT???

Each teacher commented on how nice it was to have him in class and what a great, hard working student he really is. (Imagine me with my mouth hitting the floor at this moment. I felt like I was on candid camera or being punked)

Finally we had a chance to sit and talk with the Ian's special education coordinator. Ian was forced this year with his IEP to only get to choose 1 elective instead of 2. He choose mens choir. For the second choice he was placed in a special education class titled "study skills". Ian knew from the first day that this was special ed. But he was okay with it and never complained.

As we proceeded to talk, she says...."I don't think he needs to be in here. I do not see a problem"
She proceeded to tell us that she keeps track of Ian on a daily basis and is in constant communication with his teachers and none of them have any complaints at all. They all say he is a hard worker and is making lots of friends.

Do you know how long it has taken us to get to this point? Do you know what we have been through? Do you know how long we have waited to hear those words spoken? I did everything I could to hold back tears in front of him.

So....because of his hard work.....at the end of the first semester, if this continues, they will allow him to get out of "study skills" and get in a more interesting class that is fun and exciting for him. ALSO.....they said that he only missed his reading test last year by 4 points to get his drivers permit....so they will be giving that to him again next week and they are sure he will pass it. Um...I'm a little scared on the driving permit...but hey....I have to let him grow up sometime.

So many have prayed for Ian. So many have loved him. So many have been great mentors for him. I pray they never quit.

For 15 years, we have put in a good fight all the way for him never letting him down and never letting him lose or get beat down. We've tried to teach him to be such a good young man never reallying knowing if we were going about it the right way and praying that God would guide us in the path. I feel at this point....we have done....at least 1 thing right. :o)

Our battle in life with him is not over....but....we see a HUGE light at the beginning of a new tunnel!!!! That gives me so much reason to praise God today for the lessons He has taught me through this amazing child!

Do They See Jesus in Me

2010-08-27T11:58:00.002-05:00

One of my all time favorite songs.....and really really really on my heart today.
I want to be everything this song says....and more.
I thank God for putting this on my heart. I need it.

Is the face that I see in the mirror
the one I want others to see
Do I show in the way that I walk in my life
The love that You've given to me
My heart's desire is to be like You
In all that I do, all I am

Do they see Jesus In Me
Do they recognize Your face
Do I communicate Your love, and Your grace
Do I reflect who You are
In the way I choose to be
Do they see Jesus In Me

It's amazing that you'd ever use me
But use me the way You will
Help me to hold out a heart of
compassionate grace
A heart that You're spirit fills
May I show forgiveness and mercy
The same way You've shown it to me

Now I want to show all the world who You are
The reason I live and breathe
So You'll be the One that they see
When they see me

Listen

2010-08-27T00:02:00.002-05:00

I've learned from a wise person over the past few months to ask God to help me to be slow to speak, and quick to listen so that I might be able to hear God, instead of me always searching for answers.
That's comes as a challenge from time to time and situation to situation.

I use to think I couldn't hear the message that God was sending me. Nah...I know I can. What happens is I have to be quiet long enough for Him to get a word in. :o)

This practice is not always easy....and it's not easy to teach my kids. But I hope they can learn by my example when I am able to do it, and do it well.

On those other days, I pray for grace.

What is important?

2010-08-12T00:28:00.003-05:00

Several weeks ago,I cracked the face of my phone. It is no longer pretty and has flaws, but it works.

Once upon a time, I would have been a person that rushed out to get it replaced as fast as possible. Not because I needed to, but becuase it doesn't look good.

Things have changed. Not sure where they really changed along the way but they have.
When it broke, I remember looking on the computer and calling the sprint store to see about getting a new phone. My contract is up, I'm well on my way to getting that really nice phone now, but I stopped.

Haven't looked at it again since.

Sure, it would be nice, but I went down the list of things in my life that I need and the things I don't need and the phone just didn't make the cut. I just don't feel the time is right and God is putting it on my heart to spend wisely right now.
I admit, I'm not one of those that feels I hear clear answers from God, but this has been one where he says "You don't need it"

Satan puts lots of things in our paths and clearly makes us feel that we need the things in this life that we really don't. I, for one, am going to listen to the message that God is giving me right now and spend money on the more important things in life.

For the first time in life, for as long as I can remember, I have the money to go buy something I want.....and I am not doing it.
Will I ever get a new phone? Yes, I will. But I will wait patiently until the timing is right.

There are just more important things in this life.

Blessings

2010-08-11T23:14:00.002-05:00

Tonight we had an opportunity to go sing in the community at a retirement village. I didn't realize how much I would feel blessed after doing so.
I love the elderly population and how much life they have in them. Their dreams are still alive more than ever before.

I loved to look into their eyes as we sang. I did my best to make eye contact with each person in the room. Some of them made me laugh as they would just smile when they noticed they were being looked at. Some of them almost made me cry a couple of times. But most of all, I could see their hearts. They really loved having us there. I enjoyed my conversations at the end the most.

One woman told me "We have people come and sing, or play music, but not very often do we have kids that will come sing to us"

I told another woman I could hear her singing along with us and she said "I once sang in my high school choir! This brought back that memory"

Another woman said "I came down here just to hear you....and I live on the 3rd floor...so it's a journey!!!" She was so thankful she made the trip! I told her I hoped it was like a mini vacation and she just laughed!!!!

I observed at the end a man coming up to another woman (not his wife as neither were married I found out) and he said to her, "Now I will be back in 10 minutes to pick you up over there (the courtyard) so we can watch our show"

A gentleman sitting alone appeared unapproachable said in a very slow and stuttering voice "I'm really glad you came tonight. Singing makes me happy"

I could go on and on about the things they said in the short time we were there but most of all I know my heart was touched by just looking into their eyes tonight. It wouldn't have mattered if I sang or not. What mattered is that we took the time out of our lives tonight to invest in others that have invested so much in this world already. I was honored to have this opportunity.

I hope when I grow older, people will come to visit and bless me.....so that I can take my turn at that age, and bless them.

A new favorite

2010-08-05T12:38:00.002-05:00

I have become a huge fan of Joyce Meyer. This woman just floors me at her depth of her own spiritual walk with Christ. I love to listen to her. I am drawn to listening to her. She speaks in ways that I understand and that can help me in my walk with Christ.

Her biography caught my attention and after reading her life story, what she has lived through and how she survived a hard life. Now she takes her life and her story and turns it around for the better. She preaches the word of God with such passion and grace.

She has a new book coming out in September called "Power Thoughts" and I can't wait to get a copy. I've never read any of her books, but I look forward to reading them and becoming closer to Christ through some devotions with her.

I love it when I find a new author/teacher that I really like.

The Last Night

2010-07-30T01:34:00.000-05:00

Well....its now 1:20am and I'm back to my cabin. Today and tonight were amazing. Connections were made, friendships built, all for the sake of glorifying God together.

The worship tonight was unbelieveable. Didn't matter if it was in key or not....it was powerful. I remember hearing worship like this as a teen, but never remember it being quite this powerful. My breath was taken away tonight by the hearts engaged in worship. I couldn't even sing for a bit. I just had to sit and take it all in.

We had our Senior coffee tonight and they made me laugh all night. I have had one amazing ab workout.

I bonded with kids this week that I never knew. I have memories to last a lifetime now. I can't wait to come back again and do this all again next year.

Day 3

2010-07-29T00:31:00.000-05:00

Today seemed like the long day to me, but yet, another fun one.
I have become Chads right hand woman in the kitchen. Seems appropriate since I don't have a small group to lead this week. Being the nurse, I get ALL of them when they are sick! We are making a great team.

Today was filled with the same rotation of activities and classes. I sat in on Brians class today which talked about how each of us are unique but we strive for perfection. Even when we can achieve it in our eyes, we are perfect the way that God made us.
Tonight we had the drama portion of the camp talent show. Tomorrow will be the music portion. All I can say is I am totally impressed with the creativity that these kids can come up with. I laughed so hard. UNTIL.....the last skit involved a dead fish that was caught earlier in the day. The skit ended when they came toward me with the fish and I took off running down the hill and Nick and the fish chasing me. Oh my goodness. I have never ran so fast in my life!!! And he finally caught up with me and touched me with it! Ewwwwww!!!!!!!! He's lucky I like him or he'd be getting a payback tomorrow.

Our devotional tonight was long and filled with such strong emotions. Seems like the middle of the week is when that always happens. But to hear the hearts of these teens is so inspiring. I have to say, the devotionals are probably my most favorite part of camp.

We had another baptism today. This one from our youth group. Its always so refreshing to watch someone give their life to Christ.

Until tomorrow......

Day 2

2010-07-28T00:00:00.000-05:00

Today I am reminded of the verse.....do everything without complaining. That's been my goal since Sunday...and I have had plenty to complain about, but I've prayed it away and been content with my circumstances.
I'm staying in the nurses cabin....which on a normal day is great. Comfy beads, no kids, and I'm all alone. :-) that's the good part.
However, the air conditioner has not worked well and has been getting hotter each day. I mentioned it to the camp directors, but they were not going to fix it. By today, it was obvious it was cooler outside in the 95 degree heat than it was in my cabin. Kids no longer want to retreat to my cabin for rest as its like a sauna!
I was encouraged to move, but its just easier to stay as this is where the kids know to find me. And if someone needs me in the middle of the night, they won't wake anyone else this way.
Tonight I decided to take matters into my own hands and take the air conditioner apart. And guess what I found? ICE! It was frozen solid! The front of it behind a nasty dirty filter looked like an ice rink. So I called Chad and asked for some suggestions. He came down and I started drying it with a hair dryer! (That just added MORE heat in the room) He checked out side and the lines and pipes were also frozen solid. So at 10:30 at night when everyone else is resting, he is out there trying to thaw that line with buckets of water.
Well, IT WORKED! My cabin is now SO COLD!!!! YAY!

I can finally sleep well tonight.

As for today at camp...we had a GREAT day. I sat in on Brads class where he did an excellent jon on teaching about Joseph. He talked about how Joseph landed in prison but was still promised a land of his own. Brad spoke about how we all of lands of our own....its just how what we do with our land that's important. So how can we work the land today to show our love for God? It was a really good class. And of course I loved it because he played a song with Donny Osmond singing!!!! :)

Tonight we had the Game Show Guy and I truly love him being here. He is really so much fun! I think the kids had a blast!

2 girls gave their life to Christ tonight and it was such an awesome experience to be there and witness the outpouring of love for them.

The moonlight praise and worship tonight was so amazing. These kids LOVE to sing!!!!! They are never at a loss for songs! Their hearts could sing all night! I love that!

Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Day 1

2010-07-26T22:09:00.000-05:00

Wow! We had an awesome day today! But why does the temperature always seem hotter when you are at camp? YIKES!!!

The day was filled with things like pool relay games, hockey on the ever so nice NEW basketball court, inside games, and human bowling!!! that is where you put people inside huge tire inner tubes and roll them to hit cardboard boxes. Um.....I laughed very hard!!!!! It looked fun, but I'm not trying it!

The praise and worship tonight was amazing. Its always good...but there was an extra element of goodness tonight that I loved about it. One thing I love about these groups is that they love to sing. No matter where I go, someone is always singing....and if they aren't, you can see the song in their heart and step.

Classes went well today and Nick taught a great devotional tonight on gentleness and he spoke of how gentle Jesus was with the woman in John 8:10 and how he showed an incredible amount of gentleness and mercy.

I think I can think of a few...no, make that many, times in my life where I want Jesus to look at me and be that gentle with me.

Tonight....that is my prayer.

Camp....we have arrived!

2010-07-25T23:19:00.000-05:00

We made it to camp today about 4:00. Have to admit, I knew I'd miss my Sunday nap so I slept on the way here:)

It took a while to get everyone unloaded and settled but everything went smoothly!

Dinner tonight was the typical first night "sandwhich" dinner. Not complaining as their food is always good here and I know I'll gain 10 pounds by the end of the week.

There are 3 churches here and everyone is split up into teams by the color of their bandana. Sadly, I didn't get a team as the nurse has to be on all teams. I can just fwel the love already! :)
We had some great group games tonight where each team had to come up with a skit to represent their team. They were really cute too. We have some creative thinkers in the bunch!

Canteen was good and I of course couldn't pass it up without my usual camp favorite.....rootbeer float!

Trent led our devotional time tonight and it was awesome. We watched a clip from the green mile where the jaoiler is taking the prisoner in while shouting "dead man walking". He reminded everyone that we don't have to be a dead man walking....because we have Christ in us. Forgiving us for those sins we continue to commit over and over.
I thought it was very interesting that his topic tonight really bled together with my sunday mornimg bible class and reading from Phillipians and Romans.

I pray that the message everyone hears this week is clearly a message from God.

As for the first aid on the first day?
6 Bandaids
Eyedrops
1/4 of a tube of anti itch cream
1 ice bag
And already almost 1 trip to find a doctor....but I worked it out....and the child is fine:)

Final Thoughts

2010-07-10T17:25:00.002-05:00

I know these won't be all my final thoughts about this trip because there were just so many blessings to me.

I can't help but think how lucky these teens are for getting the opportunity to do things like this at their age. I never did and I can see that I missed out on so much! What an incredible difference they are making!

For me, the difference each of them has made in my life now has been one I won't forget. I've watched each of them grow so much! I've loved every moment I have spent with them.
I've also had a chance to spend time with the adults and its been one fun moment after the next. Jason continues to make me laugh and blesses me with uncontrollable laughter. I have grown to love him more everyday. Just really getting to know Nick this week has been a highlight. Its amazing how much we can just sit and talk about and find so much common ground on. I've grown to love him like I have known him forever. Getting to drive with Christi was a lovely highlight. And since her navagational skills are just about like mine, I am just sure we are in great company. :o)

Getting to work with Trent and Angela again has brought back so many fun memories! It's like we just picked up where we left off many years ago. Same fun! Same laughter! Only our kids are all older now!

Spending time with Bobby and Melissa was such a treat. Just seeing the work they are doing here in this community is such a blessing. I am so honored that they asked us to come and be a part of it. Departing tomorrow will bring sadness, but, there is joy in seeing what they have been called to do here.

I can't keep saying how loving this community is. I know the host I stayed with was very gracious and showered us with love and kindness. Even today they showed up with Taco Tierra cups as souvenirs for all the female counselors!

The cook out tonight was wonderful. We had such a fun time. I left early, along with Jason, to get some time to rest and relax before we have to start driving in the morning. (I've become that "responsible" adult) LOL!

My week has been full of so much love and greatness and I have loved every moment of this trip. I am excited to come back home tomorrow and be with my family and friends and share all the great things God did this week.

Tomorrow I pray for a safe and uneventful drive home. It will be long....but we'll make the most of it and have fun along the way.

Last Day

2010-07-10T11:38:00.001-05:00

Today is our last day of Sports Camp. We had 24 show up ready to play and have fun!
They are really on fire today!
The kids got a special treat today. The fire department showed up to spray the kids with the fire hose! It was such a treat!!!

This afternoon we will finish our service project at the local pool and helping with things around the church building. Later this evening we have a community cook out in the church parking lot and then a moonlight movie.

I have been very excited about all the work that we have done and the impact this is having on the kids and community here. They are so loving and welcoming.

As for first aid we are up to 22 bandaids, 8 drops of visine, 4 squirts of nose spray, 18 ibuprofen, 1 ace bandage to wrap a knee, lots and lots and lots of anti itch cream, one ankle wrap, 6 bags of ice, and again lots of TLC and reassurance!

Its gonna be a great day!!!

Whoa! EXHAUSTED!

2010-07-09T23:06:00.000-05:00

Okay, I know I'm an adult, but I know these kids are wiped out too! But its all for the sake of doing what we came here to do and that's serve this community through the love that God has lavished on us.

Sports camp today was amazing once again! Can't believe how well its going.
This afternoon we split into our groups for a day of fun.
jason and I drove a couple of loaded vans to Indiana (about an hour away) to a beautiful water park. It was so fun and the water was just perfect for relaxing.
Now....something they should never let me do is take the lead while driving. I will fully admit that I have NO navagational skills whatsoever! However, on this trip, they have had me drive A LOT which finally led to us getting VERY lost over in Indiana. (I did have someone else reading a map though)
We finally figured it out and I quickly made a u turn! Needless to say, today consisted of lots of unnecessary sight seeing. I was so proud of the teens for making it into such a positive situation as I was really frustrated with myself. But we got home safe and in time for the bonfire and mosquito roast! Yep! They are that bad out here. But smores were good too.

Now.....off to bed. Tomorrow starts early:o)

Day 2

2010-07-09T10:02:00.001-05:00

Wow! It was really hard to wake up this morning after a long day yesterday.

Due to the power outages, we had our dinner by candlelight at the church. We split up into groups and some kids went to Garys house, some stayed at the church to play hide and seek in the dark and some (including me) went to Indiana to a Walmart and Dairy Queen!

We came back for our late night devotional and then headed to our home to sleep. OH!!! And I was blessed to see the host family for Ian brought in a cake to celebrate his birthday with him.

It rained all night and was still raining when we got up this morning. Funny thing is, we prayed for rain and cooler weather and God provided. So this morning our prayer was for the rain to stop, and well......it hasn't rained one drop!!!! It looks like it could...but God is holding it back. All the kids are outside having a great time!!! Today we had 28 show up and 2 of them were new ones. They are so excited and working very hard at memorizing their Bible verses. They have each shined in their own unique way and it has been so beautiful to see. I really feel this week and this community is blessing us so much by allowing us to work with these amazing kids.

I have been so blessed to work with the singing group each day and we have had so much fun leading the kids in songs. Yesterday they didn't know the songs but today they are sending out requests for their favorites!!! Its great!!

After lunch today we will head to Evansville for a day of fun and playtime.

As for first aid again, were up to 15 bandaids, 6 drops of visine, 2 squirts of nose spray, 6 more ibuprofen (which I took some of) lots of anti itch cream (bugs are bad here), one ankle wrap. 5 bags of ice, and lots of TLC and reassurance!

:)

reflections of a new experience

2010-07-08T16:35:00.000-05:00

I've never been on a mission trip before so I didn't really know what to expect.
In my mind, I pictured it like summer camp. You know, all the arts and crafts, and canteens, bible stories, etc......but its so different.
Mission trips are work! A LOT of hard work, and I love it.
we have done more in the past few days than I ever imagined we could do and the focus of everyone here is all directed right where it should be by keeping our eyes on the Lord.

I love the thought of getting out and meeting new people. Last night, we went through the drive-thru at McDonalds and met a young man named Troy. He was so neat and in our 2 1/2 minutes there, we found out he didn't go to church and we invited him to the cook out on Saturday night. I'm not sure if he will come, but I at least intend to visit McDonalds 1 more time to check on him and let him know someone cares for him.
Today the man in charge of the pool was just overwhelmed ny our hospitality and willingness to help him fix his doors....at no cost to him. Well...I think we would all LOVE to get in that pool at least once while we are here! ;o)

I have to admit, my nights are lonely. I'm used to always being surrounded by my friends and family but out here, getting in touch with anyone is sometimes difficult. Phone service hardly works, to get a text to go through is sometimes difficult so you just think the people back home are not hearing you, and you just don't have your family around. That can be difficult.

I love being able to serve people I have just met and I am excited to see who God introduces me to next. I'm not sure what His plan is for me, but I know He loves me and wants me to be here doing great work for Him.

Day 1 cont

2010-07-08T16:03:00.000-05:00

After Sports camp today we were treated to a wonder lunch at "Hogg Heaven". It was a great time of fellowship with each other....and great food too.

We came back to break up into groups for service projects. One group was sorting clothes that will be donated, another group painted the nursery at the church and the rest of us went to the community pool to scrape doors and prepare them for painting! Boy! Did they ever need it!!!!

Today, at the end of camp, it poured down rain and it was welcomed very much! We were so thankful for the showers to cool everything off.
The softball game was cancelled for tonight due to the all day rain so we get some extra time to rest and relax this afternoon. Were not sure what God has in store for us tonight, but I can say for certain that a shower and nap is in the plan.:)

So excited to see all the great work is doing in the lives here at Mt. Carmel as well as the work He is doing is all of us on this trip. We've had some amazing God moments and its all because of the wonderful work He is doing through us.

VICTORY - Day 1

2010-07-08T11:00:00.000-05:00

Camp Victory is off to a great start.

Yesterday we spent all day preparing for the camp, practicing drills, skits, songs, and setting up. Last night we had the honor of worshipping with the Mt. Carmel family. Bobby had some very inspiring thoughts to share to help us prepare for this week. The church body here is so encouraging and welcoming. I feel like I have known them forever already.

This moring we started very early with last minute prep work. Registration was to begin at 8:30 and our first family showed up at 8:10, and then they kept coming!!! Today we registered 32 kids from the community. Only 3 of those are actually from the Mt. Carmel church. They are having so much fun and I anticipate they will invite their friends tomorrow. You can tell by the look in their eye that they haven't had this experience before and you can tell by their smiles they are loving it.

I'm so proud of our group of teens and adults. They have worked so hard without any complaining.

Today we will go to "Hogg Heaven" for lunch. this restaurant has graciously agreed to feed our entire group today. This community is so loving and welcoming. They really show us that they are happy for us to be here.

As for the first aid count, I've given out 3 band aids, lots of ibuprofen, and a lot of reassurance that some will be just fine! :o) I've promised them I won't let them die of heat stroke! ;o)

Moments

2010-06-02T17:51:00.002-05:00

I love brownie Wednesday's. This is where my kids help me make brownies, and then we give them to an unsuspecting someone. They Love it.

We take the school year off but hit it full swing in the summers. (this will begin next week)

However, Emilie's class was asked to bring cookies and help serve at an event we will have after church tonight. She didn't know she was supposed to do this.

So we started baking.....but first we had to enduldge ourselves in some of the cookie dough.

But what I loved is they didn't assume these were for them. The first question they said was:
"Who are we going to give these cookies to?"

That put such a smile on my face....as well as on theirs.

So my reply was:
"They are for church tonight.....but you get the first ones fresh out of the oven"

Their eyes lit up with excitement.

I love moments like this.

Lie...or not to lie? That is the question!

2010-06-02T11:38:00.004-05:00

I am faced with so many different experiences and people at work. Last night has been one of my favorite "funny yet akward" moments thus far. While working with a patient he decides to break the silence with this question:
"So, when is your baby due?"

As my heart started to race, I quickly said the first thing that popped into my mind...
"In about 6 months"

I proceeded with his examination and prayed he would not ask me any more questions. In laughing about this, I told my kids this morning what the man said and they they scolded me for lying to him. WHAT???

Okay, yes! I felt so bad for lying to the man, but I couldn't fathom hurthing his feelings or embarassing him at all. He's already in the hospital and wasn't feeling well so why add to his misery right?
As I tried to explain this to the kids, they had no compassion on me at all. I was still in trouble.

So I asked the kids...."what should I have said?"

Ian said: "You should have said you just had one" .....(isn't that still a lie?)

Emilie said: "I would have punched him"

Lukus said: "Mom...you did the right thing! You'll probably never see him again anyway"

I think I'll side with Lukus!

Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Grace

2010-05-29T09:28:00.005-05:00

It's been a while since a song has moved me to tears. The hard tears. Yesterday, it was this one and it's on eternal repeat now. I love to know how much Grace I truly walk in and it's nice to have these daily reminders.

Graduation Day

2010-05-13T09:51:00.002-05:00

This will certainly be a day to remember. So many people say "Didn't it seem like you just started yesterday?" UM......NO!!! It seems like I have been doing this all of my life! Okay....just 5 years to get a 2 year degree....but I had a family to raise, had to work, moved into a new home, went through various illnesses, took care of the other 4 in my house when they were ill, and just overall, did a lot over the past 5 years. I'm so excited to have this chapter completed.

Graduation was held at ORU Mabee Center. I'm the one in the blue square hat! And I must add...this is the same place that my high school graduation was held, as well as the same color caps and gowns.

Yep...that's me.

Ah! Two of my best friends showed up. Love them! Couldn't imagine this day without them.

My friend Lindsay came. She's been a huge support through this whole deal. As well as huge help early in the mornings when I couldn't take the kids to school. She was always there. Even when I forgot to call.

Ah!!!! The 5 of us! Okay...have to say, the kids did NOT want to go to this! But as a parent, I did my duty and forced them. I loved having them there seeing their mom finally accomplish this dream. (anyone else notice how TALL Ian is? What happened???)

My mom and dad came to show their support. (My dad showing his new teeth too! LOL)

Well....that man was the guest speaker. Um....all I remember is blah blah blah blah. Followed by a lot of nothing.

Emilie takes every opportunity to have her picture taken with me. She loves her momma!

The love of my life! I bet at this point he was thinking....."I'M SO GLAD THIS IS OVER"

I know he's proud of me. Now he'll be more proud when he doesn't have to work so much to support my education habits! Now I can work and let him rest! :o)

He's still working on me....

2010-05-12T17:36:00.003-05:00

We used to sing this song when I was a little girl:

He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me.

It's amazing to me how long He is going to keep on working:o) I look at what I've gone through in life. The good and the bad, happy and sad, and yet, He has always remained with me. I've let Him down....more often than I'd like, but His patience still amazes me.

Today He worked on me again, and I don't want to let Him down. Sometimes you have to put away your own selfish desires to do the work God put you here to do. He has blessed me with many gifts and talents in my life and I want to use those gifts to glorify Him. He presents me with opportunites that I am drawn to, but yet, makes me sacrifice in other areas.

Does it sound weird to say that today is one of those days.....I feel like a grown up, making grown up decisions, and grown up sacrifices.

Phillippians 2:1-14
If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ,
if his love has made any difference in your life,
if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you,
if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor:
Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends.
Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top.
Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead.
Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage.
Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.
Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself.
He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all.
When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human!
Having become human, he stayed human.
It was an incredibly humbling process.
He didn't claim special privileges.
Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.

Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth—even those long ago dead and buried—will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father.

What I'm getting at, friends, is that you should simply keep on doing what you've done from the beginning.
When I was living among you, you lived in responsive obedience.
Now that I'm separated from you, keep it up. Better yet, redouble your efforts.
Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God. That energy is God's energy, an energy deep within you, God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure.
Do everything readily and cheerfully—no bickering, no second-guessing allowed!
Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society.
Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God.
Carry the light-giving Message into the night so I'll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns. You'll be living proof that I didn't go to all this work for nothing.

In moments like these....

2010-05-12T07:22:00.003-05:00

Is is Monday? No wait...it's Wednesday....but really it's my Saturday because I go to work on Friday which really is my Monday. Did you catch that? Whew!

Ever have mornings that just don't start out right? Today was that for me and I just had to laugh. I had a hard time waking up to go workout, but I did. About 1/2 way through my workout, it dawned on me...."I forgot my clothes to change into". Then that thought came over me...is this how my morning is going to go? Well, then a few other things happned and well...the answer is yes. This IS how my day is going to go.

So much so that I can only laugh about it.

I sat down and prayed, opened my Bible, and God sent me to this from Proverbs 21:31 "The horse is prepared for the day of battle, but deliverance and victory are of the Lord."

Okay....well...there ya have it. Guess I will go out and start my Saturday with that in mind. :o)

It's THAT day!!!

2010-05-07T08:21:00.003-05:00

I began a journey in 2005 that completes itself today and sets me forth to another journey in the future.
Many things got in my way over these past few years and caused me to stumble, but I stood strong, and I stood tall, and fought against it....and with God's help, I did it!

One of my all time favorite songs to inspire me is "The Power of a Dream" This is one of the songs that helped me in making a decision to go forward with my education. When I thought i couldn't do it, I sang this song over and over.....along with a lot of other songs. (one day will arrange this for some kids to sing *in a different key.... The lyrics are incredible!)

Deep within each heart, There lies a magic spark
That lights the fire of our imagination
And since the dawn of man, The strength of just "I can"
Has brought together people of all nations

There's nothing ordinary, In the living of each day
There's a special part , Every one of us will play

Feel the flame forever burn, Teaching lessons we must learn
To bring us closer to the power of the dream
As the world gives us its best, To stand apart from all the rest
It is the power of the dream that brings us here

Your mind will take you far, The rest is just pure heart
You'll find your fate is all your own creation
Every boy and girl, As they come into this world
They bring the gift of hope and inspiration

There's so much strength in all of us
Every woman child and man
It's the moment that you think you can't
You'll discover that you can

The power of the dream
The faith in things unseen
The courage to embrace your fear
No matter where you are
To reach for your own star
To realize the power of the dream
To realize the power of the dream

I relized the power of God and the dreams that He had given me were within my reach. Now that I'm done, I look forward to reaching for more goals and dreams that he will place in front of me. I think we have a God of endless possibilites and endless dreams. I want to take what I have learned and put it to use for HIS glory, not mine, not mans, but all His Glory. In everything I do I want others to see that I will use this accomplishment for His glory.

And on Graduation day today...I cleaned out all the papers and note cards, etc. This was just from the last 2 semesters!!!

National Day of Prayer

2010-05-06T08:48:00.002-05:00

I love that we have something called "National Day of Prayer". I do believe that we should all spend a certain time everyday in prayer to God, but for those that don't, this is a good National reminder.

My most precious moments everyday are when I'm talking to God. It's my quiet time. And sometimes, it's not so quite....if He's speaking loud enough. I don't have a routine of a specific time everyday, but when I stop and recognize Him for the great things He is doing in my life, and in this world, my life is more blessed.

This morning I was blessed to spend an hour alone with God as I watched the sunrise, listened to the birds chirping, and taking time to be thankful that He has given me another day on earth.
I don't need...or want....anything more.

I am blessed.

Dump Day

2010-05-04T07:25:00.005-05:00

I, along with many others, have committed to participate in "Dump Day". This is a re-post from Trey Morgan's blog. Will you join? You can go to his blog to donate. Nobody should ever have to live like this. And we can help.

7 QUESTIONS ABOUT DUMP DAY
Can you imagine being so poor and so hungry that you'd take up residence at your local dump and dig through the disgusting trash to find yourself something to eat? Can you imagine feeding your children scraps of molded rotting garbage, just so they can live? Can you imagine your children picking the little bites of chicken off a chicken bone they found in the garbage? All these are regular occurrences at the dump in Tegucigalpa, Honduras. The Tegucigalpa dump is a dark and horrible place to live, yet many people do. Last year, on May 5th, you began to help make a difference in these forgotten people's lives, with the first ever Dump Day.

Twice this past year I had the privilege of being in Honduras and feeding hungry dump people with food you helped provide. This year I plan to go back to Honduras a couple of times and help feed the people at the dump. I'm praying this ministry is able to continue. Here are a few questions you may have that I hope I can help answer...

1. What is "Dump Day?"•Dump Day started last May 5th when we all raised over $12,500 for the Dump Fund. Everyone came together and pledged money and hungry people were fed. Here's the post if you want to look back. Now that a year has passed we want to have another "Dump Day" fundraiser to make sure we're able to continue to feed the hungry people of the Tegucigalpa, Honduras dump.
2. How did Dump Day start?•In November of 2008 I got a newsletter from a group of kids who were doing some mission work down in Honduras. They mentioned in their newsletter about going out to the dump and feeding people who lived there. When I first read it I thought to myself, "No way is there really people who live at a dump and eat out of the trash." I emailed them and found out more about their work. They were making and taking sandwiches to them when the funds to do so were available. About six months later we decided to have a fund raiser for them on this blog. My dream was to raise about $2500 for this work. I dreamed much too small.
3. Why May 5th?•May 5th is my cancer anniversary. This year I will have been cancer free for 7 years. What better way to celebrate surviving cancer and being cancer free than doing something like this. :)
4. How can you help?•By doing two things: 1) help pass the word about what we're doing here on May 5th. You can use your blog, your church bulletin, your email, send letters or any other way of getting the word out. The more people that know, the more people that can help. And 2) make a donation. Stop by on May 5th and leave a comment with what you're pledging to give. That helps us keep up with where we are on the fund-raiser.
5. How do I give/pledge?•Once you leave a pledge ("I'll give $50, etc."), you make out a check, money order or use the Paypal button on the side-bar of this blog. We're trying to make it as easy as possible to give. On May 5th I'll include the address where you can mail your money, if you pay by check or money order.
6. Where will my money go?•This is simple ... your money will go to help feed the people at the dump. Period.
7. How do I participate in this year's Dump Day fast? •This year I'm challenging you to a Dump Day fast. A 30 hour fast that will coincide with the Dump Day marathon. It will be a reminder to us that there are hungry people in this world, and they can't be overlooked. I'm not sure there's ever been a day in the Tegucigalpa dump when the people have actually had more to eat than me ... but on May 5th they will. I will be fasting and on that day (Dump Day, May 5th), and my friend Marc Tindall will be feeding rice, beans, tortillas, bananas and water to the people at the dump.

•I challenge you to fast from Tuesday afternoon until Wednesday evening. Then you can take the money you'd have spent on meals and give that money to hungry people. What better way to spend the money you saved on meals? :)

I also challenge you to some accountability on this by signing up. Simply leave a comment that says, "I'm in on the fast." You in?

4 more days

2010-05-03T10:35:00.003-05:00

Everything is set into place.

I've got the cap and gown. I've taken the test. I've met all the requirements to graduate. Now we just gotta wait for that official night.

I recieved a letter that was address to:
Brenda Lee Hughes, AAS, CRT, RRT.

Um....those are a lot of letters....THAT MEAN A WHOLE LOT TO ME! :o) I totally know that girl.

This morning I had time to reflect on some of the highlights of my school career. One of them was my Goverment class. Of all classes for me to love and excel in, this was the one. Even though it was just part of my basics, the professor I had made a huge difference in my thought process and whether to continue on with this dream or not. I had been out of school for 15 years a that time and didn't really remember much about studying or even how to take test. His class wasn't the best one for learning those things as he only gave 2 test a year. The mid-term and the final. Both were essays that you had to think on the fly and write not knowing what the question would be ahead of time. And I will never forget how I was able to incorporate how Santa Clause is so similar to Government today. No..that wasn't the question, but I worte about it and told every bit of the constitution and how it reltated and yes....I got an A!!!! But that professor taught me how to look at things in life differently. I admired him greately.
I've had a lot of great professors through these years and many of them stand out to me and helped me change my life. For that I am grateful. I am thankful that so many of them were wonderful christian leaders and role models. Not only for me, but for the students they encountered. I may be 36....but I still need positive role models in my life that will lead me in the right direction when I get lost. God knew just who to place in my life over these past 5 years to help me thorugh it. Not just teachers, but friends. So many that believed in me when I couldn't believe in myself and do it on my own. So many that pushed me. So many that helped me along the way. So many that loved me and get to see what I will now go out and do with the degree.....(and all those credentials) that I have earned.

I am so blessed.
I am so thankful.
I am so happy.
I am loved.

Countdowns....Graduation and KPC

2010-04-16T12:47:00.004-05:00

Not sure what to count down to anymore, there is so much going on. It's good to have a busy life!!!

I've been counting down to graduation (21 days) but now my focused has switched.

I'm counting down to the KPC Night of Praise. 5 MORE DAYS!!!!

What a joy this year has been. These kids are amazing to me. They teach me so much about joy and laughter, happiness and sadness, and pride and humility. I think God gave me the ability to teach these kids so that I may learn from them myself.

In my 3 years of doing this, they have helped me grow in ways I didn't see before. It's like that phrase "I once was blind, but now I see...." I know....it doesn't mean this...but so many things that my heart and mind were blind to before, are now so opened. Things that were hurting my heart because of my selfish and prideful ways, I see so differently now.

Kids are smart. They are much smarter than we ever give them credit for. And when I teach 27 of them 4 times a month, I am the one that is really learning God lessons from them. The things they say are truly God statements. The ways they serve each other are beautiful acts of God. The way they care for one another and love each other shows just what God has commanded us to do. These kids have got it right.

I have to admit.....I'm sad. I'm really sad that in 5 days, this will be over again. I could do this all year. I love it that much. What makes me love it even more is the fact that I have a church family that supports this ministry and these kids so much. I have delegated more this year than I ever have and I pray it goes perfectly....and it will! God has placed the right people in place for this.
The kids look forward to this night for 4 1/2 months and they can't wait for their moms and dads to see what they have accomplished. To see how they have learned to worship God. For me.....when I turn my head at church and see them praising God with all they've got......that makes my heart simply smile. I can't even imagine what it does in God's heart. I'm not sure I have ever seen a smile quite that big....and I bet he's got it! :o)

I know one thing for sure, when this is over....I'll be able to just breathe! All of this behind me will be a good thing...but a chapter in my life gone. So what's next?

Stay tuned....and I'll tell ya! :o)

25 days

2010-04-12T22:54:00.002-05:00

I know what I know...and it's all I know.

The test are overwhelming.

Changes here and there and everywhere. But what doesn't kill me will make me stronger right?

Today we did our graduation check, got our caps and gowns, and got everything in order. Really, it was kind of fun but for a moment, I felt relief and sadness all at the same time that this chapter of my life is almost over. Time for a new one to begin. I'm excited for that.

Whoa!!! 30 days!!!

2010-04-06T17:16:00.003-05:00

Okay!!! Here we go!

30 days left! GRADUATION!!!! Wow!

In the next 3 and a half weeks I have to take 8 more huge exams, 13 more class days, 2 more doctor lectures, 6 more clinicals, a surgery rotation in the heart cath lab, a meeting with financial team, academic counselors, and graduation counselors.

Today in the car I wasn't listening to any music. That is odd for me. The moment I get in the car I turn something on and start singing. But today the peacefulness was amazing. When I do that, God sends me songs like "Still" and "Peace be Still" and "Peace, Perfect Peace" and "It is well" and so on. I know those are God moments. I love those moments.

I said today that I'm worried about my spirit over the next few weeks. Philippians 4:6 tells me not to worry and in Matthew 6:25-34 Jesus says that our Father will take care of our needs...and not to worry.
How do I not worry? Well he tells me in 1 Peter to cast my anxieties on him because he cares for me.
And back in Phillipians 4:7 is says He promises to give us the peace that passes all understanding.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

If you read this....and I'm not sure who does anymore....please pray for the next 30 days that I will freely lay all my burdens down and trust Him to give me the rest I need. Pray that whatever happens, it will be all by His will....not mine. Pray that I have peace and understanding that this is not just a step, but a milestone that is about to be over and a new milestone to begin in my life. Pray for those that I come in contact with. Who knows if I will offend them by my lack of concentration or inability to focus on anything except these exams. Pray that I have the ability to lay down the books and focus on God and worship Him freely without feeling behind or burdened that I need to be doing something else. Pray that God works through me to accomplish all things in life. Pray that I continue to be strong in my faith in Him and that I don't lose site of the journey and the goal. Pray for my husband as he feels so neglected right now. Pray for my kids that they can hold on for 3 more weeks until they get their mamma back! Pray for my physical body as it is taking a beating right now. It need sleep! Pray for the patients I will see and pray that they see God working through me.

Daddy's and Daughters

2010-02-27T21:45:00.004-06:00

Fortunatley, Chad teaches Emilie what a girl is supposed to be treated like!!!!
This is them getting ready for the Father/Daughter dance. It was priceless!!!!

Shining with brightness

2010-01-15T12:41:00.002-06:00

2 Cor. 3:16-18 it says, "Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are--face to face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We're free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him."

Father, I want to communicate Your name to others, in worship, at work, in the store, everywhere! Let me shine with brightness so that others may see You though me and so I can become more like You. Amen

He's got my attention!

2010-01-15T12:01:00.002-06:00

God's talking! I'm listening!
I highlight words in these songs not to point out negatives, but to point out things I have said to myself over the past few weeks in trying to make some decisions. It think God decided that if I wasn't going to listen that he would scream it at me last night through these songs. My heart sank. It was like being in that movie "Field of Dreams" and nobody could see the players......and here I sat wondering...."Am I the only one getting the message????" Okay.....He has my full attention!

We are not afraid, to follow where You lead,
Leaving what we know, for what we cannot see.
We are not afraid for we are not alone,
and so we'll go with You into the unknown.

We are not afraid to love the way You do,
to serve with the same grace we receive from You.
We are not afraid to look beyond ourselves,and offer hope to those who cannot help themselves.

We are not afraid though some say we should wait,
the cost is just too high, the danger is too great
We are not afraid to move when You say move,
Trusting in Your voice, We will follow You.

We will be fearless for You. Fearless for You.
We will be faithful in all that we do.
If we step out on the waves or walk through the flames
Whatever you ask us to do, we will be fearless for You.

~Anywhere with Jesus I can safely go. Anywhere He leads me in this world below
~Anywhere with Jesus I am not afraid.
~Anywhere with Jesus I am not alone.
~Anywhere with Jesus over land and sea, Telling souls in darkness of salvation free.
~READY AS HE SUMMONS ME TO GO OR STAY! ANYWHERE WITH JESUS WHEN HE POINTS THE WAY!

~I choose to be holy, set apart for You my Master, ready to do Your will. Lord, I'm ready to do your will.
~Give me the heart of a servant, tender and faith and true. Fill me with love, then use me O Lord, so that the world can see You.
~Mold me and shape me, do what you must do. To make me a servant, make me like You.

~Let me be a sacrifice, holy and acceptable.

~Take the Lord with you, everywhere you go.

Love is....

2010-01-10T23:07:00.005-06:00

Today in class we talked about many things surrounding loving your mate and being in love with your mate.

Here are just some of my thoughts after class: (not the thoughts of Chad)
I met Chad March 5th, 1992. Coming up on 18 years ago! I remember the first time I ever saw him. I had more butterflies than I could count. I was at a loss for words. My heart was pounding as I walked up to the counter to ask him for a drink. But at that moment, it was love at first sight!
I think the first time I can remember feeling "in love" was about 30 days into the "dating" portion of our relationship. That feeling continued for....oh....I can't tell you how long! But I realized at about 6 months or so that I truly loved this man and I didn't ever want to be without him. That's a different love. (but was still in love) ....I feel like I'm in a riddle! :o)

Many years went by.....8 to be exact.....and the "in love" was gone. Love was still there, but "in love" was being taken over by the love I was giving to the kids. They had all my butterflies and we were all flying together. It was a very very bad time for our marriage. But I knew this.....that I loved Chad with everything that I had. Even though it wasn't much....and I didn't have much love to give.....I still loved him.

Now, at year 15...coming up on 16 in April.....I am more "IN LOVE" with him than I have ever been. He walks in the room, and my heart skips a beat! Those same feelings I had 18 years ago, are back again. He is still as much my boyfriend, as he is my husband. I love to be with him. I love to date him. I love it when he calls me. I love it when he takes me out. I love his surprises. I just love him!

This morning at church, he was learning how to run the sound board and I had to try hard to not look up at him. I didn't want anyone to catch me looking at my boyfriend and see him looking at me. Is he a distraction??? Sometimes, but I can handle it. He's the love of my life. He is my soul mate. We'll be together until God brings us home.

When we were younger, Chad's love language to receive was physical touch. Okay really....it's probably that for most young men early in the relationship. I couldn't stand that because all I ever had was touch from the kids for so many years. By the time Chad came home, I was done. Hugs and kisses were already gone. But his love language TO me was gift giving. He is the biggest giver I know. He thinks of everyone else first....me included. But that wasn't me.I didn't like gifts. I am a saver of money and don't need a lot of things. I wanted quality time, and acts of service. I would love it if he cleaned out my car, or went to the store for me, or just sat with me and did nothing.
But today.....we have switched!
My love language to receive is Physical Touch. My kids are growing up and I miss the hugs and kisses I used to get from them. Just a simple hug from him....or from family...or friends means so much to me. But from Chad, it makes up for all those years that I couldn't give him his need.
My other would be words of affirmation. I need this for a lot of the same reasons as above. I want to hear the words "I love you" "You're special" "You did a good job" etc. Those mean a lot to me and I am fortunate that Chad is one of those guys that I don't ever have to ask. Sometimes, it's overkill....but that's okay! :o)
If I could have 3 I would definitely say quality time is a must. We DVR things and watch them together each night when the kids go to bed and I just love that time with him. Or if I just have to run to the store, he goes with me so it can be just us. I love that!

I left with a realization today that more than ever, I love him so much. I'm very fortunate that he has put up with me for all these years. I screw up as a wife all the time.....and I screw up big! But no matter what, he is always very forgiving and loves me unconditionally.

We may be totally opposite......I like Acappella....He likes AC/DC....but I think that God had and still has an amazing plan for us. One that I can't even comprehend. But I'm excited for the journey he is taking us on. I love it.

One day....I want to marry him all over again and get look into his eyes and say....well....I'm not sure what I'd say.....but I'm sure it would include the most 3 beautiful words I could ever hear.

Weird..good or bad.

2010-01-10T20:27:00.002-06:00

Since I've been back at work I've heard several times "you're just weird"

Now...I know they are saying this in a joking manner, but after about the 20th time I heard it yesterday, it started to rub me the wrong way. Insecurity set in, I started doubting who I was, and I just wondered what would I have to do to be considered "Normal"

Webester defines weird as
1. involving or suggesting the supernatural; unearthly or uncanny: a weird sound; weird lights.
2. fantastic; bizarre: a weird getup.
3. Archaic. concerned with or controlling fate or destiny

I'm not real sure if I fit any of those descriptions and I'm not sure they meant it like that either.

By my co-workers definitions, I'm weird becuase I don't drink, I don't go out to party, I don't cuss, I say poop or poot instead of using other words that I particularly don't want to hear myself. I'm weird because I have a husband that wants to shower me with gifts and I don't like that. I'm weird because I don't want him to take me out to a meal that cost over $100.00. I'm weird because I defend others when they can't defend themselves. I'm weird because I refuse to work on Sunday's and Wednesday's unless there is an emergency. I'm weird because I make random conversations that make others laugh. I'm weird becuause I like to have a converstaion with each of my patients instead of treat'em and street'em and I was told yesterday that I am weird because I actually care about things.

Wow! Okay, that doesn't quite sound like the definition I just read.

I'm constantly an open target for people and most of the time I find that others don't take me seriously. However, my bosses take me very seriously and love having me around.

So, do I change? Well, I think I did that for a point of my life where I changed to please others, and I was miserable. I love being happy and I love my life and I love who I am. Why sit around a table and gossip and talk bad about others? Why use words that aren't pleasing to God and especially to others around me? Why would I want to be anyone different that who God wants me to be?

I don't really have a word to describe myself best but I don't think I would choose weird.

Inside Out

2010-01-07T15:34:00.003-06:00

"In the heart me there's a mystery,
in my weakness there is still,
a goodness not my own,
it comes from God alone,
and I can not be sure until.

You turn me inside out, so that I can be,
a reflection of the one who made me.
So the world can see that it's Christ in me,
Lord, turn me inside out, turn me inside out.

What my pride conceals,
Lord your truth reveals,
and your grace is seen somehow.
There is mercy when,
in spite of who I've been.
Your glory dwells within me now.

So turn me inside out, so that I can be,
a reflection of the one who made me.
So the world can see, that it's Christ in me Lord,
turn me inside out, turn me inside out.

These may be lyrics to a Zoe Group song, but they just feel like so much more when I'm singing them. It hits to the depths of my heart. That's how I know God is trying to speak to me.
When my heart sings this I hear it as such a prayer. One that I have prayed over and over.

In Luke 11 it is very clearly stated to the foolish people that our God is the one that made us on the inside as well as the outside. But, being the earthly people that we are or......sinners perhaps.....why wouldn't our prayer to God be to let others see what is really on the inside.

If you looked at the inside of someones body, (which I have) you would find that we are very complex. So much so it takes years and years of study and research to figure out things that didn't take God very long at all. When we were put here on earth, everything worked in us as God had planned. Some are born perfect. Some are born with sickness and some may develop things along the way. But again, it's all by design. It's God's plan.
I treat some of the most amazing people at work and I have to say, they have some pretty ugly lungs and organs. But when you break through that layer of sickness and find their true heart (turn them inside out) they are some of the most beautiful people I have ever met.

I want to be that person. Young...old....sick....healthy....living....or dying....I want to be turned inside out so that others can see Christ in me. I don't want there to be any hypocrisy. I want what is on the inside of my heart to be seen on the outside as well. I want to be beautiful on the inside and outside so that in everything that I do, Christ is the center of my reflection.

I know what this looks like to me. Most days, I don't find it a big challenge. But somedays.....I feel Satan pulling me and that is when I know....if I screw up, I am loved and covered by His mercy and grace.

My prayer today is that others will see Him and that I will live a life that is "Inside Out"

KPC's 2010

2010-01-04T12:53:00.001-06:00

Kids Praise Chorus started yesterday for the 2010 season. Let's just say....they blew me away! They were ready to go and did very well. Praying every rehearsal is like yesterdays!
(Thank you Tammy for the beautiful blog)

Less is more!

2009-12-29T07:30:00.004-06:00

Reading Terry's blog this morning inspired me to write about our Christmas experience this year.

Financially things have been really rough since I haven't been working. It's caused us to make some changes in places that we would normally splurge. Christmas is one of those.

I get that from my parents. Christmas morning we always woke with the most amazing amount of gifts under the tree. The sight was unbelievable. Even as I have grown up and had children of my own, they couldn't wait to go to Grandma's house to see just how many presents they managed to fit under the tree.

About 2 months ago we had talk with the kids and told them Christmas wasn't going to be what they were use to in the past. They are getting older, things they would like to have cost more, and we have been living only on one income. What I didn't know is that their grandparents had that same talk with them. My dad retired this year and now they only have one income. Christmas would be small.

Each day they watched as we put the presents under the tree. They each got 4 items. They did ask if there was going to be any more, and I simply said no....and there was no fuss.

Christmas morning comes around and they are excited. I can't tell you a Christmas where I have seen them more excited than this one. It was different. They were patient, kind, and wanted to drag out the gift giving process to last as long as possible. I was so proud of them as I didn't hear one complaint. I heard many Thank Yous and I love yous and saw lots of smiles.....but they never wanted for anything more. Emilie was so sweet and is such a giver. 2 days before Christmas she realized that Chad and I didn't have presents under the tree so she went in her room and started making ornaments, books, and all kinds of things that we could open that were hand made from her with love. It was priceless. Some of the best moments that morning was when we opened the gifts made from her. Christmas morning was good!!!

We proceeded to my parents where again, as adults, we had no presents to open and that was okay. But I loved the reaction of the kids and how they watched us enjoy their moments of opening presents. Normally they would have 10-20 big gifts to open. But Ian got only 1, Emilie got 3, and Lukus got 2....and they couldn't have been happier and more thankful. And you want to know what we did more of that day? They put the gifts down, and we all went sledding and enjoyed each others company! Does it get any better than that?

Society is so bogged down with the wants in life and we forget to focus on the things that we really need which is love, happiness, and just being together. I learned more this Christmas from just watching my kids. Although, they'll go back to school in a week and hear about the Ipod's and cell phones, and all the other accessories that kids got for Christmas and I hope they can share with their friends that what they had on Christmas morning and all during this break was quality time with their family and friends and there is no price you can put on something like that.

Random Tuesday Stuff

2009-12-22T21:29:00.008-06:00

I have now seen Christmas Vacation and can't believe how hard I laughed. I can't believe I have gone this long without seeing it.

I still have not seen The Grinch movie. Old or new.

Should I admit that I have never seen "It's a Wonderful Life"???? (ducking for cover)

This is the first year that I have had every gift purchased and wrapped way before Christmas.

This is also the first year that we paid for our entire Christmas with cash! Thank you Dave Ramsey!

Today I waited on a phone call that never came.

The post office in Owasso is rarely ever busy and since that dude knocked down our mailbox....I have gotten to know the people there really well! We're on a first name basis now. :o)

I have come to the conclusion that I type too many typos when texting! You just never know what I am going to say! And neither do I!!!!!

I decided that it is better to give a gift card to someone instead of buying a really cheesy gift that they really can't use or don't want. After all....it's the thought that counts! But I will still spend HOURS looking and thinking of a person.............and then buy a gift card.

Believe it or not, I have ran out of "RED" clothes to wear this holiday season! I am reverting to the black wardrobe and will accessorize with RED! :o) Gotta make it work for 3 more days!

Oh! Another family Christmas! 2009

2009-12-21T15:49:00.003-06:00

Well...another year and another famiy party has come and gone. As usuall, it was filled with many laughs!
Here you see my aunt and the bathtub back scratcher she got in the dirty santa game. Believe it or not....my mother stole that thing!!! But I think Jeff (her son) is more afraid he is going to be wacked with it for making a comment! :o)

Okay...I am NOT hitting my niece Asasha! I was actually hitting my brother for sticking his hand up there and making her mad!

Ah! The girls! Sarah, Yoana, Me, and Niki! We have fun!

Getting a picture like this takes so much effort. But out of the 25 we took (NOT KIDDING) this was the best we could do!

Now....boxing gloves may never be a good gift at our parties. You can see the adults have more fun than the kids.

So here is a very good reason why we can't take pictures together. This is where it started, and I can't believe after this laughing moment we could even compose ourselves for a serious moment. My brother always manages to crack me up....and then gets cracked up because I'm cracked up. As for our spouses....they just sit and wait. Yeah....good times.

It took several shots to get this picture as well. My mom, me and my aunt Cyndi.

Well.....we were trying again......it just wasn't working.

This is a gift you should NEVER give a child. She knew exactly what to do with it! Poor Chad!

Okay.....serious moment for mom!

Merry Christmas!

To Know You

2009-12-17T23:14:00.001-06:00

These words are from a Casting Crowns song. Each line of this song is one I could mediate on for quite a while. It says so much

To know you is never worry for my life, and
To know you is to never to give in or compromise
To know you is to want to tell the world about you
Cause I can't live without you

To know you is to hear your voice when you are calling
To know you is to catch my brother when he is falling
To know you is to feel the pain of the broken hearted
Cause they can't live with out you.

More than my next breath
More than life or death
All reaching for, I live my life to know you more
I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies
To know you is to want to know you more
To know you is to want to know you more

To know you is to ache for more than ordinary
To know you is to look beyond the temporary
To know you is believing that you will be enough
Cause there is no life without you

More than my next breath
More than life or death
All reaching for, I live my life to know you more
I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies
To know you is to want to know you more
To know you is to want to know you more

All this life could offer me, could not compare to you
Compare to you
And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you
Knowing you

More than my next breath
More than life or death
All reaching for, I live my life to know you more
I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies
To know you is to want to know you more
To know you is to want to know you more

Compared to you
Compared to you
And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you
Knowing you
And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you
Knowing you

I Will Rise

2009-12-16T21:49:00.002-06:00

Sometimes a song hits you in a way that you never expected. I've heard this song at least a dozen times and often sing along. For some reason today, it pierced my heart. I have meditated on these words all day. Each line. Every word. Every note. Every emotion.
The song needs no pictures. When I close my eyes....God paints the picture for me.

Another down....and one more to go!

2009-12-11T07:44:00.005-06:00

I am very excited that I have completed another semester of my education. As of today I only have 147 days until I graduate. Of course then I will have the state board exams I will have to to get my license but other than that, It's really almost over. I tend to look at this glass as half empty! :o)
This has been a rough semester but when finally get to the end and you succeed, it is such a good feeling. I had to work hard for it, and in the end it paid off.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” – Romans 5:1-5 (NIV)

A Family Tradition

2009-11-25T19:27:00.005-06:00

Tonight we went to the annual lights on ceremony at Rhema Bible College. It is so much fun to be there when they count down and flip the switch. It's amazing how dark it is and then with one switch, it feels like daylight. The music was a highlight this year as the lights were moving to the beat. The kids loved that. Walking through the tunnel of lights! The Family Pic of course!
Here's a video for you to enjoy...but you have to turn up the sound and ignore the baby crying.

A New Life

2009-11-25T17:14:00.004-06:00

Ian was baptized in October. I couldn't be more proud of him for making the decision to give his life to Christ. This is a very happy moment for us but moreso for him. Very proud of the man he is becoming.

Emilie's 4th grade program

2009-11-25T17:09:00.003-06:00

Emilie's 4th grade program this year was a tribute to Veteren's. The programs was very moving and there were many tears flowing in that room.

Emilie was the state of Washington in the songs of the 50 states.

Emilie turns 10!

2009-11-25T16:55:00.002-06:00

Emilie's birthday was so much fun. She had a sleepover and everyone had a great time.

If you ever wanted to watch TV that night....well...there was NO WAY. The kids dominated the Karaoke System. And let me just say....it was a blast. Even for the adults. (secretly, we have Karaoke when there are no kids around!)

She got many great gifts and had so much fun opening all of them.

All I can say is I love this little girl! And she's growing up fast!

Honor Choir

2009-11-25T16:34:00.003-06:00

Ian made the 2009 All District Honor Choir. This was such an honor for him and he did a great job on learning the songs and preparing himself. The concert was better than I expected it to be and I am truly honored as a parent to have a son talented enough to be in this program. His teacher Mrs. Barker is one of a kind and she does an excellent job working with Ian.

You can't really see Ian in the picture, but neither could we from where we were sitting. One of the items on the stage was directly blocking our view of him.

We were happy to have Shane and Alice come out and support him for the night. It's nice to have friends who share a love in music as much as we do.

Another OU game!

2009-11-25T16:25:00.004-06:00

This was our second opportunity to go to the OU game this year. I feel so blessed to not only go once, but twice this year. I have to admit, going with friends is the way to go. We had so much fun together and it's one of those moments we'll remember forever. I'm glad we had the chance to introduce Krista to HER first OU game.....but we weren't at all professional "game goers" just yet.

I'm so thankful!

2009-11-22T19:58:00.003-06:00

I've been sick for quite some time now and one of the things I really like to do is find the blessings in it. It hasn't been a pleasant illness, but then really, what illness is.

But I'm thankful for so much right now.
I'm thankful for family and friends who have helped me through this time. Having the support of my husband and kids and my friends and church family has meant the world to me this week. Every burden that is lifted is so comforting. I think of those that may be homeless or have no families or friends to turn to in a time like this.

I'm thankful for the doctors and hospital staff that helped me so much. For the medicine that is helping me to get better. Even though it's expensive, I'm thankful that I have been able to pull my resources together and take it to get better. I think of those that don't have medical care and are not able to receive what I received this week and pray for them through their suffering.

I am thankful that I have a home to go for shelter as a place to not only recover, but to live. There are many out there who don't have the things I have or even 4 walls to sleep in at night. I pray for those that God will give them a place to go when they are sick or hurting or even a place just to start new and begin life once again.

I'm thankful for every moment, hour, or second I have with my family. There are some this week that will receive news of a terminal illness and it will rock their worlds. I am thankful that my illness has a cure and the doctors are working on it to find out the full problem. I pray for those that will receive disturbing news about their health and I rejoice with those that find out they are completely healed.

I'm thankful I have so much in my life and that this is just a small bump in the road. Someday's it may seem more like a boulder, but I have to stop and really think about how blessed I am to have so much in my life to be thankful for.

A GLEEFUL Moment

2009-11-12T22:32:00.001-06:00

Okay....if you haven't seen the new TV show GLEE....I have to say you are missing out. But out of all the shows, this is by far the most memorable clip for any episode that is out there.
They need to make the winning touchdown.....and well....watch 2 mintues of the rest!

Pondering

2009-11-10T17:37:00.002-06:00

"I know Ive made a lot of mistakes, but I dont regret making any of them...because if I hadnt made them I wouldnt have learned how to make things right"

This quote comes from the movie 13 going on 30. I've seen this movie a dozen times and have never heard that line before. But how true it is. We will never be able to go back in life and take back the things we have said or done that we didn't like....but the best lesson is the one where we learn how to make it right. I love that!

Giver....not a taker.

2009-11-10T11:39:00.004-06:00

I go though these spurts of not wanting to spend any money. It's not because I'm selfish.....but because honestly, I just don't need anything. I am so content to have what I have and be okay with that. Why don't kids see it that way?

Last week I stopped at the light and a man with a cardboard sign just sat there. He didn't look at me, or pressure me, he just sat. But I looked at him and saw something in him. I saw past the dirty clothes and mangeled teeth, and just saw him. I looked over and took all the cash out of my wallet and handed it to him out the window. You would have thought it was Christmas to see how thankful he was.
My friend who was driving behind me at the time chewed me out when we got to our destination.
"Don't you know.....they are scammers!!! They make more than you and me!!!" she said.

Her reaction really bothered me.

Who cares! I didn't need the money. I didn't need the Diet Dr. Pepper and candy bar I was going to spend some of it on. The point was, I didn't need it. I was just going to waste it, so why does it matter who I gave it to? And if I feel in my heart to give it away....isn't that okay?

We get so wrapped up in ourselves at times that I find myself getting very frustrated with my own selfish ways. But I want to be a giver, and not a taker. I want that man to know that there is someone out there who isn't going to judge him or ask him what he'll do with it. I just want that man to be happy.

My children are not going to go hungry because I gave it away. They are not going to suffer either. But what I do know is that if I didn't follow my heart at that moment, then I wouldn't be following God.

God has taught me to be a giver, and that's the story I'm sticking with!

Great things.....

2009-11-09T07:49:00.003-06:00

I love it when things come along to me and are so encouraging.

“We have no right to ask when a sorrow comes, 'Why did this happen to me?' unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way.”

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”
~Frederick Keonig

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well”

Thankful Thursday's

2009-10-30T09:03:00.002-05:00

One of the neat things I loved about clinicals at OSU this semester was Thankful Thursday's.

Every Thursday, the bosses would come around and tell each person why they were thankful for them. Then the employees would do the same.

We are wrapping up National RT week so yesterday, they did this during a staff meeting as we watched. Each one of them publically told each other why they were thankful for someone and why the role they served was important.

They may not be the best of the best or the best at what they do, but, each person fills an important role and they all heard that yesterday.

I love postive reinforcement. Many times we grow weary in our jobs, our family life, or the places that we serve. Burnout can happen quick. So let's be thankful to those today that are important to us. What if you had a Thankful Thursday? Do you think it would make a difference in the lives of those that are around you to know how much you appreciate them? I bet it will. I know during this week at my job, I have felt very blessed, and very fortunate to know just how thankful my boss is of me.

Loving October

2009-10-28T15:22:00.005-05:00

We went to the pumpkin patch here in Owasso and had a blast! Unfortunatley, Ian was really sick that day and didn't get to go. But we picked him out a good one!

Carving in our house seems to be extra fun! :o)

I'm not sure how many knives I think I needed, but it was a pretty pumpkin when I was finished!

A Powerful Reminder.....

2009-10-20T22:49:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, we just need to be reminded of what we are capeable of doing if we make the choice.

Amazed....unfinished

2009-10-20T16:03:00.003-05:00

Well, not totally finished....especially the title, but Lukus was proud of it. This is The Zoe group singing "Amazed". This is Lukus' new favorite song. He sings it all the time around the house. (shhhhh don't tell him I told you) But I asked him to come up with pictures that he thought would fit the song, and this is what I put together for him. He was quite excited today:o)

I can't stay long....

2009-10-18T22:39:00.005-05:00

My night at work reminded me of Terry's saying......I can't stay long....but on the contrary.......!

It was a very busy night. I was on the code team that evening and had 38 patients to see within a 2 hour window. My pager was going off left and right and I didn't have the time to get to everyone. I started down the list of who is the most critical and tending to them first. Others, unfortunately, would have to wait for the next rounds a few hours later.

I walked into a room in the ICU. He was just another patient for me to see at the moment and I was in a hurry. I told him why I was there, what I was going to do, and proceeded with my work. On the couch sat his wife, daughter, and son in law, and they just watched me as most family members do.

I gave him his meds and reached down to take his pulse. He grabbed my hand.

Me: "Are you okay?"
Him: "Yes, you're just different"
Me: "Okay, well what's different about me?"
Him: "You believe in God"
Me: "You are right, I do"
Him: "And you believe that he was with me"
Me: "Yes I do, and I believe He is with you now as well"

I had no idea why this patient was here other than he was recovering from a wound. I had no details at this moment.

Him: "Today is my birthday"
Me: "Well, happy birthday" (it wasn't really his birthday, but if he wanted to believe it....then I am willing to let him)
Me: "So....how old are you?"
Him: "I'm brand new" .....and a single tear ran down his cheek.

"You see, I was taking a walk and I had gone down to the creek where I normally hunt. I frequent there quite a bit. I had my shot gun with me because you never know what you'll see around there. It's my place of comfort. I don't get cell phone reception, there's no technology around. It's just me. I'm all alone.
I was walking along and heard a noise. I turned around, but saw nothing. When I went to walk again, I tripped on a rock and fell on my gun. It shot straight through me in the abdomen. I never lost consciousness and remember all of it very well. Once I realized what I had done, I reached for my cell phone and called my son in law. Amazingly, the phone worked. He had gone hunting with me several times so I could tell him where I was. He stayed on the phone with me the entire time as he was leading EMSA to me on another phone. As I laid there, I didn't know what to think. I hadn't been a faithful christian for a few years. My son died two years ago and I have never been able to forgive God for that. It hurt me so much. But I remember laying there and asking God to just give me one more day. Just one more day to make things right here on earth and then I'll go. That was 10 days ago. Today is that day. Today is the first day I can remember. Today is the first day I realize what happened. Today is the first day of my new life for him. A chance to start over. A chance to forgive. A chance to get my life right with Him and for Him so that I can spend eternity with Him and my son."

Me: "Wow! Thank you for sharing that with me"
Him: "He told me I had to. As I laid here before you walked in, He told me you were the one"
Me: "Which one?"
Him: "The one that needed to hear this today"
Me: "I wonder why?"
Him: "Because you're scared"
Me: "Me? Scared? Of what I wonder"
Him: "Only you and God know"

I was pretty much speechless at that point. We are trained to just listen and not give our opinions. (that is a work ethic....not my beliefs at all)

When my examination with this patient was completed, I left, in tears. He was right. I have some fears right now. I think we all do. That could have been anyone scheduled to walk in that room at that moment and they may have heard the same story. But I know this......I don't ever simplify something that God is trying to communicate to me. Via the Bible, a song, a friend, or a patient. If we trust in the Lord with all of our hearts and never lean on our own understanding of things that are of this world, there is no fear to be had. With God, all fears are gone.
So I am thankful that this man lived and will be a living testimony to those that he encounters. I am thankful for whatever reason, God sent me to him that night.

And as for how long I stayed......I was scheduled to stay 8 minutes. I stayed 45 minutes. And not once during that time did my pager ever go off. hummmmmm

Proud of Ian!

2009-10-14T17:32:00.004-05:00

Last night we attended Ian's first vocal music concert of the year and man....WHAT A TREAT! I had NO idea it would be so good! And not just the 8th graders, but the
6th and 7th graders as well. How impressive all these students were and you could tell they had worked really hard to learn the not only different songs, but many different styles and languages as well. I have to say it was the best vocal musical performance I have ever been to for this age group. I had goose bumps all night!

Ian's teacher is Mrs. Barker. She is such a wonderful lady and can recognize talent when she sees it. Of couse, I'd say that, cause she loves my kid! But not only has she increased his love for singing, but in a few short months, she has helped him improve his quality of singing as well. I don't think I've ever heard him sing the way he has been over the past 30 days. He truly is blowing me away.

Before the concert we had to have the traditional "Mother/Son" photograph. I don't think he minded since he was dressed so nicely! :o)

The week before the concert I asked Ian if he wanted me to invite anyone. Family, friends, etc. He was very "specific" about WHO he wanted me to invite from kids to adults. So I sent out that list and I think he was surprised at how many of those were able to make it. I think he was pretty excited when Mrs. Barker announced his name and he had his own cheering section!
Lindsay, Taylor, and Karyn paid a visit!

I was really proud of Lukus and Emilie too as they were captivated by the amazing performances all night. I know I have high expectations for behavior, but they were unbelieveably good that night as they waited patiently for Ian's group to get up and of course, they were the last group up!

Cindy and Hunter Yeats came along to cheer him on!

This is the group of students that made it to all district. Next up....ALL STATE!

Okay...he's cute and all....but I just don't think Mrs. Barker could resist. :o) And I couldn't resist snapping that shot!

Grandma and PaPa made a visit of course and couldn't have been more proud!

My first OU game!

2009-10-11T20:19:00.005-05:00

Saturday I was able to go to my first OU game compliments of Doug and Danna! Each time I thought about it, the whole thing just felt like a dream. Couldn't believe I was actually getting to go. I have to say in advance that I was very quiet! I didn't yell....much....and I was on my best behavior. :o) I was very impressed with the fans from OU as I had heard such sad stories about them. I didn't see one person that was disrespectful the entire time. And I even laughed as a Baylor fan was sitting in the middle of all of us all by himself and even when he cheered, the sooner fans were supportive and just smiled. That was true sportsmanship at it's best.
The Ticket!

I'm not sure who was more excited. Me...or my date! :o) He was so precious the whole time. The unfortunate part of all of this was I felt bad. I had been feeling pretty bad the entire week before, but then Friday night was really bad. But in all of it, he was wonderful to me and was very patient.

As we drove into town, I got very excited. Of course the traffic began LONG before this point. You could tell that excitement was in the air.

Because of where we parked, we were able to get a great walk through the campus before the game. It was so beautiful. I was in awe at the architecture of the buildings. I could have just stood and studied them for hours. I loved this clock tower and especially the library that was right next to it. Oh....and I have to add, when it was over, Chad kissed me under that tower. He's too sweet! :o)

Okay...so inside the game. Here is the band and wow! What a great band. Yes, I was totally jealous that I didn't have the opportunity to go to college and and be in the band. But it was so amazing to watch and they did very well.

Well, the Sooner Schooner was a lot of fun. They had MANY opportunites to come out on to the field that day....and it appeared that once, the girl almost fell out. As tragic as that would have been, I think I may have giggled it it happened. And of course then worried if she was okay!

Oh yes....the band in the OU formation. That was neat!

This was a pretty good pic of what our view looked like. We didn't realize it at the time but they announced that the game was completely sold out and boy do I ever believe it. There wasn't an empty seat to be seen anywhere. The only sad part for our end was that for this particular game, they spent most of the time at the other endzone. Way too many incomplete passes, but eventually, they were down by us. Either way, it was still great!

Oh yes....and the flags that spell SOONER! Again, just another moment where I sat and just took it all in.

And the very happy couple. We sat by some great people who offered to take our picture. We had a great time.

I am very thankful for the gift we were given this weekend and having the opportunity to experience something like this. What an amazing opportunity for us. We wouldn't have been able to go otherwise but with the love of such a gift from some great friends made it not only possible, but more special to us in the end. The next best thing would have been to go WITH friends and enjoy that experience together.

Inside Out

2009-10-01T00:04:00.002-05:00

On the heels of a pretty rough week, I'm heading out to the Zoe Conference.
I am so renewed everytime I go and I can't wait to see what God had planned this time. The singing is always a highlight, but for me, the classes I attended last year were very life changing. This years theme is called "Inside Out" and I can only imagine the possiblities that are going to come with it. I couldn't ask for a better travel party and want more than anything to bring something back that is life changing.

It's not a maybe...but a must!

2009-09-29T00:56:00.003-05:00

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

In 48 hours I have watched my world spin before me. Satan is attacking....and at his best. I sing those words above in the the song "You never let go" and tonight, that song has never meant more to me than it does right now. How quickly life can change from one moment to the next to make you appreciate what you have, regardless if life goes your way or not. I don't want to live my life in fear of what "man" can do to me, but yet, what God won't do for me if I don't obey his word.

2 Timothy 1:7 God didn't give us a spirit that makes us weak and fearful. He gave us a spirit that gives us power and love. It helps us control ourselves.

I believe I am a strong person because God made me that way. I believe man has made me afraid, scared, fearful, of the things in this life. When I allow fear to take over, I am allowing Satan access to my heart. God gives us the guidelines to live and all we have to do is follow them. Easy huh? Yeah...not always. There is always a challange....but not one that He put before us.

My biggest challange and goal this week is forgivness. I have to choose love and forgivness because that is what I am taught to do. It's not always easy, but I am praying so hard that God makes it easy for me. Where is that warm and fuzzy feeling you were supposed to get with forgivness?

I've learned by reading the story in Matthew about how Peter questioned God on how many times he had to forgive. There is no doubt in my mind that forgivness is a must.....not a maybe! And I figure if Peter can forgive, so can I.

I am very thankful that God has made it so easy today for me to forgive. How could I possibly hold something against someone when I am not a perfect person myself. Where would I be today if others held me accountable for my shortcomings? Jesus died on the cross for me.....forgiving me for my sins! Am I willing to put someone else up there with Him? No. He died for me, and He died for those that hurt me. He loves me....and He loves them too.

I pray that God gives me the gift of grace, mercy, love and encouragement so that I can be at peace in my heart......true peace that only comes from Him.

The opposite of forgive is to 'give for' so that I can give back what He gave me.

I praise Him today as He fills my heart with such joy and that my spirit can find peace and rest in His arms.

It's the same right?

2009-09-27T13:54:00.003-05:00

Last nights conversation:

Patient...we'll call her Ms. M

(Ms. M)... My doctor told me I had an "erotic disorder" today. Do you know what that is and can you explain it to me?

(Me)... Wow! I'm not sure I've heard of that one! Are you sure it wasn't a "Neurotic Disorder"?

(Ms. M)....Oh yeah, that sounds about right. It's all the same right?

(Me)....Not quite...but I'll be happy to explain it to you.

.......that was after I composed myself and quit laughing.

Don't ever go numb!

2009-09-25T15:12:00.003-05:00

When asked about the emotional aspects of my job, the answers usually vary.

In the beginning, I cried....A LOT.

Now, I don't cry very much but I think a lot more. I think about life.

There is a video they like to show you that really cuts to the core of your heart. I don't think it matters if you are an emotional person or not, this video will send a spear straight through your heart. And I think that's a good thing.

Not just in my profession, but for everyone.

So many times we get wrapped up in the things of life. Work, school, family, church, sports functions, socialization,etc. and we forget what life is really about.

I thought about the way my life is today. I have lots of friends and I am very blessed. But do I tell them enough how Thankful I am for them? I think I had a tear flow today for every friend I've got, and that's a lot of tears. I'm selfish in a way that I don't let them know enough how special they are to me. If I were gone tomorrow, would they know? Did I make them feel special? Did I make them feel important? Did they know that I loved them? Did they? Man....it was hard. But most importantly, was I the kind of friend that helped them grow closer to God so that we can spend eternity together? How often do I get myself wrapped up in the other things in life that I forget about letting people know they hold such a special place in my heart and without them, my heart would be.....well....dead. There would be no beat at all.

I know this will not only help me in my personal life, but in my job as well. I've been known to cry and hug on families in a time of loss and I will continue to do so if it is what they need. They need to know that we are humans with emotions too. When the job is going on, I have to be strong, but when it's over....either a good or bad outcome.....it's okay to have some emotions and share what you truly feel in your heart with those around you.

We shouldn't ever go a day without letting those you love know how you feel. If you love them...tell them you love them. Tomorrow, we may not have a chance.

God is amazing!

2009-09-24T15:28:00.004-05:00

I thought I loved what I did for a living.....until today. Now I KNOW I DO!

All I can say is WOW! We got to be part of an autopsy today and let me just say, our God is amazing. I wonder how long he had to think this stuff up! And it is very evident that all of us in the medical profession have to have a sense of humor to do something like this. I never thought I would laugh so hard and learn so much.

But in all seriousness, God made a masterpiece when he made man. Well...and woman too:o) I think of all of the amazing things that man has made on this earth and NOTHING tops what I saw today.

To know that God started with dust and created us in his own image is the greatest thing ever.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.(Psalm 139:14).

Another side of me....

2009-09-23T22:20:00.003-05:00

Today I found a part of me that I don't like. It's called Anger. And it usually only comes around when I'm not feeling well and when it attacks, it heads straight for my heart.

I have a few areas I need to work on in my life and this is one. I don't get angry very often. Now....I do get upset with things....but I'm talking all out anger. The kind where you blood pressure rises to numbers that exceed the scale. You explode! You yell! You say things you don't mean! Yep....that was me. Sheesh. I don't like that person and I pray that God gets rid of her.

Eph 4:26-27 says "In your anger do not sin" Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,and do not give the devil a foothold.

I had to make some apologies that were very difficult. But it all turned out very well in the end. I just hope that I can remember how I felt today and the next time I get angry, I choose something different.

Hee Hee.....Look what I did!

2009-09-22T12:49:00.001-05:00

I think I got pretty creative with my little blog! Good job me! :o)

All they need is love...and to keep breathing!

2009-09-21T20:57:00.006-05:00

I love what I do because I get to help a lot of people who can't really help themselves. My days at work are busy, but they end up being really funny by the end of the night. As I drive home, I always reflect on the days events. Things that were said to me, things I said to the patients, the times of laughing, and the times of tears. But all in all, each day is a great day! Even days like this where I get to walk in and hold David. All he needed was some love from me.....and he gave it right back.

Yesterday I walked into the room of an elderly patient. She looked up with a big grin as I just saw her the day before. She said she was glad to see me again! I was flattered and told her I was happy to see her awake and smiling today. She came in due to SOB (shortness of breath). What did you THINK that meant?
I proceeded to give her medication when my pager went off. I took off my gloves and walked to the door and in all seriousness I actually said:
"I'll be right back....just keep breathing"
When I came back, I couldn't figure out why they were laughing so hard. I proceeded to ask when they finally said:
"We didn't know that you actaully had to TELL the patients to keep breathing!We thought that kinda stuff just happened!!!!"
We all got a good laugh out of it.

I was called to see another patient down the hall that was having...well.....SOB. Sorry...it's what I do! I proceeded to listen to her lungs when I said "Big Big Breaths" when she looked up at me and said "Lady....I'm 90! They just sag now. But my husband never complained!" (just think for a minute)

I love them so. The young and the old. The living....and the dying. They all get the same thing from me. Love. I may have the training, carry the drugs, and know how to save your life, but we are all capeable of giving each other what we need. LOVE.
Romans 12:10 says "Love each other deeply. Honor others more than yourselves"When I work, I'm honoring them more than myself. When I started working, it wasn't for the money. I had to find something I was passionate about. And I found out that I am passionate about people. I love people. I have to take care of teachers, the homeless, preachers, convicts, lawyers, murderers, celebrities, rapist, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and everyone.....just alike. They may be 700lbs or 7lbs...but all the same to me. They all have a beating heart that God gave them. All they may need is love. Do any one of them deserve LESS than what I would give myself? No!
1 John 3:18 says "Dear children, don't just talk about love. Put your love into action. Then it will truly be love."
We don't have to have a diploma to do this. We don't have to have the credentials behind our name to be a Florence Nightengale to everyone. It doesn't take brains to be a nurse, it takes a heart.
1 John 4:7 says "Dear friends, let us love one another, because love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born again because of what God has done. That person knows God."
Romans 13:10 "Love does not harm its neighbor. So love does everything the law requires." So what is the law?
John 13:34 "I give you a new command. Love one another. You must love one another, just as I have loved you."
There are so many verses on love and each one would fit within the scope of what I do. But it's not about a job. It's all about love. The United Way has the coolest saying out right now:

"We make a living by what we get......but we make a life by what we give"

Considering giving someone the LOVE they deserve today.

Feeling the energy again!

2009-09-18T20:55:00.002-05:00

I'm so excited to be feeling energized again! I've had a song in my heart all day! I came home to be with the family and we had dance night. I have to admit, if I find any photos posted from tonight someone will be in big trouble! However, it was fun. I probably burned off a ton of calories as well as had fun learning dance moves from Emilie....and I think I taught her a few that she thought were pretty funny! I went all the way back to the Roger Rabbit and the Walking Man. I think she's got it down. Dance night was fun.
We love more than anything to sing and dance and make music together and that is what we did!
But today....the fun song of my Friday has been SING, SING, SING! ENJOY!

I Know You Love Me.....

2009-09-17T16:47:00.002-05:00

No, it's not the name of the song, but I can't help but sing this song over and over. Especially when I stop and think about some of the decisions I have made in my life, He still loves me. He did all those things for me.
He knows my way even when I fail him.
He's constantly is with me.
His blood shed for me.
He overcame the grave.
Only I separate myself by my sins.
He's gone before me, He's shielding my way.
His hand upholds me. He tore the veil!
He made that way! He said IT IS DONE!
And one day, I will stand before Him and say those precious words
"I know you love me".

For the past year this song has become a staple for me. In good times, in sad times, in happy times, in all times, we should always remember how much He loves us. Satan attacks us so much by putting thoughts in our heads. Because God loves us, He gives us the word and wonderful writers who produce powerful songs such as this. And because of that, I sing this song today in spite of what Satan tries to do. No matter what, I KNOW He loves me....and still loves me....and still loves me. I say it with a smile. My heart smiles to know that my God still loves me.

Eph 1:17-20 (NIRV) I pray to the God of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is the glorious Father. I keep asking him to give you the wisdom and understanding that come from the Holy Spirit. I want you to know God better.
I also pray that your mind might see more clearly. Then you will know the hope God has chosen you to receive. You will know that the things God's people will receive are rich and glorious. And you will know his great power. It can't be compared with anything else. It is at work for us who believe. It is like the mighty strength God showed when he raised Christ from the dead.
He seated him at his right hand in his heavenly kingdom.

I pray that everyday.....we grow to know God better...and just how much He loves us!

An attempt

2009-09-16T06:21:00.002-05:00

For days and weeks I have attempted over and over to write a blog. I just cant. So many thoughts that I just can't put into words. It would be very random for sure if I did. For now, my fingers and my mind will rest until I find what is on my heart that I have the energy to write.

Let my children go!!!

2009-09-01T13:16:00.003-05:00

I love how at chruch we get to choose names for children to pray for. I think it's such an honor to pray, but yet, pray specifically for one persons child and the struggles they may go through. I always thought this was really neat because they didn't know who was praying for them...... but this year, it's going to be different because of one person for me.

On Sunday a woman came to me and told me she had chosen Emilie's name. I was honored that she did so. Then she proceeded to ask me to send her an email or stop her at church if there was anything specifically she could pray for. What a nice thought. She could have just been praying and never said anything and God would still have heard the prayer. But she really wants to lift Emilie up in very specific ways and if that helps her in her prayer time and gets one more prayer for my child up to Heaven......well I think that's great. I couldn't think of anything specific at the time, but I recieved a not today from Emilies teacher regarding some very big struggles Emilie is having. I immediately thought of Emilie's prayer warrior that I could e-mail to help me talk to God and seek His authority and wisdom in this matter. I was then at peace.

Today I will contact the parents of the 2 children I chose to pray for and offer the same request. I hope it will bring them as much comfort as it did me.

Satan has figured out that he can't get to me directly....so he is using my children. So much that even one of them told me this morning they feel Satan is attacking and they don't know what to do. That kind of cry can't be taken lightly. It's hard enough being a kid without satan sticking his nose in the middle of it. But little does he know, he's going to have to get through me first.

I don't know who is praying for my boys....but I am. I hope their prayer warriors are diligent this week in asking God to protect our kids. They are in the middle of a battle that they don't know how to fight and I pray that God will give me the strength (emotionally and physically) to jump in the fire to save them and rescue them from whatever it is that is attacking their hearts.

Beautiful Jesus

2009-08-31T21:12:00.001-05:00

Oh how beautiful He is! The words I'll be singing all week.

He Leadeth Me....

2009-08-25T14:37:00.003-05:00

I love the Martins. And I LOVE this song. How wonderful it is to know that our God extends His hand to lead us. By the 3rd verse of this I have complete chills. Praise God He Leadeth Me!

2009-08-24T18:39:00.005-05:00

Linda Rondsadt sang these words long ago.....I've been cheated
Been mistreated, When will I be loved.....

I've been pushed down. I've been pushed 'round. When will I be loved.....

I've been made blue. I've been lied to. When will I be loved......

Well praise God that life just isn't fair!

Do you ever feel that someone else is getting the upper hand on you and it's not God? I felt so cheated today when I picked up my car from the repair shop. I felt they stole from me in so many ways. Was was ready to get revenge, and right away. I have been thinking for the past 4 hours on just how mad I am that I was taken advantage of. Why did I have to pay so much money for something and then to find out something else was done that was wrong? My heart aches. It hurts. It hurts to be lied to. Not something I'm really use to. I don't lie, and I put my trust in so many that when I they do lie to me, it is so hurtful.
Matthew 5:43-48 says "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor.—(Leviticus 19:18) Hate your enemy.'But here is what I tell you. Love your enemies. Pray for those who hurt you. Then you will be sons of your Father who is in heaven.
"He causes his sun to shine on evil people and good people. He sends rain on those who do right and those who don't.
"If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Even the tax collectors do that.If you greet only your own people, what more are you doing than others? Even people who are ungodly do that. So be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.
Oh Father help me to be perfect like you. Help me to be strong and to not be angry for the way I was treated today. Help me to love. Help me to not want revenge. Help me to show them grace and mercy as you would want me to. Father it's hard not to feel hurt. It's hard not to be angry but I ask that you open my eyes to something that I cannot see right now. Close my eyes to the amount of money this cost me. Close them to the lies that were told and help me find a way in my heart to minister to people like this so that they will live for you now....and forever. Help me to move past the hurt and move in a direction of love.

Be encouraged

2009-08-20T22:04:00.004-05:00

This morning I woke up and my car wouldn't start. It had a little life left in it, but nothing I could do was going to get it going. It had all kinds of bells and whistles going off to get my attention, but the little bit of life it had left in it was what caught my attention.

We called a tow truck and he came to the rescue. We thought it may just be the battery, but after he looked for a moment, he was convinced it was much more than that. So, he drove me, and my lifeless car all up in chains to the dealership doctor.

Unfortunately, they were all out of loaners so I was out of luck. So Chad called a dear friend of mine and rescued me by loaning me his truck for the time being. It's a much bigger vehicle than I am used to driving so I'm having to be very careful in it.

The report from the dealership (which I call Car.Dr) states the repair will be nearly $1000.00. Wow! My questions were:
"Isn't that covered under the warranty? It's part of the engine! That's like a big part of the car! It doesn't have that many miles! It's not even that old! I've been so gentle with it! I've taken good care of it! I've done all I'm supposed to do!"

But that message came at 5:30 to Chad's phone and his phone battery had died so there was no way to communicate with the dealership at this point.

Do you ever feel like your relationship with God is this way?

You wake up one morning, and you just can't get started. You look good on the outside. You're all put together, neatly pressed, outside is finished but on the inside, something isn't working right.

You decide you can't make it on your own. You try to or be someone different. You try to "loan" yourself a replacement, but there are just none left. You call for help and wait but only to have a stranger help you out at that moment. But now you're stuck. You reach out and a friend helps. Gives you HIS spare life for the day or week so that you can continue doing what needs to be done. However, this life is much bigger than the one you were use to having. These are big shoes to fill.

You go to see the doctor and he tells you it's going to be pretty costly.
And you respond by saying:
"Isn't that covered under the warranty? That's the part that drives me! That's like a big part of me! I don't have that many miles! I'm not even that old! I've been so careful with my life! I've taken good care of myself! I've done all I'm supposed to do!"

But, the good news is, my battery isn't dead. I get the message and it's not too late. This doctor is never closed. He's always open for service if I am willing to do take his prescription and live by it.

As for the car....well...I have no idea. Guess we'll call the dealership in the morning. As for the loaner car, I have it as long as I need it. As for the life I live.....I am comforted knowing that I live in peace because I serve a God that is much bigger than I. Life is difficult!!! There will be pain! There will be struggles! But the God I serve has already conquered the world and I live in peace knowing that I don't have to! I will not run from the struggles we have in this life. The outcome on the other side of this life is going to be one far better than anything I can ever imagine. Parts broken or not. We should all be encouraged today, because......the Lord said so!

The Unknown

2009-08-19T13:32:00.002-05:00

Man, Just as I thought sending my kids to Kindergarten was bad.....the transition to 6th grade....EVEN WORSE!

All three kids went back to school today. As I watched them get ready this morning (with minimal help from mom) I couldn't help but notice how different they each were.

Ian gets up at 5:45 this morning......ready to go. He's so excited to be back in school and hopefully ready to learn. He had the option for me to take him to school today, but since he's never rode a bus before, we was very excited for the opportunity. Plus, it picks up right in front of our house. Now that's service. He was silly, he was fun, he was all smiles this morning. He couldn't get enough hugs before he went out the door and got on that bus. I have prayed for him all day that his day be filled with joy, laughter, many new friends, and most of all, concentration.

Emilie is a firecracker to say the least. That girl would walk out the door tomorrow and never look back. She was ready to go. A big 4th grader she is! She wanted to walk to school all by herself. Well, I'm protective of my little cub....so I said NO! But her daddy stayed home long enough to walk her to school and see that she get in just fine. She's never been able to walk to school so this was huge for her. She walked in like she owned the place, and probably by 3:45....she will. I have NO idea where she gets her assertiveness. I have prayed for her all day to have joy, fun, laughter, new friends, and most of all, the ability to be peaceful, quiet, and have patience.

Lukus was the total opposite of the two. He woke up in tears today. He was so scared. He told me how scared he was to go to a new school where he didn't know anyone. I sat and held him for a while. His heart was beating out of his chest as the tears rolled down his face. He wouldn't even ride the bus today. Chad and I both took him and dropped him off. I think God was smart in creating a traffic jam this morning so that Lukus could have the time to process everything. I think in the past 24 hours I have spent more time reassuring Lukus and getting him ready for today more than the other two. He's so brave. It wasn't his choice to move here and as a parent, I know it was the right thing to do. But I can see in a childs opinion how it would be difficult. He stepped out of the van, said goodbye, and never looked back. I think if he had, all 3 of us would have been in tears. But I am sure he went in and was fine once he found his new class. He is the extreme of shyness in our family and I love that he adds that balance to us. He is such a crucial part of our team. He adds the softness and tenderness to us when we don't stop to think about it. He's the calm and level headed one. I have prayed all day that he has peace in his heart about his new school and that he finds friends that love him just as much as Chad and I do. I pray that Lukus depended on God's power and strength to stand against the anxiety that he was feeling and that he was able to stand firm as a child of God. I pray that he did not worry about anything and that God gives him peace throughout this year.

interesting

2009-08-18T00:28:00.002-05:00

I was talking to a lady just the other day who was struggling with the issue of a person in the hospital.

She said
".......I'm not an emotional person and I'm not religious either. I've been asking people to pray......but if he doesn't make it through this, it's really going to affect my faith"

Without hesitation I turned and said.....
"And if he does make it.......how is it going to affect your faith?"

She had no answer. I'm excited to see how God will work in this.

Defying Gravity

2009-08-11T11:30:00.001-05:00

After the show last weekend....there are some things you just can't get out of your head! This would be one of them.

We're ready!

2009-08-07T22:35:00.002-05:00

Today I finalized all the kids school enrollment stuff. With Ian's stuff it generally takes a few weeks to get everything accomplished. BUT.....we are going to try again this year. He has really come a long way since January and he is ready to go back to school once again. I'm not really sure how it will work out, but I'm not worried. God will provide the answer we need. He is very excited to be able to go to an art class as well as an all boys vocal music class and also take his core classes with.....all boys. That's certainly new to us but same gender classes is something Owasso offers and I'm quite excited about it. I'm excited because Ian is excited. I am so thankful for friends who love him like we do.